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Flay's Thread - Completed Animatic (22/05/10)

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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    Thanks! And this is only one small detail, I have a lot of work ahead. This is easily one of the most labor intensive things I've ever worked on.

    Flay on
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    FINALLY FINISHED!

    xofi2p.png

    Might need a few tweaks, but otherwise it's done.

    Flay on
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    NibCromNibCrom Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    Daaang... that is sweet. Is this an ad for something? It should have a call to action, i.e. phone number, Web site.

    NibCrom on
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    GrennGrenn Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    Liking this, sweet work fella. :^:

    My only crit would be the top right... seems like the space could be used a little better. Perhaps make of the the ships a little bigger so it seems closer to the foreground?

    Grenn on
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    MustangMustang Arbiter of Unpopular Opinions Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    Agree with grenn about the top right. If you don't want to increase them, you could add another one and have them in a finger four formation or the pixel version there of.

    Mustang on
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    Jake!Jake! Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    I'd actually like to see less up top, definitely nothing higher than the logo.

    Jake! on
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    That's the same feedback I've been getting from the club. It's a shame to get rid of the airship/arwings, but it looks like I might need to.

    EDIT: I think this is a better version.

    2ez1vuc.jpg

    Flay on
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    MustangMustang Arbiter of Unpopular Opinions Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    Have you tried flipping the arrangement of the jets and the dirigible?
    I think they may look better on opposite sides....maybe. Your pirate just looks a little cramped over there.

    Mustang on
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    I have but the mass of the airship kind of messes up the composition.

    2rdaj4m.png

    Flay on
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    MustangMustang Arbiter of Unpopular Opinions Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    I hate to say it flay, but I think you'd be better off cutting them out all together. It's a shame, because it's a pretty rad air-ship.

    Mustang on
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    I had come to the same conclusion. :(

    Flay on
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    ZaengoZaengo Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    you best not get rid o' them arwings boy. theres some that might not preciate it. if you uh, get my meanin.

    Zaengo on
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    I don't think I've posted these in this thread, so it's crosspost time:

    5bojm1.jpg

    3344v0z.jpg

    2wqqy3c.jpg

    EDIT: Oh and hey, do you guys mind if I post these in my dA profile?

    Flay on
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    New icon WIP. It's symmetrical at the moment, but I'll fix that later.

    24wwvgw.jpg

    Flay on
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    Update:

    4sk1zq.jpg

    Flay on
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Sketch for a comic assignment. Can't change it much now since it's getting close to the deadline, but crits appreciated.

    346vz0l.jpg

    Flay on
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    NappuccinoNappuccino Surveyor of Things and Stuff Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    My only real critic is that this heavily reminds me of the one of the final scenes in Watchmen... that and the split looks quite a bit like boobs in my dirty mind.

    Nappuccino on
    Like to write? Want to get e-published? Give us a look-see at http://wednesdaynightwrites.com/
    Rorus Raz wrote: »
    There's also the possibility you just can't really grow a bear like other guys.

    Not even BEAR vaginas can defeat me!
    cakemikz wrote: »
    And then I rub actual cake on myself.
    Loomdun wrote: »
    thats why you have chest helmets
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Nappuccino wrote: »
    My only real critic is that this heavily reminds me of the one of the final scenes in Watchmen... that and the split looks quite a bit like boobs in my dirty mind.

    Which scene was this? I've read the graphic novel/seen the movie but I can't remember what you're referring to.


    EDIT: I think I've figured it out...

    SPOILERS AND NSFW

    Flay on
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    DrIanMalcolmDrIanMalcolm Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Yeah that scene came to mind when I saw your comic too, but it didn't really detract anything from it. I'm not sure about the position of the little box panel of the bomber flying, or whether it is needed at all, but overall I really like it!

    DrIanMalcolm on
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Thanks!

    Here's the coloured version:

    25q5egl.jpg

    EDIT: Slight update.

    Flay on
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Working on another poster for the uni games club (seriously, I have to start charging for this):

    This time it's for a trivia night.

    50i6d.jpg

    (WIP of course.)

