Anyone want to play a little pickle? [Jurassic Park! Dinosaurs! NSF56K/Limbs] :
01-27-2009, 04:37 PM
The definitive Jurassic Park/Dinosaur thread!
Di-no-saur (dī'nə-sôr')
n.
1. Any of various extinct, often gigantic, carnivorous or herbivorous reptiles of the orders Saurischia and Ornithischia that were chiefly terrestrial and existed during the Mesozoic Era.
2. A relic of the past: "living dinosaurs of the world of vegetation" (John Olmsted).
Jurassic Park
a.
1. noting or pertaining to a period of the Mesozoic Epoch, occurring from 190 to 140 million years ago and characterized by an abundance of dinosaurs and the advent of birds and mammals.
2. The best thing ever realized by mortal minds.
Jurassic Park was released in 1993 and is a pivotal turning point for which we view movies today. Take for example the now common phrase, "This is good, but not nearly as good as watching Jurassic Park"
The movie's plot centers around sciences continuing study of nature and it's pursuit to ultimately control it. John Hammond, the CEO of the world's leading bioengineering company "InGen", concludes that God made the wrong decision in killing the dinosaurs and decides to resurrect them in a controlled island environment, where they can be gawked at, touched, and teased by little brats from the world over. This plan fails however, because in the end watching people get eaten up by extinct creatures for 90 minutes is ultimately the better story thread.
SPOILERED FOR HUGE AND ALSO SPOILERS
NOVEL VS. FILM
Spoiler:
Like most things in life, Jurassic Park started out as a lame, awkward concept dreamed up by famous novelist Micheal Crichton (Oct 23, 1942 – Nov 4, 2008), before growing up and evolving into the adult phase of concentrated awesome it is was. Later growing old, frail, and ultimately geriatric through the passing of it's sequels. The novel received much critical praise for not entirely ripping off Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, and it's new theories of dinosaur evolution, fully ripped off from paleontologist Jack Horner.
Despite enjoying the film immensely as a kid, I never did get around to reading it's novelization. So on a recent trip to Mexico I dusted off an old edition from my bookshelf and took it along for a fun read.
The fun times never came.
It is said that Steven Spielberg purchased the rights to the book before Crichton even began his first draft. If this is true then it is readily apparent within the pages, as the story comes off as more of a screenplay; a mish-mash of concepts and story threads, beginning and ending with wanton disregard for any structure, launching it's protagonists into action scene after action scene, each more ridiculous than the last. Not wanting to leave a single idea out, he stuffed them all into every last inch of 8x11 looseleaf, forcibly stapled them together, and sent the first draft he had off to Emblin Entertainment. After reading it, Spielberg dismissed it a mess, took half the characters and central idea, and went on to rebuild it faster, stronger, harder, and better. Defeated, Crichton had not the energy to complete a second draft and simply sent what he had out to publishing.
This may or may not be how it went down.
Now, many people criticize the movie for lacking any of the true character depth or growth of the novel. Which is odd because
a)it has none of those either
and
b)it has only one character. Well, it has many characters, however they are all assimilated from pieces of the authors bloated ego, completely interchangeable and can join together to form some sort of super protagonist! I have never before seen a story jam packed with so many idiots. No one acts on any semblance of rational thought and like in a Shakespeare play (the bad parts of a Shakespeare play) will completely change character for no reason other than to serve the advancement of the plot. The DaVinci code took place in a more believable universe for god sake.
Below I have concocted a handy reference guide, detailing the differences you will find between characters in both the film and novel. I have also rated the literary versions on a scale from one to dumbass, and outlined their most mind numbingly spectacular moments.
FIGHT!
Dr. Allan Grant Spoiler:
Movie Version: A middle aged paleontologist who would rather be getting down and dirty on his hands and knees than dealing with the newest technological advances in the field. Also, because he is starring in a Steven Spielberg picture, he must possess a complex against liking children which he will no doubt overcome by the end of the movie.
Novel Version: Sam Niel with a mustache, more akin to the Alan Grant portrayed in the third movie. An action star for paleontologists (what Robert Langdon did for historians), has crazy ideas and is not afraid to let them be heard! Don't believe that birds evolved from dinosaurs? Don't worry, he will press his case again and again until you do!
Best Moment of Stupidity: "After getting attacked at the tyrannosaur paddock, we have braved many elements in order to find our way back to sanctuary, including getting munched on by the t-rex, raptors, dilophosaurus, and finally pterodactyls. Now that we are safe inside the visitor center I have one last mission to carry out, a counter attack on the velocoraptor nest which will consist of everyone who has thus far survived, waltzing unarmed (aside from gas grenades) into their territory! Don't worry however, as this is simply a ruse to prove one last time before the book ends that my theory of bird evolution is correct!
