Honestly, I don't find a problem with what he did. I can't say I haven't done similar things. However, the two important things here are how you feel about it, and if you think he will act on it. Its not a problem for me because girls I go out with generally know that I have no intention of cheating, and just like checking out girls. If you have a problem with it, just let him know before getting on his case. A clear "I really don't like this, and it worries me slightly" will probably get him to stop, or at least clarify how he feels.
Not mentioning it won't help anything. You don't like it, he obviously does at least somewhat, and he, afaik, has no idea of this.
right now it's kinda creepy but in 10 years do you think when you meet someone in class, find their myspace and show pics to your friends will be viewed as such?
Yes!!
Try and put yourself in this girl's shoes. I would be SO skeeved out by someone showing my picture to a bunch of internet dudes.
I think the only reason I'm reacting more strongly to this than the rest of you guys is that I was in a very similar situation -- my ex even told me about this cute girl in class, she was real cool, but she probably had a boyfriend. I thought nothing of it, but it turns out he had been talking extensively to his pals about how he was waiting to see if she was free before dumping me and going after her.
right now it's kinda creepy but in 10 years do you think when you meet someone in class, find their myspace and show pics to your friends will be viewed as such?
Yes!!
Try and put yourself in this girl's shoes. I would be SO skeeved out by someone showing my picture to a bunch of internet dudes.
Then make your profile private! No one asked you to upload pictures to myspace or facebook or whatever for the world to see. If you don't want random people looking at your pictures and showing it to friends, then there are options for you to block people from doing this!
I think the only reason I'm reacting more strongly to this than the rest of you guys is that I was in a very similar situation -- my ex even told me about this cute girl in class, she was real cool, but she probably had a boyfriend. I thought nothing of it, but it turns out he had been talking extensively to his pals about how he was waiting to see if she was free before dumping me and going after her.
WHY do people do this shit?
Totally different situation, from the OP's description this is just like a "wow she's hottie and in my class". If your boyfriend would break up with you over a girl if she was available (and not if she wasn't) he doesn't really like you in the first place and he can't see the relationship going anywhere... or hes a pig... none of which are really qualities that I think anyone would want in a boyfriend.
My take on the whole thing is he clearly has a fancy for this girl and wants to share it, maybe he cant share it with you or in his normal life so he is sharing it with his online life. Now taken a fancy to someone doesn't mean that he is going to leave you for her, that remains a possibility but its not at all a definite or a high probability.
Also Mods, this advice is seriously what I would do, not just joking around.
I would log onto said forums, make an account and post a picture of him and a buddy but praising his buddy for being so attractive, maybe telling a story about your BF's buddy as well. Very small subtle hints so he knows it is you but not like a big ol banner. If done well he wont know at first whats going on, but then the process of figuring out who posted that would probably lead to you.
At that point you have let him know that your on the forums, you have most likely read his post and you didn't appreciate it. If he has balls he knows he was caught, should feel guilty and might bring it up to you. Hopefully it should prevent him from being hostile because your not attacking him directly, plus it gives him an opportunity to just think.
His intrest in her is something he feels guilty of, or he would have mentioned it to you.
Also just for the record, my roommates and I always are showing each other pictures of girls we know in class, we think are hot, all that kinda stuff. I don't know why many of you say that is creepy but personally I see it as kinda sharing part of the day, with visuals.
over. thank you.
he is mad now, cause he saw the post, but I hope he gets over so we can laugh about.
I guess i regret posting it up here because now it how blown up into something bigger than I ever wanted it to be.
It was a non-issue for me, I wanted to tell him I thought it was weird but nothing more. And now he doesn't want to see me, which hurts more than any stupid picture posting.
I made a big deal, when I should have just consulted with myself, and knew within myself that it was what it was and nothing more.
I'm sorry to my boyfriend. We talked and he knows how I feel. I never meant for it to become such a problem. I read those forums to be closer to him to have stuff to talk about and have things in common because I know he reads them too. But now I will never read them, and he will probably come up with some fake name where I wont know it is him just so he can post in privacy-which is the complete opposite of what I wanted to happen!! I wanted him to feel open to me and I always kill it by making it a big deal and then he never tells me anything ever again. I hope he gets past this and sees it from my point of view, and knows that he can tell me anything and if anything I have learned from this, and so should he.
I do not want any replies to this, your input was great, and even though it may have ruined my day, we'll get past it and grow from it I hope.
I swear to watch my reactions, and trust my own opinion of my boyfriend to be true, he is the best thing in my life and by over reacting or making it see like I am I have wasted an entire day of love which is the best thing in world when shared with him. I will not read into things that mean nothing, when I know they mean nothing, and I will not question motives of anyone who is un-deserving. other opinions of my relationship mean nothing to me because they are not in the relationship nor do they know us personally. We are the holders of the relationship and by that we hold the only right to judge.
Wait. Did what I think just happen, happen?
Did the guy do something creepy, get mad at the girl for finding out, and now she thinks she's the bad one in the scenario?
Sword_of_Light on
"I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. "
Wait. Did what I think just happen, happen?
