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Best Man Speech: Appropriate/Innappropriate

DVGDVG No. 1 Honor StudentNether Institute, Evil AcademyRegistered User regular
edited September 2009 in Help / Advice Forum
So my best friend is getting married on Saturday, and I'm working on my speech. And I'm trying to decide if this joke is crossing the line for appropriateness or not.

I’m so honored to get a chance to get up here today and talk to you all about Jeff. There were so many things I wanted to say, and these aren’t stupid, trivial things. These are things that are really important. I spent a lot of time thinking about it, and I was worried I was going to forget, so I wrote it all down so I wouldn’t forget a thing. So ready? Okay, here goes.
Jeff is so gay, that when he told me he was getting married I thought he was also telling me that he got kicked out of the Army.

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    DogDog Registered User, Administrator, Vanilla Staff admin
    edited September 2009
    Completely inappropriate.

    Unknown User on
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    ChanusChanus Harbinger of the Spicy Rooster Apocalypse The Flames of a Thousand Collapsed StarsRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Appropriateness is pretty subjective, however... it's not really that funny?

    Do his friends and family normally make jokes about him being gay? If so, then I'd assume it's appropriate.

    Chanus on
    Allegedly a voice of reason.
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    THEPAIN73THEPAIN73 Shiny. Real shiny.Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    It would be better used at the bachelor party.

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    underdonkunderdonk __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2009
    Inappropriate.

    underdonk on
    Back in the day, bucko, we just had an A and a B button... and we liked it.
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    SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2009
    If you can nail the delivery and be more subtle, it can pass.

    Reading your speech in my head, though, you would totally bomb.

    Sheep on
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    LailLail Surrey, B.C.Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I don't get it :(

    Lail on
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    RetoxRetox Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    That's more of a joke than a speech, and it's not super funny anyway. The key to wedding speech/toast is funny in the beginning and then heartwarming at the end. No inside jokes or anything obscure, lead with some stuff that everyone in the room can laugh at and is maybe a little bit embarrassing, and then drop some heartfelt well wishes on the couple.

    Retox on
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    MetroidZoidMetroidZoid Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I second the 'use it at the bachelor party' idea.

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    SentrySentry Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Well, you clearly ripped off the delivery from Ultimate Spider-Man, but you left the funny off.

    A Best Man toast should be sincere. Humerous, but poking fun at something everyone can laugh at.

    Sentry on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    wrote:
    When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
    'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
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    LadyMLadyM Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Inappropriate and not actually funny.

    LadyM on
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    Robos A Go GoRobos A Go Go Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Yeah, jokes should be interspersed within the generally positive speech and not call too much attention to themselves.

    Robos A Go Go on
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    darkgruedarkgrue Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    The best man speech doesn't have to be a stand-up routine. It's perfectly OK to just go with being sincere and maybe throwing in an anecdote about the couple that is particularly significant.

    I was called upon as Best Man at a couple of my close friend's wedding, and I stressed quite a bit over the speech, mostly worring if it would be long enough to fille the expected time. Once I got over that, I just went with sincere, and while I did use some elements of humor, I just went with my own natural style and spoke sincerely, and everything worked out fine. I got enough material, it all ended up flowing pretty well, and I got to work in some very personal aspects that made it a memorable speech.

    I got lots of compliments afterwards, and the bride and groom couldn't have been more pleased.

    I'd advise if you're having trouble with the humor aspect of it, then don't force it. Don't worry about getting the big LOLs. If those come naturally to you, that's cool - go for it. If you're more comfortable telling a cute, soppy story about the couple, or just saying a few sincere words, do that. I bet they'll love it.

    darkgrue on
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    naporeonnaporeon Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I actually thought it was pretty funny. I suspect this thread will turn out much like your audience, though: some will like it, some will not.

    Ultimately, whether or not that joke is appropriate depends entirely on the families involved. Were someone to say something that crass at my wedding, I know that my family would -- for the most part -- be highly amused. But both sides of my family appreciate it when usually solemn occasions are broken up with vulgar humor.

    You'll have to keep your audience in mind when deciding whether or not to use that joke, or ones similar to it.

    naporeon on
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    PeregrineFalconPeregrineFalcon Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    mushroom-cloud.jpg

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    NatsusNatsus Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    echoing most people here, I thought it was inappropriate.

