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bow [chat]a bow wow

ElkiElki get busyModerator, ClubPA mod
edited October 2009 in Debate and/or Discourse
NEW YORK—Following a particularly stressful day at her high-powered job, sultry career woman Jessica Barrett, 34, announced Tuesday she would take a hot, steamy bath upon returning to her spacious Manhattan penthouse.

"Shortly after I arrive home this evening, I will draw a lavender-scented bubble bath in my antique, claw-foot porcelain tub," said Barrett, pulling a bobby pin from her hair and releasing a cascade of shimmering auburn hair down the nape of her neck. "Once I have deemed the temperature of the bathwater to be just right, I will allow my terry-cloth robe to slip slowly off my shoulders and gather seductively around my feet, leaving my firm, nearly flawless body completely exposed."

"At this point, I will most likely take a moment to look into the mirror and think about how there are times in my busy life when I just want a man—any man, really—to satisfy my every sexual desire," Barrett continued. "Because, while I may be a no-nonsense career woman who should be taken seriously, I am, after all, still a woman."

According to Barrett, following a long day spent competing with men on her own tough and uncompromising terms, she deserves some time to pamper herself and express her femininity. Because she is such an unrelenting perfectionist when it comes to her profession, Barrett said that her other, softer qualities—such as her gourmet culinary training and her years spent as a semiprofessional ballet dancer—are often overshadowed.

"When I'm lying in the tub, the bubbles just barely covering my perfect pink nipples, I can feel all the pressures of my high-paying, fast-paced job just melt away," Barrett said. "Maybe it's George Michael's 'Careless Whisper' playing on the stereo, or the gentle nighttime breeze blowing through the curtains of my 37th-floor apartment, but as I'm washing every contour of my impossibly lithe frame, I really begin to feel like myself again."

"And when I slowly submerge my head beneath the water, letting the telephone ring unanswered, that's when I truly transform into a gorgeous, sensual woman with a strong libidinal appetite instead of just some incredibly successful female professional," Barrett added.

In addition to celebrating her femininity, Barrett said she would use her time spent bathing to reflect on her decision to delay starting a family, a lifelong dream she has had to put on hold in order to focus on a career that can be ruthless and even cutthroat.

It is also Barrett's intention to close her eyes, smile in a rather suggestive manner, and let out a small, feminine sigh of satisfaction while in her bathtub tonight.

Though the sexy, take-no-prisoners career woman did not specify how long she would remain in the bathroom, she did confirm that after completing her ablutions and air-drying in the nude, she would carefully apply a rich, apricot-based lotion to her supple frame, despite the fact that her unblemished skin is already taut and butter-smooth.

"Every once in a while, I need some time for myself to recharge," Barrett told a crowd of reporters, her fingers absentmindedly undoing the third button of her tight silk blouse to reveal the smallest hint of a delicate black-lace bra. "It's important to me that I reconnect with my womanhood so I can wake up the next day, put on my short, formfitting pantsuit and black 6-inch patent-leather stiletto pumps, and confidently reenter the no-holds-barred, male-dominated field in which I excel."

Before leaving her office for the evening, Barrett added that she hopes some day she won't have to choose.
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sexy_career_woman_to_take_hot_bath

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Elki on
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Posts

  • matt has a problemmatt has a problem Points to 'off' Points to 'on'Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Great, everyone's jerking off now.

    matt has a problem on
    nibXTE7.png
  • JustinSane07JustinSane07 Really, stupid? Brockton__BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2009
    Precious chat!

    What's that, softcorn porn in the OP?

    Who cares.

    JustinSane07 on
  • MikeManMikeMan Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    oh god so close

    MikeMan on
  • YamiNoSenshiYamiNoSenshi A point called Z In the complex planeRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Pics or it didn't happen.

    YamiNoSenshi on
  • DasUberEdwardDasUberEdward Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    I don't understand.

    DasUberEdward on
    steam_sig.png
  • BogartBogart Streetwise Hercules Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited October 2009
    Thirteen Days is a really good movie.

    Bogart on
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    You know it just occured to me that softcore has a double meaning. I'm so unclever.

    Preacher on
    I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.

    pleasepaypreacher.net
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Oh, how I love The Onion.

    Forar on
    First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
  • Silas BrownSilas Brown That's hobo style. Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    This is the only good OP we've had since the last Achewood [chat]

    Silas Brown on
  • CindersCinders Whose sails were black when it was windy Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    This is the best [chat] ever.

