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Horrible Stuff That You Have Done
Posts
I left that light - little faster than strictly necessary, trying to evade the cosmic noise-fest in the adjacent lane - and hit the next one. Boom--chukka-boom-boom, here comes the Green Noise Machine once more. And so in one of my less mature moments, I grabbed a CD, popped it in my CD player, rolled down the windows, and cranked my own stereo up to 11.
It was a Wiggles CD
I forced everyone within probably a quarter-mile radius to listen to TOOT TOOT CHUGGA CHUGGA BIG RED CAR. I think my own ears started bleeding. And the gentleman in the offending car was none too pleased; he flipped me off.
And my ears hurt for awhile.
But I am unrepentant.
Maddie: "I am not!"
Riley: "You're a marsupial!"
Maddie: "I am a placental mammal!"
Lots of fun bass sounds in there.
Bach. Lots of Bach.
Organ notes just hit a level that Mr. doggity-dre can't hit.
My God, you should be sued.
So we decided that, being classical musicians and having a few spare instruments lying around, we'd take up the cause. I played the alto sax, she played the clarinet, and her friend joined us with her trumpet. We stood in her room making the most annoying noises we knew how at the loudest volume we could manage.
Deciding that wasn't enough we ventured into the hallway and took up a vigil outside the offending neighbours door, in plain sight since the door was open and played for about 45 minutes until it became quiet hours and they had to turn off their music and we went back inside.
Since it is the horrible thread, I do feel bad about the other people on the floor who had to endure our savage butchering musical instruments, but hilariously, while several people came out to see what the deal was, nobody complained to us.
Man, have you heard Wiggles music? I should be brought before the ICC.
Maddie: "I am not!"
Riley: "You're a marsupial!"
Maddie: "I am a placental mammal!"
We were renovating the floors in our house, so we all had to cram into one room in sleeping bags to sleep. So early in the morning, she asks me to pass her a paperback book that was nearby. Me being half asleep I toss it to her, thinking she'd catch it. Instead I smoke her right in the eye.
I felt pretty bad about that.
Several years later, I was the guy his girlfriend cheated with.
He really, really hates me.
Men: beware of me.
Ladies: hello there.
I'm not sure if he read anything beyond the bible and car magazines.
Oops.
Haha, I do the same thing to hipsters lined up for indie rock shows, except I use the mortal kombat soundtrack*.
*not actually the soundtrack, but rather a collection of songs done by the guys that did the Mortal Kombat soundtrack, inspired by the characters from mortal kombat. I'm not making this shit up, I'll post Sub Zero's song in a minute, it's godawful.
http://heyooo.com/otherhosted/subzero.mp3
I'll accept requests for other character's songs.
As evidenced here.
I have that CD. Sonya Blade's is by far the worst.
Then again, Scorpion... Lost soul.... Bent on revenge... GET OVER HERE!!!
Edit: of lord, it's still available.
it's hideous.
Sonya's sounds a lot like first-gen DDR music.
This one happened last night actually, my dog has been sleeping with me recently because of the cold and now shes a pretty big dog. Golden retriever, nicest dog you will ever meet, dumb as a stump but wouldn't hurt a bug. So I was sleeping last night when I had a bad dream or something and I just pop up and apparantly I made a noise as Brandy (the dog) popped her head up to. As luck would have it she popped up and I popped up and ended up punching her right in the face. She just sat there and looked at me like what did I do...
Though to make myself feel better I don't think it hurt her, she just looked at me no whimpr or anything. She also is pretty tough, having made a habbit of falling asleep under a table and jumping up forgetting about the table and smacking her head off it.
She screamed, and I laughed heartily.
And then I realized I'd turned it all the way to hot.
Maddie: "I am not!"
Riley: "You're a marsupial!"
Maddie: "I am a placental mammal!"
She screamed, and I laughed heartily.
And then I realized I'd turned it all the way to hot.
Maddie: "I am not!"
Riley: "You're a marsupial!"
Maddie: "I am a placental mammal!"
It was about the most horrible I've ever felt in my life.
Wouldn't have been quite as bad without me guffawing at her while the flesh was melting from her body.
Maddie: "I am not!"
Riley: "You're a marsupial!"
Maddie: "I am a placental mammal!"
and I put it on a platter and took it to a family get together as an horderve.
Thats right, I fed my family dog treats. and they loved it.
At least until they wondered why I was laughing my damn ass off so hard, and I told them the horrible truth.
They..didn't like me for awhile after that.
The worst part of this song is that the instrumental is catchy as fucking hell in a techno/electronica-ish way.
And then the lyrics start and I want to stab my ears out.
POST MORE!
"Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."
Waaarrrior with a MASK!!!
EDIT: Oh my god I found a cache of them on Youtube.
Sonya's sounds like the '80s attacked.
So... why didn't he lock the door?
Ha. A deadbolt on a house can't take a solid kick, and you expect those little toys on bathroom stalls to keep someone out?
Hilarious. As my father likes to joke- that's the kind of lock that keeps an honest man out.
"There is not a man of us who does not at times need a helping hand to be stretched out to him, and then shame upon him who will not stretch out the helping hand to his brother."
One problem, every stall was full. I had no time to waste, I look around, first available option. The urinal. It was one of those quick high pressure pukes that only took about a second.
Now the worst part of it is this was a tiny bathroom, filled with people, and I did this right next to the bathroom attendant. He was... pretty pissed off with me. I tipped him $5 to shut his mouth and then went on my way.
The bar was also owned by the Hell's Angels... so I made sure to get the fuck out of there before the attendant pointed me out to some bouncers.
In retrospect, I should have ran the fuck outside and thrown up in a bush. A urinal? WTF man.