Oh yes, its that time again, folks. Make us cringe, make us applaud The other day I was at work talking to my friend, Dan about this psycho-religious girl I know, Mel. I was telling the story how she had a big black dildo poked in her ear as a joke once and, due to her intensely sheltered life nearly vomited at the sight of a big black dildo. I was really going on about how this girl was annoyingly psycho-religious and how she only hated the dildo because it looked like it was from a black man. About half way through I remembered the new trainee, Shankar, was sitting behind me. Singaporean and wears a shiny gold crucifix around his neck. Hasnt said a single word to me since. Ack.

Hooray! I love these threads!

I had a meeting with my supervisor, whose office is in the building next to the one where I work. So I went there on time, and he wasn't there. No surprise there - he's always late. Then I remembered I left some papers in my lab that I might need. Since he's late, I figured I can run to my lab, pick up the papers, come back and relax until he arrives. So I did. I came back right as my supervisor was arriving. So no time to relax. I just ran to another building and back and sat down right away, so I ended up sweating during the entire meeting. And the worst of it is, in the end, I didn't even need those papers.

Back in the day, I often greeted my friends with "What up mah nigga!?" especially if we weren't in public or anything. One day, I head over to my friends house, walk and greet him in just such a way. He says, "Let me introduce you to my new roommate," who had just came around the corner behind me. Yup, you guessed it, the new roommate was black. I don't think he ever said more the two words to me the whole time he lived there. Needless to say, I don't use that greeting anymore.

I used to work at EB Games a few years back, and like alot of moms who come in to shop, the one I had in this story knew nothing about the game she was about to purchas for her kid. It was GTA: Vice City of course. Little Billy didn't look anymore than 7 years old, so I explained to her that this game probably wouldn't have been the best choice. I pointed out Katamari Damacy instead, and told her that not only was it just $20, she wouldn't have to worry about her kid running around blowing up hookers all day. "Mom, what's a hooker?" She was gonna kill me right there on the spot. :|

I used to work at EB Games a few years back, and like alot of moms who come in to shop, the one I had in this story knew nothing about the game she was about to purchas for her kid. It was GTA: Vice City of course. Little Billy didn't look anymore than 7 years old, so I explained to her that this game probably wouldn't have been the best choice. I pointed out Katamari Damacy instead, and told her that not only was it just $20, she wouldn't have to worry about her kid running around blowing up hookers all day. "Mom, what's a hooker?" She was gonna kill me right there on the spot. :| I think I heard this story once before.

I used to work at EB Games a few years back, and like alot of moms who come in to shop, the one I had in this story knew nothing about the game she was about to purchas for her kid. It was GTA: Vice City of course. Little Billy didn't look anymore than 7 years old, so I explained to her that this game probably wouldn't have been the best choice. I pointed out Katamari Damacy instead, and told her that not only was it just $20, she wouldn't have to worry about her kid running around blowing up hookers all day. "Mom, what's a hooker?" She was gonna kill me right there on the spot. :| I think I heard this story once before. I DEMAND A REFUND!!

Well lemme see...strange/embarrasing moment... Ahh yes. Back in college, I had a girlfriend who was rather rebellious compared to the rest of her family. She had come from a Chinese-Catholic family who stick to tradition. Specifically, they already didn't approve of her dating a Mexican who was majoring in Linguistics (I was actually minoring in Ling and majoring in Architecture). Well, my girlfriend made a case for me in that I was as Catholic as they were, which I was not. I haven't been to church since I skipped out on my First Communion when I was 12. Anyways, my girlfriend's sister was in this church group and was putting on a show about how following God can help people make the right choices. My girlfriend was being dragged to see it so I figured I should go with her so she wouldn't suffer alone. So we sat and watched this whole play. I remember one scene had some court convicting some killer who just so happened to be the judge's son. So the judge takes the electric chair for him (yeah that one boggled my mind). So, after he play, my and my gf go up to say hi to her sis and make a run for my car. Well, guess who else was there to watch the play? Yep, my girlfriend's mom was near the exit. So aside from the mindless Chinese chatter and constant looks I was getting from her mom, I pretty much was praying to any God to help us out. It got even worse when her mom asked me questions about the play and so forth, almost testing me. Each reply garnered me more angry or dissappointed looks. As the room was clearing out, I managed to walk out with my gf and her mom towards my car (me being in a rush and all). My gf is in the passanger seat and talking through the window to her mom while I'm putting our umbrellas in the backseat. As her mom walks away, I get in the car and managed to slam my forehead super hard as I sit down. That's when I yell out "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT" super loud surrounded by Catholics in a parking lot while my girlfriend's Catholic mom is a few feet away from us. Yeah...

