Don't like the snow? You can make a bookmark with the following text instead of a url: javascript:snowStorm.toggleSnow(). Clicking it will toggle the snow on and off.
Our new Indie Games subforum is now open for business in G&T. Go and check it out, you might land a code for a free game. If you're developing an indie game and want to post about it, follow these directions. If you don't, he'll break your legs! Hahaha! Seriously though.
Our rules have been updated and given their own forum. Go and look at them! They are nice, and there may be new ones that you didn't know about! Hooray for rules! Hooray for The System! Hooray for Conforming!

Asking a friend out(Girl thread)

CojonesCojones Registered User regular
edited February 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
Ok, I've known a girl for a few months now and am pretty sure that I want to ask her out. Thing is, I've been pretty concerned about rejection after being knocked back by someone else last year so I'm feeling kinda shaky about this, especially because we're pretty good friends and I'm worried about things becoming awkward between us in future if it doesn't go according to plan.

What would be the best way for me to go about this?

Cojones on
exmac.png

Posts

  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    "Hey, would you like to go out for coffee sometime?"

    Realize that 4 times out of 5, you're probably going to get rejected.

  • LifeVirusZEROLifeVirusZERO Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Don't make the same mistake that I did last month. Here's some advice:

    Just because you hang out with a girl a lot and share intimate details with each other, etc... Doesn't mean that she is romantically interested in you.

    That having been said, it's certainly not the case in EVERY scenario, so if you want to ask her out then go for it. You need to make your intentions clear as soon as possible. Just bring it up the next time you two are hanging out. Before you ask her, tell her that you don't want to complicate things, but at the same time you need to get to the point quickly so she doesn't have a lot of time to think about it before she answers.

    Just remember: Ask with confidence, girls will notice it and trust me, girls love a guy with confidence.

    6ltl5i0ap7.png
  • EggyToastEggyToast Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    There are two ways to progress a relationship with someone -- ask them, or wait for them to ask you. If you don't ask, you're waiting on them, and waiting is a good way to do nothing. Some things deserve patience -- others you should simply do, like ripping off a bandaid.

    And just like a bandaid, sometimes it hurts and sometimes you just gotta put a new bandage on anyway, but at least you know what's up.

    || Flickr — || PSN: EggyToast
  • SarcastroSarcastro Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Cojones wrote: »
    Ok, I've known a girl for a few months now and am pretty sure that I want to ask her out. Thing is, I've been pretty concerned about rejection after being knocked back by someone else last year so I'm feeling kinda shaky about this, especially because we're pretty good friends and I'm worried about things becoming awkward between us in future if it doesn't go according to plan.

    What would be the best way for me to go about this?


    I cant read this without thinking 'you're fucked'. A few months is a long time, if something were to happen, prolly would have by now. If something barring progress has recently been removed, maybe. Still, if it were likely... well, odds are you wouldn't be asking how.

    Regardless, my advice is this: Resist the urge to 'ask her out'. Just meet up with her somewhere you can have a good conversation. Wash, rinse, repeat, and try to put in more one on one time- start with once a week, move up to twice a week, etc. Things will progress on thier own, and a natural equilibrium will take place. Be gentle, dont push, but be consistant in your actions. There are a thousand ways to make it clear you like someone other than using those specifc words. Try a few out.

    Good luck.

    Edcrab wrote: »
    "See," said Lucifer, "God's an asshole."
  • KatholicKatholic Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Sarcastro wrote: »
    Cojones wrote: »
    Ok, I've known a girl for a few months now and am pretty sure that I want to ask her out. Thing is, I've been pretty concerned about rejection after being knocked back by someone else last year so I'm feeling kinda shaky about this, especially because we're pretty good friends and I'm worried about things becoming awkward between us in future if it doesn't go according to plan.

    What would be the best way for me to go about this?


    I cant read this without thinking 'you're fucked'. A few months is a long time, if something were to happen, prolly would have by now. If something barring progress has recently been removed, maybe. Still, if it were likely... well, odds are you wouldn't be asking how.

    Regardless, my advice is this: Resist the urge to 'ask her out'. Just meet up with her somewhere you can have a good conversation. Wash, rinse, repeat, and try to put in more one on one time- start with once a week, move up to twice a week, etc. Things will progress on thier own, and a natural equilibrium will take place. Be gentle, dont push, but be consistant in your actions. There are a thousand ways to make it clear you like someone other than using those specifc words. Try a few out.

    Good luck.

    I really disagree with the first paragraph. Most girls that I have dated it was after knowing each other purely as friends for 5-6 months. Just try to spend time with her and don't ask her out like it is a romantic date. Just start hanging out as friends and see if it progresses.

