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Stupid, stupid customer base (terrible customer reviews)

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    DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2009
    Jordyn wrote: »
    That is awesome Volyu.

    Though I am also glad an ant didn't climb into your butthole.

    how do we know they didn't? maybe they started a colony inside volyu and he's really being controlled by them

    Druhim on
    belruelotterav-1.jpg
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    Caulk Bite 6Caulk Bite 6 One of the multitude of Dans infesting this place Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Jordyn wrote: »
    That is awesome Volyu.

    Though I am also glad an ant didn't climb into your butthole.

    Maybe one did. Maybe it burrowed in, took control of an important nerve cluster, and has been riding him like a Gundam ever since.

    Caulk Bite 6 on
    jnij103vqi2i.png
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    MetroidZoidMetroidZoid Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Jordyn wrote: »
    Those poor suckers opening that case and wet noodles come flopping out, and augh god they're slippery and they can't pick them up and who would do such a thing this is horrible

    We got a mouse trap in a VHS case once, but it snapped when they dropped it in the return box. Also, it was the best feeling to call someone up to bring back the copy of whatever movie they rented, and swap it out for the porno the left in the case. And as long as it wasn't a graphic title, we would say the movie title on the message.

    I'm sorry I've been petty Dru. Can we still be friends? Or become friends? I'm not sure how this works on forums.

    MetroidZoid on
    9UsHUfk.jpgSteam
    3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
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    SwillSwill Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Dru hates everyone

    I know this because I had a long talk with him once in real life

    so long

    like all night even

    Swill on
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    JordynJordyn Really, Commander? Probing Uranus. Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Druhim wrote: »
    Jordyn wrote: »
    That is awesome Volyu.

    Though I am also glad an ant didn't climb into your butthole.

    how do we know they didn't? maybe they started a colony inside volyu and he's really being controlled by them

    That's true...

    I would hope the ants would have the foresight to not tell the pooping on ants story if they were controlling him though.

    Do you think we should knock him out and finger around inside him for a while just to be sure?

    Jordyn on
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    JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
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    AntimatterAntimatter Devo Was Right Gates of SteelRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    How much do you hate me, Dru?
    Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest.

    Antimatter on
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    potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    that's what they want you to think, and that's why they told the story

    potatoe on
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    Dead LegendDead Legend Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Volyu, that is intense!

    Once, when I was hunting, I was hit with the worst squirts in the world.

    I was in the stand, about two hundred yards down this sendero, and I'm thinking, there's no way I can get to the truck and get the shovel and TP without pooping my pants. Not caring about the noise I was about to make, I left all my gear in my stand, and began sprinting down the sendero with my cheeks clenched and unbuckling the whole way down. I made it about fifteen feet from the truck when the urge to purge hit, and so I dropped trou and started pooping, right there on the ground.

    Except, when I turned around, there was a steaming pile of shit in a snakehole. From there, I waddled to the truck and buried the toilet paper on the side of the road.

    Dead Legend on
    diablo III - beardsnbeer#1508 Mechwarrior Online - Rusty Bock
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    AMP'dAMP'd Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    I just learned that I am quoted in a signature

    AMP'd on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    BusterKBusterK Negativity is Boring Cynicism is Cowardice Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Update: Noodles were delicious

    BusterK on
    Visit http://www.cruzflores.com for all your Cruz Flores needs. Also listen to the podcast I do with Penguin Incarnate http://wgsgshow.podomatic.com
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    DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    So I got to see David Sedaris the other night!

    Everything he read save one thing was unpublished works in progress or excerpts from his diary. It was awesome.

    But why I'm bringing this up in here, besides to make you guys jealous, is that he talked about asshole customers a bit, and wanted us to share stories about them with him afterwards during the signing. He told us a few stories that he'd already gotten, like one about a woman who was a waitress at a country club, and got called over by an old woman, who grabbed her hand and she spat out chicken salad into it and said "There's a bone in my chicken salad!"

    There was also a story shared by a pilot that, Sedaris said, wasn't really a story about assholes because it "belonged in a whole other level". When a flight was touching down on December 23rd, one of the flight attendants was doing the landing speech - "Please do not remove your seatbelts before the plane has come to a complete stop and the fasten seatbelts sign has been turned off. Be careful opening overhead compartments as luggage may have shifted during flight. On behalf of X and Such Airlines I'd like to wish you all a Merry Christmas, or, if you're already standing with your seatbelt off, a Happy Hanukkah."

    DarkPrimus on
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    RedeemerRedeemer Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    I am so jealous, DP

    I remember David Sedaris wrote this great essay about people who take shits in retail stores. I thought it was on the New Yorker website but I... can't seem to find it

    Redeemer on
    25jyxzr.jpg
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    DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    He read his essay about how his last book tour was bookended by trips to CostCo.

    Starting out feeling more gay than he'd ever felt in his life, ending with "No photographs please, asshole. JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"

    DarkPrimus on
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    SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2009
    I have absolutely no idea why much of the literary world hate David Sedaris. The only concrete explanation I can find is that his stories are often a mix of real life and fiction for the same of comedy.