I used to work at EB Games a few years back, and like alot of moms who come in to shop, the one I had in this story knew nothing about the game she was about to purchas for her kid. It was GTA: Vice City of course. Little Billy didn't look anymore than 7 years old, so I explained to her that this game probably wouldn't have been the best choice. I pointed out Katamari Damacy instead, and told her that not only was it just $20, she wouldn't have to worry about her kid running around blowing up hookers all day. "Mom, what's a hooker?" She was gonna kill me right there on the spot. :| I think I heard this story once before. I posted it in the employee lounge thread back in the day.

I know a girl who is absolutely terrified of the word "vagina." Saying it around her actually makes her throw up. Of course, my friends and I can't let this go. So the entire night, we were just randomly replacing words with "vagina." We were constructing sentances like, "Can you vagina me the vagina?" To make things more interesting, we were at my friends house and he has a cat. An adorable cat. The cat walks in and my very drunk, female friend yells out, "Pussy!" Boom. Girl bolts to the bathroom and starts puking. I laughed so hard that my face hurt for two days.

The first two Strange and Embarrassing Moments threads were some of the most entertaining threads ever. I posted this story in G&T a while back, but I doubt most of you have seen it, so I'll post it here as well. A few weeks ago I was at my dad's house for a couple of days. He was at a bar, and I wanted to play Intelligent Cube, so I decided to look for his PSX games. They were not in the drawer I expected them to be in, so I opened a random closet, and instead saw a pile of porn magazines. This did not describe me, as he is a 50 year old guy who doesn't live with his girlfriend at the moment. On top of the magazines, though, was a 300 fucking page hentai manga, which I assume he bought on one of his 5 or so trips to Japan. I'm not one to judge people for their tastes in porn, but it was kind of an odd thing to discover about my dad. Oh well, at least it wasn't lolicon.

I'm going to say this picture will lead to some strange and embarrassing moments...for Rita "I'm a fucking stupid bitch" Cosby.

The funniest embarrassing moment (I can recall that didn't happen to me) happend in ninth grade Social Studies. This black girl was really pissed at a guy for some reason and was reading him the riot act. She finished off her rant with ...And you can eat a big chocolate ass dick. That line would have been damn good by itself, but the moment she saw the teacher behind her was classic. In the end she only received a lecture. On top of the magazines, though, was a 300 fucking page hentai manga, which I assume he bought on one of his 5 or so trips to Japan I remember this guy paid me $5 a few years ago to burn him a porn movie. Originally he wanted lesbian hentai (no dicks or I'll kill you!) but I didn't have any hentai. He was cool getting some regular porn though. The day after he got the disc he told me he only watched it once and then threw it out because he was scared his "ex drug cop dad" would find it. Then yesterday a friend of mine was shocked when he found out I wasn't much of a hentai fan. What's with people assume I'm a hentai buff?