    Shinto wrote: »
    I don't think states rights is a political dodge for Paul. The dude just legitimately wants the federal government to die.
    Azio wrote: »
    What the fuck is this. Go away.
  • tracertongtracertong Registered User
    edited February 2008
    "Hey, would you like to go out for coffee sometime?"

    Realize that 4 times out of 5, you're probably going to get rejected.


    Before you ask this, make sure that you TOUCH her, start with the hands/shoulder and then move down to her waist or thighs. See how she reacts. If she moves away orpushes your hand away that is a BAD SIGN and you shouldn't ask her to do go out with you.

  • PheezerPheezer Registered User, ClubPA
    edited February 2008
    tracertong wrote: »
    "Hey, would you like to go out for coffee sometime?"

    Realize that 4 times out of 5, you're probably going to get rejected.


    Before you ask this, make sure that you TOUCH her, start with the shoulder and then move down to her waist or knees. See how she reacts. If she moves away orpushes your hand away that is a BAD SIGN and you shouldn't ask her to do go out with you.

    I'm not sure I'm ready to throw an infraction over this, but this is creepy, weird advice and I really wouldn't suggest it.

    Look, if you're terrified of rejection and you want to ask your friend out, don't. Learn to deal with rejection first because let's face it, if you can't handle a girl not wanting to date you, you don't need to be in a relationship anyhow.

    And you've probably just built up ridiculous, unrealistic expectations surrounding this girl anyways and that's a sure fire way to completely misjudge her interest level and end up completely disappointed in the end no matter what happens, including even if she does want to date you.

    So go meet other women that you aren't already friends with and learn to just date people without getting all worked up and stressed about oh my god what if she doesn't like me.

    IT'S GOT ME REACHING IN MY POCKET IT'S GOT ME FORKING OVER CASH
    CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
  • tracertongtracertong Registered User
    edited February 2008
    DrDizaster wrote: »
    tracertong wrote: »
    "Hey, would you like to go out for coffee sometime?"

    Realize that 4 times out of 5, you're probably going to get rejected.


    Before you ask this, make sure that you TOUCH her, start with the shoulder and then move down to her waist or knees. See how she reacts. If she moves away orpushes your hand away that is a BAD SIGN and you shouldn't ask her to do go out with you.

    I'm not sure I'm ready to throw an infraction over this, but this is creepy, weird advice and I really wouldn't suggest it.

    Look, if you're terrified of rejection and you want to ask your friend out, don't. Learn to deal with rejection first because let's face it, if you can't handle a girl not wanting to date you, you don't need to be in a relationship anyhow.

    And you've probably just built up ridiculous, unrealistic expectations surrounding this girl anyways and that's a sure fire way to completely misjudge her interest level and end up completely disappointed in the end no matter what happens, including even if she does want to date you.

    So go meet other women that you aren't already friends with and learn to just date people without getting all worked up and stressed about oh my god what if she doesn't like me.

    how is that creepy advice? from the OP it sounded like she was a friend and nothing more meaning no touchy feely. If she doesnt want to touch him she wont want to kiss and so on, no?

  • Chris WChris W Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Ask her to hang out and drink sometime (if you do that sort of thing). Bring along a few more friends (if mutual friends then even better). You should be able to gauge by how the night goes whether or not she's interested (and I don't mean in a beer goggles kind of way, just a loosening up casual drinking conversation).

  • TrowizillaTrowizilla Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Say, "Hey, I think you're cool and it'd be fun to go out. Want to go get some lunch next weekend?" If she says yes, smile and say "Cool." If she says no, smile and say "Oh well, worth a shot. Hey, did you see the new Batman trailer?" (or whatever you guys talk about).

    This is only a big deal if you make it one.

  • coelacanthcoelacanth Registered User
    edited February 2008
    tracertong wrote: »

    how is that creepy advice? from the OP it sounded like she was a friend and nothing more meaning no touchy feely. If she doesnt want to touch him she wont want to kiss and so on, no?


    I think you can judge someone's body language well enough without going too far and having to touch them. Lots of people do not like to be touched without warning/permission, myself being one of them.

  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY EVERY DAYRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    tracertong wrote: »
    DrDizaster wrote: »
    tracertong wrote: »
    "Hey, would you like to go out for coffee sometime?"

    Realize that 4 times out of 5, you're probably going to get rejected.


    Before you ask this, make sure that you TOUCH her, start with the shoulder and then move down to her waist or knees. See how she reacts. If she moves away orpushes your hand away that is a BAD SIGN and you shouldn't ask her to do go out with you.

    I'm not sure I'm ready to throw an infraction over this, but this is creepy, weird advice and I really wouldn't suggest it.

