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Posts
I saw a porn where people snowballed a long time ago, and it combined my disgust with sputum and mouth stuff with a pungent white liquid.
It was all downhill from there.
Then being jerked off by a girl in biology while everyone else is just working.
Now that's the pinnacle of awesome.
"Masturbation is cheap, clean, convenient, and free of any possibility of wrongdoing — and you don't have to go home in the cold. But it's lonely." -Robert Heinlein 'Time Enough for Love'
What if it was sex with a velociraptor?
What if.
If only I was wearing my trench coat that day she could have finished the job.
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Sex with a cloaca as a raptor would have is like getting cooch and ass at the same time.
Of course, velociraptors are like the size of a dog, so it would be like double-fucking Lassie if Lassie had a skin disease.
Not in general, no.
Uncertainty and doubt in what I believe makes me not care about believing it too much.
Which means I stop bothering with it.
And that is bad.
Aegeri please introduce me to a delightful array of various viruses and proteins who a sexual experience with would be pleasant.
What if it was a velociraptor jerking you off?
If that kitchen scene from Jurassic Park taught me anything, it is that velociraptors are surprisingly dexterous with their hands.
*like I was going to complain olol
See avatar.
It's the gift that keeps on giving.
I sometimes get that "Well shit, that was a waste of time" feeling. It generally works best when I've gotten home after a long day of doing stuff. If I've just been lounging around the house all day, it becomes more of a time-passing chore than a pleasure.
Girl was so bad at it I had to finish it off myself.
So, I guess I should say that I got half-way jerked off in public once.
I think maybe it's value is that it doesn't try to offer too much beyond "don't be a dick" in the moral guideline department, and mostly focuses on developing a toolkit for reducing your dickishness. It stretches the western notions of religion towards the realm of self-help and psychotherapy. And it rejects dogma in favor of empirical evidence, in a nice reversal of the usual pattern.
You know what's better than actual sex?
Jerking off twice.
Is the velociraptor willing to go ass to mouth?
and that you jerked yourself off in public once.
I'll meet a girl who I'll have much fun with one day, who doesn't need it explained to her that because I'm not circumcised, you shouldn't put your hand around the top part unless you want me jumping 3 feet in pain.
Nope.
Actually you should say you masturbate in public, you fucking sicko.
I got jerked off in a cinema, though. During Iron Man. It was pretty sweet.
I am blessed/cursed with the stamina of a fucking porn star since my very first time. It's not even a dissapointment anymore, just a fact.
That sounds...much less...un-creepy.
Right.
Basically sounds like you just never learned to conquer your fears.
Mind you, I'm actually extremely fearful myself, but I learned to embrace negative emotion to suit my purposes rather than simply unleashing it without useful control.
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Psycho: Hi5. Women get so damned mad when they're used to guys just spooging at the slightest touch and you're not even breathing hard after like five minutes.
Yeah, see my post.
Bad idea, because I am a grunter.
And when I was like "NNNNNNNNNNGGGHHH" there was no doubt what was going on.
Years later a girl I was dating tried to do it during X-Men 3 and I was like uh no thank you.
maybe there's something wrong?
I'm no doctor, but have you stuck any corks up your dick recently?
Let us ask, what would Jesus do?
Well more accurately, I've not learned to conquer my diagnosed mental condition.
Little more potent than just "fears", really.
You're just not doing it right.
Though, one jogger did come by and give us quite the scare.
A strange combination.
Prostatitis!
I get that sometimes. It sucks really bad.
It's not something I'd wish on someone I hate.
And here I've been holding hands in the theater all this time.
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Pony: Oh I'm sure there's a complex story behind it, but I'm not an insured professional and more importantly you're not paying me. Your issues also resemble "daddy issues" such as girls I have known had where they wanted someone they thought the world of to control them, with religion as a backup.
The girl I dated through high school, we would pick bad movies to do this for. I got head during Unbreakable, X-Men, Rush Hour, a few others. Flat out fucked during that one Keanu Reeves and Morgan Freeman movie because there was literally nobody else in the theater.
Yes, well... I...
I can finally do pull-offs on my bass with some reliability!
There was no way we were gonna get away with that.
OHHHHHHHH I WENT THERE.
i certainly hope not
Velociraptor is going to inspire a religion that largely ignores its ass-to-mouth teachings?