    If you're trying to be funny, it shouldn't sound like you're doing a stand up comic routine which is the vibe I'm getting. Make it flow.

    Natsus on
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    DeebaserDeebaser on my way to work in a suit and a tie Ahhhh...come on fucking guyRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Bad. horrible. unfunny.

    The joke itself is terrible joke. The structure is backwards.

    Better structure for the same but still shitty joke: When Jeff told me he was leaving the army to get married, we were all shocked. None of us thought they took Dont ask Dont tell that seriously.

    Still a bad joke, but you subtley sneak in the 'Jeff's a gay' as the punchline. Don't use it though. Its a bad joke.

    You'd be lucky to get polite laughter. You don't need to be a comedian. This isn't about the lulz. You're talking for two minutes in front of the least hostile crowd imaginable. You don't need to shoehorn lulz in, let alone third rate lulz.

    If you need help, write down or post a few Jeff anecdotes. Sometimes just writing down kinda funny stories reveals comedy gold.

    Deebaser on
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    DeebaserDeebaser on my way to work in a suit and a tie Ahhhh...come on fucking guyRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Easiest wedding speech joke ever:

    ...So please raise your glass to <Bride> and <Groom>.
    To a long happy life together
    beautiful children
    and <lulz>

    Deebaser on
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    ChanusChanus Harbinger of the Spicy Rooster Apocalypse The Flames of a Thousand Collapsed StarsRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Deebaser wrote: »
    Easiest wedding speech joke ever:

    ...So please raise your glass to <Bride> and <Groom>.
    To a long happy life together
    beautiful children
    and <lulz>

    <Jeff is so effing gay!>

    ...would be doing it wrong.


    Seriously, I just want to echo the sentiment of not trying to be funny. Funny isn't manufactured. If it's not natural, it's immediately noticeable.

    Chanus on
    Allegedly a voice of reason.
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    MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    In case you needed another one - No, don't do that.

    Best Man should be short, lighthearted and completely forgettable.

    Alternatively, "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

    MichaelLC on
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    ChanusChanus Harbinger of the Spicy Rooster Apocalypse The Flames of a Thousand Collapsed StarsRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    MichaelLC wrote: »
    Alternatively, ""I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

    :^:

    Lurv that movie.

    Chanus on
    Allegedly a voice of reason.
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    KhavallKhavall British ColumbiaRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Not inappropriate depending on the people there.

    But god that is like a study in how not to write a joke. It starts right off announcing that it's going to be a joke, then takes forever to get to any sort of punchline. The punchline then is just the opening again phrased differently, which isn't what a punchline is supposed to do.

    You could just wave your arms around and shout "LAUGH AT ME" and that would probably be about as effective. It would probably come off as about a thousand times more natural too.

    Khavall on
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    DeebaserDeebaser on my way to work in a suit and a tie Ahhhh...come on fucking guyRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Chanus wrote: »
    Deebaser wrote: »
    Easiest wedding speech joke ever:

    ...So please raise your glass to <Bride> and <Groom>.
    To a long happy life together
    beautiful children
    and <lulz>

    <Jeff is so effing gay!>

    ...would be doing it wrong.


    Seriously, I just want to echo the sentiment of not trying to be funny. Funny isn't manufactured. If it's not natural, it's immediately noticeable.

    If its wrong, why am I LOLing?

    Deebaser on
  • Options
    KhavallKhavall British ColumbiaRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Deebaser wrote: »
    Chanus wrote: »
    Deebaser wrote: »
    Easiest wedding speech joke ever:

    ...So please raise your glass to <Bride> and <Groom>.
    To a long happy life together
    beautiful children
    and <lulz>

    <Jeff is so effing gay!>

    ...would be doing it wrong.


    Seriously, I just want to echo the sentiment of not trying to be funny. Funny isn't manufactured. If it's not natural, it's immediately noticeable.

    If its wrong, why am I LOLing?
    You recently suffered a major head wound?

    Khavall on
  • Options
    SentrySentry Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    But hey, if the OP manages to find a way to successfully call the groom gay on his wedding day without it being a huge bomb, I'd be suitably impressed.

    In a juvenile kind of way... I guess.

    Sentry on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    wrote:
    When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
    'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
  • Options
    DeebaserDeebaser on my way to work in a suit and a tie Ahhhh...come on fucking guyRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Sentry wrote: »
    But hey, if the OP manages to find a way to successfully call the groom gay on his wedding day without it being a huge bomb, I'd be suitably impressed.

