As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/

I do not want to be Mike Rowe.

2456

Posts

  • potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    i wonder if anyone is hiring a professional cereal eater

    i successfully saved every marshmallow in my lucky charms for the very end without ever breaking down and eating one

    potatoe on
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    mike rowe is fucking awesome

    his "job" sucks

    PiptheFair on
  • Dr. FrenchensteinDr. Frenchenstein Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    i wonder when Mike Rowe's dirty job will be gigolo.

    Dr. Frenchenstein on
  • SkillazSkillaz __BANNED USERS regular
    edited January 2009
    On Monday, I knocked on a ladies door to let her know that we'd be in her yard trimming trees. She was fat and only wearing a blanket. My coworkers were telling me I should have hit, then she came outside and asked if any of us were hungry because she just made breakfast.

    I shudder at the thought that one of my coworkers went in and did not come back for a half hour.

    You know it was you who fucked her, don't try to act like it was your coworker.

    Skillaz on
    dark-knight-joker-close_11976582-3.jpg
  • SkillazSkillaz __BANNED USERS regular
    edited January 2009
    i wonder when Mike Rowe's dirty job will be gigolo.

    That job is not as dirty as you would think.

    Skillaz on
    dark-knight-joker-close_11976582-3.jpg
  • FutoreFutore Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    danggggggg potaters. that is fucking intense.

    you're hired!


    I get the marshmallows.

    Futore on
    ETqXK.png
  • SkillazSkillaz __BANNED USERS regular
    edited January 2009
    potatoe wrote: »
    i wonder if anyone is hiring a professional cereal eater

    i successfully saved every marshmallow in my lucky charms for the very end without ever breaking down and eating one

    I do this with cookie dough ice cream. I save all the chunks of cookie dough for the end.

    Skillaz on
    dark-knight-joker-close_11976582-3.jpg
  • SegSeg Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I used to work at a Cleaners. This was a place that had industrial orders from Oil Refineries. They would clean overalls. They also did Dry Cleaning. I was the guy they hired to clean the sludge out of the machines. I would pack it into a barrel and roll it outside until it could be picked up and taken to one of those plants that dealt with toxic materials.

    Seg on
  • HorseshoeHorseshoe Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    there's also castrating bull calves

    i guess it's not really dirty

    then again it involves handling bovine bozacks for a few hours so

    yeah, that's kinda dirty

    Horseshoe on
    dmsigsmallek3.jpg
  • EvanderEvander Disappointed Father Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    worst I've had to do is probably cleaning out the fermentation rooms at a meat factory

    Evander on
  • MorivethMoriveth BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWNRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Skillaz wrote: »
    On Monday, I knocked on a ladies door to let her know that we'd be in her yard trimming trees. She was fat and only wearing a blanket. My coworkers were telling me I should have hit, then she came outside and asked if any of us were hungry because she just made breakfast.

    I shudder at the thought that one of my coworkers went in and did not come back for a half hour.

    You know it was you who fucked her, don't try to act like it was your coworker.

    The only reason Shibby didn't hit it was because she wasn't standing on a toilet at the time.

    Moriveth on
  • potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Horseshoe wrote: »
    there's also castrating bull calves

    i guess it's not really dirty

    then again it involves handling bovine bozacks for a few hours so

    yeah, that's kinda dirty

    just because your thoughts are dirty doesn't mean the job is

    potatoe on
  • HorseshoeHorseshoe Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    i was more thinking along the lines of like sweat and bacteria but hey

    whatever blows your hair back man

    Horseshoe on
    dmsigsmallek3.jpg
  • EvanderEvander Disappointed Father Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Horseshoe wrote: »
    i was more thinking along the lines of like sweat and bacteria but hey

    whatever blows your hair back man

    Is it really more sweat and bacteria than any other part of the cow?

    Evander on
  • potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    the glistening droplets of sweat rolling down the shaft

    potatoe on
  • MorivethMoriveth BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWNRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Look at it this way: At least you don't have to blow the bull.

    Moriveth on
  • SkillazSkillaz __BANNED USERS regular
    edited January 2009
    Moriveth wrote: »
    Skillaz wrote: »
    On Monday, I knocked on a ladies door to let her know that we'd be in her yard trimming trees. She was fat and only wearing a blanket. My coworkers were telling me I should have hit, then she came outside and asked if any of us were hungry because she just made breakfast.

