Yeah, I remember my first play through I got stuck at the wall boss and ended up way underleveled there. Took me FOREVER to beat that guy. I know what you mean about Vincent. He's so cool too have (and has the best deathblow animation), but doesn't really say much during the story.

I'm fairly sure I'm way overleveled at this point. I did it on purpose so I didn't get stuck in ways you mentioned. Granted, I didn't expect to kill him before he hit me, but I didn't want to ever delay an update and feel like a retard because I suck. I went into the battle with Squall having Meteorain ready, then Bahamut did pretty major damage right after. And the new party is Jailbait and Banana. Banana is the new caster thanks to his weapons with a ton of materia slots. Jailbait is kinda weak, but I kept her for good reason.

That was my party for the rest of the game after the Temple.

I'm pretty sure that's also the team I used in endgame.

I always popped Barret/Tifa in for Yuffie due to her weaksauce level 4 limit break that maxes out at 9999. But it doesn't matter. This is probably the easiest Final Fantasy ever, I've just concluded. I can't think of a section of this game that gives me half the grief that the last dungeon in 4/6 does. Or makes me want to stab myself in the neck like Pharos did in 12. Regardless. That was a fine update of a fine LP. "You can use my stuffed body for the future of the planet." Is probably the funniest line I've seen in a while. Doesn't matter why; it just is.

Jailbait is kinda weak, but I kept her for good reason.

I always popped Barret/Tifa in for Yuffie due to her weaksauce level 4 limit break that maxes out at 9999. Which is exactly why you leave her on level 3 limits, and use Doom Of The Living - 15 hits at ~65% normal damage, plus your limit gauge charges faster.

Adus, this is brilliant. Keep it up.

I always kept Fury on my characters by using a Hyper. This made their Limit Break bar charge much faster, but the side effect is that they missed their attack like 5% of the time. Still, I enjoyed getting my level 3 limit breaks before the Temple of the Ancients.

Are you trying to keep Jailbait leveled up so you can show us the tournament in Wutai where you get levaiathan? Or is it just easier to make jokes about her? Also, regarding the Demon Gate, you actually can grind in the black materia puzzle room. I know. I had to do that on my first playthrough. The Demon Gate was the hardest boss I fought up to that point.

I think I had level 4 limit breaks for demon gate and I still had problems, that thing is just evil.

Are you trying to keep Jailbait leveled up so you can show us the tournament in Wutai where you get levaiathan? Or is it just easier to make jokes about her? Uh, both really. She also has better lines. I actually tried the pagoda right after the Wutai section and I got owned but I'll want to get back to it.

This is absolutely hilarious. Once you hit disc three though, you'll basically be seriously retelling the story for me as my disc three was\is corrupt and I could never get another copy of the damned game to replace it. So, it'd be appreciated if you'd still keep in the plot and not let it all just become hilarious captions at around that area. I know you're not intending to, just informing you that at least one of your readers hasn't gotten that far for legitimate reasons. The spoiler tag system you're using is working a treat btw. ^.^

