Please Note: This Thread is for Recruitment purposes only. Please see the newbie/general discussion threads for general stuff so we don't get in trouble with the moderators.
Goonswarm Is Delve. BoB is no more. Merch Industrial owns a Constellation
Bitter Vets, see the section after the screenshots for information.
Everyone else, please note some minor changes
EVE Online. If you clicked this thread you’ve obviously heard about or seen the adverts for EVE Online. You may have tried your hand at the game sometime in the last 5 years and found it so overwhelmingly difficult or frustrating that you logged out and promptly uninstalled the client, vowing never to install it again. Maybe you read one of the several articles that have been published about EVE in fine publications like the New York Times or Wall Street Journal. You may have even found some sites who still host the tales of the great EVE scams like the EVE Investment Bank
or Guiding Hand Social Club
, and now, the master of deceptions & destruction, the GoonSwarm disbanding of the alliance the Band of Brothers
Regardless of what you know, or think you know, about EVE the fact that you are reading this thread means your interest has been piqued. Allow me to (re)introduce you to EVE Online: Quantum Rise.
EVE Online is unlike any MMO you have ever played. Let’s just get that out of the way now. You may be the best, most hardcore pwnstar player in (insert other MMO here), but none of that will prepare you for EVE. EVE is harsh on day one, and stays that way," Syncaine writes. "WoW holds your hand from 1-80, and makes sure you get a cookie regardless if you win or lose. EVE not only takes your cookie, but laughs at you for bringing one in the first place.
The game centers on New Eden, Earth’s colonial sister. When the EVE gate that provided a conduit from Earth to New Eden suddenly collapsed, for reasons unknown, the peoples of New Eden were left to fend for themselves. This gave rise to the four major powers with four distinct ideologies and cultures. The central systems of the EVE Galaxy were split up into four sovereign empires with permeable borders and loose trade restrictions. A non-partisan police force patrols the space lanes keeping order and punishing the offenders.
Now, that all sounds very Leave it to Beaver. This couldn’t be further from the truth. The aforementioned empires constitute ‘Empire space,’ which is generally considered by pubbies to be ‘safe’ space. The police force I mentioned earlier can’t be everywhere all the time and while they will respond to acts of piracy or known outlaws entering their space, they can neither be everywhere at once, nor do they act as any sort of investigative or enforcement agency in regards to theft, scamming, embezzlement, libel, slander, insider trading, market manipulation, espionage or sabotage. This contrasts with the outer regions of space which are known as 0.0, Zero Sec or Null Sec space. This space is lawless and can be ‘owned,’ quite literally by player corporations and alliances, but more on that later.
Scamming: This is allowable, even encouraged in EVE. The only recourse is by the victims catching the scammer/theft in the act and blowing them up (if allowed), placing a bounty on the scammer’s head or otherwise announcing to the universe what an idiot they were because you
were smart enough to scam them out of everything their 6 month old alliance worked for.
That’s right, you. The person whose interest was piqued enough to open this thread up and read this introduction thus far. This is the part where I tell you about our great and illustrious Penny-Arcade member corporation: Merch Industrial.
Merch Industrial, or [MRCHI], began as a small industrialist or production offshoot corporation of the original Penny Arcade corp, The Merch that and has evolved over time to encompass many facets of the player experience. We have producers, miners, fleet combat veterans, newbies who don't know what the fuck and elite black op and capital ship pilots. We are a part of the Goonswarm alliance.
Goonswarm, heralding from the Something Awful forums, shifted focus from a large alliance living in NPC space to a large territory-holding alliance. Goonswarm was looking to expand its territorial holdings and looked towards corporations whose membership came from similar online communities that had their own distinctive cultures who may mesh well with the ‘goon mentality’ of Something Awful’s members. [MRCHI], along with Ars Ex Discordia [ARSED] from the Ars Technica forums and some other nondescript corporations came together to form Goonswarm, the largest player-run alliance in EVE.
Since joining Goonswarm, [MRCHI] has proudly represented our corporation in wars alongside Goons every step of the way. From newbie tacklers to combat veterans to industrial backbone mining to frontline ship production to experienced Fleet Commanders, [MRCHI] has become an invaluable part of the swarm. Now, our home is threatened. Our former outpost E-PR0S is being abandoned for greener pastures. We now own the OK-FEM Constellation in Delve, with the station in C3N-3S (C3New Hoshoun) being our home. We are in the process of being ready to drop two more stations to create a capital in the constellation.