Did the guy do something creepy, get mad at the girl for finding out, and now she thinks she's the bad one in the scenario?
Girls BF, your probably following up because your a manipulative punk. Being that way, you will be reading these so you know what other people are saying.
I hate you, I do, you are the kind of guy that will find loopholes in any system to steer clear of consequences. You lack honor, integrity and humility. Your GF was bothered by an action you did, and you used that to attack her. That is pathetic and weak, and apparently so are you.
Wait. Did what I think just happen, happen?
Did the guy do something creepy, get mad at the girl for finding out, and now she thinks she's the bad one in the scenario?
No, sorry, even better. The guy posted something creepy on a forum, the girl got concerned and posted on another forum, the guy saw that forum and got angry that she invaded his privacy by reading a forum.
This guy sounds like a jerk. Start communicating, and be mature about this.
You felt uncomfortable due to his actions, and when you expressed that to him, you are the one who is apologizing, swearing to change your ways, and feeling like the bad guy?
Stop making a doormat out of yourself. It's ok to be displeased with him and not simply cower and try to smooth everything over because he's having a hissy fit.
I have no problem with telling my girlfriend that other girls are attractive. I don't do it in such a way that it would come of as they are superior to her or that I am thinking about goin' over to talk to them or anything. I won't deny that sometimes it bugs her, but for the most part I think we both view it as a joke and she has returned it more than few times.
On that note? What kind of bottom feeding douche gets pictures of these girls to post on forums so he and his buds can have some kind of bonding experience?
Honestly, this guy is 20 and doing shit that maybe a 13-14 year old would do. How can anyone be surprised when he finds this thread and gets pissed?
over. thank you.
he is mad now, cause he saw the post, but I hope he gets over so we can laugh about.
I guess i regret posting it up here because now it how blown up into something bigger than I ever wanted it to be.
It was a non-issue for me, I wanted to tell him I thought it was weird but nothing more. And now he doesn't want to see me, which hurts more than any stupid picture posting.
I made a big deal, when I should have just consulted with myself, and knew within myself that it was what it was and nothing more.
I'm sorry to my boyfriend. We talked and he knows how I feel. I never meant for it to become such a problem. I read those forums to be closer to him to have stuff to talk about and have things in common because I know he reads them too. But now I will never read them, and he will probably come up with some fake name where I wont know it is him just so he can post in privacy-which is the complete opposite of what I wanted to happen!! I wanted him to feel open to me and I always kill it by making it a big deal and then he never tells me anything ever again. I hope he gets past this and sees it from my point of view, and knows that he can tell me anything and if anything I have learned from this, and so should he.
I do not want any replies to this, your input was great, and even though it may have ruined my day, we'll get past it and grow from it I hope.
I swear to watch my reactions, and trust my own opinion of my boyfriend to be true, he is the best thing in my life and by over reacting or making it see like I am I have wasted an entire day of love which is the best thing in world when shared with him. I will not read into things that mean nothing, when I know they mean nothing, and I will not question motives of anyone who is un-deserving. other opinions of my relationship mean nothing to me because they are not in the relationship nor do they know us personally. We are the holders of the relationship and by that we hold the only right to judge.
thank you. good bye.
Hon, he's blaming you because he knows he's in the wrong, and now he knows that you'll roll over and let him get away with things that hurt you. Dump him or don't be surprised when he ends up cheating on you.
Wow, at the start I thought that the guy was a bit shady.
Now with the update, I know he's an utter douchebag.
Grav, you did nothing wrong, and he's merely making you feel bad to misdirect you from the fact that he knows what he did was wrong, that he's busted, and instead of man'ing up and recognizing that treating women he knows like slabs of meat on a forum that his girlfriend visits might've been a bad idea, he's just turning the fight around and figures you'll cave first.
And it appears you have.
So I hope you realize that you deserve to be treated better in the near future, and I hope that he eventually gets his head from up his ass. If you manage to do it together, that'd be just swell, but otherwise you might want to bail and find someone that isn't a manipulative scumbag.
Forar on
First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
over. thank you.
he is mad now, cause he saw the post, but I hope he gets over so we can laugh about.
I guess i regret posting it up here because now it how blown up into something bigger than I ever wanted it to be.
It was a non-issue for me, I wanted to tell him I thought it was weird but nothing more. And now he doesn't want to see me, which hurts more than any stupid picture posting.
I made a big deal, when I should have just consulted with myself, and knew within myself that it was what it was and nothing more.
I'm sorry to my boyfriend. We talked and he knows how I feel. I never meant for it to become such a problem. I read those forums to be closer to him to have stuff to talk about and have things in common because I know he reads them too. But now I will never read them, and he will probably come up with some fake name where I wont know it is him just so he can post in privacy-which is the complete opposite of what I wanted to happen!! I wanted him to feel open to me and I always kill it by making it a big deal and then he never tells me anything ever again. I hope he gets past this and sees it from my point of view, and knows that he can tell me anything and if anything I have learned from this, and so should he.
