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Terrible Sex
YaYa
......wanna fight?Registered User regular
......wanna fight?Registered User regular
so earlier tonight I was going down on my girlfriend
and I rip a huge fart
and I don't mean huge as in magnitude
everything about this fart was large
the duration, the volume, the smell
the timbre reminded one of a particularly rousing Sousa anthem
we literally laughed so hard we nearly threw up
so post your awful sex stories here guys
and I rip a huge fart
and I don't mean huge as in magnitude
everything about this fart was large
the duration, the volume, the smell
the timbre reminded one of a particularly rousing Sousa anthem
we literally laughed so hard we nearly threw up
so post your awful sex stories here guys
YaYa on
I made a web series! watch it here: http://bloodsuckingbooks.com
This discussion has been closed.
Posts
I'd do the same.
Money over hos.
HAHAHAHA
GOLDEN!!!!
Oh jesus that reminds me, I got with this dude once, he was kinda awkward, a bit on the bigger side
anyways, while we were doing it, he starts talking dirty to me, but it was like... awkward dirty
he was like "yeaaah yeah you like that, you like my big cock in your pussy yeeeeah" and "oh baby yeah I love the way your pussy feels with my cock in it, it feels so gooood" so I get really creeped out to the point where I don't want to do it anymore and I'm like "yeah... I... I'm not really feeling this anymore, you... done?"
and so we kinda stop
and I kinda get up really slowly, put my clothes back on and leave.
This is priceless.
I'm pretty sure this is what every porn chick wants to do when the dude starts talking about his enormous dick.
guys with more experience just plain don't do that
if they talk dirty, it's kind of in a funny, cute sexy way but they don't say ridiculous things like that.
so here is my sex tip of the day young virgins:
don't do that.
just get the job done have a little fun and move on
and that can only happen when you're comfortable with the person.
I thought that was a pretty huge thing to claim, cause you know, there are like a ton of people in the world.
We go at it, and the guy is terrible.
Like so bad, I lose my erection and tell him that I was really tired from work.
He still says he's the best in the world.
Seriously. I think I've talked like, 3 times during sex, ever. And it's always been shit like "Shit, you okay?" when she hits her head on something.
Stupid small cars.
Girl does not want to hear about your big dick. If she thinks it is large she will say so.
Guy does not really want to hear about your vajajay being tight. Dude will tell you so.
By the way, I totally gave those out to all the girls I know, and they all loved them.
he was so good you couldn't handle it
I'm a faker
behind the exterior of love and bubbly warmth is a cold dead interior
filled with love not for human kind
but for video games
p.s. i just got a lady boner from watching the wrath of the lich king trailer
jesus christ blizzard knows how to make a cinematic.
FUCK YES I know right? Absolutely awesome.
oh jesus the fucking dragon and when all the scourge get the frostmourne bluey glow coming out of their mouths
oh god oh god oh god.
One might say shattered like the huge chunk of ice in the wotlk trailer.
I...I thought I loved you.
There was the time where I was really terribly drunk and in a bad way after the death of a boyfriend, and I was over at his best friend's house sleeping it off on the couch being too drunk and weepy to make it home.
I woke up in the middle of the night gagging and there was his dick in my mouth.
Sometimes I feel like my girlfriend and I and do it so much it's losing some of it's panache, though
synth i kind of want to laugh
but that's really tragic about the loss of your boyfriend
but i still want to laugh
about the dick in your mouth.
edit: well a ladyboner is...
jesus. i...
how do you explain this to a gay man?
what if the dude was talking like macho man randy savage?
or hulk hogan?
LET ME TELL YA SOMETHIN' BROTHER I'M GONNA FUCK YOU AT SUMMER-SLAM AND HULKAMANIA'S GONNA BE RUNNIN' WILD ON YOUR PUSSY OH YEEEEAAAAAH.
yes yes yes
if I ever get to play a game that looks as good as that cinematic I will be able to die happier than any man
you can still love me
i'm just probably not going to love you back is all
although, i did love a man. twice i did actually
the first time was my best friend in high school who turned out to be gay
the second time was my one and only long term relationship of 4 years with the best guy in the universe.
Yet another dream crushed. Well done fags. 8-)
oh shit that would be awesome
i think i need to just be dating you guys, se++
so let's get to it
let's date
Synth: sig'd so hard.
I kinda want to see a lady boner.
my friend was with a guy for 2 years and he broke up with her because his parents didn't want her with him. basically he was a complete mama's boy and she was completely destroyed over it.
now she's pretty cold and careless regarding guys and relationships. if you were with someone for 4 years and then broke up, that must have been tough. unless it was on good terms.
he's so much better now that he's gay though
before he was all emo and mopey and that's what i liked about him because you know, high school.
he also was a huge jock that wore sweatpants and tee-shirts he got from volunteering at the local children's hospital a lot.
now he's tan and does his hair and fights with me over who gets dibs on dancing all up on hot guys in bars
usually it's a coin flip
or we just tag team them.
His girlfriend was so pissed that she locked the bedroom door behind him. So he was locked out of his own room. (!) He figured he'd go to my girlfriend's house, and either A) I'd have a key, or B) he could lay low for a night.
Wisely, he chose B. They broke up a few weeks later, but more because she was a bitch than because of this little faux pas.
I ended it with him, but the terms were pretty good. we still adore each other but he lives far away and we probably won't ever be in the same place again.
i would say yes, it contributes to my being cold and distant in relationships
and that yes my coldness is just me trying to not let myself get attached to another human being in that way ever again.
holy shit, H/A? is... is that where I am right now?
She is going away to college in two weeks and I don't know if I can really see that lasting but I sure hope so
EMERGENCY HILARIOUS GIF.
Actually I can't really describe it better than that
I want to be... Part of your world...
Amazon wish list | My dumb deviantArt page | Steam Wishlist
oh god, thank you