    Cinders on
  • HakkekageHakkekage Space Whore Academy summa cum laudeRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Thanks for opening up a jizz soaked chat Elki

    Hakkekage on
    3DS: 2165 - 6538 - 3417
    NNID: Hakkekage
  • DasUberEdwardDasUberEdward Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Hakkekage wrote: »
    Thanks for opening up a jizz soaked chat Elki

    That's what she said!

    DasUberEdward on
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  • PowerpuppiesPowerpuppies drinking coffee in the mountain cabinRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Man I want to post in the demonism thread. But I feel bad posting without reading the recent discussion and I haven't had time to read the recent discussion (work stuff takes precedence sadly).

    Powerpuppies on
    sig.gif
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Hakkekage wrote: »
    Thanks for opening up a jizz soaked chat Elki

    Oh please like its your first time.

    Preacher on
    I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.

    pleasepaypreacher.net
  • DynagripDynagrip Break me a million hearts HoustonRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2009
    Bogart wrote: »
    Thirteen Days is a really good movie.
    yeah, i liked that one quite a bit.

    Dynagrip on
  • matt has a problemmatt has a problem Points to 'off' Points to 'on'Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Preacher wrote: »
    You know it just occured to me that softcore has a double meaning. I'm so unclever.
    Double meaning?

    matt has a problem on
    nibXTE7.png
  • redxredx I(x)=2(x)+1 whole numbersRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Preacher wrote: »
    You know it just occured to me that softcore has a double meaning. I'm so unclever.
    Double meaning?

    it doesn't give him an erection. I think.

    redx on
    They moistly come out at night, moistly.
  • HakkekageHakkekage Space Whore Academy summa cum laudeRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Preacher wrote: »
    Hakkekage wrote: »
    Thanks for opening up a jizz soaked chat Elki

    Oh please like its your first time.

    D:

    Hakkekage on
    3DS: 2165 - 6538 - 3417
    NNID: Hakkekage
  • RyadicRyadic Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    redx wrote: »
    Preacher wrote: »
    You know it just occured to me that softcore has a double meaning. I'm so unclever.
    Double meaning?

    it doesn't give him an erection. I think.

    Nice avatar. Gave me an erection.

    Ryadic on
    steam_sig.png
  • ElkiElki get busy Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited October 2009
    Preacher wrote: »
    You know it just occured to me that softcore has a double meaning. I'm so unclever.
    Double meaning?
    Soft core.

    Elki on
    smCQ5WE.jpg
  • DasUberEdwardDasUberEdward Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    See what happens when I leave [chat]?

    DasUberEdward on
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  • GonmunGonmun He keeps kickin' me in the dickRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    See what happens when I leave [chat]?

    Good posts happen? :P

    Gonmun on
    desc wrote: »
    ~ * swole patrol flying roundhouse kick top performer recognition: April 2014 * ~
    If you have a sec, check out my podcast: War and Beast Twitter Facebook
  • redxredx I(x)=2(x)+1 whole numbersRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Ryadic wrote: »
    redx wrote: »
    Preacher wrote: »
    You know it just occured to me that softcore has a double meaning. I'm so unclever.
    Double meaning?

    it doesn't give him an erection. I think.

    Nice avatar. Gave me an erection.

    you're welcome.

    redx on
    They moistly come out at night, moistly.
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Hakkekage wrote: »
    Preacher wrote: »
    Hakkekage wrote: »
    Thanks for opening up a jizz soaked chat Elki

    Oh please like its your first time.

    D:

    "My my chat you came all over my bed and chair and carpet... Christ its like a flashbomb went off in here... SO TURNED ON!"

    Preacher on
    I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.

    pleasepaypreacher.net
  • YamiNoSenshiYamiNoSenshi A point called Z In the complex planeRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Preacher wrote: »
    Hakkekage wrote: »
    Preacher wrote: »
    Hakkekage wrote: »
    Thanks for opening up a jizz soaked chat Elki

    Oh please like its your first time.

    D:

    "My my chat you came all over my bed and chair and carpet... Christ its like a flashbomb went off in here... SO TURNED ON!"

    Ever see a swimming pool full of yogurt?

    YamiNoSenshi on
  • RichyRichy Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Man I want to post in the demonism thread. But I feel bad posting without reading the recent discussion and I haven't had time to read the recent discussion (work stuff takes precedence sadly).
    I posted early on, on page 2. No one cared.

    I just checked it again. Jumped to the last page, to see Henroid saying that child molesting priests and church shootings are part of God's plan. I assume I misunderstood him, and I choose to not read the thread for fear of having to revisit this assumption and consequently lower my respect for mankind as a whole yet again.