    In a juvenile kind of way... I guess.

    There's a best man speech on youtube and collegehumor that does just that. It was actually pretty epic.

    Deebaser on
  • Options
    KalTorakKalTorak One way or another, they all end up in the Undercity.Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Khavall wrote: »
    Not inappropriate depending on the people there.

    But god that is like a study in how not to write a joke. It starts right off announcing that it's going to be a joke, then takes forever to get to any sort of punchline. The punchline then is just the opening again phrased differently, which isn't what a punchline is supposed to do.

    You could just wave your arms around and shout "LAUGH AT ME" and that would probably be about as effective. It would probably come off as about a thousand times more natural too.

    I remember seeing a comedian who might be able to pull off this joke, but only because his entire act was that of a bad, nervous, almost mentally challenged comedian (complete with clown-horn).

    KalTorak on
  • Options
    SentrySentry Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Deebaser wrote: »
    Sentry wrote: »
    But hey, if the OP manages to find a way to successfully call the groom gay on his wedding day without it being a huge bomb, I'd be suitably impressed.

    In a juvenile kind of way... I guess.

    There's a best man speech on youtube and collegehumor that does just that. It was actually pretty epic.

    Can you link? I am incredibly curious.

    Sentry on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    wrote:
    When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
    'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
  • Options
    DVGDVG No. 1 Honor Student Nether Institute, Evil AcademyRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Message received. I took it out.

    For the record, I told it as written to a few friends, all of who laughed their asses off. My concern wasn't with being able to tell it in a funny way, or if it would fall flat, strictly "Should I tell a crass joke like this at a wedding?"

    Also: This wasn't the entire content of the speech, just one silly joke that I'm sure everyone I know at the wedding would have found hilarious. The rest of the speech is more normal.

    DVG on
    Diablo 3 - DVG#1857
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    The Crowing OneThe Crowing One Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    So inappropriate.

    EDIT: Beat'd.

    No pedo jokes, either.

    Just want to make the post relevant.

    The Crowing One on
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    DeebaserDeebaser on my way to work in a suit and a tie Ahhhh...come on fucking guyRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Sentry wrote: »
    Deebaser wrote: »
    Sentry wrote: »
    But hey, if the OP manages to find a way to successfully call the groom gay on his wedding day without it being a huge bomb, I'd be suitably impressed.

    In a juvenile kind of way... I guess.

    There's a best man speech on youtube and collegehumor that does just that. It was actually pretty epic.

    Can you link? I am incredibly curious.


    This may be it, but I can only do a google at work. If not, I promise to link properly tomorrow when I am not under the iron fist of my IT department. Many lulz.

    www.collegehumor.com/video:1759620

    Deebaser on
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    Eat it You Nasty Pig.Eat it You Nasty Pig. tell homeland security 'we are the bomb'Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    You really have to read the mood at the wedding.

    I doubt there's really any chance this is appropriate, but how appropriate other jokes are just depends on how people are doing/how much they have had to drink.

    Eat it You Nasty Pig. on
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    PeregrineFalconPeregrineFalcon Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Khavall wrote: »
    Not inappropriate depending on the people there.

    But god that is like a study in how not to write a joke. It starts right off announcing that it's going to be a joke, then takes forever to get to any sort of punchline. The punchline then is just the opening again phrased differently, which isn't what a punchline is supposed to do.

    You could just wave your arms around and shout "LAUGH AT ME" and that would probably be about as effective. It would probably come off as about a thousand times more natural too.

    Case in point.

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    KidDynamiteKidDynamite Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Wow... okay, I never thought I'd be up here giving this speech. No I mean really, look at him :lol:
    Congratulations Jeff, I don't know how you convinced her but to use an old Irish toast

    ""May the roof above you never fall in, And those gathered beneath it never fall out."

    KidDynamite on
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    KalTorakKalTorak One way or another, they all end up in the Undercity.Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I'm going to give you the same advice my father gave me on my wedding day.

    "Son, if you ever go back in time, don't step on anything! Because even the smallest change can affect the future in ways you can't even imagine!"

    KalTorak on
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    ScrubletScrublet Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Khavall wrote: »
    Not inappropriate depending on the people there.