    Flay on
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    NappuccinoNappuccino Surveyor of Things and Stuff Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Flay wrote: »
    Nappuccino wrote: »
    My only real critic is that this heavily reminds me of the one of the final scenes in Watchmen... that and the split looks quite a bit like boobs in my dirty mind.

    Which scene was this? I've read the graphic novel/seen the movie but I can't remember what you're referring to.


    EDIT: I think I've figured it out...

    SPOILERS AND NSFW

    Oh, i guess there's two scenes from that book that your script reminded me of.

    The one i'm talking about is in chapter XI (where the newstand owner and the comic reader learn each other's names just before... well, you know what happens).

    I guess that scene is meant to parallel the earlier one (or the earlier one is meant to forshadow that later one)

    Nappuccino on
    Like to write? Want to get e-published? Give us a look-see at http://wednesdaynightwrites.com/
    Rorus Raz wrote: »
    There's also the possibility you just can't really grow a bear like other guys.

    Not even BEAR vaginas can defeat me!
    cakemikz wrote: »
    And then I rub actual cake on myself.
    Loomdun wrote: »
    thats why you have chest helmets
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Nappuccino wrote: »
    Flay wrote: »
    Nappuccino wrote: »
    My only real critic is that this heavily reminds me of the one of the final scenes in Watchmen... that and the split looks quite a bit like boobs in my dirty mind.

    Which scene was this? I've read the graphic novel/seen the movie but I can't remember what you're referring to.


    EDIT: I think I've figured it out...

    SPOILERS AND NSFW

    Oh, i guess there's two scenes from that book that your script reminded me of.

    The one i'm talking about is in chapter XI (where the newstand owner and the comic reader learn each other's names just before... well, you know what happens).

    I guess that scene is meant to parallel the earlier one (or the earlier one is meant to forshadow that later one)

    I don't really remember, and I don't have my own copy to look it up. :?

    Flay on
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    NappuccinoNappuccino Surveyor of Things and Stuff Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Dang... i'm trying to find a scan of it, but my google fu is awful.

    I'm surprised you don't remember this... its right when
    the explosion happens and everyone dies. Bernie and Bernard die with the older one trying to protect the young kid by selflessly covering him with his own body- but to no avail since they both are disintegrated into nothing.

    Nappuccino on
    Like to write? Want to get e-published? Give us a look-see at http://wednesdaynightwrites.com/
    Rorus Raz wrote: »
    There's also the possibility you just can't really grow a bear like other guys.

    Not even BEAR vaginas can defeat me!
    cakemikz wrote: »
    And then I rub actual cake on myself.
    Loomdun wrote: »
    thats why you have chest helmets
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Nappuccino wrote: »
    Dang... i'm trying to find a scan of it, but my google fu is awful.

    I'm surprised you don't remember this... its right when
    the explosion happens and everyone dies. Bernie and Bernard die with the older one trying to protect the young kid by selflessly covering him with his own body- but to no avail since they both are disintegrated into nothing.

    I remember the scene, but I can't remember exactly what it looks like. Next time I'm at the library I'll look it up.


    Also while I'm updating this thread I may as well post these here too; they're some reverse storyboards for one my classes:

    dh4yt.jpg

    23kb6ly.jpg

    4j6otd.jpg

    fz4xue.jpg

    Flay on
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    GrennGrenn Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I'm liking the tri-bulb-force design so far.

    Grenn on
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Grenn wrote: »
    I'm liking the tri-bulb-force design so far.

    Cool, here's an update then:

    (Also you should like it, since both your stuff was a big influence. :wink:)

    2130idt.jpg

    EDIT: Oh, and by the way, there are going to be a heap of different variations of this poster with lots of different geeky symbols replacing the triforce.

    Flay on
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    Jake!Jake! Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    This would work better for me if the filament was a zig-zagged line.

    Jake! on
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Jake! wrote: »
    This would work better for me if the filament was a zig-zagged line.

    Mm but then it might be less recognizable. Plus that would take a great deal of time to do that for every poster, and to be honest one of the main criteria for this idea was that it couldn't take too long to produce.