    I shudder at the thought that one of my coworkers went in and did not come back for a half hour.

    You know it was you who fucked her, don't try to act like it was your coworker.

    The only reason Shibby didn't hit it was because she wasn't standing on a toilet at the time.

    I am sure he hit it, even if he won't admit to it. Doesn't he tap anything with a hole?

    Skillaz on
    dark-knight-joker-close_11976582-3.jpg
  • potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    i'm fairly confident shibby would have told us if he hit it

    potatoe on
  • StoverStover Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Veretas wrote: »

    I, too, would fuck that guy.

    Stover on
    outoftheloop.jpg
  • EvanderEvander Disappointed Father Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    The only logical conclusion here is that Shibby tried to hit it, but got shot down.

    Evander on
  • MorivethMoriveth BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWNRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    It was actually just a reference to Shibby posting a picture of a large girl standing on a toilet a while back and saying that he found that attractive

    it's just the toilet thing that I found funny

    Moriveth on
  • BearstranautBearstranaut Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I worked at a place that rented out and serviced porta-potties for a summer



    fucking terrible.
    At the park, the natives here will practically live in them for a few days - no joke. One time there was even a little shelf built inside one.

    We would use a giant hose to suck out all the crap and pee and stuff, but it would get clogged with:

    panties
    diapers
    bottles
    a sweater
    dead cat

    and we'd have to kick out the natives sleeping in them and they'd get pissed like we were foreclosing on their home or something.

    Bearstranaut on
    You ever try and draw Falcor as a giant dong? No? It just ends up looking like a long cyclops.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • XhaztolXhaztol Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Let me tell you about the time I worked at Marshalls department store.

    I was head cashier for a couple years, and I've seen some weird shit.

    But I never thought I would see actual SHIT.

    This woman was holding what seemed to have been a 3 year old or something by doing the one-arm, have-the-kid-straddle-your-waist method. She was about three people back in the line, and I see her shift the kid to look over something in the endcap.

    A turd just drops out of this kid's shorts and falls onto the floor.

    Sits there for like...thirty minutes. I couldn't do anything really because it was holiday rush, and I couldn't exactly put a customer on hold in line and call the front to be like "Can I have someone come clean up a piece of shit?" and I sure as hell for some reason had a problem with going "Ma'am, your kid just fucking pooped in the store."

    One of the stock room women came and wiped it up and we took a mop to it. The people standing in line that figured it out looked really grossed out.

    Xhaztol on
    kalamari.jpg
  • HorseshoeHorseshoe Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Evander wrote: »
    Horseshoe wrote: »
    i was more thinking along the lines of like sweat and bacteria but hey

    whatever blows your hair back man

    Is it really more sweat and bacteria than any other part of the cow?

    actually cows only sweat through their noses... i spaced on that one

    it's just that you have to use bare hands or you can't tell if you've severed the vas deferens and blood supply

    mostly it'd be proximity to it's butt. if the calf has diarrhea that is also very unpleasant

    Horseshoe on
    dmsigsmallek3.jpg
  • FirmSkaterFirmSkater Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    ins0mniac wrote: »
    I'm a waiter, so dealing with silverware that people have slobbered all over and half eaten food and other nastiness.

    I work in a seafood restaurant too, and some guy had a bad reaction to his meal somehow and proceded to hurl more than I have ever seen. It was pretty nasty but hell if I was gonna clean it up.

    There used to be a little kid that used to always come in to a small family restaurant I worked at a few years ago, and when he decided he didn't like his food, he'd spit entire MOUTHFULS out under the table. Unfortunately, I was the one who had to clean it up. And spend a summer washing dishes and you'll never think about shoving your hand into nasty food ever again.

    Let me guess, you made the dishwasher do it?

    i hate servers.

    FirmSkater on
    sig2.jpg
  • XhaztolXhaztol Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Bear, that's terrible.