Yes, my intent is to try and keep the story as intact as possible. I can't promise I'll explain it well, but I'll do my best. I hope you didn't get your hopes up for this one. What commentary would really do such an important scene in gaming history justice? Not mine, certainly. But we must press on. Part 19: The Return of Picklemier Spoiler: show spoiler hide spoiler And what says the peaceful serenity of nature like a jet crashed into a giant dinosaur skull? ‘I’ll put my money on at least one of them being all right.’ This Bone Village place is a bit weird. These excavators dig around these same spots forever. You’d think they’d change sites but no. They also inform you that in order to pass through the Sleeping Forest ahead (which was where Mary spoke to Squall in his dream), you need a Lunar Harp to wake it up. Apparently these harps just sort of grow in the ground or something because you have to excavate one. Not only that, but there are obviously multiples since they state Mary used one, too. We make it through and get to the Forgotten City, which the excavators told us it was called. If they didn’t forget about it, why is it forgotten? I always liked this area. The music is tranquil, yet eerie, and it shows a very strange society that the Ancients once may have lived in. A society that’s basically one big The Little Mermaid theme party… ‘Only two. That’s a shame. Guess we’ll have to share one, JB. Just so you know, I can’t sleep in itchy clothing. Or in any direct vicinity to itchy clothing. So you’ll have to remove yours.’ ‘Calm down, Squall buddy. Happens to a lotta guys… She’ll understand. Fuck it; I’d rather make an excuse.’ ‘I know this because I am psychic.’ ‘Doesn’t matter. He’s a dick. Joe from SOLDIER got married, right? He didn't invite Sephiroth to the wedding, but he showed up anyway and ate the whole cake. Yeah. He also murdered half the guests but Joe didn’t seem as phased by that. In-laws, I guess. But man, the cake…’ Sited in the Forgotten City, enjoy the comfort of privacy, security and luxury this grand residence offers. Only accessible by Lunar Harps, which take three days of excavation, so you rarely have to worry about those pesky salesmen or Jenova’s Witnesses! Features no bedroom or bathroom; however it boasts a spectacular outdoor pool and grand, majestic city underneath! ‘Yes, I did have more of the mushrooms, but don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I think I’m building up immunity!’ While Banana stares off into space (no pun intended), Squall heads across the hardest section of this update: Those fucking blocks which constantly make you jump backwards for no fucking reason and AGH FUCK THEM. ‘Uggh, maybe not immune as I thought…’ ‘Hidey-ho, Lady! It is I, Frederick! Would you like to play a game? It is called “Catch My Sword with Your Skull.”’ ‘I will take your complete lack of response as a yes! Joyous day! Prepare your cranium!’ AGH, BANANA, FUCK OFF. ‘Ugh… Did I black out again…? Whoa, what the tater-tots am I doing?’ God, look at that hair. The horror… The horror… ‘Oh you’re awake. I bet you’re wondering why I had my sword inches away from your face. Funny story, really… Uh, there was a bee. Really big one. The Lord of the Bees.’ The moment we’ve all been waiting for. Let us pause the commentary for a moment and observe… Materia! Jessie Materia! Quick, catch it! Fuck! Now we’ll have to call maintenance. It can. It is. And we’re now presented by a completely out-of-character moment for Squall, given what we’ve seen in the rest of the game. But there it is. The plot twist that shocked the gaming world for years to come. Whether or not you were happy or sad at this moment, chances are you were at least surprised. Honestly I think I was sadder this time than I was back when I first played it since it's no longer surprise. You know what happens, you know she's not coming back. I think a big part of it is the music. It's probably one of my all-time favorite pieces of game music, which not getting to hear any of it is probably my only regret in doing this as a screenshot LP. Seriously. Sephiroth has been quite the chatty-cathy lately. Why can’t you just accept the good when it happens to you? This is why we can’t have nice things. Well what the fuck did you expect? She’s bleeding all over you. Viruses and bacteria are having sex in your veins. One big sickly orgy. I mean, really now. Squall has had the personality of a lamp post until this moment. After their initial meeting in Midgar, there’s no real progression of the Mary and Squall relationship. Even on the date he acts like he’s a million miles away. She literally had to push him out the door and drag him around. Not saying he had to love her in order to be upset, but as it is, it’s somewhat of an overdramatic reaction. Obviously this has been said many times over the years, but what exactly is stopping them from using phoenix downs or Life magic here? The main argument is that “0 hp in battle is being knocked out, not dead” but I don’t really buy it. ‘Because you sure as fuck could have fooled me.’ ‘You sort of suck at acting, anyway. You’ve just been reading out of a My Chemical Romance lyric booklet, haven’t you?’ ‘Ooh, ohh, I know. Swayze, right?’ After Sephiroth flies away, we tango with Jenova-Life. Mary Sue’s theme continues to play throughout this battle, which I like. Many cold based attacks which I barely took any damage from. A few summons and attacks later, she went boom. I think it’s a purposefully easy battle for players who may be broken up over Mary’s death and just want to beat the hell out of something. Wouldn’t it be amusing if it was the hardest yet and caused said players to lose, forcing them to watch the scene over and over? Suicide rates in 1997 may have been abnormally high in that case. That’s an insult to puppets everywhere. The cast of Team America looked 100x better than Squall and had more personality. Anyways this is Jenova’s one and only line which officially begins a subset of the story that I never fully understood. ‘Come on… come to daddy… You know you wanna…’ ‘Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaah. I knew death was an aphrodisiac. Quick, Banana, commit seppuku. Maybe that’ll get me to third base.’ Time to de-sanitize the pool. You know it is actually a bit sad. Who’s going to be my verbal punching bag now? Let’s hope no one takes to this lake anytime soon. It would be swimming in shark infested waters… But minus sharks and plus gonorrhea. ‘The part of me that loves to crochet while watching Sex and the City.’ ‘Wait, I mean that part. Yeah. Makes me think of… pickles for some reason.’ What? ...Killed? Yes, they sure did a spectacular job of preventing that. Squall is just silently cursing Sephiroth for beating him to it all. The planet deserves to die for Wall Market, if nothing else. ‘I have this strange urge to watch Heroes… Promise me you won’t let me do it!’ Alright. Here’s the lowdown. Sephiroth is searching for the Promised Land, which he seems convinced is up north. He plans to damage the planet with Meteor, and merge with all the spirit energy as it comes to heal the wound. In order to summon Meteor, he has the Black Materia, which Squall and Co. acquired in the Temple of the Ancients. While they did get it first, something possessed Squall and forced him to hand over the materia to Sephiroth. Mary Sue figured she could stop it on her own. Naturally, the team went after her, only to show up just in time for Squall to get possessed again and nearly kill her, then only for her to actually get killed seconds later. She then drops a strange materia of her own into the waters below. Why didn’t she move? Why didn’t she run? Maybe she didn’t see what was going on, but I think it seems rather obvious that she wanted to die. To be struck down Obi-Wan style. Squall doesn’t realize this, so he goes emo, despite not showing any serious interest in her before. I guess it’s understandable. Even if he didn’t love her, I doubt he wanted her to die. Squall was also told by Jenova and Sephiroth that he’s a puppet, which we have yet to know what they meant by it. So we’re left with a rather broken yet determined team. They’re going to continue their mission, but Squall won’t do it alone. He’s afraid of what he might do. The logical course of action would seem like he just shouldn’t go, but we all know that ain’t bloody likely. We’re not done yet. Not even close. Time to confront Sephiroth! Tune in next disc for the exciting continuation of Final Fantasy VII!

