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Tonight I squared off against a motherfucking Bobcat

Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
edited July 2008 in Singularity Engine++
Or maybe a Goddamned Cougar.

We're still not sure what the hell it was.

I was at my buddy's place on East Bay in Northeast Olympia, shooting off fireworks and generally having a gay-ole-tyme. Around 1:30 I'm talking to my buddy Steve and we touch on some heavy stuff, stuff about his now-former relationship with a girl he'd been with for a year and a half. I roll up a pair of cigarettes and we go outside for some conversation on the deck, which juts out from the hill on which my friend's house is founded, a good 25 feet up from the shoreline.

Eventually my two other buddies join us and we're all just chilling out when we hear sounds like somebody walking on the beach, and we look down. Its cloudy, no stars, no moon. We can't see what it is. Steve goes "there, by the log!" I'm straining my eyes, about 80 feet away. I pull out my car keys and turn on my little green pointer light, and it barely illuminates things but I can see the relative shape of some four-leggged animal walking toward the shore on the beach.

"What the fuck is that!" I ask. Barry says its a dog, I'm like "fuck this lets check it out. This is a fucking adventure, guys."

We walk inside to get a flashlight. Beside the door is some old-ass Ninja sword my Barry picked up years ago, its not even decently sharp, but fuck it, its the closest thing to a weapon I can find. Steve grabs a bottle of rum as a weapon (and for drinking purposes) and Barry goes off after a flashlight. We head down toward the beach. As we near the edge of this terrace we can hear the animal making sounds. Strange sounds, sounds we'd never heard before. "Is it a raccoon?" No, no, the thing on the beach was much too big to be a raccoon.

Its making this sound right here:

Bob Cat growl sample

I climb down the terrace and wait for my friends to join me - Anthony has the only Goddamn lamp we could find and Barry is nowhere to be seen. Steve has now traded in the bottle for a rake he found on the grass. I'm standing within a circle of light from the lamp on the terrace above, and none of my fuckawful friends will jump down to stand with me. I have the sword out, and I'm slowly inching my way forward when I hear something that sounds like this scary ass sound coming from the foliage not twenty feet away from me and dead ahead.

Cougar growl sample

Followed by a very long, drawn out hiss. Definitely a feline hiss.

I grip the sword tight and hold it high, ready to lash out in a diagonal cut. My legs are wide and well planted. Steve's like "Fuck this, get the fuck out of there."

I'm still adamant. This is a fucking adventure. Adrenaline is making me bold. I am experiencing a total rush, the rush I get from hunting. The grass is slick under my feet, and then comes another low hiss. Its definitely closer this time, and none of my friends are coming. At this point I realize I might be over my head. I'm done here. I have no idea what the fuck is out there, only that it was the size of a very large dog (or bigger, as it was between 80 and 100 feet away) I begin to walk backwards, ordering Steve to jump down and help me if it charges me. I slowly make my way back to the small stone stairway at the edge of the terrace.

After that Barry showed up with a proper flashlight and we searched the surrounding woods but found no creature, and it seemed to have moved away after our confrontation. We searched the brush, the beach, made a wide circle but we caught sight of neither hide nor hair of the creature.

After that we went online and listened to a lot of big cat calls and found these above two that seemed to match what we heard. Many jokes were then cracked about how hilarious it would have been to tell people that "Hey my buddy Matt (thats me) was mauled by a Bob Cat on the Fourth of July."

It was good times.

Volucrisus Aedrius on
Dex Dynamo wrote: »
Keith wrote:
What would be your ultimate slam dunk??
I would dunk it so hard my parents would love each other again
·
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Posts

  • Filler Inc.Filler Inc. Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    I rectangled off against a cougar once.

    ·
  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
  • GodLovesYou69GodLovesYou69 Registered User
    edited July 2008
    did you shout kamehameha as you cut him with your ninja sword?

    ·
  • matthias00matthias00 Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    OH MAN MY NAME'S MATT TOO HOW AWESOME

    oh and cool story I guess

    ·
  • MalkorMalkor Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Are you sure it wasn't a house cat?

    14271f3c-c765-4e74-92b1-49d7612675f2.jpg
    ·
  • GoatmonGoatmon You Are An Experience Make Sure You're a Good ExperienceRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    I rectangled off against a cougar once.

    Well I just got done cubing a helping of chow mein, what do you say to that?

    You 2 dimensional fucker, you.

    img]
    ·
  • SlagmireSlagmire Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    The most I could say is that I lined up against a supposed ghost in a church. It might have been Jesus.

    ·
  • Dely AppleDely Apple Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Clearly the Tauren Druid restealthed and figuring that he was outnumbered, went to go gank someone else

    feets.jpg
    ·
  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    God damn it you are all such fucking nerds

    ·
  • ChairwalkerChairwalker Registered User
    edited July 2008
    Crack a window, will ya!

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  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    The bobcat just wanted to give you a present.

    ·
  • GoatmonGoatmon You Are An Experience Make Sure You're a Good ExperienceRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    ahahahha

    is that douche getting arrested?

    img]
    ·
  • Big Red TieBig Red Tie if dreams can't come true then why not pretendRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    MKR wrote: »
    The bobcat just wanted to give you a present.

    a present oddly close to his crotch

    3926 4292 8829
    Beasteh wrote: »
    *おなら*
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  • RadiusRadius Ramon Bad times don't last, but bad guys do.Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Steve grabs a bottle of rum as a weapon (and for drinking purposes).

    That's definitely what I can picture Steve doing.

