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When ordering food, I usually precede my order with a short, "uh". As in, "uh, can I get a burrito?". It seems more disarming somehow than just a, "can I get a burrito?" because it strikes a subtly apologetic tone for requesting something of someone- granted, it's that person's job to take and fulfill those requests, but it feels like it does a small bit to treat that person more like an actual real human being, rather than just a lumpy vending machine. ("Burrito, please." or, "Get me a burrito", or just, "BURRITO!", those are all right out. Rude. These are burrito ordering strategies for ruffians. (Also, "Burrito Ordering Strategies for Ruffians" would make an excellent humor book title that I should keep in mind, just in case I ever unexpectedly find myself writing one.))
And the "uh" opening salva is all well and good if you're listing off your entire order in one go- the problem comes in when I'm ordering something with a lot of different parts where I need to answer a bunch of questions in rapid succession. It makes me sound either very indecisive, that I have some sort of speech condition, or increasingly like my opening politeness was just pure habit, making it feel like an affected sham where the perceived sincerity plummets with every successive "uh".
So it becomes,
"Uh, can I get a burrito?"
"Uh, brown rice"
"Uh, black beans"
"Uh, medium salsa"
"Uh, no thanks, can I just get lettuce?"
That's 6 whole uh's for a single item, and you can tack on a 7th if they ask if I want anything else when I get to the register. That seems like entirely too many "uh"s. Divorced from context, if I told someone that I regularly utter up to 7 "uh"s in under a minute, they would almost certainly conclude I was a genuine simpleton.
Is this what everyone else does as well, or do I need some kind of Burrito Ordering Assertiveness Training? At what point in the burrito ordering procedure does it become not rude to drop the "uh"s?
(Also, now all of you know what to get me if you ever want to buy me something from Chipotle, I guess.)
TL;DR: I regularly write very long posts, but it would be a mistake to take that to mean that I am smart.