    Look, if you're terrified of rejection and you want to ask your friend out, don't. Learn to deal with rejection first because let's face it, if you can't handle a girl not wanting to date you, you don't need to be in a relationship anyhow.

    And you've probably just built up ridiculous, unrealistic expectations surrounding this girl anyways and that's a sure fire way to completely misjudge her interest level and end up completely disappointed in the end no matter what happens, including even if she does want to date you.

    So go meet other women that you aren't already friends with and learn to just date people without getting all worked up and stressed about oh my god what if she doesn't like me.

    how is that creepy advice? from the OP it sounded like she was a friend and nothing more meaning no touchy feely. If she doesnt want to touch him she wont want to kiss and so on, no?

    If you can't see how randomly putting your hand on a girl while simultaneously making a romantic advance on her is creepy, you shouldn't be giving advice on females. At all.

    xcomsig.png
  • tracertongtracertong Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Fallout wrote: »
    tracertong wrote: »
    DrDizaster wrote: »
    tracertong wrote: »
    "Hey, would you like to go out for coffee sometime?"

    Realize that 4 times out of 5, you're probably going to get rejected.


    Before you ask this, make sure that you TOUCH her, start with the shoulder and then move down to her waist or knees. See how she reacts. If she moves away orpushes your hand away that is a BAD SIGN and you shouldn't ask her to do go out with you.

    I'm not sure I'm ready to throw an infraction over this, but this is creepy, weird advice and I really wouldn't suggest it.

    Look, if you're terrified of rejection and you want to ask your friend out, don't. Learn to deal with rejection first because let's face it, if you can't handle a girl not wanting to date you, you don't need to be in a relationship anyhow.

    And you've probably just built up ridiculous, unrealistic expectations surrounding this girl anyways and that's a sure fire way to completely misjudge her interest level and end up completely disappointed in the end no matter what happens, including even if she does want to date you.

    So go meet other women that you aren't already friends with and learn to just date people without getting all worked up and stressed about oh my god what if she doesn't like me.

    how is that creepy advice? from the OP it sounded like she was a friend and nothing more meaning no touchy feely. If she doesnt want to touch him she wont want to kiss and so on, no?

    If you can't see how randomly putting your hand on a girl while simultaneously making a romantic advance on her is creepy, you shouldn't be giving advice on females. At all.

    The girls you go out with dont like to be touched? You dont like touching them? I touch girls that I like all the time. In fact I've found that it is the BIGGEST indicator of whether they are into you or not.

    I have no idea what you are getting upset about and I like to think of my advice on women as pretty damn good.

  • CojonesCojones Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    tracertong wrote: »
    I have no idea what you are getting upset about and I like to think of my advice on women as pretty damn good.
    I'm sorry but it really isn't, and this line of discussion isn't conducive to solving the problem at hand.

    Can we move on please?

    exmac.png
  • PheezerPheezer Registered User, ClubPA
    edited February 2008
    You know what? We're not going any further down this rabbit hole. Everyone just drop that tangent.

    IT'S GOT ME REACHING IN MY POCKET IT'S GOT ME FORKING OVER CASH
    CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
  • vytroxvytrox Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Cojones wrote: »
    Ok, I've known a girl for a few months now and am pretty sure that I want to ask her out. Thing is, I've been pretty concerned about rejection after being knocked back by someone else last year so I'm feeling kinda shaky about this, especially because we're pretty good friends and I'm worried about things becoming awkward between us in future if it doesn't go according to plan.

    What would be the best way for me to go about this?

    Things are not going to go according to plan and there will be awkwardness.

    That doesn't mean that she will not say yes, but unless she is secretly waiting for you to ask her out, there will be some readjustment in her mind on how she thinks about you.

    If she says no just let it drop. Don't demand an explanation, because that will make things awkward and weird.

  • KyanilisKyanilis Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Yeah, there are a few ways this can go:

    She could like you anyway and say yes. Not particularly the likely scenario (otherwise she would of made it extremely obvious...girls have a habit of doing that)

    She could say no, at which point it'll be as awkward as you make it. Don't let it drag on, just accept it for what it is. If she says this there's a good chance she might of already thought about it and decided long before that it wasn't gonna happen. Girls do this, and no amount of whining/being upset will change their minds. If anything, it'll cement it. So like everyone else said, don't get worked up about it, if she says no, drop it.

    OR, what has actually happened to me before, is she might not have actually thought about it before you mentioned it, at which point you saying something might cause her to think about it. This could still end up either way, but at least its out there.

    Regardless, so long as you don't make it awkward after the fact, asking wont completely destroy a friendship. The reason it happens to so many people is that they let it. I don't see any reason to hold back how you feel, and since it involves her she should know. Who knows, you might get lucky. But the big thing is, as a lot of people have already mentioned, don't make a huge deal out of it.