    Richy on
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  • AJAlkaline40AJAlkaline40 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2009
    redx wrote: »
    Ryadic wrote: »
    redx wrote: »
    Preacher wrote: »
    You know it just occured to me that softcore has a double meaning. I'm so unclever.
    Double meaning?

    it doesn't give him an erection. I think.

    Nice avatar. Gave me an erection.

    you're welcome.

    Redx your signature supplies hours of good fun.

    AJAlkaline40 on
    idiot.jpg
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Preacher wrote: »
    Hakkekage wrote: »
    Preacher wrote: »
    Hakkekage wrote: »
    Thanks for opening up a jizz soaked chat Elki

    Oh please like its your first time.

    D:

    "My my chat you came all over my bed and chair and carpet... Christ its like a flashbomb went off in here... SO TURNED ON!"

    One of the old Strange & Embarassing moments threads, right?

    The follow up posts suggesting that people were imagining him spinning like a sprinkler at the moment of climax were among the few times I was nearly busted reading/posting at work because I was laughing so hard I was practically crying.

    Forar on
    First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
  • GonmunGonmun He keeps kickin' me in the dickRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009

    Redx your signature supplies minutes of good fun. *zip*

    Gonmun on
    desc wrote: »
    ~ * swole patrol flying roundhouse kick top performer recognition: April 2014 * ~
    If you have a sec, check out my podcast: War and Beast Twitter Facebook
  • YamiNoSenshiYamiNoSenshi A point called Z In the complex planeRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    I just realized my cats have better health insurance than I do, in some ways.

    YamiNoSenshi on
  • RichyRichy Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Preacher wrote: »
    Hakkekage wrote: »
    Preacher wrote: »
    Hakkekage wrote: »
    Thanks for opening up a jizz soaked chat Elki

    Oh please like its your first time.

    D:

    "My my chat you came all over my bed and chair and carpet... Christ its like a flashbomb went off in here... SO TURNED ON!"

    Ever see a swimming pool full of yogurt?

    Are you telling us Hakk has a swimming pool and invited you over once?

    Richy on
    sig.gif
  • MazzyxMazzyx Comedy Gold Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Heya [chat] I am bored waiting for my mom whose car I just jumped. Wassup?

    Mazzyx on
    u7stthr17eud.png
  • AJAlkaline40AJAlkaline40 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2009
    Richy wrote: »
    Ever see a swimming pool full of yogurt?

    Are you telling us Hakk has a swimming pool and invited you over once?

    He threw the couch in the pool first.

    AJAlkaline40 on
    idiot.jpg
  • RichyRichy Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Mazzyx wrote: »
    Heya [chat] I am bored waiting for my mom whose car I just jumped. Wassup?
    I'm at work, procrastinating.

    Richy on
    sig.gif
  • MikeManMikeMan Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    i'm testing a massive link for this patient survey and it's so boring and aughauhguahguahughaughaugh

    MikeMan on
  • BackstopBackstop Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Thread title fits in nicely with the new "dress like an 80's hooker, no really" ads American Apparel is slathering all over the Net.

    Backstop on
  • GonmunGonmun He keeps kickin' me in the dickRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Richy wrote: »
    Mazzyx wrote: »
    Heya [chat] I am bored waiting for my mom whose car I just jumped. Wassup?
    I'm at work, procrastinating.

    Richy, you were wanting to see pics of my new place right? I'm hoping that I might have some up tonight or tomorrow so you can see what $850 for rent looks like here in Moncton.

    Gonmun on
    desc wrote: »
    ~ * swole patrol flying roundhouse kick top performer recognition: April 2014 * ~
    If you have a sec, check out my podcast: War and Beast Twitter Facebook
  • RichyRichy Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Gonmun wrote: »
    Richy wrote: »
    Mazzyx wrote: »
    Heya [chat] I am bored waiting for my mom whose car I just jumped. Wassup?
    I'm at work, procrastinating.

    Richy, you were wanting to see pics of my new place right? I'm hoping that I might have some up tonight or tomorrow so you can see what $850 for rent looks like here in Moncton.

    Sure; PM me when they're up because my time on the forum is sporadic at best.

    Richy on
    sig.gif
  • AJAlkaline40AJAlkaline40 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2009
    Real photograph:
    222912main_iss006e28961_hires.jpg

    AJAlkaline40 on
    idiot.jpg
  • DasUberEdwardDasUberEdward Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Backstop wrote: »
    Thread title fits in nicely with the new "dress like an 80's hooker, no really" ads American Apparel is slathering all over the Net.

    You ever actually walk by an American Apparel? The urge to masturbate is ridiculous.

    Maybe I just like 80's hookers.

    DasUberEdward on
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This discussion has been closed.