Idiot rating: 5
Dr. Ellie Sattler Spoiler:
Movie Version: A paleobotonist who works alongside Dr. Allan Grant; also his better half. Serves as a foil to his child punching ways. Able to take the pressure and handle herself well during velocoraptor attacks. Will happily discuss sexism in survival situations at a later time.
Novel Version: Pretty much the same, although much younger and supple. Serves as an understudy to Dr. Grant, although do they do not have any physical relationship (boyfriend back home).
Best moment of stupidity: Dr. Sattler is possibly one of the more grounded character in the novel, living on a plane called "reality" and for the most part keeps herself out of trouble. If I had to choose a moment though it would have to be going up against the raptors in order to restore power to the park. Although she did sort of win that one, so it's kind of a wash.
Idiot rating: 1
Dr. Ian Malcolm Spoiler:
Movie Version: Everyone's favorite rock star chaos theorist! Jeff Goldblum took this role and ran with it, staying in character up to and throughout his role in Independence Day, a film he would not star for another three years! Unfortunately he snapped out of it just prior to the shooting of Jurassic Park 2, and in a haze of confusion decided to portray the good doctor as a pussy instead.
Novel Version: Dr. Mary Sue. Micheal Crichton's biggest mouthpiece character in a novel filled with mouthpiece characters! Like Grant, will not shut up about his theories, even when suffering from gain green and slipping in and out of coma's. Takes time out from dying to go on long winded diatribes, conveniently moving the plot forward with the subtlety of a jackhammer before passing out once more.
Best moment of stupidity: Knowing full well in advance that not only was the park bound to fail and it's citizens to be horribly maimed, but still attending a free trip for the hell of it. Probably just so he could sit back and give a smug "I told you so", all the while being disemboweled by prehistoric horrors. BONUS POINTS: Brings himself back from the dead just in time to attend a second excursion to the island.
Idiot rating: 7
John Hammond Spoiler:
Movie Version: A compassionate, grandfather figure with good intentions who discovers that unfortunately, nature can't be controlled by throwing money at it. Spares no expense.
Novel Version: Basically an idiot, albeit a fat entrepreneurial jerkass one. Pretty much no redeeming qualities whatsoever, just in case you unsure of who the villain was in this story. There is no realistic way the park could have functioned under his command based on the sheer ineptitude in which he presents himself. Dennis Nedry and chaos theory aside, the park would have crumbled within the first 15 minutes of flipping the "on" switch and lighting up the fences, based simply on the many moronic design choices he put into place. Has no qualms with using his grandchildren as collateral.
Best Moment of Stupidity: "Oh hey, these dinosaurs are too expensive to be damaged so I am going to prohibit the use of weapons on the island. I will however allow us to be stocked with one fucking rocket launcher, which I am sure will do fine against some of our more spry attractions."
Idiot rating: 11
Robert Muldoon Spoiler:
Movie version: A game hunter from the Australian outback. Has balls of brass and would punch a velocoraptor in the throat if given the chance. Makes khaki shorts work for him.
Film version: Same deal, except replace Australian with a Brit and the balls of brass for hiding in a giant drain pipe to avoid getting eaten by raptors. Probably more smart in the long run, but loses out on a lot of badass one liners. Makes due with the lunacy which surrounds him.
Moment of stupidity: Blowing up a raptor with a rocket. I know that sounds badass, but just think about it for a moment... there you go.
Idiot rating: 2
Dennis Nedry Spoiler:
Movie Version: A opportunistic IT employee who wrote most of the code which sustains Jurassic Park's systems. Has a sweet tooth for Butterfingers candy and probably TAB soda. Bribed by InGen's rival bio-engineering company, he agrees to steal a dozen dinosaur embryos and quietly sneak them off the island via a departing vessel. Ultimately fails by being accidentally disemboweled by a dilophosaurus instead. He was holding his own guts!
Novel Version: Once again, the same deal. Although was driven to betray InGen due to John Hammond's incompetence and unreasonable demands. As a friend of an IT worker, I can sympathize.
Best moment of stupidity: See cause of death.
Idiot rating: 6
Tim Murphy Spoiler:
Movie Version: Youngest of the two Murphy children, Tim is brought to the island by his Grandfather who hopes to demonstrate the park's appeal to kids. Tim holds a large fascination with dinosaurs and is ecstatic to discover he will be sharing the tour with his idol, Dr. Alan Grant. Will be less ecstatic to learn that he is an albatross who should have never been invited along for the ride. Takes the brunt of the park's apparent masochism.
