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Let's Play Episode 2: The Tale of the Gnome

ItalaxItalax Registered User
edited October 2007 in Games and Technology
I started doing the gnome achievement, and thought it would be entertaining to document my adventures with everyone porcelain midget. Watch as we laugh, as we cry and as we learn to love each other in:
Let's Play Episode 2: The Tale of the Gnome

To the Gnome Forest

Meet the Gnome:

gnome1ta7.jpg

The Gnome has always dreamed of going into space to establish the great Gnome civilisation on the moon, foretold by his ancestors. His fortuitous meeting with the Freeman finally inspired to leave his home and fulfil his dream.

The Gnome has many talents, he is the finder of resources:

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He is the killer of enemies:

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He is the breaker of barriers:

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gnome5lh9.jpg

And above all, he is our steadfast companion. So, after his fateful meeting with the Freeman, the gnome and his companions travel onwards, towards the Gnome Forest. Despite head butting a dozen planks whilst travelling at about 30 miles and hour, the gnome remains unhurt.

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The brave heroes are attacked by many antlions when they reach their passage is blocked by a gate. The Gnome dispatches these with ease.

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You do not fuck with The Gnome. The Freeman goes to open the gate whilst The Gnome keeps watch. The Freeman opens the gate with ease and is about to rejoin The Gnome as they conti-

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"HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!"

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"GNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!"

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"Holy Shit, Holy Shit, Holy Shit. That thing nearly killed him, oh my god. This is worse than the time I had to drop my best friend into that incinerator. Oh my god what do I do? The Vortigaunt. They'll be able to help, they have...magic and shit. Who the fuck cares, gotta save The Gnome. He'd do it for me!"

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"Ok Gnome, you wait here while I grab this Crowbar and we'll be on our waAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

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"This is going to be harder than I thought...You ok Gnome?

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Knowing the Gnome has some Irish blood, The Freeman decides that he needs to get more alcohol into his bloodstream! Luckily, they find a conveniently placed stash of booze (Probably some Zombie Hobos.)

gnome14ej8.jpg

After a quick drinking session, The Gnome is back up on his feet and The Freeman is so drunk he's hearing voices threatening to stab him. By the time his HEV suit has removed the 'toxins' The Gnome has lost a pint or so of blood.

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Luckily for our heroes, the Gnome has managed to find us some heat. Now The Freeman is packing. Somewhere in the background he hears a hip-hop beat and has a strange desire to 'cap some bitches'. The moment quickly passes.

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Despite being exceptionally drunk, unarmed and a couple of pints of blood short, The Gnome still kicks ass. Must be the blood of Irish. Which is odd, because he's made out of porcelain.

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"Hey Gnome, can you swim?"

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"Guess not."

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"Do you even need air?"

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The Gnome drunkenly staggers into a web. After a panic filled moment searching for giant spiders, The Freeman realises that this web was made by one of the Antlions. Laughing at both his foolishness and his small, Irish companion's increasingly frustrated attempts to free himself, The Freeman uses his Gravity Gun to clear a path.

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"Are...are these...testicles?" The Freeman notes they're only slightly smaller than his.

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"What ya buying...stranger?"

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"An excellent choice stranger. Heh heh heh."

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The Gnome's extensive arsenal is starting to get slightly worrying. Just how much shit does he have under that hat. I swear, if halfway through the game it turns out there's a headcrab under there and he betrays me I'm gonna be annoyed.

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...ok, now you're just getting fucking ridiculous.

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"Hey Gnome, where'd you go? Gnome? Oh fuck. THE GNOME IS GETTING SUCKED INTO THAT HUGE, GAPING VAGINA!"

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After rescuing the Gnome from the fearsome alien vagina, our heroic duo journey on, still slightly drunk, in search of some Vortigaunt to heal the Gnome's fatal wounds.

Next time:

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This Gnomal Coil (You try making a witty name out of that.)

PSN: Italax - Steam ID : Italax
Sometimes I Stream Games: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/italax-plays-video-games
Italax on

Posts

  • PikaPuffPikaPuff Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    How about "This Gnomal Coil?"

    ... dammit.

    PikaPuff on
    jCyyTSo.png
  • ironsizideironsizide You must whip it Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    So does anyone assume he talks like the Traveloicty Gnome?

    ironsizide on
    |_
    Oo\ Ironsizide
    camo_sig2.png
  • FoodFood Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    This thread is awesome.

    And of course he talks like the travelocity gnome, what gnome have you met that doesn't talk like that?

    Food on
  • KhavallKhavall British ColumbiaRegistered User regular
    edited October 2007
    ironsizide wrote: »
    So does anyone assume he talks like the Traveloicty Gnome?

