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this morning can kiss my ass

KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACKInternetModerator mod
edited June 2008 in Singularity Engine++
so i'm laying in bed last night, not sleeping well because it's hot as hell and i'm grouchy because i have to work at 5am

i look at the clock and it's a quarter after 2. i'm thirsty. so i grab the bottle of water i keep on my nightstand and start chugging

it isn't until i've got half of it put away that i realize it tastes funny. kinda like cologne. smells strange, too

so i wake up the girlfriend and ask, 'what the hell is this?'

and she says 'smells like the all-purpose cleaner. i was cleaning in here earlier'

oh

oh good

so i sprint to the bathroom and forcibly eject everything i've eaten in the last four years, then call poison control. they immediately tell me that puking was a terrible idea, because if the shit causes chemical burns in my throat, i just exposed it twice

oh

oh lovely

the nice lady tells me not to worry, to drink a glass of milk and stay up for a few hours and call back if my throat starts burning or i start puking involuntarily

so i been sitting here for the last 4 hours, exhausted as hell, feeling like shit, but apparently i'm not going to die, so that's a plus

bonus: calling into work. 'yeah, i'm not going to be in today. i don't feel well, i been drinking cleaning products all night.'

Knob on
«1345678

Posts

  • Calamity JaneCalamity Jane That Wrong Love Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

    Calamity Jane on
  • Fizban140Fizban140 Registered User, __BANNED USERS
    edited June 2008
    I think you should quit being a pussy and finish the cleaner off.

    Fizban140 on
    533570-1.png
  • msuitepyonmsuitepyon Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    bonK, nooooo!

    msuitepyon on
  • Peter EbelPeter Ebel GreenlandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    That sucks, Knob. That fucking sucks.

    Peter Ebel on
    Fuck off and die.
  • stimtokolosstimtokolos Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    At least you have a story to tell someone when they think about drinking draino, been there, didn't do it for me.

    stimtokolos on
  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    D: Hope there are no further ill effects!

    Janson on
    sig.jpg
  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    She's trying to kill you.

    Get out while you still can.

    MKR on
  • Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Ho! Ho! Ho! Drink Coke!Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    dang, that's pretty terrible

    but kind of funny at the same time

    Centipede Damascus on
  • KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator mod
    edited June 2008
    'm gonna stay up for a few more hours to make sure it doesn't fuck me up when i start digesting it, but theoretically i purged most of it

    still, i'd rather be safe than sorry

    Knob on
  • PotUPotU __BANNED USERS
    edited June 2008
    Chug it down.

    PotU on
    2mong9u.jpg
  • DouglasDangerDouglasDanger Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    holy shit bonk
    damn
    hell of a way to earn a day off
    hope nothing bad happens

    DouglasDanger on
    I play games on ps3 and ps4. My PSN is DouglasDanger.
  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY EVERY DAYRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    bonk have you noticed any new appendages or super powers that have manifested since you consumed said product

    Fallout on
    xcomsig.png
  • The Black HunterThe Black Hunter Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I went to a friend's end of school semester party straight after a test. I rode 40 minutes to get there, having to pedal 4 times harder due to heavy wind.

    I hang out, have heaps of fun.

    Go to sleep at 12, as I have an exam at 8:45 the next morning. Cue no sleep at all.
    Ride home, shower, ride to exam, write huge essay, ride bike to mall, ride back and blah blah blah

    I never sleep properly before exams, I'm never worried in the slightest, but no sleep ever happens.

    The Black Hunter on
    sig-1.jpg
  • KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator mod
    edited June 2008
    MKR wrote: »
    She's trying to kill you.

    Get out while you still can.

    hahaha

    the poison control lady's biggest concern was that someone was trying to kill me

    'is there anyone that could have come into your house and put cleaner in your water bottle?'

    yeah, my 3 year old son and his busy hands. he's a big fan of pouring things right now.

    Knob on
  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Fallout wrote: »
    bonk have you noticed any new appendages or super powers that have manifested since you consumed said product

    Yea, he woke up and found himself bald with a shiny gold earing wearing nothing but a white t-shirt and looking ripped.

    DrZiplock on
    snap02869.jpg "zip, i dunno what it is about you, but there's something very cat-like about your face. i can't really place it. like, a puma or something. you'd make a good mountain lion." Wishlist Post
  • KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator mod
    edited June 2008
    Fallout wrote: »
    bonk have you noticed any new appendages or super powers that have manifested since you consumed said product

    i was playing xbl games a bit ago, trying to keep my mind occupied and off of 'OH SHIT I AM FULL OF POISON'

    i seem to be about 1000% better at doom than i usually am

    Knob on
  • The Black HunterThe Black Hunter Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Knob wrote: »
    yeah, my 3 year old son and his busy hands. he's a big fan of pouring things right now.