Novel Version: Eldest of the Murphy children, Tim was apparently too much of a massive nerd and had to be toned down for the motion picture, handing off his mad computer skills to his sister Alex. Like his movie counterpart he still has a huge boner for dinosaurs, and is basically Alan Grant Jr.; another character in which to parrot Micheal Crichton's theories.
Best moment of stupidity: Not killing his sister when he had the chance (see below for Alex Murphy).
Idiot rating: 5
Alex Murphy Spoiler:
Movie Version: Eldest of the Muphy children, Alex begrudgingly tagged along to Jurassic Park even though she would rather be at home playing World of Warcraft or hacking Unix systems. Screams a lot but manages to outsmart a velocoraptor somehow and saves the day the way only children in a Spielberg picture can!. Likes veggisauruses.
Novel Version: A shrill, annoying harpy who uses outdated 1930's lingo and single handedly causes the near demise of Dr. Grant and Tim on more than one occasion. More concerned over her Cal Ripkin edition catchers mit getting devoured than her older brother. Completely useless and should have been fed to the compys by the end of the book.
Best moment of stupidity: Going into a sneezing fit as they try to quietly pass by a sleeping tyrannosaurus, who is taking a time out from a busy day of trying to end you. "I couldn't help it" is not an acceptable excuse! You're dino chow little lady.
Idiot rating: 9
T-Rex Spoiler:
Movie Version: The main attraction! T-rex is a tour de force and allegory to man's lack of control over nature. Although a grouch and all around bully, she is still portrayed as a wild animal who is simply confused with the new world she has been placed in.
Novel Version: Like the winds in "Twister", this fucker will hunt you until it finally gets to make feast on your gooey insides. Never mind the fact that you are but a measly crouton to her enormous pallet, this dino is motivated by vengeance and vengeance alone. Twice the size of the movie rex and sports a long snake-like tongue which can coil around your frail body, because lizards apparently have those. Hates dying.
Best moment of stupidity: THEY ARE STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!! JUST FUCKING EAT THEM AND GET HIS BULLSHIT OVER WITH ALREADY!!
Idiot rating: 3
DINOSAUR ROLE CALL! Spoiler:
(In order of appearance)
Velociraptor (Bird of Prey)
When we first meet the lovely velociraptor, she is already hard at work nom nom-ing on the legs of a rather ethnic looking park employee, setting the immediate precedent that they are not to be fucked with and probably really racist. Although more closer in physical appearance to the Utahraptor or Deinonychus, they are given the name "raptor" in the film because neither of the former would cause you to shit your pants.
Brachiosaurus (High Chested Arm Reptile)
The first dinosaur which our heroes dramatically lay their eyes on, this large sauropod will happily go about it's day eating the branches off tall trees, leaving you well enough alone. Can lift itself onto it's hind legs to reach the extra high leaves. THE VERY BEST KIND.
Parasaurolophus
This dinosaur gets the short end of the stick when it comes to screen time. However, they do look quite majestic for the few short seconds in which they are seen. A herbivore best known for the long phallic crest on the back of its skull. BFF with the brachiosaur.
Triceratops (Three Horned Face)
Oh no! The triceratops has fallen ill, and just in time for her grand entrance on the silver screen! This simply will not do. Can you help find the cause of her terrible affliction? Herbivore. Should maybe switch to a more iron rich diet.
Tyrannosaurus Rex (Terrible Lizard... Rex)
The big kahuna and Jurassic Park's main attraction! That is, up until she breaks free of her prison confine and roams free in search of more interesting prey. Quick to anger and not ashamed to eat off the toilet, the t-rex and her trademark roar contain just enough nightmare fuel to power your dreams for years to come.
Dilophosaurus (Two Crested Lizard)
As the last true carnivore to show her face, the dilophosaurus makes sure her appearance is a memorable one. Like comedian Sarah Silverman, this dinosaur lures you into a false sense of security with her innocent demeanor and playful coo's, just seconds before vomiting all over your face and devouring you from the inside out. Catch her new show Wednesday nights on Comedy Central.
Galliminus
They're uh galla... gallam... galliminus, and they are flocking your way! Like the ovaraptor, galliminus enjoyed a hearty poached egg to start off the day, then it was off to the fields for an afternoon run.
SEQUELS!
Spoiler:
The film had it's share sequels, which I will not go into full detail with at this moment. For the most part they took most of the unused story bits and characters from the first novel and expanded on them with varying results.
