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Terrible Sex

2456764

Posts

  • Caulk Bite 6Caulk Bite 6 Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    beavotron wrote: »
    Urian wrote: »
    beavotron wrote: »
    inquisitor
    you can still love me
    i'm just probably not going to love you back is all

    although, i did love a man. twice i did actually
    the first time was my best friend in high school who turned out to be gay
    the second time was my one and only long term relationship of 4 years with the best guy in the universe.

    my friend was with a guy for 2 years and he broke up with her because his parents didn't want her with him. basically he was a complete mama's boy and she was completely destroyed over it.

    now she's pretty cold and careless regarding guys and relationships. if you were with someone for 4 years and then broke up, that must have been tough. unless it was on good terms.

    I ended it with him, but the terms were pretty good. we still adore each other but he lives far away and we probably won't ever be in the same place again.
    i would say yes, it contributes to my being cold and distant in relationships
    and that yes my coldness is just me trying to not let myself get attached to another human being in that way ever again.

    holy shit, H/A? is... is that where I am right now?
    1218706388015.gif
    EMERGENCY HILARIOUS GIF.

    oh god, thank you

  • autono-wally, erotibot300autono-wally, erotibot300 love machine Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    I've kinda faked orgasms as a guy

    sc.jpgsc.jpg
  • ZombotZombot Registered User
    edited August 2008
    This isn't so much a story of terrible sex, but sex would have came if I wasn't awful.

    In high school, I was dating this chick. One day, while on her period, she starts gyrating her hips beckoning for intercourse.
    Being the dumbass I was, I tell her "I can hear your diaper crinkle." Diaper being her pad.

    Did not end well.

    Spoiler:
  • ZombotZombot Registered User
    edited August 2008
    beavotron wrote: »
    Urian wrote: »
    beavotron wrote: »
    inquisitor
    you can still love me
    i'm just probably not going to love you back is all

    although, i did love a man. twice i did actually
    the first time was my best friend in high school who turned out to be gay
    the second time was my one and only long term relationship of 4 years with the best guy in the universe.

    my friend was with a guy for 2 years and he broke up with her because his parents didn't want her with him. basically he was a complete mama's boy and she was completely destroyed over it.

    now she's pretty cold and careless regarding guys and relationships. if you were with someone for 4 years and then broke up, that must have been tough. unless it was on good terms.

    I ended it with him, but the terms were pretty good. we still adore each other but he lives far away and we probably won't ever be in the same place again.
    i would say yes, it contributes to my being cold and distant in relationships
    and that yes my coldness is just me trying to not let myself get attached to another human being in that way ever again.


    holy shit, H/A? is... is that where I am right now?

    Hey same here!
    H5!

    Spoiler:
  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Zombot wrote: »
    This isn't so much a story of terrible sex, but sex would have came if I wasn't awful.

    In high school, I was dating this chick. One day, while on her period, she starts gyrating her hips beckoning for intercourse.
    Being the dumbass I was, I tell her "I can hear your diaper crinkle." Diaper being her pad.

    Did not end well.
    ahahaha

    sharasugar_80.png sharanomsugar_80.png
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Janson wrote: »
    A lady boner is a really nice tingly feeling in the pants

    Actually I can't really describe it better than that

    no yeah that's ... that's it in a nutshell

    kinda like a rush of "oh.. yeah that... i like that okay, i'm... interested, my interest is piqued let's uh, let's see where this is going!"

    so with watching the WotLK trailer it was like:

    oh yeah, nice okay... the... alright, frostmourne is getting it's glow that's... yeah okay, I'm feeling it, I'm interested Blizzard, you've got my attention and uh... what's this now? something, okay something's coming out of the ice? This is, yeah alright this is good, I see where this is headed and I'm with you on the journey and OH FUCK, GIANT DRAGON COME OUT OF THE ICE AND GETS ALL FROSTMOURNE GLOWY? WOOOOO! Alright, I am on board Blizzard, you have...really got my full att- SCOURGE ARE GETTING GLOWY EYES AND MOUTH STUFF tingle has reached maximum. Lady Boner achieved.

  • Synthetic OrangeSynthetic Orange Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Go Zombot!

    Death to PA.
  • UrianUrian __BANNED USERS
    edited August 2008
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Janson wrote: »
    Zombot wrote: »
    This isn't so much a story of terrible sex, but sex would have came if I wasn't awful.

    In high school, I was dating this chick. One day, while on her period, she starts gyrating her hips beckoning for intercourse.
    Being the dumbass I was, I tell her "I can hear your diaper crinkle." Diaper being her pad.