What we are looking for now is an infusion of fresh blood. We need newbies to aid in our common defense, mine for our industrial backbone and join our chorus of ‘fofofo’ as we curbstomp our way through the Eastern Bloc right to the heart of Russian Ebay Prime. Newbies need not be from the US/Canada either. We are in need of 23/7 timezone coverage, so Euros and Anzacs are encouraged to join. Goonswarm has a huge Euro and Anzac presence, although it is not as good as our US timezone coverage, obviously. (protip: US TZ members are the 3/5ths members, it's the Anzacs and the Euros who count most.)
How to join Merch Industrial:
a. Create a trial account by going to http://www.eve-online.com
and registering a new account
- OR –
b. Post in this thread/find a friend with Steam/Access Steam for a free 21 day trial.
- OR -
c. If you know someone who plays already, ask them to refer you using their EvE account and you get an extended trial.
- OR -
d. If you previously started an account but let the account lapse, check your email this week for a free 5 day reactivation promotion and $10 first month's subscription. (Do this if you have a character with a couple million skill points, don't do this if you started up a character, logged in twice then promptly quit.)
1. Go to http://wiki.goonfleet.com
and check out the publicly viewable pages about character creation.
2. Create a character. Using the goonfleet wiki is recommended as it provides the ‘best builds’ for
particular races and professions, however, don’t sweat it if you want to go your own way with character creation. Nothing done during character creation can’t be ‘fixed’ other than your racial starting stats (which won’t be a huge deal)
3. DO THE TUTORIAL
. I repeat. DO THE TUTORIAL
. The tutorial is about an hour or so long and it covers the most basic of functionality in the game. If you’re the type with adolescent or adult ADHD that never reads the manuals and always skips cutscenes in favor of the ‘I’ll figure it out’ mentality, take a Xanax then, OHGOD DO THE TUTORIAL
. Trust me on this one
4. When you’ve completed the tutorial, go to one of the following stations and click on the Offices tab.
Find Merch Industrial and hit ‘apply.’ Give your Penny-Arcade forums name in your application.
The offices are located in:
Atai II - Moon 15 - Genolution Biotech Productions
Bittanshal VII - Moon 9 - CreoDron Factory
Gelfiven IX - Moon 15 - Vherokior tribe Bureau
Ipref IV - Moon 5 - CONCORD Bureau
Ishisomo VIII - Propel Dynamics Factory
Nourvukaiken VII - Moon 4 - Caldari Constructions Production Plant
Oursulaert VI - Chemal Tech Research Center
Warouh VI - Moon 18 - Inherent Implants Biotech Production
(If you have not received a reply or been accepted into the corporation after 48 hours, send a brief in-game EVEMail to Zareph
, Merch Industrial’s recruitment director. Be brief, concise and polite, this man holds the only card that’ll let you in. He’s a good dude, but he’s got a real life, and sometimes, some days he doesn’t log in at the precise moment that is most convenient to our applicants.) Also, please note during the move Zareph is busy as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest so applicatoins aren't being processed as fast.
5. Once accepted you will see two new tabs in your mailbox, one for Corp mail and one for Alliance mail. These will have email in them with important information, most of which you may not understand at this point. Don’t delete them. DO NOT REPLY TO ANY CORP OR ALLIANCE MAIL
. A reply to any corp-wide or alliance-wide mail is sent to every person in the respective organization. In fact, don’t send any mail for the first couple weeks; just ask for help in corp chat. Ask where you should go as this changes every day right now before you set up clone and pod jump
6. Go to http://forums.merchindustrial.org
and register for an account there under your EVE pilot’s name. Don’t use your PA forums name (if different from your EVE pilot). Post to introduce yourself, remark on how bland and generic the forums look, visit off-topic for some truly horrible posting (please keep coming back) and vote Courthouse ’08 for your forum moderator.
7. Spy clause: You will be called a spy. You are a spy. We know you’re a spy and it’s only a matter of time until we catch you in your spying ways. EVE has an amazing metagame (I mentioned earlier the thievery, scamming, espionage, etc.) This can occur out of the game client as well. On forums, through MSN/Yahoo/ICQ messengers, other game sites, etc. Hopefully this is what drew you to the game in the first place, that being said, have a thick skin because this isn’t your grand mama’s ‘omg they totally stoled our illidan strat’ kind of spying, spy.