    Hope I talk to him or Anthony soon and one of them starts off with, "Guess what happened on the 4th of July."

    ·
  • JimothyJimothy Not in front of the fox he's with the owlRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Tonight I squared off against a motherfucking Borat

    Owlsig.jpg
    ·
  • JimothyJimothy Not in front of the fox he's with the owlRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Is what I thought I saw.

    Owlsig.jpg
    ·
  • MalkorMalkor Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    I done heard Borat's gonna be Sherlock Holmes. And Frank the Tank's gonna be Watson.

    14271f3c-c765-4e74-92b1-49d7612675f2.jpg
    ·
  • Peter EbelPeter Ebel DenmarkRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Did you get any bitchin' defensive scars?

    Fuck off and die.
    ·
  • 2 Marcus 2 Ravens2 Marcus 2 Ravens Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    So you're telling me you saw this?

    297108.jpg

    Because that would be terrifying.

    ·
  • tsplittertsplitter Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Malkor wrote: »
    Are you sure it wasn't a house cat?

    once when i was hihgh i made that mistake

    but man even when i came down that cat was pretty big

    FqmsaJ6.png
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  • Vann DirasVann Diras Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    This story was actually... pretty disappointing.

    You go back out there and find that cat. And don't come back until you have its head.

    ·
  • WeaverWeaver From here, I can see nine realms.Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    There was this really loud, obnoxious British guy at a house party across the street from me last night and at one point somebody got drunk enough to decide that shooting the British guy with a firework on July 4th would be somewhat fitting.

    Only they shot him in the leg with a mortar. D:

    S5MQegC.jpg
    Steam: weavermatic
    ·
  • FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Weaver wrote: »
    There was this really loud, obnoxious British guy at a house party across the street from me last night and at one point somebody got drunk enough to decide that shooting the British guy with a firework on July 4th would be somewhat fitting.

    Only they shot him in the leg with a mortar. D:

    Was he wounded

    Did you dump his tea/liquor into the sea/gutter

    reposig.jpg
    ·
  • WeaverWeaver From here, I can see nine realms.Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Fandyien wrote: »
    Weaver wrote: »
    There was this really loud, obnoxious British guy at a house party across the street from me last night and at one point somebody got drunk enough to decide that shooting the British guy with a firework on July 4th would be somewhat fitting.

    Only they shot him in the leg with a mortar. D:

    Was he wounded

    Did you dump his tea/liquor into the sea/gutter

    I was out in the street setting off fireworks with my stepson when it happened. The mortar didn't explode until after it bounced off his leg though so he probably just has really deep bruising.

    S5MQegC.jpg
    Steam: weavermatic
    ·
  • FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Awesome

    reposig.jpg
    ·
  • RocketScienceRocketScience Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
  • CerriusCerrius Registered User
    edited July 2008
    Weaver wrote: »
    There was this really loud, obnoxious British guy at a house party across the street from me last night and at one point somebody got drunk enough to decide that shooting the British guy with a firework on July 4th would be somewhat fitting.

    Only they shot him in the leg with a mortar. D:

    That'll teach limey to show some respect on America's Birthday.

    7/4/76 NEVA FORGET!

    [SIGPIC]image.php?type=sigpic&userid=5578&dateline=1219903129[/SIGPIC]
    ·
  • StaleStale Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Man, so I was out in Alaska briefly about 8 years ago and found myself faced with a bear.

    Punched it in the nose i did. Right in the fucking snout.


    It lumbered off thinking "fuck, that guy is a dick"



    Spoiler:

    easysig2.jpg
    ·
  • RuckusRuckus Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    If there's no body it didnt' happen.

    Raneados wrote: »
    so what SPECIFICALLY is the problem with my hole?
    ·
  • tuggatugga Makin' movies Makin' songsRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    . . . Beside the door is some old-ass Ninja sword my Barry picked up years ago, its not even decently sharp, but fuck it . . .


    so im assuming you guys are real close

    ·
  • Cold Salmon and HatredCold Salmon and Hatred __BANNED USERS regular
    edited July 2008
    one time I fought the law

    ·
  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
  • Cold Salmon and HatredCold Salmon and Hatred __BANNED USERS regular
    edited July 2008
    no :(

    ·
  • FutoreFutore Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    tugga wrote: »
    . . . Beside the door is some old-ass Ninja sword my Barry picked up years ago, its not even decently sharp, but fuck it . . .


    so im assuming you guys are real close

    this is what i laughed at

    ETqXK.png
    ·
  • MetacortexMetacortex The Prettiest Zombie Coeur d'CoeursRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    tugga wrote: »
    . . . Beside the door is some old-ass Ninja sword my Barry picked up years ago, its not even decently sharp, but fuck it . . .


    so im assuming you guys are real close

    This sent up a flag in my head as I read as well.

    4FNao2T.png
    ·
  • ProlegomenaProlegomena Frictionless Spinning The VoidRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    don't you have a Barry?

    ·
  • Tim-OTim-O Registered User
    edited July 2008
    Usually a healthy bobcat/mountain lion won't let you see it before it's on you. So it sounds like this one may have been hurt or something. I saw a mountain lion once in the wild, and they are freaking scary.

    ·
  • JohnnyCacheJohnnyCache Starting Defense Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    a bobcat and a mountain lion aren't the same thing.

    The primary difference is a mountain lion is about three times as big and it would have been behind you on a rooftop, taking careful aim at your neck while deciding in exactly which manner it was going to show you calvinball isn't really a very fun game.

    ·
  • cherv1cherv1 Registered User
    edited July 2008
    kimo-wig.jpg

    ·
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