    Are there Gnomes who don't?

    Khavall on
  • augustaugust where you come from is gone Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    What about David the Gnome confirm/deny.

    august on
    Pac Man's character is difficult to explain even to the Japanese -- he is an innocent character. He hasn't been educated to discern between good and evil. He acts more like a small child than a grown-up person. Think of him as a child learning in the course of his daily activities. If someone tells him guns are evil, he would be the type to rush out and eat guns. But he would most probably eat any gun, even the pistols of policemen who need them.
  • Danny KahunaDanny Kahuna Registered User
    edited October 2007
    That was ace. We need more!

    Danny Kahuna on
  • Gorilla SaladGorilla Salad Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    So...the gnome is in that first room?


    FUCK!

    Gorilla Salad on
    Organichu wrote: »
    The main rub is that, fuck, I'm already paying some to upgrade the length... why not pay a little bit more to upgrade the length AND width?
  • SueveSueve Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    abGnomal Coil

    Sueve on
  • ZekZek Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    I don't know which achievement is more obnoxious, that one or the "kill all grubs" one...

    Zek on
  • subediisubedii Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    "This garden coil"?

    subedii on
  • TaximesTaximes Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Zek wrote: »
    I don't know which achievement is more obnoxious, that one or the "kill all grubs" one...

    Yeah...I thought I was being meticulous and was fully prepared to get that one. I turned up about 100 short. A hundred. I kept waiting to go into another Ant Lion den near the end, but no.

    Taximes on
  • Gorilla SaladGorilla Salad Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    I had about 50 shy of the achievement.

    FUCK YOU, VALVE!

    Gorilla Salad on
    Organichu wrote: »
    The main rub is that, fuck, I'm already paying some to upgrade the length... why not pay a little bit more to upgrade the length AND width?
  • subediisubedii Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Um, don't bother with them then? Seriously why bother with that stuff, I just play the game to have fun. O_o

    subedii on
  • Gorilla SaladGorilla Salad Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    subedii wrote: »
    Um, don't bother with them then? Seriously why bother with that stuff, I just play the game to have fun. O_o
    I figured it was a goal I could achieve by just playing a bit different then normal. I was still having fun.

    Gorilla Salad on
    Organichu wrote: »
    The main rub is that, fuck, I'm already paying some to upgrade the length... why not pay a little bit more to upgrade the length AND width?
  • ZephyrZephyr Registered User
    edited October 2007
    i was like 20 grubs short

    twenty

    luckily i think the ones i missed were at the start of the chapter so it shouldn't be that hard

    hopefully

    i was 1 cache short too :(

    Zephyr on
    16kakxt.jpg
  • augustaugust where you come from is gone Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    I would never think about achievements on the first playthrough,

    august on
    Pac Man's character is difficult to explain even to the Japanese -- he is an innocent character. He hasn't been educated to discern between good and evil. He acts more like a small child than a grown-up person. Think of him as a child learning in the course of his daily activities. If someone tells him guns are evil, he would be the type to rush out and eat guns. But he would most probably eat any gun, even the pistols of policemen who need them.
  • ZephyrZephyr Registered User
    edited October 2007
    august wrote: »
    I would never think about achievements on the first playthrough,

    well it's just i'd rather not do certain parts over again for an achievement

    like i was focusing on getting the Neighborhood Watch one first time because fuck i'm not doing that again

    Zephyr on
    16kakxt.jpg
  • Cilla BlackCilla Black Priscilla!!! Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Who is that chick getting in the way of a few of the Gnome's great shots? She seems kind of suspicious, like she's out to kill the Gnome.

    Cilla Black on
  • ZekZek Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Taximes wrote: »
    Zek wrote: »
    I don't know which achievement is more obnoxious, that one or the "kill all grubs" one...

    Yeah...I thought I was being meticulous and was fully prepared to get that one. I turned up about 100 short. A hundred. I kept waiting to go into another Ant Lion den near the end, but no.

    Man, how did you pull that off? You can see that many without even looking.

    I ended up 2 short D:

    Zek on
  • SmasherSmasher Starting to get dizzy Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Is it just killing the grubs, or do you have to collect the yellow health things they drop too?

    Smasher on
  • ZephyrZephyr Registered User
    edited October 2007
    Smasher wrote: »
    Is it just killing the grubs, or do you have to collect the yellow health things they drop too?

    killing

    Zephyr on
    16kakxt.jpg
  • CentipeedCentipeed Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    If you want to do the Gnome acheivement, does it mean that you can't use the car? Or is there somewhere on the car where the Gnome can be safely stowed?