On top of the magazines, though, was a 300 fucking page hentai manga, which I assume he bought on one of his 5 or so trips to Japan I remember this guy paid me $5 a few years ago to burn him a porn movie. Originally he wanted lesbian hentai (no dicks or I'll kill you!) but I didn't have any hentai. He was cool getting some regular porn though. The day after he got the disc he told me he only watched it once and then threw it out because he was scared his "ex drug cop dad" would find it. Then yesterday a friend of mine was shocked when he found out I wasn't much of a hentai fan. What's with people assume I'm a hentai buff? Maybe they just associate "games & anime fan" with "hentai fan" ? There is a bit of a correlation there, especially when it comes to anime. And why did your friend even ask for the porn if he was that afraid of his dad finding it? That's silly.

On top of the magazines, though, was a 300 fucking page hentai manga, which I assume he bought on one of his 5 or so trips to Japan I remember this guy paid me $5 a few years ago to burn him a porn movie. Originally he wanted lesbian hentai (no dicks or I'll kill you!) but I didn't have any hentai. He was cool getting some regular porn though. The day after he got the disc he told me he only watched it once and then threw it out because he was scared his "ex drug cop dad" would find it. Then yesterday a friend of mine was shocked when he found out I wasn't much of a hentai fan. What's with people assume I'm a hentai buff? Maybe they just associate "games & anime fan" with "hentai fan" ? There is a bit of a correlation there, especially when it comes to anime. And why did your friend even ask for the porn if he was that afraid of his dad finding it? That's silly. Very much so. And yeah, the unwashed masses generally assosciate 'anime' with 'cartoon porn'.

My older brother is a pretty manly dude. He has a big ol' beard, chest hair. Muscular and tanned. Completely masculine in every way. The man does reps and sasses ladies. He also has a copy of Animal Crossing in his apartment. One day I asked him if he could pop it in. He got a very strange look on his face and told me it was "for his girlfriend" and "I probably shouldn't touch it. Just in case." The next day he wasn't home when I woke up, so I was bored. So I popped it in. His character was a girl in a dress, who walked out of his house. With a pink roof. The house is filled with the pink and heart-covered Lovely furniture. The basement is filled with dresses. So many dresses. He has a beautiful flower garden around his house. THERE'S A STATUE OF HIM IN FRONT OF THE TRAIN STATION. On the island that you sail to, the flag is a huge cock and balls. Later I heard him loudly complaining to his girlfriend over the phone that he didn't have enough room in his house for 'all of my dresses' without 'messing it up, I don't want to get a bad score from the house checker association.'

My older brother is a pretty manly dude. He has a big ol' beard, chest hair. Muscular and tanned. Completely masculine in every way. The man does reps and sasses ladies. He also has a copy of Animal Crossing in his apartment. One day I asked him if he could pop it in. He got a very strange look on his face and told me it was "for his girlfriend" and "I probably shouldn't touch it. Just in case." The next day he wasn't home when I woke up, so I was bored. So I popped it in. His character was a girl in a dress, who walked out of his house. With a pink roof. The house is filled with the pink and heart-covered Lovely furniture. The basement is filled with dresses. So many dresses. He has a beautiful flower garden around his house. THERE'S A STATUE OF HIM IN FRONT OF THE TRAIN STATION. On the island that you sail to, the flag is a huge cock and balls. Later I heard him loudly complaining to his girlfriend over the phone that he didn't have enough room in his house for 'all of my dresses' without 'messing it up, I don't want to get a bad score from the house checker association.' Wait. You mean that's NOT how you're supposed to play the game? News to me.

Oh god Cass that story is awesome. Does he know you saw his horrible secrets?

So this past summer a semi-large group of friends of mine decided to go tubing down a river. Of course we brought along large amounts of drinks. We ended up being on the river for the entire afternoon. Afterwards we hit up a couple of bars in the area and drank some more. We ended up heading back to town at a rather late in the evening. I even met a cute girl who I seemed to get along with very well and actually ended up talking to the entire ride back to town. All in all I thought it had turned out to be a pretty good day. The next day however I had a message from one of my friends on the phone. You see he was the one who was the DD and had driven me and a couple of other friends back to town. He was also the one who introduced me to said cute girl. Apparently I had called him no less than 30 times after getting home, trying to get that girl's number as I had forgotten to ask her for it. I also am told I accused him of stealing some cash from me that fell out on the river which is laughable since A: ot fell outon the river and B: he already has more money than he knows what to do with. I also realized that I had no idea if I had gotten along with that girl at all since I couldn't remember anything we talked about. Her name was pretty much the only thing I remembered. In fact when I saw her again at a party I didn't even recognize her. And when she tried to continue the conversation we were having I was forced to admit I had no memory of it whatsoever. She wasn't very amused. Fun >_<