  • Screaming RavenScreaming Raven Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Fear of rejection can really hurt some great opportunities for a relationship, when it comes down to it if you never ask her you may start kicking yourself later on.

    She may very well say yes and you end up dating.
    On the other hand she could say no and unless you bring this particular scenario up in conversations it shouldn't prove awkward e.g "Remember that time I asked you out, yeah."

    I say go for it, if you think you see any form of sign I'd say it's worth the risk.

  • BlackDoveBlackDove Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Seems to me you've waited too long to make your move, and now you're in the "friend zone".

    The key thing here seems to me, which you really seem to be asking, is if it's worth blowing the friendship with the girl for greener pastures of hopeful relationship and sex.

    From my experience, the answer to the above is always "Yes". Getting friends is easy. Mates, not so much.

    As for "how", a lot of suggestions here that wander into the territory of pickup lines. That's some bad mojo.

    I suggest being a man and just sitting her down, and explaining to her how you feel. And I would suggest you think this little monologue out before you blab it.

    If she responds positively, great, if not, then you're going to evaluate if you can salvage the friendship.

    Either way, time to move on. The condition you're in now, that's the problem. Acceptance or rejection are both the better solutions.

  • A-RodA-Rod Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Flirt with her first before you make any big move.

    If she gets weirded out by you flirting with her, then you'll know its probably not going to work out romantically. If shes flirting back, then theres a good chance that shes into you, and that you should go for it.

  • illiricaillirica Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I disagree with the people who're saying "you've been friends too long." I was friends with a guy for a while before he asked me out (in high school), and I went out with him. We dated for a bit, split up, then met up again in college and became close friends again... and then started dating a second time.

    After a while of that, we got married. Now, don't start thinking about marriage just yet, but there's no reason that you can't date someone just because you've been friends. Sometimes it's nice to date someone you've been friends with just because you don't have that awkward period of trying to figure out who, exactly, your boyfriend/girlfriend actually is.

    It's worth a try to ask her out, but be aware that she might not be interested. If she isn't, just remember that she's still your friend. It might feel weird for a little bit, but you probably have too much in common to let a little question ruin your friendship.

  • CojonesCojones Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    illirica wrote: »
    I disagree with the people who're saying "you've been friends too long." I was friends with a guy for a while before he asked me out (in high school), and I went out with him. We dated for a bit, split up, then met up again in college and became close friends again... and then started dating a second time.

    After a while of that, we got married. Now, don't start thinking about marriage just yet, but there's no reason that you can't date someone just because you've been friends. Sometimes it's nice to date someone you've been friends with just because you don't have that awkward period of trying to figure out who, exactly, your boyfriend/girlfriend actually is.

    It's worth a try to ask her out, but be aware that she might not be interested. If she isn't, just remember that she's still your friend. It might feel weird for a little bit, but you probably have too much in common to let a little question ruin your friendship.

    I agree with the sentiment completely.

    UPDATE: I sent an SMS earlier on, inviting her out sometime this week though apparently she's busy...for the whole week. This translates quite nicely into "diaf", right?

    exmac.png
  • PheezerPheezer Registered User, ClubPA
    edited February 2008
    Yeah it's pretty much not going to happen if she's busy but doesn't propose a time when she isn't going to be busy.

    IT'S GOT ME REACHING IN MY POCKET IT'S GOT ME FORKING OVER CASH
    CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
  • GrimmGrimm Registered User
    edited February 2008
    illirica wrote: »
    I disagree with the people who're saying "you've been friends too long." I was friends with a guy for a while before he asked me out (in high school), and I went out with him. We dated for a bit, split up, then met up again in college and became close friends again... and then started dating a second time.

    After a while of that, we got married. Now, don't start thinking about marriage just yet, but there's no reason that you can't date someone just because you've been friends. Sometimes it's nice to date someone you've been friends with just because you don't have that awkward period of trying to figure out who, exactly, your boyfriend/girlfriend actually is.

    It's worth a try to ask her out, but be aware that she might not be interested. If she isn't, just remember that she's still your friend. It might feel weird for a little bit, but you probably have too much in common to let a little question ruin your friendship.


    I have to agree with illirica as long as you don't make the same mistake i did a couple years ago. I ended up getting together with a girl i had been friends with since the 5th grade (about a decade earlier). I was worried about trying something physical with her because it was kinda awkward and i didn't want to accidentally do something she didn't like and screw up the friendship. Now that we got to talking just the other night (after not speaking for over a year) about things, she mentioned that she was upset that i didn't go for it more often and that not much had changed from being friends since we already hung out and did stuff together before. I'm not saying you should be all over the girl every chance you get. Just that you need to remember not to treat her like your still just friends.

Sign In or Register to comment.