8. Use corp chat. Use it often. Use it well. We’re all internet veterans here. We’ve all played these kinds of games before. We expect that you will have questions and we will be more than happy to answer them. Use corp chat for these questions, you may be redirected to our help channel if corp chat is busy, but never feel like you can’t ask about how to do something, what something means, for a partner to mine or ‘rat’ with, or for straight out cash if you need it.
9. Don't call it a guild, Don't call your character a toon, and no it's not like WoW at all and most of the players in EvE are either WoW refugees/post-addicts or never played it all and never want to hear about it. Any or all of the above will get you trolled into oblivion.
10. Finally, a warning (This coincides with the spy clause): If you don't have a thick skin, don't come out. You will be mocked, you will be called a spy, you will read words you never though you'd see in chat windows, you will see every racial and ethnic slur used hourly and it will offend all of your PC sensibilities, when you die and lose all your stuff you will be laughed at. Life is hard, and so is EVE. You've been warned.
How hard is EVE, you ask? How hard can a game be that doesn't make use of your finely honed and perfected mouse turning + WASD madness rank 14 PVP, Counterstrike proclick amazing 1500'+ penguin baseball skills? Can you put this in terms of an image macro that's up there with lolcats in its overuse in any thread about EVE? Sure! Proclick zone
Things to do in your first week:
Once you have gotten into the corp, you’ll be wondering what to do. Space is a big place, and being a day-old newbie on the front lines of a war can be intimidating. Fear not, we’ve done this before. One of the first things we ask of our newbies who want to get into combat to do is to fly tackling frigates. Frigates are the smallest and fastest ships in the game, and ‘tackling’ refers to targeting an enemy and activating a module that shuts down their warp drive, leaving them with no ability to escape and allowing our fleet to shoot them.
We have arranged through generous member donations and a lot of hard work a cash infusion and starting skill book pack for our new pilots. Go to the Merch Industrial forums and reply to the post by Rakk Ashari to receive your skillbooks. We’ll have you learn a few skills immediately so you can use the basic tackling gear, then we’ll give you a stock of ships and put you out on the front lines of the fleet. Fly well, heroes of the swarm.
EVE: Politics, Capitalism and Metagaming
EVE is a sandbox. A really goddamn big sandbox. Thankfully, the game designers saw fit to grace us with wonderous technological advancements by way of Stargates and Warp drives. This makes travel through the game fairly easy, but by no means is this a ‘oh, I’ll hearth to Shattrath or gate to Plane of Knowledge and from there get a port to wherever I need to go and be there in 10 minutes’ kind of game. If you were to travel from the furthest systems in the south to the furthest reaches of the north it would take you a couple hours going the fastest route. Several hours if you had to avoid routes because of security/outlaw status, hostile alliances, gate camps or known kill systems, etc. Not to say you can't get somewhere instantly, you can jump clone. But only your little pod goes there, everything else where you used to be stays right there.
Proclick: Current sovereignty map
The map above shows current sovereignty, or ownership, of space by the various alliances of EVE. The part you should be interested in is the big yellow blob to the southeast, labeled Goonwarm. That, good sir, is our home. Nearby we have our friends Red Alliance, Tau Ceti Federation, United Legion, Zenith Affinity, Solar Fleet and Kraftwerk. There are also hostiles abound: Against ALL Authorities and Red.OverLord and the following alliances basing out of NPC stations: Stain Empire, Coven, Band of Brothers and Systematic-Chaos.
The politics of 0.0 space revolve around outpost stations. These are large stations where pilots can dock, access facilities like med bays, insurance offices, refit their ships, refine ores and metals, manufacture products and access markets. Sovereignty is determined by placing player-operated structures at moons in the system. These provide both a flag in the turf and a staging area from which to coordinate offensive, defensive or economic operations. These structures can even be fit and armed for defense and in times of a siege, can be manned to provide more focused fire.
All of this is possible because of the economy of EVE. When I say economy, I’m not talking about your local shard’s auction house full of tradeskill materials and world drops. The economy of EVE is MASSIVE. CCP has an economist on staff to analyse what a gamer-driven economy acts like and how it models itself compared to world economies.