I was having a chat with my family at the dinner table, and the conversation reminded me of something that happened to me once. So I say: "This reminds me of how I found out that Father Christmas wasn't real." I went on to tell the anecdote, embellishing it with humourous touches that I was really quite proud of. Talked for about 3 minutes. Then I noticed no-one was laughing, and some were actually giving me sour looks. And I turned left, and saw my 4 year old cousin looking very confused.

I was having a chat with my family at the dinner table, and the conversation reminded me of something that happened to me once. So I say: "This reminds me of how I found out that Father Christmas wasn't real." I went on to tell the anecdote, embellishing it with humourous touches that I was really quite proud of. Talked for about 3 minutes. Then I noticed no-one was laughing, and some were actually giving me sour looks. And I turned left, and saw my 4 year old cousin looking very confused. Well now we need to hear the story in the story. How'd you find out Father Christmas wasn't real?

Oh, that bit's not important. I basically heard my Dad yelling "NO, NO, HE STILL THINKS THE PRESENTS COME FROM FATHER CHRISTMAS, NO, HE HASN'T WORKED IT OUT YET AND WE HAVEN'T TOLD HIM" on the phone to his sister. But obviously to make that into a viable anecdote you have to tart it up a bit.

I was really hungry and there were alot of dishes, so I grabbed the first big stovetop pot I could grab and started making myself some Au Gratin Potatoes. Did not notice: Was not in fact "pot," but instead "very large glass bowl." Everything was going fine, the potatoes were cooking, the cheese goo was in. Then I added ice-cold milk. My sister ran downstairs to see what I was screaming about. "What's wrong, are you ok?" The glass bowl had exploded (rather suddenly and loudly), and the kitchen was covered in milky-cheese-goo. I was dumbfounded but otherwise uninjured. Took a few weeks to live that down

This was a night of first times. I was pretty nerdy, and had not really drank until I was almost 21. So my friend and I decide to get drunk (me for the first time). We get his brother to hook us up with some Wild Turkey and some hard lemonade. We're in college, and my dormroom was as good a place as any. So my friend and I are getting wasted, my roommate is hilariously watching the whole thing (I did a lot of drunken dancing). Eventually, he starts inviting people over to watch., as well as his girlfriend. They get entertained, especially since I am pretty quiet, keep to myself. We get a pretty good buzz going, by drinking 3/4 of the bigass bottle of Wild Turkey. We're just guzzling it straight out of the bottle. We top it off with the hard lemonades. After all that, I'm feeling pretty wiped. so I just lay down. Mind you, I'm completely conscious and aware of the entire evening. Interesting side fact: I have never lost recollection, or vomited no matter how much I've drank, just a weird ability I guess. Hooray for generations of alcoholics in my family. So my body is nearly paralized (can't do anything but lay, literally). I notice the bed starts shaking (we were in bunk beds). In my drunken haze, I'm like "there's no way that's what I think they're doing". I resign to the fact that it's probably nothing, when shortly later I hear some horendus vomiting noises coming from down below. It's my best friend puking his guts out. Not only that, but the bed keeps on shaking. Turns out my friend was in fact puking everything he had eaten onto our floor (pizza), and my roommate lost his virginity while that was happening. Not only that, but my friend started screaming, "I'm going to die!!!" and "I want my mom!!!" in a drunken death yell. It took about an hour of him feeling like he was about to die before things calmed down, and he want and sat in the shower until like 8 in the morning.

Cass, that is the first thing that made me laugh today.