    Flay on
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    GrennGrenn Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I like it: communicates everything it has to, is pleasing to the eye, and the concept is pretty original and definitely memorable.

    I personally think the filament thing is fine as it is - I'm having no trouble in seeing it's a lightbulb!

    Really good work Flay!

    Grenn on
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    Jake!Jake! Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Flay wrote: »
    Jake! wrote: »
    This would work better for me if the filament was a zig-zagged line.

    Mm but then it might be less recognizable. Plus that would take a great deal of time to do that for every poster, and to be honest one of the main criteria for this idea was that it couldn't take too long to produce.

    I'd keep the solid glow to keep the silhouette, with the filament inserted inside.

    Jake! on
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    This is the storyboard version of that comic I did. It was kind of rushed so it's not particularly good (or well laid out) but I've handed it in now so I guess I'll have to keep working with it.

    23m7ho3.jpg

    2e1y77n.jpg

    34t4sv6.jpg

    Working on an animatic version now. There will be changes from the storyboard - like the sudden jump from the couple hugging to the bomb dropping.

    Flay on
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    NappuccinoNappuccino Surveyor of Things and Stuff Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    seeing them react horrified to the bomb falling actually seems out of place and seems to change your intended message. If they don't react its more "look how horrible the military is and the lives they ruin"

    if they do react its "look at how people persevere and hold on to love in dire times"

    Nappuccino on
    Like to write? Want to get e-published? Give us a look-see at http://wednesdaynightwrites.com/
    Rorus Raz wrote: »
    There's also the possibility you just can't really grow a bear like other guys.

    Not even BEAR vaginas can defeat me!
    cakemikz wrote: »
    And then I rub actual cake on myself.
    Loomdun wrote: »
    thats why you have chest helmets
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    TamTam Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    hi5 flay, I think about this moment in history all the time:
    Tam wrote: »
    As the metal juggernaut hurtled toward the ground, Yatsumoto was staring hard at his paper. Suddenly, the light of many small ideas coalesced in one moment of brilliance, only to be destroyed utterly by another.


    I totally agree with Napp though- I'd cut the entire 7th row. I find it a lot more tragic and poignant if they don't see it coming. (this also has the lesser advantage of being logistically consistent- I don't think they could have seen it coming)

    Tam on
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    Angel_of_BaconAngel_of_Bacon Moderator Mod Emeritus
    edited May 2010
    Nappuccino wrote: »

    if they do react its [strike]"look at how people persevere and hold on to love in dire times[/strike] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

    Agreed with the others, the reaction just makes it come across as unintentionally comical to me; but that may be an effect of the fact you've put in 4 panels of "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" with a long zoom, and that comes across in my head as an awkwardly long shot, like the classic WB cartoon one where they scream so long that they have to take a breath midway through, just to continue screaming.

    Also, taken out of context, the expressions you've drawn for that shot are hilarious looking- the whole shot runs the risk of undercutting the mood of the rest of it. Pacing wise, I can understand you probably don't want to cut straight from the bomb dropping to the explosion, but certainly something a bit more subtle/poignant than, "HOLY FUCK WE'RE GONNA DIE" can be put in there.

    EDIT: I guess reading the time notes the shot's only 2 seconds long, but going faster still risks the literal "the bomb is dropping right onto his eyeball" effect.

    Angel_of_Bacon on
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Yeah, I see what you mean.

    Hm... Pacing-wise there stills need to be something between the hatch opening. I'm not sure what yet. The zoom in to the eye was important because it gives some sort of sense to the transition between the 'real' world and the abstract one where atoms are the same size as people.

    Still, I have a bit of time to work on this, so I should be able to improve it.

    Spoilered for pretetious rationale-speak:
    The idea behind this isn't meant to be an entirely a blatant anti-war/military/hiroshima thing - it was a horrible, devastating event and that is a part of the idea, but it's not a moral absolute. It's more about brining things down from the large scale to the small - two people in a single moment of time, caught up in something larger. I liked the idea of comparing the couple to atoms, simply because it gives that sense of scale.

