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"So, you want to try the whole girlfriend/boyfriend thing?"
nonplussed
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Registered User regular
That's not exactly how I want to go about this so I was wondering if y'all gents and lasses had any advice on a guy (who hasn't ever had a girlfriend in the 25 years he's tread the earth) wanting to move into unfamiliar territory with a ladyfriend.
Some (possibly) helpful details:
-Known each other for about a year
-She's recently (over the summer) broken up
-Two dinner dates
-Haven't kissed yet
Am I old fashioned? Going too slow? Going too fast? Bestow me with your vast wealth of knowledge, H/A.
Some (possibly) helpful details:
-Known each other for about a year
-She's recently (over the summer) broken up
-Two dinner dates
-Haven't kissed yet
Am I old fashioned? Going too slow? Going too fast? Bestow me with your vast wealth of knowledge, H/A.
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Don't pressure yourself and don't rush into something before it feels like you're both into it. How did the dinner dates go?
San Diego's Restaurant Week has seemingly been extended to two, so I was thinking of taking her somewhere after our class on Thursday (after informing her ahead of time that I'd like to do so).
I wonder if mentioning that I haven't kissed her has perhaps made it so that's all you guys can see or if it really gets to the heart of the issue. Either way, that was a conclusion that I'd already reached.
Now that that's out of the way, any (awesomely nerdy/clever) suggestions on how to approach it?
No real nerdy/clever suggestions. It's just one of those things you have to go for. When you say goodbye, do you hug? Do you hug for a prolonged period of time?
She already said yes to go out with you outside of dance class. Is she flirty when you are out? Does she dress up?
Slacks and a button up shirt, it's casual without being childish. Don't jeans and T-shirt when going out to dinner, it makes you seem as if you are just interested in being friends.
Dress to impress, yo.
I should probably move this to Friday, then, since I think it might be uncomfortable for her to have to dress nice for ballroom if she has class prior to it.
I might be just over-thinking this a bit, but do I ask her Tuesday or Thursday if I want to set something up for Friday? Tuesday gives her time to plan ahead but is seeing each other again before a "serious date" weird?
I just probably answered that question in my head. I should just ask her Tuesday and not let it get weird. Unless someone gives me a good reason otherwise.
yes
"cool lets grab dinner"
Okay
"Alright, it's a date!"
or, "Wanna go on a dinner date? I found a nice place I wanted to check out <insert location herE>
I'm not saying jump recklessly in but I do think you should start making your intentions more clear to her.
Best advice. And don't wait for any kind of perfect time, the perfect time is when you just do it.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
You don't have to just grab her and kiss her. There are stages of physical contact that lead up to kissing, that you can use to gauge whether or not she'll go for it.
Walking together, offer her your arm or your hand. This shows that you are into physical contact with her, but gives her control on how close/intimate the contact is. Pay attention for things like little caresses of your hand if holding hands and walking together, they can be pretty subtle. If she pulls into you and walks closely then she's really trying to let you know something. There are ways you can test the waters and deal with initial awkwardness on the way to the first kiss.
In case anyone was wondering:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gn7Y2Y9qhy4
but they're listening to every word I say
I don't see how asking for consent is grosser than trying to kiss someone who doesn't want to be kissed.
On top of that, if she's going to be in a relationship with someone who needs advice on how to handle a first kiss, this is exactly the kind of awkwardness she should expect. If she can't handle this now, the whole sex thing is going to be awful.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
Ask her out to get a drink or something downtown. Get drinks, go play pool, I don't know.. just try and have a good time. If things are going really well, after you walk back to her car, give her a kiss as you say goodbye. You will know if she likes it or not.
There you go.
Asking to kiss someone has always worked for me, of course the writing is usually on the wall when I do that.
So, these aren't "dates" at all, these are "friends hanging out"
Also, make this explicitly clear, whatever you're asking her to do, that this is a date, i.e. two people going on an outing to pursue a romantic partnership
Just make a move at the end of the date that way you are separating so if she pulls away, awkward situations are brief. I almost always save first-kiss for end of dates.
You can hug first and see if she responds, then move in. It's fairly simple...
If she does reel away just play it off, or straight up ask... Just cause she pulls away does not mean she's not interested, it could just be a unexpected.
I know your planning it out, but it probrably wont go as planned. In any event try and get at least one hand up to her head, kind of holding it with her ear between your thumb and finger and your fingers wrapping back around towards her neck. Little rub/tug on the ear/hair and she's melting in your hands, go get her!
When you parted ways after the last two dinner not-dates, how did it go? Did you two hug? Just kinda go your separate ways? What?
You're entering the dangerous realm of overthinking this.
"Hey, I was wondering if you'd be up for going out to dinner this Saturday. Great, pick you up at 7?"
Man, just let the evening unfold. Go, pick her up, compliment her, enjoy her presence and conversation, no need to go asking if you can smooch. Walk her to her front door, be a gentleman. Then, if things haven't sucked, kiss the girl. You don't even need to plant it on her lips, if you're still feeling a bit odd, go for a cheek, she can always turn her head into you if she's down for some lip locking.
Want to set the romantic tone early? Have flowers for her when she opens the door. People don't do this enough anymore.
@Brodo: I'm not sure if that was a joke but it did inspire an idea. I might overtly slap on some lip balm and then offer her a mint after taking one myself and then maybe not kiss her. And then really do it.
In any case, phase 1: Date on Friday, complete. On to phase 2!
Don't do this.
You're adding steps to what is a simple process. Don't add elements, that regardless of how funny or simple you feel that they are, could very easily trip you up.
Life has an odd way of offering up whatever is needed to add comedy or tragedy to a situation. You don't need to go trying to offer it a leg up.
I'm just trying to say that every person is different. There are people that live in a fairy tale like that and like those kinds of moments. There are others who don't. As has been stated probably 100 million times on this board, you just have to figure out what the person you're presently dating likes and go with that approach. There is no correct answer.
The red made me cringe. hard. Just kiss the poor girl. She's probably been waiting for it for the last 2 dates.
Listen to Ziplock. He is a Doctor, afterall.
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