Jurassic Park: The Lost World Synopsis: Zombie Ian Malcolm sets off to Isla Nublar's sister island in order to rescue his girlfriend, Dr. Sarah Harding. Realizing that InGen is planning to rebuild Jurassic Park's in areas all around the globe, he does what he must to stop them.
Coolest moment: T-rex letting loose around San Diego! This could have been the whole movie.
Dumbest moment: (Spielberg-ism) Child saves the day... THROUGH GYMNASTICS!
Jurassic Park 3 Synopsis: After their son goes missing in a paragliding accident, Jack Kirby and Tea Leoni recruit Dr. Allan Grant to venture back to Jurassic Park and find him. Unfortunately for them, the kid went missing on Isla Sorna, an island Dr. Grant has no familiarity with.
Coolest moment: The pterodactyl slowly walking out of the fog on a rickety bridge.
Dumbest moment: Spinosaur wrecking the t-rex's shit.
Jurassic Park IV (currently in development)
Not much is known about this one, although it is rumored to have all the original surviving cast return, which is excellent news since Ariana Richards, the actress who portrayed Lex, has become quite foxy.
Also, the raptors may or may not have guns this time around. OH SHIT!
THE RIDE
Spoiler:
(From Wikipedia)
The Jurassic Park River Adventure is a water-based amusement ride that was based on Steven Spielberg's hit movie Jurassic Park. The Hollywood incarnation, called Jurassic Park: The Ride was actually researched and built while the Jurassic Park film was still in its production phase. It opened first at Universal Studios Hollywood as Jurassic Park: The Ride on June 21, 1996. The ride later appeared at Islands of Adventure at the Universal Orlando Resort in Orlando, Florida in 1999. The ride is also part of Universal Studios Japan. There is little difference between all three rides, but the Hollywood version is considered to have the most elements. The attraction is planned to open at Universal Studios Singapore and Universal Studios Dubai in 2010.
Detailed Description: The ride is meant to evoke the island environment featured in the Michael Crichton novel and Spielberg film. The concept is that Jurassic Park opened as planned; the river adventure is an actual attraction in the park itself. It begins as a jungle river cruise past huge dinosaurs. After encountering an Ultrasaurus (a dinosaur since discovered to be a chimera), a pair of Stegosaurus, and Psittacosaurus, the raft begins heading toward a part of the park known as Hadrosaur Cove. A duck-billed Parasaurolophus accidentally bumps the raft, causing it to begin drifting into the Raptor Containment Area, a section of the adventure that, according to voiceovers on the ride, had never successfully been integrated into the rest of the park. "Unauthorized Entry," says a female voice over the intercom. The raft passes by a replica of the Raptor Pen from the film, and riders hear snarling Velociraptors in the dense foliage while branches move to simulate the creatures attempting to escape from their confines. Turning a corner, riders see a boat that appears to be in a state of disrepair: two Compsognathus are seen playing with a bloody shirt (The CP25 which has been sent by Jurassic Park Animal Control to guide the boat towards a safe area but the compsognathuses came and killed the crew). The boat heads towards the pump station where riders see a Velociraptor run into a dark corner. On a wall next to the boat, a Jurassic Park Vehicle falls over the top and nearly crushes the riders (similar to the scene in the movie). Velociraptors jump out at the guests. A large crate with something snarling inside also nearly falls on the riders. The riders begin to slowly head up a hill into a large building in silence. The riders enter a dark tunnel with several mock red lights on the ceiling. Several Dilophosaurus spit their poisonous venom (actually, water) at the guests. As the raft follows a 180 degree turn, the snout of a T-rex lumbers ahead. A raptor is seen tearing up a control panel. "Attention, this is an emergency. toxic gases are present in this area. Life support is imminent...Life support systems will terminate in 15 seconds...10, 9, 8, 7, 6," says a female voice over the intercom. The Tyrannosaurus's head reappears once more in front of the riders to distract them from the 85 ft plunge below. "5, 4, 3, 2, 1," and the raft plunges down an 85ft near-vertical drop.
The ride exits into a Jurassic Park-themed gift shop, where guests may purchase souvenir photographs of themselves in the ride during the drop.
We all want some cool shit to put on our desks at work, or some excellent threads to wear out in public in order to assure the world that we are the business. What better way to do so than with these Jurassic Park™ themed items, now available at your nearest local gift shop!
Although not official Jurassic Park™ brand merchandise, these incredibly detailed figures are modeled after the dinosaurs appearance in the film. What they lack in articulation they more than make up for in not looking stupid. I currently have three of them sitting on my desk and can vouch for their greatness!