    Flay on
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    Angel_of_BaconAngel_of_Bacon Moderator Mod Emeritus
    edited May 2010
    This may be a bit of an overbearing/depressing idea, and may involve scrapping a lot of what you've got, but you might try to bring in the atomic level stuff sooner, since right now it adds a wholly new element of the story only at the conclusion, which is kind of weird- rather than having so much about the actual bomb dropping, putting more in about the development of the bomb, and the technical workings of the bomb- the chain reactions involved in both. Technical diagrams showing how one thing leads to another in the inner workings.

    Meanwhile, in the character story, rather than having the couple just be, you know, the happy couple, go back to the title: "The Separation". You want to get across the idea of being caught up in a complexity of events, perhaps you could develop their story more as, these people love each other, yes- but being caught up in the events going on around them has brought them, with neither of them really being at fault, to a point of separation- dude has to take a night shift cranking out stuff in the factory and can't see his g/f wife, woman has to spend her nights taking care of a loved one wounded in the war, etc, so they end up never seeing each other. A chain reaction of larger events effecting the small lives of people. Perhaps at the end they are afforded a quiet moment together, holding hands like things could be the same, but both knowing that they can't, they're already emotionally separated due to factors outside of their control, strangers- that's when the bomb drops. Intercutting the series of events of the characters and that of the series of events that occurs inside the bomb to create the parallel of larger events creating a terrible conclusion on the small scale.

    Of course, this may take more than 50 seconds to get across, and you might need to go for something simpler- I just throw it out there as a way of getting away from the 'the US is coming over and is gonna to bomb the fuck out of this happy couple" story, which may be a bit too simple.

    Angel_of_Bacon on
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    FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    The story I had planned was originally a lot more complex - the characters did have a backstory, and the context was established much more. But this is meant to be a 30 - 45 second animatic (I could probably push it to a minute if I'm lucky) and fitting in the amount of information that I have is already difficult in such a short space of time.

    The fact that the bomb is dropped at the end of the story has kind of been bugging me since I handed in this storyboard. Logically, it should drop at the start of the animation, since the bomb took 43 seconds to hit the ground, but then the pacing is all wrong. I might see if I can rearrange the appearance of the plane so that the bomb drops somewhere in the middle.

    The title 'the separation' wasn't chosen by me - it's the stimulus I used for this project. Thankully I am allowed to change it this time, but I haven't thought of something suitable yet.

    (Also, if you think my story is simplistic, you should see some of the other animatics. One of last years 'top 20' was a happy rubber duckie swimming around in circles. That was pretty much it.)

    Flay on
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    NappuccinoNappuccino Surveyor of Things and Stuff Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    you could have the bomb impact in the distance and the wall of the explosion could come in to "separate them"- that would allow for both the realism and the pacing.

    Nappuccino on
    Like to write? Want to get e-published? Give us a look-see at http://wednesdaynightwrites.com/
    Rorus Raz wrote: »
    There's also the possibility you just can't really grow a bear like other guys.

    Not even BEAR vaginas can defeat me!
    cakemikz wrote: »
    And then I rub actual cake on myself.
    Loomdun wrote: »
    thats why you have chest helmets
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    Angel_of_BaconAngel_of_Bacon Moderator Mod Emeritus
    edited May 2010
    Flay wrote: »
    The fact that the bomb is dropped at the end of the story has kind of been bugging me since I handed in this storyboard. Logically, it should drop at the start of the animation, since the bomb took 43 seconds to hit the ground, but then the pacing is all wrong. I might see if I can rearrange the appearance of the plane so that the bomb drops somewhere in the middle.

    You could start the animation with the bomb dropping, and then for the next 43 seconds you have a new, storytelling still shot every second coinciding with the tick of a clock on the audio, establishing the whole character backstory through flashbacks, like someone showing their personal photo slides on an old school projector- then at the end you cut back to full animation of the explosion, from the distanced view of the Enola Gay.

    Angel_of_Bacon on
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