(USER WAS INFRACTED FOR THIS POST) How the conversation should have gone: Me: Hey Mary, *start by saying she looks like she is putting on weight, ask her if she is ok and lower her self esteem while seeming to care* Mary: *looks broken and confused and admits to some underlying social problem that makes her feel inadequacy broken* me: You want to go out and talk about it some time? Mary: *obviously false excuse of wanting to stay home so she can cut herself and cry into her icecream me: *offer money* Seriously, with this economy, you have a shot! /hard part is explaining to the kids how you meant mommy

Doesn't that approach usually work better for girls named Angel, Divine, or Chastity?

Doesn't that approach usually work better for girls named Angel, Divine, or Chastity? Ya, but you have to pick up on the subtle markers like her inability to stop crying during a lap dance. /also, this presents the same problem with explaining to the kids how you met mom

I gotta stop putting dates on pedistals. I haven't dated more than a handful of girls, but as others have said, the dates that I did go on were really just a matter of "oh, you like hiking, too? Want to go hiking with me this weekend?" where "hiking" is pretty much interchangeable with anything. As far as how initiating that conversation goes, I don't really know if a formula is appropriate - it is kind of an organic thing and just ebbs and flows whatever way it wants to. I did get a "no, not this weekend" kind of answer once, and I just asked if I could call her next week. Got her number, called the next week, and we went on a super fun hike. After the hike, I asked if she was hungry, and we both went and got some awesome Indian food and split the bill. I guess the second point I'm trying to make is that, with this particular girl, buying her dinner or taking her out somewhere and spending money wasn't necessary to have a good time and get to know more about each other, which naturally led to a mutual attraction and romance. In short, for me, a "I'd like to get to know this person more" attitude has always worked well. If you have different, er ...goals ...maybe it will still work. Good luck!

I tend to stay away from the girls that play hard to get honestly Excellent advice, and I agree. I'm a girl and I appreciate that everyone is different, but when girls mess with guys and do the whole "no but I mean yes" BS it makes me angry. Some of us like to be straightforward. It's not something you "make clear". Both parties will "know" if it's a date or not. Maybe it's just me, but every time I've been on a date, the guy has asked "would you wanna go on a date?" or something similar. I have never been "trickdated" as my friends call it, which happens when one person thinks it's a date and the other doesn't. This is awkward for everyone. Just ask if she wants to go on a date. i don't think there is a good way to make it clear without using the 'd' word. it really depends on the kind of girl, too, and what she'd assume from the information presented lime'd for truthiness and succinctly making my point. Just ask her out. If she says no, move on. If she says no and you think that means "keep trying," move on. Unless you want to be in a relationship with someone who never means what they say. Personally, I'd find that annoying as fuck.

I think you are over thinking the whole thing, especially the idea that there is some universal rule to understanding how women/men think. In reality, women think much like men (self interest, passions, desires, doubts). They want the same things (Appreciation, respect, sex, Ice cream). The differences are in how we are taught to go about getting them and what the priorities are. Usually a good rule of thumb is to put yourself in the potential lady friend's shoes and think of how you would respond if you were them. This is pretty useful as it gauges two things: your understanding of your relationship versus the actual standing of your relationship. From your post, you asked he to the mall. In your eyes this was an attractive option for the lady you met, and were you her (in this scenario) you would have said yes presumably. The fact that she did not say yes means that you don't yet understand her desires and priorities, or are not being honest with yourself about the nature of your relationship. Your next step should be to get to know her more in a casual manner, should you truly like this girl. Find out what her desires and priorities are, and see if they line up with your own. Often, the act of doing this will lead you to discovering that you are probably not compatible. Sometimes, the opposite occurs (huzzah!). Of course, how you go about doing this successfully is entirely dependent upon being honest with yourself and with your interest. Delusions of self importance or over-idealizing yoru interest will confuse the issue and lead to miscommunication. ... Or you can just, you know, add alcohol and neon banded sunglasses to the equation. Maybe work out some more. Shaving off that natty mustache and letting your hair grow out wouldn't hurt either. Join a band. Chicks dig bands.

I tend to stay away from the girls that play hard to get honestly Excellent advice, and I agree. I'm a girl and I appreciate that everyone is different, but when girls mess with guys and do the whole "no but I mean yes" BS it makes me angry. Some of us like to be straightforward. It's not something you "make clear". Both parties will "know" if it's a date or not. Maybe it's just me, but every time I've been on a date, the guy has asked "would you wanna go on a date?" or something similar. I have never been "trickdated" as my friends call it, which happens when one person thinks it's a date and the other doesn't. This is awkward for everyone. Just ask if she wants to go on a date. i don't think there is a good way to make it clear without using the 'd' word. it really depends on the kind of girl, too, and what she'd assume from the information presented lime'd for truthiness and succinctly making my point. Just ask her out. If she says no, move on. If she says no and you think that means "keep trying," move on. Unless you want to be in a relationship with someone who never means what they say. Personally, I'd find that annoying as fuck. Call me crazy, but before I "ask someone out" I make damn sure there's a mutual attraction. This way there's no disappointment or weirdness.

No one will call you crazy. Pussy, maybe.

Hell I asked women out from the internet. The only fact I knew was that they had a picture and were obviously single. That's how I met my wife. Of course, she said in her profile that she liked chatting over coffee. So that was our first date; lasted about an hour, and I called her the next day to set up another date (watching one of her fav movies that I'd never seen). It helps to propose something that you think they'll actually find fun, especially if it's an activity that typically involves more than 1 person.

