The plan was for me to pick her up a little before seven and we'd go to the movie. Beyond that, I had some possible ideas (get some food, whatever) based on how the movie went. I picked her up around 6:45, following the poor directions I'd been given. The ride to the theater was alright; we talked about mutual friends and john cusak movies. I paid for the tickets and drinks. At this point, everything is ok. We sit down, and she puts her feet up on the seat in front of her. Then she starts laughing. I ask what's funny, as I'm expected to, and she tells me the position of her feet reminds her of being at the gynecologist. I chuckle, but then she goes into a long description of how she was nervous the first time, and that her doctor was a "huge black guy with gentle fingers." At this point, I'm a little wary, but we're both pretty quiet for the rest of the film, and, enheartened, I suggest we get something to eat. "Sure," she says. "Let's gank some food!" This is something I begin to notice, her using WoW expressions in general conversation. I am told, at one point, to stoo-foo (STFU) It is during dinner conversation that I realize I'm on a date with a lunatic. I cannot completely recreate the experience, rather, I will list for you the topics of conversation, all of which she was vehemently in support of: Cosplaying. Crossplaying. All anime, ever. I was treated to in-depth ploy synopses of no less than 6 of her favorites. Erotic fanfiction. Erotic *slash* fanfiction Erotic slash fanfiction featuring Harry Potter characters Bondage, preferably with duct tape. Losing her virginity at 13 to a 22-year-old At this point, I'm a little terrified. When we get back to her place, I figure I'll bolt out at the first opportunity, but then she pulls out her laptop. I figure she's checking her email, but no, it's time to play WoW. And it's time for me to watch. This goes on for about half an hour, to my dismay, and then she asks me if I've ever had anything shoved up my ass. I turn, hoping, praying, that she's kidding. She isn't. She pulls out Cosmopolitan and begins reading aloud from a list titled "Things you should do to surprise him in bed" Top of the list, apparently, is a surprise finger up the anus. She says "Maybe we can try that later," and smiles. I blink, twice. "Hey, do you want to read my poetry?" Before I can answer, she's typing in a url, and the next thing I know I'm reading "Cutting deep/ I'm not a sheep" She's making me read her cutter poetry. And it's awful. And plentiful. And autobiographical. Her cat comes in, and she says "Hey, check this out!" She pulls out a roll of duct tape, pulls off a strip, and, before I can object, puts in on the cat's back and yanks it off. I also notice, horrified, that the cat has no tail. "Cool, huh? He doesn't even feel it." She takes the duct tape, covered on one side with cat fur, and, with a flourish, puts it in her own mouth. It's here where I make my exit. tl;dr: I spend an evening with the dark side of the internet. How about you guys? Bad dates? Share your pain to ease mine.

Orik should Bel-Air this too.

Jesus Christ Skull Jesus Christ

. "Let's gank some food!" This is something I begin to notice, her using WoW expressions in general conversation gank isn't from WoW

Marry the broad. You ain't ever gunna get any better.

hahahahaha you had quite a night!

Nice, Bogey. Very nice.

Didn't everyone tell you it would end bad?

Did you tell her "afk... brb" before you split?

I think what delights me most is that there are a certain percentage of people reading that post thinking, "This girl sounds awesome."

I haven't dated for a while, so I figured, how bad could it be ho ho, very bad indeed

you should have hit it and run you went through enough trouble

That is indeed a pretty bad date.

Jesus Christ Skull Jesus Christ

Woa, where did you find this classy broad?

Friday the 13th.

Did you stick it in her?

So this was a few years back. I met this dude online (hurf durf) and he seemed... normal enough, I suppose. He kept saying we couldn't meet because he didn't have money, etc. Well, finally one day I just say lets go to lunch... because, jesus, do it or don't, why waste time talking with no chance of even meeting. Well, he's supposed to show up at noon... By 1:15 I'm about to go get my own lunch when the front desk calls, dude got really lost. I'm annoyed, but figure lets just get lunch. So we walk to a little restaurant where he then says he has no money, so won't be eating. dot dot. Well, I'm a polite gay from the South, so I offer to pay. He says no, I insist. So he orders a salad. So the food arrives and I start eating. Making a little conversation, then I look up. To see him eating his salad. With his hands! I've... not encountered such insanity before. It wasn't a small salad. And it wasn't bare. It had ranch dressing all over it. And his fork and knife? Sitting next to him. My brain absolutely could not process it. I actually looked around the place, thinking surely this was some set up for "lolbaddates on tape" or something. And since he had come to my work, I didn't dare duck out, lest he come to my work afterwards. I mean, the guy ate his salad with his hands, who knows what crazy things he might do. tl;dr: some faggot i went on a date with ate his salad with his hands

Nice, Bogey. Very nice. Thank you. Also, Skull Man, you rock for sharing this story. It's so perfect for a Friday afternoon! Please see her again so you can tell us more stories. Please!

That cosmo is going to result in a lot of chicks with black eyes. Finger up the anus can be pleasurable. Surprise finger up the anus, however, usually isn't.

How the fuck did you meet her?

[IMG]http[/IMG] she's the one to the left of the giant flip-off

question: why didn't you kill her

I was covered in hickies and bitemarks when Rachel & I went on our first date.