I do not want any replies to this, your input was great, and even though it may have ruined my day, we'll get past it and grow from it I hope.
I swear to watch my reactions, and trust my own opinion of my boyfriend to be true, he is the best thing in my life and by over reacting or making it see like I am I have wasted an entire day of love which is the best thing in world when shared with him. I will not read into things that mean nothing, when I know they mean nothing, and I will not question motives of anyone who is un-deserving. other opinions of my relationship mean nothing to me because they are not in the relationship nor do they know us personally. We are the holders of the relationship and by that we hold the only right to judge.
thank you. good bye.
Hon, he's blaming you because he knows he's in the wrong, and now he knows that you'll roll over and let him get away with things that hurt you. Dump him or don't be surprised when he ends up cheating on you.
Yeah, way to sound like the beaten housewife. Stand up for yourself, jesus.
You know, lets look at the 'skeezy' part of this. I mean, is it actually wrong what the guy did? I ask, because down in the depths of the Chat Forums, in the dank cellar marked 'fucking Rachel Ray' I tried looking for pix of hot chix and posting them. And I'm married!
Well, first thing, I'm not going to have sex with Rachel Ray, just like no one else in this place is, its just about as bullshit as a topic can get - and I've seen the Picard v. Kirk threads, I know my bs. Its not even a guy thing to do - because I've heard women in my office comparing the pros and cons of the various members of the Patriots. And I aint talking passes completed at fourth down, neither.
Pictures were shared - women were oggled. So whats the difference between whats going on there and what this thread is about?
I think it comes down to knowing the person whose pictures have been posted. It would be skeezy if I got onto facebook and grabbed a pix of one of my coworkers and said 'yeah, check her out, aint she fine?'
In fact, that sort of thing could be grounds for a harrasment suit, and its certainly creepy. So this boyfriend is checking out women in the real world - the world that exists around us as opposed to TVland - and then finding them on the internet (if my understanding of the situation is correct) and then collecting them for his own pleasure.
My question is one of intent. What are this guys intentions? What does he actually want to do with this girl whose pictures he's got?
See, I have no intentions, other that occupying the bored parts of my brain while the other parts tinker with solutions to the evil which is ArcGIS.
The reaction of the OP leads me to think that she at least suspects intent. His reaction to being caught is overblown, and likely a plan to act on intent - "hey, I can ditch this girl, look like the injured party, and go after this other chick I think is hot! Sa-weet!"
Sword_of_Light on
"I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. "
No matter what the case a relationship can't work if you guys can't talk about things like this. If something like this happens, bring it up in an non-accusational way and just let him know that you're bothered by it.
Almost every single person is blowing this way out proportion, the girlfriend, the boyfriend and most of the people posting in the thread.
Sorry, but I don't think so.
Based on what I've read, the boyfriend is/was:
a) Acting creepy independent of the fact that he is in a relationship. You know why Penny-Arcade has a global ban on posting MySpace/Facebook photos of non-celebrities without their permission? Because it's fucking creepy! Granted, this forum gravity is referring to apparently doesn't have that rule, but that's because this forum is pretty classless.
b) Being a dick to his girlfriend, and behind her back. It's one thing to be attracted to someone you're not in a relationship with, whether you're in a relationship or not. That's normal, human, and fine. It's another thing to tell people "hey, isn't Soandso hot?" if you're in a relationship. It's a bit dickish, but it happens. It's a third and completely different thing to post pictures of someone who isn't your girlfriend on a forum and tell everyone "hey I have lab with this girl, isn't she hot?"
c) Now trying to blame the girlfriend for snooping. And maybe she was...boo fucking hoo. He was posting some girl's pictures, without the girl's permission, on a forum behind his girlfriend's back. Does her snooping a bit erase the fact that he's doing this? Nope. Doesn't justify it, doesn't erase it, nada.
I'd say the only person "overreacting" here is the boyfriend, and I don't think it's accurate even then...more like "reacting in a manner inconsistent with relevant moral reality" or some such. In fact, I'd say too many people in this thread are underreacting, because this boyfriend looks like a complete asshole at even first glance of what transpired by gravity's accounts in this thread.
Plus, I agree with Doc completely: you post on a message board, it's public domain. The end.
(P.S. This is addressed to YodaTuna and the creepy boyfriend who is no doubt stalking this thread. Grow up, moron.)
over. thank you.
he is mad now, cause he saw the post, but I hope he gets over so we can laugh about.
I guess i regret posting it up here because now it how blown up into something bigger than I ever wanted it to be.
It was a non-issue for me, I wanted to tell him I thought it was weird but nothing more. And now he doesn't want to see me, which hurts more than any stupid picture posting.
I made a big deal, when I should have just consulted with myself, and knew within myself that it was what it was and nothing more.
I'm sorry to my boyfriend. We talked and he knows how I feel. I never meant for it to become such a problem. I read those forums to be closer to him to have stuff to talk about and have things in common because I know he reads them too. But now I will never read them, and he will probably come up with some fake name where I wont know it is him just so he can post in privacy-which is the complete opposite of what I wanted to happen!! I wanted him to feel open to me and I always kill it by making it a big deal and then he never tells me anything ever again. I hope he gets past this and sees it from my point of view, and knows that he can tell me anything and if anything I have learned from this, and so should he.