It's Even Made the NY Times
and here is the latest quarterly economic report
NPC Stations seed certain items in game, some light materials, shuttles, blueprints and skillbooks. NPC missions and ratting can net you some modules and rare blueprints as drops. Everything else is player created. EVERYTHING. These ships or modules are the result of hours of effort on behalf of dozens or even hundreds of players. The miners who extracted the minerals from asteroids, the industrialists who moved massive quantities or ore to refineries, the refiners who melted it into useable metals, the producers who used the metals to fashion modules, components or ship hulls, the mission runners who got blueprints and the traders who made these products available on the markets.
Certain players have literally spent years without undocking from a station just playing the economy of EVE. While this is certainly possible, we like to think we offer a little more variety to the average [MRCHI] member, because as a member of Goonswarm, at any given time we are usually engaged in one or more major campaigns, on top of having a half-dozen or so current wardecs. Wardecs are official declarations of war between two alliances that allows for non-interference by CONCORD for aggression in empire space between the two sides.
On top of that, some members of Goonswarm have seen the holy word of Allah and his prophet Khartoon, the Sheik, may he have an updated clone forever, and have taken up arms in Jihadswarm. Jihadswarm’s fatwa has been to make the higher security systems unsafe for the infidel miners.
Okay, so you've gotten this far down the post and you're probably thinking to yourself, what does this game even look like? All I've seen so far is a bug bubble thing with colored squares in it. Why would anyone pay to play that garbage, I can play Puzzle Pirates in my internet browser and they look better than this!
Well, we play it because most of the time, you aren't staring at the tactical overlay of a tower during a siege. Sometimes you can even get it to look like this:
Here is a video that does an ok job or recapping the last few weeks of our current campaign. The goon who recorded/mixed this video did a part one, and you can probably search it out, but part two is worlds better and I'll just like that video.
--Bitter vets: LAG IS FIXED!--
Attention Bitter Veterans of Merch Industrial, the time of your return is now. We are on the defensive against the new Axis of Faggotry which includes ex-brosefs Nync and his ebaying iskfarmers (the same ones that got RA's directorate banned last year), Evil Thug and Against ALL Authorities and the remnants of Band of Brothers, recently returning to the south via the asswhupping they just took from RAZOR and MM up north this fall.
CCP Recently upgraded the servers to 64 bit architecture and Stackless I/O, meaning fleet battles with 10 minute module lag and black screen deaths are no longer the norm. In fact, we haven't seen anything resembling that yet.
Yes, that's a local count of over 750.
We have seen combined local counts of over 1000 people and experienced better response time from the server than we used to have with 150 vs. 150 battles. Of course we've also seen the opposite, but then again that node hit 2000 players before it puked all over itself. CCP has also developed some UI enhancements that allow you to move certain parts of the UI like the Cap/HP/Modules around, change targeting alignment and/or move your targeting around giving you options now in how to configre your UI. Along with the UI changes, you can now group your weapons. One button can now fire all weapons at once and new module recharge timers show the cooldown between module reactivations.
Speed tanking got nerfed pretty badly lately as well. You don't see 9km/s Vagabonds or 20+km/s interceptors anymore. Nano HACs and Recons no longer are the viable and fearsome billion isk, virtually guaranteed survival hulls they used to be. Due to these changes, small gangs and fleets are the combat du jour now.
This new campaign has also been the single most successful recruitment campaign for Goonswarm. We've got old school goons coming back in droves, including Mittani, Scavok, Suas (from time to time), even Sesfan said he'd consider coming back. While this may appeal to some of the SpecOps or BlackOps/GIA crowd, Merch's overwhelming motivation in this campaign is to shoot and pod Trevor Reznick. That's right, Trevor is hostile. Specifically, Trevor is a part of Against ALL Authorities now. If you've ever harbored the soul-crushing desire to shoot a blue but never could afford the fines for doing so, here's your chance to extract your revenge for months upon months of depressed, emo idiocy and illogical bantering on top of horribly pubbie fitting suggestions and 'a rookie could FC better' revelations.
Oh, and we kicked out Rhonyn too.
Come back. We miss you. We're sorry, it was our fault and we want to make it up to you.