    You've taught him well

    But now it's war

    The Black Hunter on
    sig-1.jpg
  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Knob wrote: »
    MKR wrote: »
    She's trying to kill you.

    Get out while you still can.

    hahaha

    the poison control lady's biggest concern was that someone was trying to kill me

    'is there anyone that could have come into your house and put cleaner in your water bottle?'

    yeah, my 3 year old son and his busy hands. he's a big fan of pouring things right now.

    Freud was right.

    MKR on
  • autono-wally, erotibot300autono-wally, erotibot300 love machine Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    at least you'll have a fresh breath for hours

    hope there are no negative consequences D:

    autono-wally, erotibot300 on
    kFJhXwE.jpgkFJhXwE.jpg
  • CrackedLensCrackedLens Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    shit

    it didnt work

    go to Plan B

    CrackedLens on
    XBoxLive Gamertag: ZombieKyle Secret Satan Wishlist
  • autono-wally, erotibot300autono-wally, erotibot300 love machine Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Knob wrote: »
    Fallout wrote: »
    bonk have you noticed any new appendages or super powers that have manifested since you consumed said product

    i was playing xbl games a bit ago, trying to keep my mind occupied and off of 'OH SHIT I AM FULL OF POISON'

    i seem to be about 1000% better at doom than i usually am
    what cleaning product was it?

    autono-wally, erotibot300 on
    kFJhXwE.jpgkFJhXwE.jpg
  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY EVERY DAYRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    Fallout wrote: »
    bonk have you noticed any new appendages or super powers that have manifested since you consumed said product

    Yea, he woke up and found himself bald with a shiny gold earing wearing nothing but a white t-shirt and looking ripped.

    good lord, he's gone wigger on us

    fun fact: i just GIS'd pictures of wiggers and wound up at a hilarious stormfront thread about wiggers

    Fallout on
    xcomsig.png
  • KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator mod
    edited June 2008
    Knob wrote: »
    Fallout wrote: »
    bonk have you noticed any new appendages or super powers that have manifested since you consumed said product

    i was playing xbl games a bit ago, trying to keep my mind occupied and off of 'OH SHIT I AM FULL OF POISON'

    i seem to be about 1000% better at doom than i usually am
    what cleaning product was it?

    wal-mart brand 'all-purpose cleaner'

    Knob on
  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Fallout wrote: »
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    Fallout wrote: »
    bonk have you noticed any new appendages or super powers that have manifested since you consumed said product

    Yea, he woke up and found himself bald with a shiny gold earing wearing nothing but a white t-shirt and looking ripped.

    good lord, he's gone wigger on us

    fun fact: i just GIS'd pictures of wiggers and wound up at a hilarious stormfront thread about wiggers

    Mr. Clean is a wigger?

    DrZiplock on
    snap02869.jpg "zip, i dunno what it is about you, but there's something very cat-like about your face. i can't really place it. like, a puma or something. you'd make a good mountain lion." Wishlist Post
  • SporkAndrewSporkAndrew Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2008
    Do you have nice piney breath now?

    SporkAndrew on
    The one about the fucking space hairdresser and the cowboy. He's got a tinfoil pal and a pedal bin. His father's a robot and he's fucking fucked his sister. Lego. They're all made of fucking lego.
  • SzechuanosaurusSzechuanosaurus Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2008
    Knob wrote: »
    bonus: calling into work. 'yeah, i'm not going to be in today. i don't feel well, i been drinking cleaning products all night.'

    Hahaha!


    Is it ok to laugh if it's a mod in distress?

    Hahaha!


    Oh Knob!


    At least your faecal waste will actually clean the bowl rather than dirtying it for a few days.

    Szechuanosaurus on
  • NadsNads Bob Ducca Asleep in a cul-de-sac.Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2008
    My brother once accidentally brushed his teeth with A&D ointment and I had to call poison control for him because he didn't feel like it. They said he'd probably get diarrhea and he was just like, "Well, this camping trip is gonna be interesting."

    Nads on
    3c5d24e9-b7f2-44ba-bbf2-3b4658af70bd.jpg
  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY EVERY DAYRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Knob wrote: »
    Fallout wrote: »
    bonk have you noticed any new appendages or super powers that have manifested since you consumed said product

    i was playing xbl games a bit ago, trying to keep my mind occupied and off of 'OH SHIT I AM FULL OF POISON'

    i seem to be about 1000% better at doom than i usually am

    sick

    finish the bottle, maybe you can like start shooting cacodemons out of your pores or something

    Fallout on
    xcomsig.png
  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Don't GIS mr clean nazis.