I do not want any replies to this, your input was great, and even though it may have ruined my day, we'll get past it and grow from it I hope.
I swear to watch my reactions, and trust my own opinion of my boyfriend to be true, he is the best thing in my life and by over reacting or making it see like I am I have wasted an entire day of love which is the best thing in world when shared with him. I will not read into things that mean nothing, when I know they mean nothing, and I will not question motives of anyone who is un-deserving. other opinions of my relationship mean nothing to me because they are not in the relationship nor do they know us personally. We are the holders of the relationship and by that we hold the only right to judge.
thank you. good bye.
Hon, he's blaming you because he knows he's in the wrong, and now he knows that you'll roll over and let him get away with things that hurt you. Dump him or don't be surprised when he ends up cheating on you.
Yeah, way to sound like the beaten housewife. Stand up for yourself, jesus.
I'm not sure what's worse, what he did, or the attitude your taking. It's one thing to want to work out things and mend the relationship, but what you just wrote seriously gave off the kind of vibe Lewisham noted.
Not saying you're being abused or anything, just saying there's time in relationships when you do have to stand up for yourself.
Kyougu on
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FalloutGIRL'S DAYWAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered Userregular
edited January 2008
I swear to watch my reactions, and trust my own opinion of my boyfriend to be true, he is the best thing in my life and by over reacting or making it see like I am I have wasted an entire day of love which is the best thing in world when shared with him. I will not read into things that mean nothing, when I know they mean nothing, and I will not question motives of anyone who is un-deserving. other opinions of my relationship mean nothing to me because they are not in the relationship nor do they know us personally. We are the holders of the relationship and by that we hold the only right to judge.
This is the creepiest part of the thread to me, honestly. Do you feel like you have some kind of religious obligation to the man in a relationship? The dude sounds like a controlling prick and I get a very "the man is the head of the household" vibe from this whole thing. Fucking stand up for yourself, you're his girlfriend, not his bitch.
You lack honor, integrity and humility. Your GF was bothered by an action you did, and you used that to attack her. That is pathetic and weak, and apparently so are you.
You lack honor, integrity and humility. Your GF was bothered by an action you did, and you used that to attack her. That is pathetic and weak, and apparently so are you.
hit a button too fast.....but Jigrah called it dead o...what a douche...
Gravity, your last post made me feel sad. I have a friend who gets emotionally and occasionally physically abused by her bf, and thats how she talks. Like its all her fault.
It is NOT your fault. Your bf did something pretty creepy that made you feel unhappy and unloved. Instead of handling it like a responsible adult he went off and blamed you. This is not right. You have every right to be angry and it should be him explaining himself and apologising. If he isnt willing to do that then you need to find yourself someone who will respect you.
Guy, what you did was creepy. Does your lab partner know what you've done? How do you think she will feel about it? You posted it on a public messageboard your gf has access to, what gives you the right to be angry for her reading public space? You need to take a good hard look at your actions, these are not the actions of a responsible adult and you should be ashamed of the way you have conducted yourself and the way you have treated your gf.
Well I am very sad to see this thread end this way, but some people are doormats and some people are dominant pricks... it's unfortunate that they never change.
Gravity, if you're reading this (which you are probably too scared to do, so I don't know why I'm even posting) get some self esteem and do what everyone else is saying... stand up for yourself. Don't think we don't know the situation, we do because we've all seen it a million times before.
Stop trying to call out random strangers that may or may not be reading this thread. The Internet tough guy act isn't helpful advice.
Based on that thought why not just lock it because the poster already said goodbye, and from the tone of it I think she was sincere.
I am not trying to be an internet tough guy, and frankly I don't really think I was acting like a tough guy at all. I think the girl isn't coming back, but I am fairly confident the guy will, and I am writing to him. Giving him a bit of knowledge and maybe he will recognize how messed up it is to blame someone else for your own feelings of guilt.
great, or you could both shut up because no one asked for your opinion and it's hardly your place to be arguing about whether or not someone else's thread should remain open. Think of it as a test. If you can bear the thought that this thread is available for posting in, and yet still not enter it for the sake of saying retarded shit that's against the rules anyhow, you pass.
Pheezer on
IT'S GOT ME REACHING IN MY POCKET IT'S GOT ME FORKING OVER CASH
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
a) Acting creepy independent of the fact that he is in a relationship. You know why Penny-Arcade has a global ban on posting MySpace/Facebook photos of non-celebrities without their permission? Because it's fucking creepy! Granted, this forum gravity is referring to apparently doesn't have that rule, but that's because this forum is pretty classless.
