so, i drive a '98 jeep cherokee sport. it's nothing too fancy; real wheel drive, no anti-lock breaks, and just a little bit of pressure on gas pedal gives you a lot of power...perfect for driving in michigan's winter (ha).
here's the situation, i'm about 50 miles from my apartment, so there's no one near by that i really know, driving around some country roads moving some furniture for my parents while they are out of town. nothing too exciting, right?
i'm being careful to choose the safest path to where i need to go, making sure to pick the roads that have been plowed and look pretty clean, and i'm doing a pretty good job of it...up to a point. okay, we all love pictures, right? here's a diagram of what i had thrown at me:
as you can see, there is a long stretch of packed snow (that's that really light blue stuff in the diagram), an oncoming car, ditches on either side of the road (about 3-3.5 feet deep), and a small access to the field on my side of the road. this is where the fun is. directly in front of me comes this bigass dog. motherfucker came out of nowhere directly into the road. now, my natural reaction is to quick hit the breaks and swerve. haha, bad idea. as discussed, my jeep has no anti-lock breaks, so i start spinnin' like a motherfucker.
let's pause here.
there are two options for me, try to stay on the road and probably take out both the dog and the oncoming car as well as myself, or head for the ditch and hope for the best. the third option of straightening out the jeep and staying on the road isn't really an option at this point as i was going about 50 when i went into the spin, and i'm still going pretty damn fast.
my choice was the ditch, since i found no need to take out another car.
here's where i am faced with another decision; how the fuck do i go into the ditch and not fucking kill myself? then i notice the little access path to the field, a blessing or a curse? if i nose into the ditch going sideways and hit that thing, i'm gunna roll my fucking jeep and end up in a world of pain...fuck that noise.
so i fucking floor it to get my tail behind me and aim for the fucking access. my left tire managed to not go into the ditch, but my right side dipped right on in. down goes the right, and half a second later it flies fucking up again as it hits the other side of the ditch. as i pass over the access, my left side dives into the ditch, then flies right back out. my jeep is just spent the last second or so both on and off the ground, throwing me fucking left and right, and trying it's damndest to flip itself over. but, by some sort of miracle, i am now in the field, slowly moving forward, on right side up and facing forward.
"why the fuck aren't i stopping? did i fuck my breaks?" i ask myself.
no, i still have my foot on the gas. i slam the breaks, turn off the jeep, and pop the hood, expecting to see a complete fucking mess of smoke and metal and god knows, maybe a dog (no, the dog got away).
here's the amazing part. the jeep looks fine. i got down on my hands and knees and looked under it, and apart from some snow and dirt packed onto the underbelly at parts, i see nothing wrong.
haha, there no chance it's fine, right? so i start the bitch up, and it comes to life! i carefully pop it into drive and attempt to drive off...nothing happens. oh fuck me it is dead. fuck it, does reverse work? mother fucking jesus christ it's alive!
i back up a bit, then try drive again, and i'm good to go. i inch off the field, and continue on to my destination. praying to every god i can think of to please make my jeep be okay.
2 hours and 70 miles later, i'm back in my apartment, still a bit shaken, and fucking scared that i'm going to wake up and my jeep will have blown up overnight...but i am in one piece.
somebody upstairs must like me
jeeps are built like fucking tanks.