FORUM BATTLE: All dates pushed back one week. Starts Feb 20th.

Larlar · February 2007

We all know that the third-ever Penny-Arcade Forum Battle contest just kind of got up and left before it actually ended. At least, anyone who matters knows that. And here I was, sifting through a folder of jpgs and gifs for no real reason, other than that the newest animated gif thread made me want to, when I stumbled onto a bunch of old, saved forum battles.

And they were awesome.

So, long story short: I'm a nostalgic dink, and an anonymous tip to immigration services has thankfully gotten futility deported to Sri Lanka by now, so let's do this fucking thing right this time. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about...

FORUM BATTLE
(a.k.a. unfair popularity contest)

Objective
You depict how a battle would unfold between yourself and your opponent using whatever medium you please, traditionally (but not necessarily) with them dying. Both your and his or her (tee hee, girls can't fight) entries go up underneath a 24-hour poll and then the masses pick which battle they liked more, or they ignore your efforts entirely and just vote on which forumer they like more. The winner moves on to the next bracket.

Strict timeline of doom
"Hey, this section is new! What does it mean? Why does there have to be doom in it? Can't it be a happy timeline of prosperous wonderment?"
Good question! You are not allowed to participate. For the rest of you who are not weenies, the thing that brutally destroyed the last Forum Battle contest was that people never got their shit in on time. This time around, if your entry is even one second late, you're disqualified. No exceptions. I don't care if your entire family dies in a localized household apocalypse. You should've thought of that before you bought them that glowing microwave from a gypsy you met at a bus stop. To be fair for potential busy schedules, though, I'll try to set it up so that every participant will get at least a week's time to prepare in each round of the contest.

Prizes?
Nah.
Well, maybe.
As the old champ from Chapter 1, Wally drew me something as a prize when I beat him out in the Chapter 2 final. I treasure it like I would a drawing of a fine cuban cigar. The thing is: even as the reigning champ, you probably don't want me to draw you anything if you win. I can't draw. That said, if you want something then I'll draw you something, although you should take the terms "draw" and "something" very loosely.

So, ultimately, I need 64 people to sign up. If I can't get 64 people, then the first 32 to sign up will be it. PM me a link to your entry (or if it's something like a plaintext story, copy and paste it...or don't bother at all, because no one will read it because this is SE++, you idiot) by 11:59.59 p.m. EST on the day before your battle is set to take place. Also, you have to have your own hosting. I'm already leeching mine off someone else, so I'm not fit to take on 64 squatters.

That's it.

These are the dates your battles are set to take place, not the days that your entries are due. Dig up, stupid.

ALL DATES ARE PUSHED BACK ONE WEEK, EXCEPT THOSE WHO HAVE TO BATTLE THIS MONDAY -- THEY GET AN EXTRA 24 HOURS ON TOP OF THAT BECAUSE OF UNTIMELY FORUM LAMENANIGANS

Bloods End · February 2007

Go fightin round the world.

potatoe · February 2007

i really want in this time

pick me

Grandaddy Delicious · February 2007

Bloods End wrote:

Go fightin round the world.

What is the punishment if we sign up but get too busy to finish?

Dangerou-Dave · February 2007

Oh man. I would do this if I had more free time to post...

Larlar · February 2007

potatoe wrote:

i really want in this time

pick me

okay

potatoe · February 2007

sweet
this means i win, right?

Larlar · February 2007

yup

thread locked

potatoe · February 2007

most efficient forum battle i've ever witnessed

Knob · February 2007

i never win these ever

EVER

i will win this year okay

i will win or there will be problems

I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up · February 2007

why not, i'm in

Rankenphile · February 2007

Count me in.

naporeon · February 2007

Oh Jesus.

Put me down.

FUCK.

Fiz · February 2007

Larlar, I always get sad when you post and your banner isn't the rainbow cowboy cactuar demanding dicks.

rockmonkey · February 2007

Knob wrote:

i never win these ever

EVER

i will win this year okay

i will win or there will be problems

at first glance those looked like cookies in your sig.

I was slightly disappointed soon as I looked directly at them.