This is probably the worst thing the guy did, pulling her picture, but if she didn't want her picture seen, she shouldn't have posted it or marked it private. But I don't think it's bad enough to freak out about.
b) Being a dick to his girlfriend, and behind her back. It's one thing to be attracted to someone you're not in a relationship with, whether you're in a relationship or not. That's normal, human, and fine. It's another thing to tell people "hey, isn't Soandso hot?" if you're in a relationship. It's a bit dickish, but it happens. It's a third and completely different thing to post pictures of someone who isn't your girlfriend on a forum and tell everyone "hey I have lab with this girl, isn't she hot?"
You may think it's a bit dickish, I really don't think it is if there isn't intent. And the two situations you posted are exactly the same.
c) Now trying to blame the girlfriend for snooping. And maybe she was...boo fucking hoo. He was posting some girl's pictures, without the girl's permission, on a forum behind his girlfriend's back. Does her snooping a bit erase the fact that he's doing this? Nope. Doesn't justify it, doesn't erase it, nada.
I wasn't trying to blame her, I was merely informing her that there would be a high probability that's how he would view it, especially if she did not visit the forum on a regular basis. As far as going behind his girlfriend's back, I think that's a bit dramatic, if he has reason to believe she would see it, not behind her back, secondly, should he have to have his girlfriend screen everything he posts?
I'd say the only person "overreacting" here is the boyfriend, and I don't think it's accurate even then...more like "reacting in a manner inconsistent with relevant moral reality" or some such. In fact, I'd say too many people in this thread are underreacting, because this boyfriend looks like a complete asshole at even first glance of what transpired by gravity's accounts in this thread.
The only thing we know about this guy is that he posted a picture of a girl and that he reacted to being confronted(maybe accused) of doing this. If you didn't think this would lead to some kind of confrontation, you'd be a little deluded.
Plus, I agree with Doc completely: you post on a message board, it's public domain. The end.
So is MySpace.
I'd say we're probably not helping this girl anymore and relationship dynamics should maybe be handled in another thread.
over. thank you.
he is mad now, cause he saw the post, but I hope he gets over so we can laugh about.
<snip>
I realise that you don't want any replies to this post so you need not acknowledge this one, however it seems that you need to take a look at the sequence of events that have unfolded through this thread. Your boyfriend should, if what you've said is true, be at least somewhat apologetic. You have not specifically invaded his privacy, you have looked at information which he felt compelled to reveal to the public at large, nothing private. However if you can't see it this way then it seems that any problems occurring in your relationship stem from factors deeper than this one isolated incident.
Hon, he's blaming you because he knows he's in the wrong, and now he knows that you'll roll over and let him get away with things that hurt you.
There is no way that reading a forum he posts on can rationally be construed as an invasion of privacy. That's fucking ridiculous.
Is linking a MySpace photo an invasion of privacy?
It is if the person didn't give you permission to show her picture to people she doesn't know. Sure she could have added him as a friend and doesn't care about him looking at her profile, doesn't mean he has the right to start showing off pictures of her to random forum people.
Hon, he's blaming you because he knows he's in the wrong, and now he knows that you'll roll over and let him get away with things that hurt you.
There is no way that reading a forum he posts on can rationally be construed as an invasion of privacy. That's fucking ridiculous.
Is linking a MySpace photo an invasion of privacy?
It is if the person didn't give you permission to show her picture to people she doesn't know. Sure she could have added him as a friend and doesn't care about him looking at her profile, doesn't mean he has the right to start showing off pictures of her to random forum people.
Posting on a forum and posting on a public MySpace profile are pretty much exactly the same thing. It's a public site and anyone can see it, but the assumption is that only people who know you will probably look at it. For instance, I post under the assumption that my mom will never read it(FUCK), but it's a public forum and she could read it anytime she wanted too.
Hon, he's blaming you because he knows he's in the wrong, and now he knows that you'll roll over and let him get away with things that hurt you.
There is no way that reading a forum he posts on can rationally be construed as an invasion of privacy. That's fucking ridiculous.
Is linking a MySpace photo an invasion of privacy?
It is if the person didn't give you permission to show her picture to people she doesn't know. Sure she could have added him as a friend and doesn't care about him looking at her profile, doesn't mean he has the right to start showing off pictures of her to random forum people.
Posting on a forum and posting on a public MySpace profile are pretty much exactly the same thing. It's a public site and anyone can see it, but the assumption is that only people who know you will probably look at it. For instance, I post under the assumption that my mom will never read it(FUCK), but it's a public forum and she could read it anytime she wanted too.
I don't know how similar facebook is to myspace, but I know facebook has the option to set your profile to private so ONLY people you added as a friend can see your pictures. Does myspace have this? Cause if so we can't really say much unless we know whether or not the girl has a private profile or not.
a) Acting creepy independent of the fact that he is in a relationship. You know why Penny-Arcade has a global ban on posting MySpace/Facebook photos of non-celebrities without their permission? Because it's fucking creepy! Granted, this forum gravity is referring to apparently doesn't have that rule, but that's because this forum is pretty classless.
This is probably the worst thing the guy did, pulling her picture, but if she didn't want her picture seen, she shouldn't have posted it or marked it private. But I don't think it's bad enough to freak out about.