    Xhaztol on
    kalamari.jpg
  • EvanderEvander Disappointed Father Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Horseshoe wrote: »
    Evander wrote: »
    Horseshoe wrote: »
    i was more thinking along the lines of like sweat and bacteria but hey

    whatever blows your hair back man

    Is it really more sweat and bacteria than any other part of the cow?

    actually cows only sweat through their noses... i spaced on that one

    it's just that you have to use bare hands or you can't tell if you've severed the vas deferens and blood supply

    mostly it'd be proximity to it's butt. if the calf has diarrhea that is also very unpleasant

    fair enough

    I've never had to deal with cattle when they were still alive.

    Evander on
  • HorseshoeHorseshoe Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Moriveth wrote: »
    Look at it this way: At least you don't have to blow the bull.

    i do not envy people who collect semen from farm animals for breeding purposes

    ugh

    (god that reminds me of an old episode of the daily show where beth littleford basically jerked off a pig as part of reporting about artificial insemination of farm animals)

    Horseshoe on
    dmsigsmallek3.jpg
  • BearstranautBearstranaut Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Xhaztol wrote: »
    Let me tell you about the time I worked at Marshalls department store.

    I was head cashier for a couple years, and I've seen some weird shit.

    But I never thought I would see actual SHIT.

    This woman was holding what seemed to have been a 3 year old or something by doing the one-arm, have-the-kid-straddle-your-waist method. She was about three people back in the line, and I see her shift the kid to look over something in the endcap.

    A turd just drops out of this kid's shorts and falls onto the floor.

    Sits there for like...thirty minutes. I couldn't do anything really because it was holiday rush, and I couldn't exactly put a customer on hold in line and call the front to be like "Can I have someone come clean up a piece of shit?" and I sure as hell for some reason had a problem with going "Ma'am, your kid just fucking pooped in the store."

    One of the stock room women came and wiped it up and we took a mop to it. The people standing in line that figured it out looked really grossed out.

    I would have handed that bitch a box of tissues and said,
    "Looks like you've got some shit to do. Go tie up that disgusting little parasite outside - here is a bowl to put some water in for him."

    Bearstranaut on
    You ever try and draw Falcor as a giant dong? No? It just ends up looking like a long cyclops.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • XhaztolXhaztol Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Xhaztol wrote: »
    Let me tell you about the time I worked at Marshalls department store.

    I was head cashier for a couple years, and I've seen some weird shit.

    But I never thought I would see actual SHIT.

    This woman was holding what seemed to have been a 3 year old or something by doing the one-arm, have-the-kid-straddle-your-waist method. She was about three people back in the line, and I see her shift the kid to look over something in the endcap.

    A turd just drops out of this kid's shorts and falls onto the floor.

    Sits there for like...thirty minutes. I couldn't do anything really because it was holiday rush, and I couldn't exactly put a customer on hold in line and call the front to be like "Can I have someone come clean up a piece of shit?" and I sure as hell for some reason had a problem with going "Ma'am, your kid just fucking pooped in the store."

    One of the stock room women came and wiped it up and we took a mop to it. The people standing in line that figured it out looked really grossed out.

    I would have handed that bitch a box of tissues and said,
    "Looks like you've got some shit to do. Go tie up that disgusting little parasite outside - here is a bowl to put some water in for him."

    What sucked even more was that she was really nice and kind of a MILF. I couldn't look at the kid, though, it made me want to retch.

    Xhaztol on
    kalamari.jpg
  • marty_0001marty_0001 I am a file and you put documents in meRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I'm browsing this fucking shit hole of a forum called Penny Arcade at work right now.

    Fucking hell it sucks.

    I am doing this also. Stifling my laughter at stories like this:
    Whenever I go into the bathroom at work, I always wind up in a stall next to a guy trying to pass a two ton boulder from his ass. Every time the dude is all HRRRRRRRNNNNGG HRUUUUUUUGGGGH and then the greasiest sounding dump ever explodes out of him and the entire bathroom immediately smells like burnt mayonnaise.

    I think everyone in the entire building needs to eat more fiber.

    as well as that Yahoo Answers thread is extremely difficult at times. My coworkers probably wonder what it is I get up to in my office that's so funny.

    marty_0001 on
  • potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Xhaztol wrote: »
    Let me tell you about the time I worked at Marshalls department store.

    I was head cashier for a couple years, and I've seen some weird shit.

    But I never thought I would see actual SHIT.

