Morrissey, just for the complete character inversion.

Banana. (Gif from Advent Children goes here)

Isn't Cid kind of like the Dragoon class from days of old?

Mr. Grumpy CrankyDan

Now, I can unspoiler the name I mentioned for Cid (since I didn't want it getting in the way of the Vincent suggestions): Heman. I mean, hey, you've got his tea-making love slave called Shera, so why not?

I always thought Sephiroth hitting squall in the chest with materia was weird. Why does he give it to you? Also, Squall has the worst reflexes ever.

Hmm Aristocrat or Archduke or Crumpets

Banana. (Gif from Advent Children goes here) You know, I was going to say this, but I didn't think anybody would actually get it. So I guess I'm obliged to second it now.

Banana.

hahahaha, that's awesome.

Its hypnotic...

Banana. Why have I never seen this before?

Oh man, it's been so long! BANANA

I had originally seen it as an avatar, just with him talking and the caption. But when I searched, all that came up was the one with the spinning banana. You want to see hypnotic, check out the ytmnd

So it's settled. His name must be Banana.

Ahahahaa, I've been playing ahead, and I love the way Barret talks: "We're goin' to Junon, boyeee!!" No, I did not alter that in any way.

Ahahahaa, I've been playing ahead, and I love the way Barret talks: "We're goin' to Junon, boyeee!!" No, I did not alter that in any way. The last time I played through this I read all Barret's lines as the Cole Train, inserting ", baby" and "WHOOOOOO!" as necessary. There is a certain oft-repeated line that suddenly becomes hilarious. Probably because I didn't remember it until it came up. And the whole coal train segment is more amusing than it should be. Also, Chocobo Sage = Farnsworth.

Ahahahaa, I've been playing ahead, and I love the way Barret talks: "We're goin' to Junon, boyeee!!" No, I did not alter that in any way. The last time I played through this I read all Barret's lines as the Cole Train, inserting ", baby" and "WHOOOOOO!" as necessary. There is a certain oft-repeated line that suddenly becomes hilarious. Probably because I didn't remember it until it came up. And the whole coal train segment is more amusing than it should be. Also, Chocobo Sage = Farnsworth. With the above line all I could think was "Yo vanilla, kick it one time boyee!!!"

Isn't Cid kind of like the Dragoon class from days of old? Short answer: yes. Longer answer: His full name is Cid Highwind and his main weapon is a spear. I also think at least one of his limit breaks involves jumping really high up in the air, but I don't remember exactly. (I guess we're about to find out, though.)