Bullshit. Yes, if you put your picture on the internet people will have the ability to save a copy, host it, and post it all over the place for random creepy people to jerk all over but that doesn't mean you're asking for it. What the fuck?
c) Now trying to blame the girlfriend for snooping. And maybe she was...boo fucking hoo. He was posting some girl's pictures, without the girl's permission, on a forum behind his girlfriend's back. Does her snooping a bit erase the fact that he's doing this? Nope. Doesn't justify it, doesn't erase it, nada.
I wasn't trying to blame her, I was merely informing her that there would be a high probability that's how he would view it, especially if she did not visit the forum on a regular basis. As far as going behind his girlfriend's back, I think that's a bit dramatic, if he has reason to believe she would see it, not behind her back, secondly, should he have to have his girlfriend screen everything he posts?
There's actually only a high probability that he would view it that way if he's a fucking idiot or if he had kept his posting there and his internet-handle secret.
I'd say the only person "overreacting" here is the boyfriend, and I don't think it's accurate even then...more like "reacting in a manner inconsistent with relevant moral reality" or some such. In fact, I'd say too many people in this thread are underreacting, because this boyfriend looks like a complete asshole at even first glance of what transpired by gravity's accounts in this thread.
The only thing we know about this guy is that he posted a picture of a girl and that he reacted to being confronted(maybe accused) of doing this. If you didn't think this would lead to some kind of confrontation, you'd be a little deluded.
Actually we also know that he reacted irrationally and tried to blame her for everything. Once you add that to your equation, failing to think that this would lead to the sort of confrontation it has only requires that you think you're dating a grown-up.
Edit: Being a grown-up in a relationship doesn't mean you have to deny that any girls are hot, but making a thread about how hot some girl whose picture you posted without her consent is is pretty fucking creepy regardless of relationship-status.
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Not mentioning it won't help anything. You don't like it, he obviously does at least somewhat, and he, afaik, has no idea of this.
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Yes!!
Try and put yourself in this girl's shoes. I would be SO skeeved out by someone showing my picture to a bunch of internet dudes.
I think the only reason I'm reacting more strongly to this than the rest of you guys is that I was in a very similar situation -- my ex even told me about this cute girl in class, she was real cool, but she probably had a boyfriend. I thought nothing of it, but it turns out he had been talking extensively to his pals about how he was waiting to see if she was free before dumping me and going after her.
WHY do people do this shit?
Then make your profile private! No one asked you to upload pictures to myspace or facebook or whatever for the world to see. If you don't want random people looking at your pictures and showing it to friends, then there are options for you to block people from doing this!
Totally different situation, from the OP's description this is just like a "wow she's hottie and in my class". If your boyfriend would break up with you over a girl if she was available (and not if she wasn't) he doesn't really like you in the first place and he can't see the relationship going anywhere... or hes a pig... none of which are really qualities that I think anyone would want in a boyfriend.
Also Mods, this advice is seriously what I would do, not just joking around.
I would log onto said forums, make an account and post a picture of him and a buddy but praising his buddy for being so attractive, maybe telling a story about your BF's buddy as well. Very small subtle hints so he knows it is you but not like a big ol banner. If done well he wont know at first whats going on, but then the process of figuring out who posted that would probably lead to you.
At that point you have let him know that your on the forums, you have most likely read his post and you didn't appreciate it. If he has balls he knows he was caught, should feel guilty and might bring it up to you. Hopefully it should prevent him from being hostile because your not attacking him directly, plus it gives him an opportunity to just think.
His intrest in her is something he feels guilty of, or he would have mentioned it to you.
he is mad now, cause he saw the post, but I hope he gets over so we can laugh about.
I guess i regret posting it up here because now it how blown up into something bigger than I ever wanted it to be.
It was a non-issue for me, I wanted to tell him I thought it was weird but nothing more. And now he doesn't want to see me, which hurts more than any stupid picture posting.
I made a big deal, when I should have just consulted with myself, and knew within myself that it was what it was and nothing more.
I'm sorry to my boyfriend. We talked and he knows how I feel. I never meant for it to become such a problem. I read those forums to be closer to him to have stuff to talk about and have things in common because I know he reads them too. But now I will never read them, and he will probably come up with some fake name where I wont know it is him just so he can post in privacy-which is the complete opposite of what I wanted to happen!! I wanted him to feel open to me and I always kill it by making it a big deal and then he never tells me anything ever again. I hope he gets past this and sees it from my point of view, and knows that he can tell me anything and if anything I have learned from this, and so should he.
I do not want any replies to this, your input was great, and even though it may have ruined my day, we'll get past it and grow from it I hope.
I swear to watch my reactions, and trust my own opinion of my boyfriend to be true, he is the best thing in my life and by over reacting or making it see like I am I have wasted an entire day of love which is the best thing in world when shared with him. I will not read into things that mean nothing, when I know they mean nothing, and I will not question motives of anyone who is un-deserving. other opinions of my relationship mean nothing to me because they are not in the relationship nor do they know us personally. We are the holders of the relationship and by that we hold the only right to judge.
thank you. good bye.