    But god that is like a study in how not to write a joke. It starts right off announcing that it's going to be a joke, then takes forever to get to any sort of punchline. The punchline then is just the opening again phrased differently, which isn't what a punchline is supposed to do.

    You could just wave your arms around and shout "LAUGH AT ME" and that would probably be about as effective. It would probably come off as about a thousand times more natural too.

    Case in point.

    You're two for two in this thread, and I love it.

    OP's joke would really only work offhand without thinking about it, like while playing cards or something. Really I think the "man my friend's so gay but not really" joke is probably played out.

    Scrublet on
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    SkyGheNeSkyGheNe Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Reeks of homophobia and while I know it's "just a joke" I'm not really in favor of a joke that perpetuates a negative sentiment that is still pervasive in our culture.

    But yeah...usually if you need to ask if something is innapropriate or not...it usually is.

    SkyGheNe on
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    LautermilchLautermilch Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
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    Evil_ReaverEvil_Reaver Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I'm going to give you the formula for giving the Greatest Best Man Speech In the World. Do not deviate from this plan. You will not fail if you follow this plan.

    1. Thank everyone for coming to the wedding.

    Ex. Thank you for making it out to _____ and ______'s wedding. It really means a lot to them that you are here to share this special day with them.

    2. Thank the bride/groom families.

    Ex. I'd also like to thank ________ and _______ for putting on such a great wedding and reception. I know how much hard work you put in to making everything perfect for your son and daughter and it really shows. The ceremony was beautiful and the reception has been wonderful.

    3. Compliment the bride.

    Ex. ______ you look so beautiful tonight.

    4. Rib the groom about how much he sucked before he met the bride.

    Ex. I've known _______ for 19 years and let me tell you, he...

    5. Tell the story of when they started dating from your point of view.

    Ex. When (bride) and (groom) started dating, (groom) told me that he was head over heals for (bride) from the get-go. I knew he was serious when he actually started to bathe regularly and repeatedly asked for date ideas. They dated for 3 years and it really got to the point where everyone was just wondering when they were going to get married; they were just so good together. Suffice to say, I wasn't at all surprised last year when (groom) asked me if I thought he should ask (bride) to marry him. I told him he was a dummy for putting it off for so long!

    6. Give anecdotal advice about marriage if you're married.

    7. Raise your glass and toast the bride and groom.

    Ex. Here's to (bride) and (groom).

    8. Say congratulations and good luck!

    Ex. Congratulations and good luck!

    Tips:

    1. You can be funny through the whole thing, but keep the jokes appropriate for the audience.
    1(a). It's easier to be funny at the beginning and then progress to more serious/less funny.
    2. DO NOT INSULT THE BRIDE. EVER. NOT EVEN PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY OR IN AN INSIDE JOKE.
    3. Don't go overboard on insulting your friend. You did that during the bachelor party.
    4. Keep it short. The wedding isn't about you.
    5. Write it down before you give it. Don't wing it when you get the microphone.

    Evil_Reaver on
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    DarkewolfeDarkewolfe Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    "Jeff is so gay that when he told me he was getting married, I actually stopped blowing him to make sure I'd heard him right."

    So much better.

    Darkewolfe on
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    KhavallKhavall British ColumbiaRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    DVG wrote: »
    Message received. I took it out.

    For the record, I told it as written to a few friends, all of who laughed their asses off. My concern wasn't with being able to tell it in a funny way, or if it would fall flat, strictly "Should I tell a crass joke like this at a wedding?"

    Also: This wasn't the entire content of the speech, just one silly joke that I'm sure everyone I know at the wedding would have found hilarious. The rest of the speech is more normal.

    What was going on when they laughed? What was the situation? How drunk was everyone? Because if everyone was riffing on the theme having fun, so you already had the setup, you already had the cadence, and you already had the laughter going, you're going to get a much different reaction than when you try to shoehorn it into a speech.

    With the entire speech, if you want to tell a joke, you have to remember that it's coming in the middle of a speech... the only reaction you have is laughter/"awwww"s. Also, all the setup and cadence has to come from you and you alone. That's not just for jokes, that's for the entire speech. Don't try to be too funny, don't over-extemporize, and don't force shit in because it totally was funny during the poker game last week. Keep it short, simple, lighthearted, and make sure it flows.

    I mean honestly the biggest problem with that joke was just that it was poorly constructed and not funny.

    Khavall on
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