    MKR on
  • SzechuanosaurusSzechuanosaurus Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2008
    Knob wrote: »
    Knob wrote: »
    Fallout wrote: »
    bonk have you noticed any new appendages or super powers that have manifested since you consumed said product

    i was playing xbl games a bit ago, trying to keep my mind occupied and off of 'OH SHIT I AM FULL OF POISON'

    i seem to be about 1000% better at doom than i usually am
    what cleaning product was it?

    wal-mart brand 'all-purpose cleaner'

    Does 'all-purpose' include refreshingly thirst-quenching?

    Szechuanosaurus on
  • autono-wally, erotibot300autono-wally, erotibot300 love machine Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    now is the time for anal sex knob
    now

    autono-wally, erotibot300 on
    kFJhXwE.jpgkFJhXwE.jpg
  • KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator mod
    edited June 2008
    now is the time for anal sex knob
    now

    no man, she'll like that

    Knob on
  • CrackedLensCrackedLens Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    Fallout wrote: »
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    Fallout wrote: »
    bonk have you noticed any new appendages or super powers that have manifested since you consumed said product

    Yea, he woke up and found himself bald with a shiny gold earing wearing nothing but a white t-shirt and looking ripped.

    good lord, he's gone wigger on us

    fun fact: i just GIS'd pictures of wiggers and wound up at a hilarious stormfront thread about wiggers

    Mr. Clean is a wigger?

    you can't see from the picture on the bottle, but he is totally sagging his pants and puffin out hsi boxers

    CrackedLens on
    XBoxLive Gamertag: ZombieKyle Secret Satan Wishlist
  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY EVERY DAYRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    Fallout wrote: »
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    Fallout wrote: »
    bonk have you noticed any new appendages or super powers that have manifested since you consumed said product

    Yea, he woke up and found himself bald with a shiny gold earing wearing nothing but a white t-shirt and looking ripped.

    good lord, he's gone wigger on us

    fun fact: i just GIS'd pictures of wiggers and wound up at a hilarious stormfront thread about wiggers

    Mr. Clean is a wigger?

    oh mr. clean

    i just imagined a white guy in a wifebeater wearing gold jewelry and my wigger alert went off

    Fallout on
    xcomsig.png
  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY EVERY DAYRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    MKR wrote: »
    Don't GIS mr clean nazis.

    MrClean-731758.jpg

    :?:

    Fallout on
    xcomsig.png
  • SzechuanosaurusSzechuanosaurus Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2008
    Fallout wrote: »
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    Fallout wrote: »
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    Fallout wrote: »
    bonk have you noticed any new appendages or super powers that have manifested since you consumed said product

    Yea, he woke up and found himself bald with a shiny gold earing wearing nothing but a white t-shirt and looking ripped.

    good lord, he's gone wigger on us

    fun fact: i just GIS'd pictures of wiggers and wound up at a hilarious stormfront thread about wiggers

    Mr. Clean is a wigger?

    oh mr. clean

    i just imagined a white guy in a wifebeater wearing gold jewelry and my wigger alert went off

    I though 'bald, gold earing' etc. was how Knob already looks?

    Szechuanosaurus on
  • CrackedLensCrackedLens Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Fallout wrote: »
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    Fallout wrote: »
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    Fallout wrote: »
    bonk have you noticed any new appendages or super powers that have manifested since you consumed said product

    Yea, he woke up and found himself bald with a shiny gold earing wearing nothing but a white t-shirt and looking ripped.

    good lord, he's gone wigger on us

    fun fact: i just GIS'd pictures of wiggers and wound up at a hilarious stormfront thread about wiggers

    Mr. Clean is a wigger?

    oh mr. clean

    i just imagined a white guy in a wifebeater wearing gold jewelry and my wigger alert went off

    is this rascist?

    im not sure

    CrackedLens on
    XBoxLive Gamertag: ZombieKyle Secret Satan Wishlist
  • KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator mod
    edited June 2008
    i ain't been bald in like 2 years

    and gold is tacky

    i sport stainless

    Knob on
  • HobnailHobnail Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Dang that lady's neck is thicker than her head.

    Hobnail on
  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Yet another household tragedy that could have been prevented with the use of Mr. Yuck stickers.

    Volucrisus Aedrius on
    Dex Dynamo wrote: »
    Keith wrote:
    What would be your ultimate slam dunk??
    I would dunk it so hard my parents would love each other again
«1345678
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