    How that's bad, I'll never know.



    Anyway.

    Just had a little old lady and call cranky on the phone. Something about having nothing but problems since she got our service. Pulled up her ticket history. I know this woman. She's the one who we kept researching an echo problem with her phone service for three months. Turned out that she had the volume on her phone so high that it was interfering with her service. She didn't use the new phone we gave her. So, of course, it's not our fault, but you know how people are.

    Today her batteries went dead on the universal remote we gave her and she refused to change them out.

    Sheep on
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    DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Sheep wrote: »
    I have absolutely no idea why much of the literary world hate David Sedaris. The only concrete explanation I can find is that his stories are often a mix of real life and fiction for the same of comedy.

    How that's bad, I'll never know.

    Maybe it's because he's gay. Like, really gay.

    DarkPrimus on
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    SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    no fags allowed in my literature

    no sirree

    Snowbeat on
    Q1e6oi8.gif
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    SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2009
    Two more.

    One we gave a phone to because she can't dial a fucking number. This phone is a stupid people phone. It has a huge screen that shows you the numbers you've dialed, it beeps really loud when you hit a button, and the buttons are huge. It also saves the last 20 numbers you've dialed.

    Well, today, she called in telling us she's tired of us messing with her and her phone service not working. Pulled the call records. She's dialing a few digits, and then the call is dialing out, or she's just not dialing the number completely.

    We printed out these reports, went to her house, took the retard phone, and showed her that the numbers stored in it matched the call reports.

    In one last defiant fuck you she told us that "It's not my fault. It's yours."




    And for a little bit of crazy... Notes someone else left on another lady.
    CCI TO REPORT A LOUD NOISE COMING FROM THE POLE OUTSIDE. SAID WIRES WERE HANGING LOOSE FROM THE BOX AND IT'S SUCH A LOUD NOISE THAT IT KEEPS HER AWAKE AT NIGHT AND SHE HAS HAD TO STAY AT HER FRIENDS HOUSE AT TIMES JUST TO GET SOME SLEEP. SAID A CAR STOPPED BY THE POLE LAST NIGHT AND THE NOISE STOPPED, SHE HAS CALLED A PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR IN ALSO, SHE THINKS THAT SOMEONE IS DOING THIS TO HARRASS HER. SHE SAID SHE COULD NOT CALL THE POLICE BECAUSE THEY ARE AGAINST HER. I TOLD HER I HAD NEVER HEARD OF ANYTHING LIKE THAT, BUT I WOULD REPORT IT AS POLE DAMAGE AND HAVE SOMEONE COME OUT AND LOOK AT IT. I CALLED CWIN. THE REP PUT IT IN AS POLE DAMAGE AND GAVE A DUE DATE OF 10-31-09 BY 7PM. SAID COULD NOT GET IT IN ANY SOONER. CALLED HER BACK AND EXPLND DUE DATE, SHE ASKED ME TO CHANGE IT TO THE 2ND OF NOVEMBER BECAUSE SHE IS GOING ON A CRUISE AND WOULD LIKE TO BE THERE WHEN THEY COME. I CHANGED THE DUE DATE FOR HER TO THE 2ND AND THEN SHE DECIDED SHE NEEDED IT ON THE THIRD SINCE SHE GAVE ME THE WRONG DATE AND SHE WANTS IT DONE IN THE AFTERNOON SO SHE COULD BE THERE. EXPLND I CANNOT SPECIFY A TIME THAT THEY WILL BE THERE, IT WOULD JUST BE ON THE 3RD OF NOVEMBER BY 7PM. SHE SAID SHE WILL HAVE HER MOTHER COME AND STAY IN THE MORNING SINCE SHE HAS TO TEACH AN EXERCISE CLASS THAT MORNING BUT THAT DATE WOULD BE FINE.

    Sheep on
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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    So I got to see David Sedaris the other night!

    Everything he read save one thing was unpublished works in progress or excerpts from his diary. It was awesome.

    But why I'm bringing this up in here, besides to make you guys jealous, is that he talked about asshole customers a bit, and wanted us to share stories about them with him afterwards during the signing. He told us a few stories that he'd already gotten, like one about a woman who was a waitress at a country club, and got called over by an old woman, who grabbed her hand and she spat out chicken salad into it and said "There's a bone in my chicken salad!"

    There was also a story shared by a pilot that, Sedaris said, wasn't really a story about assholes because it "belonged in a whole other level". When a flight was touching down on December 23rd, one of the flight attendants was doing the landing speech - "Please do not remove your seatbelts before the plane has come to a complete stop and the fasten seatbelts sign has been turned off. Be careful opening overhead compartments as luggage may have shifted during flight. On behalf of X and Such Airlines I'd like to wish you all a Merry Christmas, or, if you're already standing with your seatbelt off, a Happy Hanukkah."

    Wow. Yeah. That is a whole other level.

    Defender on
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