[Deleted User] · February 2007

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Knob · February 2007

The Far Side wrote:

I wish I could do this but I cannot art

you don't have to art

my entries were going to be .mp3s of me going to the bathroom

potatoe · February 2007

The Far Side wrote:

I wish I could do this but I cannot art

that's not stopping me at all

i mean, look, i'm number one and i can't draw worth shit
hopefully i can get something good out if i spend a few hours on it, though

The Otaku Suppository · February 2007

Oh I am so in on this shit.

Clipart and paints all up ins.

Even death can't keep me away from a forum battle.

naporeon · February 2007

block

DJ Eebs · February 2007

okay I am in (this time I hope my internet doesn't crap out right when the first round is about to start)

I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up · February 2007

naporeon wrote:

block

circle gets the block

[Deleted User] · February 2007

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Shorty · February 2007

commie wrote:

naporeon wrote:

block

circle gets the block

I hate when they say that. Why do they say that? Does it give them magical blocking powers? Will they somehow not be blocking them if they don't say it? What the fuck, over.

naporeon · February 2007

Shorty wrote:

commie wrote:

naporeon wrote:

block

circle gets the block

I hate when they say that. Why do they say that? Does it give them magical blocking powers? Will they somehow not be blocking them if they don't say it? What the fuck, over.

What else would you like me to post as I block?

A bawdy limerick, perhaps?

No. I'm fucking blocking.

Larlar · February 2007

Knob wrote:

i never win these ever

EVER

i will win this year okay

i will win or there will be problems

Is this a good time to rub in the fact that I'm still undefeated?

naporeon · February 2007

Larlar, we are going to randomize this list, correct?

I mean, I don't want to be up against fucking Rank in the first goddamned round.

Might as well cut my belly now, and get it over with.

#pipe · February 2007

We should tell grug about this.

someone tell grug about this.

Also, I'll sit and watch intently.

potatoe · February 2007

someone call up sundays for this

Perrsun · February 2007

I would like to participate in this.

I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up · February 2007

potatoe wrote:

someone call up sundays for this

man if I have to go up against sundays i'm just going to make my drawing in like autocad or something.

I'll have to try not to try so it doesn't seem like i got completely raped when i was at mybest (though that actually probably is my best)

maybe i'll just do it in autocad anyways.

hmmmm

Larlar · February 2007

naporeon wrote:

Larlar, we are going to randomize this list, correct?

I mean, I don't want to be up against fucking Rank in the first goddamned round.

Might as well cut my belly now, and get it over with.

Yes, it will be randomized. I'm going to number off 32 pregnant ladies and match you up based on the order the babies get eaten.

potatoe · February 2007

i'd rather get raped by awesome people than win in a battle full of shit

but it doesn't matter because i'm going to beat all the awesome people anyway and come out on top

Homeless · February 2007

I will sign up. And be destroyed.

Knob · February 2007

Larlar wrote:

Knob wrote:

i never win these ever

EVER

i will win this year okay

i will win or there will be problems

Is this a good time to rub in the fact that I'm still undefeated?

not this year

NOT THIS YEAR

Rankenphile · February 2007

so, like, any media is cool for entry

right?

like, if I wanted to dip my knob in gravy and smear it around on some paper

like finger paint of the groin

that's still considered an entry

right?

Pony · February 2007

wut

The Geek · February 2007

I would like to participate, but I don't think I'd get entries done on time.

Larlar, pencil me in as "will participate if you don't quite get enough people".

Rankenphile · February 2007

or, like, a Rorschach print made by stuffing sheets of paper down my sweaty crack

all poopstains looking like a monsterface

that's still valid, right?

potatoe · February 2007

Rankenphile wrote:

so, like, any media is cool for entry

right?

like, if I wanted to dip my knob in gravy and smear it around on some paper

like finger paint of the groin

that's still considered an entry

right?

got a scanner?

Rankenphile · February 2007

potatoe wrote:

Rankenphile wrote:

so, like, any media is cool for entry

right?

like, if I wanted to dip my knob in gravy and smear it around on some paper

like finger paint of the groin

that's still considered an entry

right?

got a scanner?

why you gotta make things all complicated

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