Did the guy do something creepy, get mad at the girl for finding out, and now she thinks she's the bad one in the scenario?
Yep.
I hate you, I do, you are the kind of guy that will find loopholes in any system to steer clear of consequences. You lack honor, integrity and humility. Your GF was bothered by an action you did, and you used that to attack her. That is pathetic and weak, and apparently so are you.
No, sorry, even better. The guy posted something creepy on a forum, the girl got concerned and posted on another forum, the guy saw that forum and got angry that she invaded his privacy by reading a forum.
This guy sounds like a jerk. Start communicating, and be mature about this.
Stop making a doormat out of yourself. It's ok to be displeased with him and not simply cower and try to smooth everything over because he's having a hissy fit.
On that note? What kind of bottom feeding douche gets pictures of these girls to post on forums so he and his buds can have some kind of bonding experience?
Honestly, this guy is 20 and doing shit that maybe a 13-14 year old would do. How can anyone be surprised when he finds this thread and gets pissed?
This isn't a healthy relationship.
Hon, he's blaming you because he knows he's in the wrong, and now he knows that you'll roll over and let him get away with things that hurt you. Dump him or don't be surprised when he ends up cheating on you.
Now with the update, I know he's an utter douchebag.
Grav, you did nothing wrong, and he's merely making you feel bad to misdirect you from the fact that he knows what he did was wrong, that he's busted, and instead of man'ing up and recognizing that treating women he knows like slabs of meat on a forum that his girlfriend visits might've been a bad idea, he's just turning the fight around and figures you'll cave first.
And it appears you have.
So I hope you realize that you deserve to be treated better in the near future, and I hope that he eventually gets his head from up his ass. If you manage to do it together, that'd be just swell, but otherwise you might want to bail and find someone that isn't a manipulative scumbag.
Yeah, way to sound like the beaten housewife. Stand up for yourself, jesus.
Well, first thing, I'm not going to have sex with Rachel Ray, just like no one else in this place is, its just about as bullshit as a topic can get - and I've seen the Picard v. Kirk threads, I know my bs. Its not even a guy thing to do - because I've heard women in my office comparing the pros and cons of the various members of the Patriots. And I aint talking passes completed at fourth down, neither.
Pictures were shared - women were oggled. So whats the difference between whats going on there and what this thread is about?
I think it comes down to knowing the person whose pictures have been posted. It would be skeezy if I got onto facebook and grabbed a pix of one of my coworkers and said 'yeah, check her out, aint she fine?'
In fact, that sort of thing could be grounds for a harrasment suit, and its certainly creepy. So this boyfriend is checking out women in the real world - the world that exists around us as opposed to TVland - and then finding them on the internet (if my understanding of the situation is correct) and then collecting them for his own pleasure.
My question is one of intent. What are this guys intentions? What does he actually want to do with this girl whose pictures he's got?
See, I have no intentions, other that occupying the bored parts of my brain while the other parts tinker with solutions to the evil which is ArcGIS.
The reaction of the OP leads me to think that she at least suspects intent. His reaction to being caught is overblown, and likely a plan to act on intent - "hey, I can ditch this girl, look like the injured party, and go after this other chick I think is hot! Sa-weet!"
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Sorry, but I don't think so.
Based on what I've read, the boyfriend is/was:
a) Acting creepy independent of the fact that he is in a relationship. You know why Penny-Arcade has a global ban on posting MySpace/Facebook photos of non-celebrities without their permission? Because it's fucking creepy! Granted, this forum gravity is referring to apparently doesn't have that rule, but that's because this forum is pretty classless.
b) Being a dick to his girlfriend, and behind her back. It's one thing to be attracted to someone you're not in a relationship with, whether you're in a relationship or not. That's normal, human, and fine. It's another thing to tell people "hey, isn't Soandso hot?" if you're in a relationship. It's a bit dickish, but it happens. It's a third and completely different thing to post pictures of someone who isn't your girlfriend on a forum and tell everyone "hey I have lab with this girl, isn't she hot?"
c) Now trying to blame the girlfriend for snooping. And maybe she was...boo fucking hoo. He was posting some girl's pictures, without the girl's permission, on a forum behind his girlfriend's back. Does her snooping a bit erase the fact that he's doing this? Nope. Doesn't justify it, doesn't erase it, nada.
I'd say the only person "overreacting" here is the boyfriend, and I don't think it's accurate even then...more like "reacting in a manner inconsistent with relevant moral reality" or some such. In fact, I'd say too many people in this thread are underreacting, because this boyfriend looks like a complete asshole at even first glance of what transpired by gravity's accounts in this thread.
Plus, I agree with Doc completely: you post on a message board, it's public domain. The end.
(P.S. This is addressed to YodaTuna and the creepy boyfriend who is no doubt stalking this thread. Grow up, moron.)
I'm not sure what's worse, what he did, or the attitude your taking. It's one thing to want to work out things and mend the relationship, but what you just wrote seriously gave off the kind of vibe Lewisham noted.
Not saying you're being abused or anything, just saying there's time in relationships when you do have to stand up for yourself.