No one will call you crazy. Pussy, maybe. I wish there was a way to say this without sounding like a self-important douche, but I'm not lacking in opportunities of mutual attraction.

Join a band. Chicks dig bands. Don't do this. It's a horrible lie

"Hey, I'd really like to take you out. Does friday work?" simple is better

Join a band. Chicks dig bands. Don't do this. It's a horrible lie I posit the kaz corollary: Chicks dig bands in genres they like. Me: [Casual mention of bandom] Girl: Oh, cool! What do you play? Bass? Drums? Me: ...Tr-...trombone Girl: [air of disinterest]

Bear in mind I'm in college, so I'm talking about college aged girls here, but I've found some girls are turned off by a "serious" first date, like dinner or what have you. My advice would be to start with something more casual, such as drinks with some other friends there, just to get a feel for the person. Coffee works well too, because if things aren't going well it's only thirty minutes to an hour time commitment.

Yeah I pretty much go by the "if they are interested enough THEY will ask" rule. That way = ZERO rejection woooo It's also kinda pussy but whatever it's better than feeling stupid all the time. Don't be this guy. This guy sucks and never has any dates because of it.

This thread is far too long for this simple question. Ask her out to do something that you think she would like. If she is playing games or hard to get, fuck it, she's not the one anyways. If you aren't looking for the one then play the games and get what you are after. If you ARE looking for the one, it will be incredibly easy it will boggle your mind. It shouldn't have to be work. You don't need a master plan or a workflow. Women are people too. Just ask, if she says yes, have a good time and talk and hang out more. Everything is easy if it's right. If she says no or plays games then play or don't. I wouldn't indulge such childish behavior though.

Yeah I pretty much go by the "if they are interested enough THEY will ask" rule. That way = ZERO rejection woooo It's also kinda pussy but whatever it's better than feeling stupid all the time. Don't be this guy. This guy sucks and never has any dates because of it. Depends on how handsome / interesting you are, really.

Yeah I pretty much go by the "if they are interested enough THEY will ask" rule. That way = ZERO rejection woooo It's also kinda pussy but whatever it's better than feeling stupid all the time. Don't be this guy. This guy sucks and never has any dates because of it. Depends on how handsome / interesting you are, really. if you were a very handsome / interesting dude then your fear of rejection would not reach this kind of spineless level

This thread is far too long for this simple question. Ask her out to do something that you think she would like. If she is playing games or hard to get, fuck it, she's not the one anyways. If you aren't looking for the one then play the games and get what you are after. If you ARE looking for the one, it will be incredibly easy it will boggle your mind. It shouldn't have to be work. You don't need a master plan or a workflow. Women are people too. Just ask, if she says yes, have a good time and talk and hang out more. Everything is easy if it's right. If she says no or plays games then play or don't. I wouldn't indulge such childish behavior though. also, don't worry too much about somebody being 'the one' that soulmates garbage is only useful to hollywood screen writers and the people who run eharmony

If you are of age, just ask a girl out for drinks. Look, most everybody likes a drink now and then, but most people don't like to drink alone. When you drink it lowers your inhibitions and makes the date a lot less awkward.

I've been trickdated. It sucked. Short story spoiled for off-topicness. Spoiler: show spoiler hide spoiler The guy knew I was in a relationship and knew I wasn't interested in going on dates with anyone else, so he asked if we could just "hang out, grab some food". During the hangout/date time, we talked about relationships, I brought up my boyfriend, he seemed completely cool. An hour later he tries to shove his tongue down my throat... 3 times... and I said "no" and shoved him away after each time, and each time he immediately tried to pull me back. I was trying to explain each time that I didn't know why he thought I might be interested in that, but each time his fucking heat-sensor tongue made me perform evasive manuevers in lieu of talking. I left the premises in a hurry and now he still sends me texts and tries to call me; I pretty much ignore him. Don't be this guy. If you're afraid to use the word "date", but want it to be a date, then try saying something along the lines of "Hey, can I take you out to dinner sometime?" The implication is that you'll be treating her, which is a level above just hanging out. It tends to be a pretty big marker for being a date, if you imply that you'll be paying. Don't make the girl second-guess your every action while on the date as she tries to figure out whether it's hanging out or a date; make it clear from the get-go what the intent is. However I highly recommend asking a girl if she just wants to hang out, first. That way you both can get a good gauge of each other's personalities, so you don't end up 1 hour into the first date with absolutely nothing to talk about, realizing that neither of you have enough in common to fill a teacup.

"What do you say we go out some time?"

Also, in most cases, girls like being asked out on dates. It's flattering. Women are self-conscious (not all of them -- okay, everything I'm saying here is situational) and hunger for validation. So even if they don't like you as a mate, and they say no, yeah, you'll feel rejected -- but try to feel good in the fact that you a) were forward about your intentions, b) you now know where you stand, and c) you made a chick feel 1% less crappy about herself. It's not like you're going to offend someone by asking them out. "Oh no! This guy wants to treat me to dinner because he finds me attractive and thinks my personality is great! OH GOD I AM SO OFFENDED RIGHT NOW!" ?

And you don't need to "hang out" first. Go on a date, thats the fucking point is to see if you have stuff in common and want more.

Join a band. Chicks dig bands. Don't do this. It's a horrible lie That last sentence was intended to be sort of sarcastic, you see. I've never been terribly good at it myself but I'm told it can be terribly effective.