Part 15: What if everything you ever wanted came in a ROCKET TOWN!? Spoiler: show spoiler hide spoiler So we get to the aptly named Rocket Town. It’s a hotspot for tourists because they can see the town's main attraction: A large environmental hazard. The townspeople don’t have a lot to say other than “See the Captain” and “lol rocket.” Loaf can now kick reason to the curb and pierce the heavens with this drill. Haha, look at this fruity little plane. It looks like it was designed by a five year old. Who the hell would find this even remotely cool? Are you surprised? I’m not. This may as well be “Barbie’s first light propeller aircraft.” Also, Tiny Bronco? This is the sort of plane that gets locked in hangars by 767’s at airplane school. ‘…What the hell? What, do you think just because you’re involved in one illegal profession that you may as well add grand theft… uh, aircraft to the list?’ ‘A guy is seriously working in that Leaning Rocket of Pisa? The man is bananas.’ Cool, so we just wait for him to show up and beat his ass, right? No, of course not. We head over to the rocket so we can meet… ‘Given your situation, I would want to be called something else, too. How about MANANA?’ What war?! ‘Until this CEO of theirs was suddenly all like “I’ve had my eyes opened.” And “I want to make other things that don’t blow up.” I think his name was Tony.’ ‘Listen Bananaman… That ego thing…? Totally my bit. So step off.’ ‘Hee hee, anal…’ This train of thought causes Squall to become unresponsive and stare blankly. Maybe they just realized that a man named Banana was their best pilot. With all the technology Shinra has made. Robots. Mako Reactors. Big, useless cannons. They’ve still never gone into space, ever? What’s the fucking hold up? ‘...I think I’m going to go now.’ 'He did mention something about you being a complete fuckup. Then something about anal, so I think he wants to give it to you in the ass or something… I dunno, I’m a little bit high so I kinda spaced out after a minute.’ ‘Misogyny, too? This isn’t cool, man. Stop stealing my lines!’ ‘Besides, I don’t even really like-…’ Squall squeals as his pants begin to show a distinct wet spot. ‘Keep talking sexy like that, JB, and I’ll clear this table and introduce you to my own Tiny Bronco. Waitaminute…’ ‘Hey, you don’t happen to be related to someone named Jessie, do you? Just in case you are. She’s totally dead. From a fire burning her face off. And rubble crushing her organs and bones. Deceased. …Reformatted by God.’ Oh crap, here comes the obligatory sepia toned backstory. ‘Oxygen is for WOMEN. If it breaks, I’ll hold my breath like a MAN.’ ‘But it won’t break because this is a MAN’S rocket! It’s made of BICEPS.’ ‘This is amazing! One small step for MAN (not woman). One giant leap for MANKIND! (not womankind).’ ‘You have no idea what an emergency is until you’ve had my foot in your goddamn ass!’ Did it ever occur to you to do the tank checks like, earlier than a minute before launch? ‘Dead! Croaked! Danced the last dance! Checked out! Living challenged! The Planet’s new Poker buddy!’ You got balls, lady… Just one more reason to believe you’re somehow related to Jessie… The moon. You don’t even have a space suit! At this rate you were going to be the first man in space, and also the first man to explode and congeal in the vacuum of space. Backstories are just so suspenseful. WILL THEY LIVE? I CANNOT WATCH. He hits the nearby, appropriately labeled “Oh Shit” button. Buuuuurrrrruummmmmmmmmmm Puff puff… whirr… hissssss…. Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaak. ‘You know what this story reminds me of? My penis.’ Then a town was built right under the defective rocket and everyone lived happily ever after. ‘I bet he wishes your parents had the same idea. By the way, JB, remind me to have a conversation with you about “aborting” later.’ Oh boy, it’s another one of Rufus’ lard-ass henchmen. Palmer, the guy who runs the apparently non-existent space division. No wonder they ran out of budget. He probably spent it all on Ho-Ho’s. Wha-.. hey! If you make the fat references, what am I supposed to put in the caption?! Stay out of this, Fats McGee! Go have some tea. ‘Why don’t you just save yourself some time and shove 20 Twinkies in a blender?’ Are you shitting me? The President of the most powerful corporation in the world wants that Playskool piece of crap? Why? IN JUNON, YOU HAD MULTIPLE PLANES. AN AIRSHIP. A BOAT. A FUCKING HELICOPTER. ONE OF THEM HAS TO WORK. So it turns out the airship in Junon was Banana’s. It seems more likely that Rufus doesn’t need the Tiny Bronco, but rather he’s like an ADD little brother. Whatever you have, he wants, no matter how unnecessary or stupid it is. And he gets it, because he has “special needs.” ‘You can’t take the sky from me! Can't you just like, take my love or my land instead...?’ Jess.. er.. Shera informs us that Palmer is currently trying to hijack the Bronco. Not sure how he planned to shove that massive ass into that dinky seat. We have to fight him. He prances around like a fucking lunatic but overall is as weak as he looks. After we win, the Bronco starts moving on its own. Haha, he’s going to get owned. It missed him. Son of a bitch. I didn’t get a good shot (Even though I did the battle twice in order to try and get it, hence the differences in health/mp), but yes, he got hit by a fucking truck after taunting us and running away. Best ending to a boss battle ever, period. Anyways, as satisfying as that was, the plane is still out of control. ‘Hey JB, Have you seen Mary? I’ll check this side. Hmm, No one here. Well… That’s a shame.’ ‘Ah hey, is it raini- OH GOD DAMN IT.’ ‘Got him. You both owe me 20 bucks.’ Banana proves he is bionic as he literally jumps onto a high speed aircraft. And for once in their lives, Shinra soldiers hit something. Probably just fate being a bitch to Banana again. ‘Yeah, you’re about 15 minutes late in saying that…’ Yes indeed, look at that huge splash. Most anti-climactic crash ever. Banana is mourning the loss of his plane, but thankfully Squall has comfort ready. That totally could have been today. He had two shitty soldiers for guards. Even Mary could have poisoned his ass to death. ‘What the fuck? I don’t want you on my team… You’re stealing all my material… I’ll have to hold a team vote…’ Squall shakes his head vehemently. ‘Fucking hell. Fine.’ ‘GOD DAMN IT, I HATE YOU GUYS.’ ‘Why does everyone know these things before we do?!?’ Next time on Final Fantasy VII: I haven’t decided yet! Spoiler: show spoiler hide spoiler This update has been brought to you by Powerthirst.

Pure (banana colored) gold my man.

Grand Theft Aero, maybe? Oh, wait, that's when you steal someone's chocolate... Oh, and you know what's really annoying? Spoiler: show spoiler hide spoiler PALMER FUCKING LIVES.

Grand Theft Aero, maybe? Oh, wait, that's when you steal someone's chocolate... Damn it. That's totally better than what I wrote.

This gets better and better with each updates. Keep it up. So many awesome lines. "It's made of BICEPS!"

I can't not find Powerthirst references funny. I guess that says something about me... Anyway, very well done once again. Don't let this LP die on us! It's too good!