This is the creepiest part of the thread to me, honestly. Do you feel like you have some kind of religious obligation to the man in a relationship? The dude sounds like a controlling prick and I get a very "the man is the head of the household" vibe from this whole thing. Fucking stand up for yourself, you're his girlfriend, not his bitch.
And manipulative on the boyfriend's account.
That last update sounded so doctored...almost brainwashed.
hit a button too fast.....but Jigrah called it dead o...what a douche...
It is NOT your fault. Your bf did something pretty creepy that made you feel unhappy and unloved. Instead of handling it like a responsible adult he went off and blamed you. This is not right. You have every right to be angry and it should be him explaining himself and apologising. If he isnt willing to do that then you need to find yourself someone who will respect you.
Guy, what you did was creepy. Does your lab partner know what you've done? How do you think she will feel about it? You posted it on a public messageboard your gf has access to, what gives you the right to be angry for her reading public space? You need to take a good hard look at your actions, these are not the actions of a responsible adult and you should be ashamed of the way you have conducted yourself and the way you have treated your gf.
Edit : Also, listen to Trowizilla's advice.
I'm Jacob Wilson. | facebook | thegreat2nd | [url="aim:goim?screenname=TheGreatSecond&message=Hello+from+the+Penny+Arcade+Forums!"]aim[/url]
Gravity, if you're reading this (which you are probably too scared to do, so I don't know why I'm even posting) get some self esteem and do what everyone else is saying... stand up for yourself. Don't think we don't know the situation, we do because we've all seen it a million times before.
Stop trying to call out random strangers that may or may not be reading this thread. The Internet tough guy act isn't helpful advice.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Based on that thought why not just lock it because the poster already said goodbye, and from the tone of it I think she was sincere.
I am not trying to be an internet tough guy, and frankly I don't really think I was acting like a tough guy at all. I think the girl isn't coming back, but I am fairly confident the guy will, and I am writing to him. Giving him a bit of knowledge and maybe he will recognize how messed up it is to blame someone else for your own feelings of guilt.
Yeah fucking right.
I agree, lock this thread. We're still trying to give her help/advice but at this point I think its futile.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
There is no way that reading a forum he posts on can rationally be construed as an invasion of privacy. That's fucking ridiculous.
This is probably the worst thing the guy did, pulling her picture, but if she didn't want her picture seen, she shouldn't have posted it or marked it private. But I don't think it's bad enough to freak out about.
You may think it's a bit dickish, I really don't think it is if there isn't intent. And the two situations you posted are exactly the same.
I wasn't trying to blame her, I was merely informing her that there would be a high probability that's how he would view it, especially if she did not visit the forum on a regular basis. As far as going behind his girlfriend's back, I think that's a bit dramatic, if he has reason to believe she would see it, not behind her back, secondly, should he have to have his girlfriend screen everything he posts?
The only thing we know about this guy is that he posted a picture of a girl and that he reacted to being confronted(maybe accused) of doing this. If you didn't think this would lead to some kind of confrontation, you'd be a little deluded.
So is MySpace.
I'd say we're probably not helping this girl anymore and relationship dynamics should maybe be handled in another thread.
Is linking a MySpace photo an invasion of privacy?
I realise that you don't want any replies to this post so you need not acknowledge this one, however it seems that you need to take a look at the sequence of events that have unfolded through this thread. Your boyfriend should, if what you've said is true, be at least somewhat apologetic. You have not specifically invaded his privacy, you have looked at information which he felt compelled to reveal to the public at large, nothing private. However if you can't see it this way then it seems that any problems occurring in your relationship stem from factors deeper than this one isolated incident.
It is if the person didn't give you permission to show her picture to people she doesn't know. Sure she could have added him as a friend and doesn't care about him looking at her profile, doesn't mean he has the right to start showing off pictures of her to random forum people.
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Posting on a forum and posting on a public MySpace profile are pretty much exactly the same thing. It's a public site and anyone can see it, but the assumption is that only people who know you will probably look at it. For instance, I post under the assumption that my mom will never read it(FUCK), but it's a public forum and she could read it anytime she wanted too.
I don't know how similar facebook is to myspace, but I know facebook has the option to set your profile to private so ONLY people you added as a friend can see your pictures. Does myspace have this? Cause if so we can't really say much unless we know whether or not the girl has a private profile or not.
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
Bullshit. Yes, if you put your picture on the internet people will have the ability to save a copy, host it, and post it all over the place for random creepy people to jerk all over but that doesn't mean you're asking for it. What the fuck?
There's actually only a high probability that he would view it that way if he's a fucking idiot or if he had kept his posting there and his internet-handle secret.
Actually we also know that he reacted irrationally and tried to blame her for everything. Once you add that to your equation, failing to think that this would lead to the sort of confrontation it has only requires that you think you're dating a grown-up.
Edit: Being a grown-up in a relationship doesn't mean you have to deny that any girls are hot, but making a thread about how hot some girl whose picture you posted without her consent is is pretty fucking creepy regardless of relationship-status.