    Centipeed on
    I write about games at Curiouser.org
  • ZephyrZephyr Registered User
    edited October 2007
    Centipeed wrote: »
    If you want to do the Gnome acheivement, does it mean that you can't use the car? Or is there somewhere on the car where the Gnome can be safely stowed?

    i'd imagine all you have to do is put him in between the seats

    Zephyr on
    16kakxt.jpg
  • SzechuanSzechuan Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    subedii wrote: »
    "This garden coil"?

    This Garden Soil?

    Szechuan on
  • SmasherSmasher Starting to get dizzy Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Zephyr wrote: »
    Centipeed wrote: »
    If you want to do the Gnome acheivement, does it mean that you can't use the car? Or is there somewhere on the car where the Gnome can be safely stowed?

    i'd imagine all you have to do is put him in between the seats

    This works much more poorly than one would expect. Neither you nor Alex block him when you're in the car, so he just careens out the side at anything more than the slightest turns.

    You can use the car, and I believe it's virtually necessary in order to get past the helicopter after
    your first real encounter with the advisor
    but that doesn't mean it's easy.

    Smasher on
  • ItalaxItalax Registered User
    edited October 2007
    Fuck the Antlion tunnels. This is going to be the most boring update, as I had to leave the Gnome behind for most of it. (You can't sprint and that Antlion Guardian is FAST). Easily my least favourite section.

    Italax on
    PSN: Italax - Steam ID : Italax
    Sometimes I Stream Games: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/italax-plays-video-games
  • RoundBoyRoundBoy Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Does this gnome act as a nice object for physical kills ? Or is he REALLY useless ?

    RoundBoy on
    sig_civwar.jpg
    Librarians harbor a terrible secret. Find it.
  • augustaugust where you come from is gone Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    RoundBoy wrote: »
    Does this gnome act as a nice object for physical kills ? Or is he REALLY useless ?

    He offers sage council.

    august on
    Pac Man's character is difficult to explain even to the Japanese -- he is an innocent character. He hasn't been educated to discern between good and evil. He acts more like a small child than a grown-up person. Think of him as a child learning in the course of his daily activities. If someone tells him guns are evil, he would be the type to rush out and eat guns. But he would most probably eat any gun, even the pistols of policemen who need them.
  • DehumanizedDehumanized Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Italax wrote: »
    Fuck the Antlion tunnels. This is going to be the most boring update, as I had to leave the Gnome behind for most of it. (You can't sprint and that Antlion Guardian is FAST). Easily my least favourite section.
    Yeah, I just left the gnome up with Alyx and the rest of the Vortigaunts for this whole section.

    Dehumanized on
  • SmasherSmasher Starting to get dizzy Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    He's good against headcrabs but against larger foes he doesn't do much, if anything at all.

    Smasher on
  • RoundBoyRoundBoy Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    I knew i needed to kill antlion spawn .. i shot at them.. i searched them out.. i 'naded tunnels starship troopers style.

    And i still missed 13

    After all that, there is no way I am doing the gnome. Maybe if TF2 gets boring or something. Which would be never.

    RoundBoy on
    sig_civwar.jpg
    Librarians harbor a terrible secret. Find it.
  • randombattlerandombattle Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Is there even a real point behind these achivements? They don't seem to be displayed or used like on xbox live..
    Talking about the pc version obviously..

    randombattle on
    itsstupidbutidontcare2.gif
    I never asked for this!
  • yalborapyalborap Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    august wrote: »
    RoundBoy wrote: »
    Does this gnome act as a nice object for physical kills ? Or is he REALLY useless ?

    He offers sage council.

    As well as excellent travelling advice.

    yalborap on
  • augustaugust where you come from is gone Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Is there even a real point behind these achivements? They don't seem to be displayed or used like on xbox live..
    Talking about the pc version obviously..

    They pop up and they're on your community page.

    EDIT: Why the sam shit did you put a spoiler tag there?

    august on
    Pac Man's character is difficult to explain even to the Japanese -- he is an innocent character. He hasn't been educated to discern between good and evil. He acts more like a small child than a grown-up person. Think of him as a child learning in the course of his daily activities. If someone tells him guns are evil, he would be the type to rush out and eat guns. But he would most probably eat any gun, even the pistols of policemen who need them.
  • darleysamdarleysam UKRegistered User regular
    edited October 2007
    yalborap wrote: »
    august wrote: »
    RoundBoy wrote: »
    Does this gnome act as a nice object for physical kills ? Or is he REALLY useless ?

    He offers sage council.

    As well as excellent travelling advice.

    and will likely put a smile on your lonely dad's face

    darleysam on
    forumsig.png
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