    This woman was holding what seemed to have been a 3 year old or something by doing the one-arm, have-the-kid-straddle-your-waist method. She was about three people back in the line, and I see her shift the kid to look over something in the endcap.

    A turd just drops out of this kid's shorts and falls onto the floor.

    Sits there for like...thirty minutes. I couldn't do anything really because it was holiday rush, and I couldn't exactly put a customer on hold in line and call the front to be like "Can I have someone come clean up a piece of shit?" and I sure as hell for some reason had a problem with going "Ma'am, your kid just fucking pooped in the store."

    One of the stock room women came and wiped it up and we took a mop to it. The people standing in line that figured it out looked really grossed out.

    I would have handed that bitch a box of tissues and said,
    "Looks like you've got some shit to do."

    david_caruso_sunglasses.jpg

    potatoe on
  • XhaztolXhaztol Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Initially, I saw him as looking down at Zooey, and I almost audibly went "Don't you fucking look at her like that."

    Xhaztol on
    kalamari.jpg
  • CrossBusterCrossBuster Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Evander wrote: »
    worst I've had to do is probably cleaning out the fermentation rooms at a meat factory

    "Meat fermentation room" might be the most disgusting-sounding phrase I've ever heard.

    And why do you need to ferment meat?

    CrossBuster on
    penguins.png
  • BearstranautBearstranaut Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Xhaztol wrote: »
    Initially, I saw him as looking down at Zooey, and I almost audibly went "Don't you fucking look at her like that."

    hahahahaalittlecreepy

    Bearstranaut on
    You ever try and draw Falcor as a giant dong? No? It just ends up looking like a long cyclops.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • EvanderEvander Disappointed Father Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Evander wrote: »
    worst I've had to do is probably cleaning out the fermentation rooms at a meat factory

    No part of that sentence is not disgusting.

    it was not a fun day

    but hey, aged salami gotta come from somewhere



    the best part was when the guy who told us to go do it got in trouble. Apparently he had been tasked with the job specifically, as some kind of punishment, and was trying to get out of it.

    Evander on
  • zimfanzimfan Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    potatoe wrote: »
    Xhaztol wrote: »
    Let me tell you about the time I worked at Marshalls department store.

    I was head cashier for a couple years, and I've seen some weird shit.

    But I never thought I would see actual SHIT.

    This woman was holding what seemed to have been a 3 year old or something by doing the one-arm, have-the-kid-straddle-your-waist method. She was about three people back in the line, and I see her shift the kid to look over something in the endcap.

    A turd just drops out of this kid's shorts and falls onto the floor.

    Sits there for like...thirty minutes. I couldn't do anything really because it was holiday rush, and I couldn't exactly put a customer on hold in line and call the front to be like "Can I have someone come clean up a piece of shit?" and I sure as hell for some reason had a problem with going "Ma'am, your kid just fucking pooped in the store."

    One of the stock room women came and wiped it up and we took a mop to it. The people standing in line that figured it out looked really grossed out.

    I would have handed that bitch a box of tissues and said,
    "Looks like you've got some shit to do."

    david_caruso_sunglasses.jpg

    someone report this for Awesome

    zimfan on
    PasscodeSig.png
  • Auntie ShibbyAuntie Shibby Horrible Visalia, CARegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2009
    Skillaz wrote: »
    On Monday, I knocked on a ladies door to let her know that we'd be in her yard trimming trees. She was fat and only wearing a blanket. My coworkers were telling me I should have hit, then she came outside and asked if any of us were hungry because she just made breakfast.

    I shudder at the thought that one of my coworkers went in and did not come back for a half hour.

    You know it was you who fucked her, don't try to act like it was your coworker.
    He jumped before I could, sadly.

    Auntie Shibby on
    clowninthewoods.png
  • XhaztolXhaztol Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Xhaztol wrote: »
    Initially, I saw him as looking down at Zooey, and I almost audibly went "Don't you fucking look at her like that."

    hahahahaalittlecreepy

    Yeah man, what the hell. I'm gonna go outside

    Xhaztol on
    kalamari.jpg
  • Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I can only hope I can one day be even a quarter as awesome as Mike Rowe is every day.

    My dirtiest job so far has been helping a dude dig a trench in his yard and burying some pipe in the trench.

    Centipede Damascus on
Sign In or Register to comment.