    Did not end well.
    ahahaha

  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    The only experience I've ever had, being a "robust" individual, that could even be construed as sexual was a hilariously awkward truth or dare makeout.

    I was picked to make out with this girl named Beth who, at the time, looked like a 12 year old boy. This did not perturb me, because I was like "woo kisses!" So I go in for the kiss, and smash our teeth together. Hard. Like... one of my front teeth was chipped. And then she kneed me in the balls.

    And that's why I am eating myself to death.

    www.facebook.com/itgetsworseska
    Spoiler:
  • Bloods EndBloods End Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Caulk Bite wrote: »
    Bloods End wrote: »
    I mostly just sing Disney movie songs.

    I want to be... Part of your world...

    60% of the time, it works every time.

    Ladies.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Skull ManSkull Man Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    I got punched in the eye once

  • FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    The only experience I've ever had, being a "robust" individual, that could even be construed as sexual was a hilariously awkward truth or dare makeout.

    I was picked to make out with this girl named Beth who, at the time, looked like a 12 year old boy. This did not perturb me, because I was like "woo kisses!" So I go in for the kiss, and smash our teeth together. Hard. Like... one of my front teeth was chipped. And then she kneed me in the balls.

    And that's why I am eating myself to death.

    20041007PizzaTheHut.jpg

    reposig.jpg
  • UrianUrian __BANNED USERS
    edited August 2008
    Skull Man wrote: »
    I got punched in the eye once

    I've been to prison once, I've been married - twice. I was once drafted by Lyndon Johnson and had to live in shit-ass Mexico for 2 1/2 years for no reason. I've had my eye socket punched in, a kidney taken out and I got a bone-chip in my ankle that's never gonna heal.

  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Fandyien wrote: »
    The only experience I've ever had, being a "robust" individual, that could even be construed as sexual was a hilariously awkward truth or dare makeout.

    I was picked to make out with this girl named Beth who, at the time, looked like a 12 year old boy. This did not perturb me, because I was like "woo kisses!" So I go in for the kiss, and smash our teeth together. Hard. Like... one of my front teeth was chipped. And then she kneed me in the balls.

    And that's why I am eating myself to death.

    20041007PizzaTheHut.jpg

    NO POSTING PICS OF PEOPLE WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION. >:|

    www.facebook.com/itgetsworseska
    Spoiler:
  • Skull ManSkull Man Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    yeah but did you do all that during sex?

  • FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Skull Man wrote: »
    yeah but did you do all that during sex?

    Would that surprise you

    it wouldn't surprise me

    reposig.jpg
  • Caulk Bite 6Caulk Bite 6 Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Urian wrote: »
    Skull Man wrote: »
    I got punched in the eye once

    I've been to prison once, I've been married - twice. I was once drafted by Lyndon Johnson and had to live in shit-ass Mexico for 2 1/2 years for no reason. I've had my eye socket punched in, a kidney taken out and I got a bone-chip in my ankle that's never gonna heal.

    Was that while you were in prison?

  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Seriously Urian, you have the life story of a guy in a Tom Waits song.

    www.facebook.com/itgetsworseska
    Spoiler:
  • crwthcrwth IDIOT NEWS Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    put it in my ex's butt

    poop on dick

    that's about the worst

  • Tweaked_Bat_Tweaked_Bat_ Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    beavotron wrote: »
    Some guy that I had only been dating for like 2 weeks whispered that he loved me during sex and I burst out laughing

    it was awful and I felt bad but my instincts to laugh were far stronger than my instincts to be a compassionate person. There is a lesson to be learned here. Don't fall in love with me boys, 9 times out of 10 I will only break your fragile young hearts.

    Hooo boy that's a mistake. I would've reacted in a similar fashion if someone I'd known for two weeks said that during sex.

  • FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    crwth wrote: »
    put it in my ex's butt

    poop on dick

    that's about the worst

    This

    A thousand times this

    reposig.jpg
  • ZombotZombot Registered User
    edited August 2008
    crwth wrote: »
    put it in my ex's butt

    poop on dick

    that's about the worst

    I once went down on a girl who had a bit of smeckle on her tuckus hole.
    It was kinda hard telling her she needs to wipe better.

    Spoiler:
  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Zombot wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    put it in my ex's butt

    poop on dick

    that's about the worst

    I once went down on a girl who had a bit of smeckle on her tuckus hole.
    It was kinda hard telling her she needs to wipe better.

    Don't worry, you were doing her a mitzvah. Oy, I could just kvetch thinking about it.

    edit: My elementary school art teacher was named Mrs. Shmeckle. She was just as awesome as her name.

    www.facebook.com/itgetsworseska
    Spoiler:
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Zombot wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    put it in my ex's butt

    poop on dick

    that's about the worst

    I once went down on a girl who had a bit of smeckle on her tuckus hole.
    It was kinda hard telling her she needs to wipe better.