Not only does a high quality polystone statue make you the envy of any business casual environment you place it into, this particular 15 pound beauty can also be used as a lofty bludgeoning device against insubordinate co-workers. Don't thrash them too much though, as that lovely finish is hand painted with care.
Why simply watch the movies when you could play along?* Take on the role John Hammond and witness firsthand the crumbling of his horribly misguided amusement park! Even if in the end nature is due to take it's course, unlike the guiding principles of chaos theory this game has a reset button!
*You should still watch the movies. Preferably both before and after playing.
This is the Sega CD game based on the 1993 Steven Spielberg movie based on the book by Michael Crichton. This game differs greatly from other Jurassic Park games. It is a point-and-click adventure game, with a strong emphasis on action sequences which require split-second timing. The story takes place after the events of the movie/book. You are sent back to Jurassic Park to retrieve dinosaur eggs from around the park and put them in an incubator. You only have 12 hours to retrieve one egg from every species of dino in the park. Unfortunately, shortly before arriving at the park, your helicopter crashes! OH NO! (Amazon.com)
Based loosely on the last couple chapters of the book, as Alan Grant you must traverse Jurassic Park to collect raptor eggs before a ship departs for the mainland. It was a pretty good game which suffered simply because it never really told you what you should be doing, or where you should be going to do it. Still, it had great music and, for the time, nice colourful graphics, including a pseudo-3D DOOM-like corridor levels.
Make all other fashion statements extinct by painting yourself up in these glorious tee's!
WHERE CAN I LEARN MORE?
Spoiler:
Still yearning for knowledge? Check out these fine institutes committed to bringing you the best in paleo-education!
(descriptions taken from amaricasbestonline.com)
The Wyoming Dinosaur Center Description: Besides being a world class dinosaur museum which includes interpretive displays, dioramas and life-size dinosaur mounts, but it has over 60 identified dinosaur dig-sites in a 500-acre area. Program and activities include Dig-site tours, Dig-for-a-day programs, and dinosaur digs for kids.
Rocky Mountain Dinosaur Resource Center Description: Hosts some of the most spectacular dinosaurs, marine reptiles, flying reptiles and fish of North America’s Late Cretaceous world. Each skeleton tells a tale of how they may have appeared in life, the environments they lived in, stories of the discovery and excavation of each specimen. Their dinosaur specimens include: the world’s smallest T. Rex on display, the world’s only pachycephalosaurus, the world’s largest mosasaur, and the world’s first 3-D giant xiphactinus!
Dinosaur National Monument Description: The monument which is run by the National Park Service contain a large deposit of fossil dinosaur bones that lived millions of years ago. Many people think that dinosaurs were big horrible lizards because some of the first dinosaur fossils ever found were huge bones and teeth, very lizard-like except for their size, and so the idea of monstrous lizards was born. Today, many ideas about dinosaurs are changing, and the fossils at Dinosaur National Monument continue to help us learn more about these fascinating animals.
Peabody Museum of Natural History Description: This museum was founded in 1866 with a gift from philanthropist George Peabody, at the urging of his nephew, Yale’s O.C. Marsh, the first professor of paleontology in North America and the Museum’s first director. Marsh built many of the Peabody’s great collections, and today you can see some of his most famous finds and the dinosaurs he named, including Triceratops, Stegosaurus and Brontosaurus. The Yale Peabody Museum is also home to Rudolph F. Zallinger’s murals The Age of Mammals. and he Age of Reptiles.
Royal Tyrrell Museum Description: Located 6 kilometers from Drumheller, the museum is situated in the middle of the fossil-bearing strata of the Late Cretaceous Horseshoe Canyon Formation and also has recovered numerous specimens from Dinosaur Provincial Park and the Devil's Coulee Dinosaur Egg Historic Nest Site. The museum is Canada's only institution entirely dedicated to paleontology, and is operated by Alberta's Ministry of Tourism, Parks, and Recreation. The museum's mission is to: "collect, conserve, research and interpret paleontological history with special reference to Alberta’s fossil heritage".
Micheal Crichton
(October 23, 1942 – November 4, 2008)
I am sorry, maybe I should have read your book when I was 10. Although even if it was terrible it's ends justified the means of getting some excellent things put to screen!
Stan Winston
(April 7, 1946 – June 15, 2008)
Bob Peck
(August 23, 1945 – April 4 1999)
"Clever girl..."
So let us discuss Jurassic Park and dinosaurs in all of their infamy! Tell me SE++, what is your favorite dinosaur? Mine is the Allosaurus!
01-27-2009, 04:37 PM
Lars Scilla on PSN