Random thing I'd like to point out; during Sephiroth's descent, take note of his clothing in the first screen, and compare it to the rest of the screens. I'll let you guys figure that one out for yourselves... I think it was Yuffie's reaction to Aerith's death that made her my favourite character; sure, she steals all your materia, but the fact that she shows the most emotion when a major character dies redeems her. I mean, seriously, Cid, what the fuck? You look like you're nonchalantly heading out for a cigarette. "Woah, a friend just got murdered right in front of me! ...Fuck, I need a smoke." Also, since Great Glacier is coming up soon, make sure you grab the Added Cut materia that was completely missed out of the official guide - from the hot spring, take the southern path until you reach the next set of paths (there should be two heading west, including the one you've come from; one south; and one north-east); take the north-east path, and you should be on a screen that heads north-west. Go to the next screen, which should also be north-westerly, and you find the Added Cut materia. Oh, and Jenova-LIFE uses Water attacks, not Ice. [/pedant]

Dear god man, just link him the map or something. Those directions could confuse a GPS.

Dear god man, just link him the map or something. Those directions could confuse a GPS. If I could find one, I would, believe me... and my nearest save file is just before the date scene, so it'd be a few hours before I reached it to take screens of it.

A) You don't have a save file at the end of the game? You can land on the snowboarding slope in the highwind and just walk down it to the great glacier. B) its the internet. I'm almost certain there is one of them at gamefaqs.

A) You don't have a save file at the end of the game? You can land on the snowboarding slope in the highwind and just walk down it to the great glacier. B) its the internet. I'm almost certain there is one of them at gamefaqs. A) ...Good point, I do have one at the end. B) I checked. There isn't. Although there is one for the ice lake puzzle...

Thats so wierd, because I had looked one up when I played thru it like 3 months ago... I'll look when I get home today. edit: Is this it? I think it is by the link, but I can't actually see the picture:

Thats so wierd, because I had looked one up when I played thru it like 3 months ago... I'll look when I get home today. edit: Is this it? I think it is by the link, but I can't actually see the picture: Which, of course, looks nothing like the actual screens you'll be running through. Basically, you need one of the paths in that clusterfuck to the far right, but it's difficult to see it on that map. I'm loading up the savefile now, so I should have an image of the screen in question within the next quarter of an hour. EDIT - Thinking about it, you could also head to that area after getting Alexander, as you'll enter through the path you need to take; for some reason it takes you to the hot spring instead of where the Alexander materia is, and it's on this path that Added Cut is found.

Random thing I'd like to point out; during Sephiroth's descent, take note of his clothing in the first screen, and compare it to the rest of the screens. I'll let you guys figure that one out for yourselves... I'm not seeing it.

Double post, I know, but here's the path from the very entrance: Spoiler: show spoiler hide spoiler A couple of screens later, you'll end up here: 4 screens later, and you reach the clusterfuck: Finally, on the second screen, you'll be standing here, looking at this message: EDIT - or maybe not a double post after all... Here's a hint - hands.

I think the most surprising thing about this update is the INSERT DISC 2 screen. Haha Adus you're never going to finish this.

Ah, now I see it. I never, ever noticed that.