    Don't worry, you were doing her a mitzvah. Oy, I could just kvetch thinking about it.

    edit: My elementary school art teacher was named Mrs. Shmeckle. She was just as awesome as her name.

    oh my shit there are too many good things to quote in my sig in this forum!
    TOO MANY

  • crwthcrwth IDIOT NEWS Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Fandyien wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    put it in my ex's butt

    poop on dick

    that's about the worst

    This

    A thousand times this

    you'd think that would have turned me off to the whole deal but since she wasn't letting me in the front door i had to take what i could get :|

  • FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    crwth wrote: »
    Fandyien wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    put it in my ex's butt

    poop on dick

    that's about the worst

    This

    A thousand times this

    you'd think that would have turned me off to the whole deal but since she wasn't letting me in the front door i had to take what i could get :|

    That sucks

    It's just a once every few months alternative to the front for me

    reposig.jpg
  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    beavotron wrote: »
    Zombot wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    put it in my ex's butt

    poop on dick

    that's about the worst

    I once went down on a girl who had a bit of smeckle on her tuckus hole.
    It was kinda hard telling her she needs to wipe better.

    Don't worry, you were doing her a mitzvah. Oy, I could just kvetch thinking about it.

    edit: My elementary school art teacher was named Mrs. Shmeckle. She was just as awesome as her name.

    oh my shit there are too many good things to quote in my sig in this forum!
    TOO MANY

    Man, s'alright. You gots a spoiler.

    www.facebook.com/itgetsworseska
    Spoiler:
  • ZombotZombot Registered User
    edited August 2008
    beavotron wrote: »
    Zombot wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    put it in my ex's butt

    poop on dick

    that's about the worst

    I once went down on a girl who had a bit of smeckle on her tuckus hole.
    It was kinda hard telling her she needs to wipe better.

    Don't worry, you were doing her a mitzvah. Oy, I could just kvetch thinking about it.

    edit: My elementary school art teacher was named Mrs. Shmeckle. She was just as awesome as her name.

    oh my shit there are too many good things to quote in my sig in this forum!
    TOO MANY

    Back off!
    This one is mine.

    Spoiler:
  • UrianUrian __BANNED USERS
    edited August 2008
    Seriously Urian, you have the life story of a guy in a Tom Waits song.

    Billy Bob Thornton

  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Zombot wrote: »
    beavotron wrote: »
    Zombot wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    put it in my ex's butt

    poop on dick

    that's about the worst

    I once went down on a girl who had a bit of smeckle on her tuckus hole.
    It was kinda hard telling her she needs to wipe better.

    Don't worry, you were doing her a mitzvah. Oy, I could just kvetch thinking about it.

    edit: My elementary school art teacher was named Mrs. Shmeckle. She was just as awesome as her name.

    oh my shit there are too many good things to quote in my sig in this forum!
    TOO MANY

    Back off!
    This one is mine.

    dammit zombot!
    you win this round
    you treacherous whore.

  • ZombotZombot Registered User
    edited August 2008
    I always win.
    It's my mutant power.

    Spoiler:
  • Seattle ThreadSeattle Thread The fuck am I looking atRegistered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Urian wrote: »
    Seriously Urian, you have the life story of a guy in a Tom Waits song.

    Billy Bob Thornton
    You'd think the Lyndon Johnson part would clue people in


    facebook.png
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  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Makershot wrote: »
    Urian wrote: »
    Seriously Urian, you have the life story of a guy in a Tom Waits song.

    Billy Bob Thornton
    You'd think the Lyndon Johnson part would clue people in

    Well shut up.

    www.facebook.com/itgetsworseska
    Spoiler:
  • UrianUrian __BANNED USERS
    edited August 2008
    Bad Santa is such a fucking classic movie and I would have expected everyone on this forum to get that quote right away.

  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    I haven't seen that movie in such a long time...

    www.facebook.com/itgetsworseska
    Spoiler:
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    I have never seen that movie because i thought it'd be dumb like most other christmas movies.

    actually now that i think of it, christmas movies are pretty good
    what was i thinking?

  • ZombotZombot Registered User
    edited August 2008
    There needs to be more Channuka movies.

    Spoiler:
  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Zombot wrote: »
    There needs to be more Channuka movies.

    That don't star Adam Sandler.

    Maybe.

    www.facebook.com/itgetsworseska
    Spoiler:
This discussion has been closed.