Restaurant Drama

Brett Ashley

I started serving at this really nice restaurant about a month ago. All the other servers and bartenders are really cool and I enjoy talking with them. I thought I was fitting in pretty nicely with all of them. Unfortunately I'm the youngest and they're all over 21. Sometimes, they'll come in when they're off work and have a drink at the bar. Last night, two of the girls I work with came in for a drink. Another server and I were standing by the bar and they both acknowledged her, but completely ignored my existence. o_O

I don't understand why these female guidos ignore me? Maybe it's because I'm not spray tanned, wear too much makeup or dropped outta college to work at a restaurant full time.

It aggravates me when people are fake. I don't want to ignore them on purpose, I'm not that girl. Maybe it's the age difference? Ugh, fuck. Anyone have advice?

EggyToast

How is this drama? So far you've said that there are two people who came in for a drink, and they ignored you for some reason (or simply didn't say hello). And you then feel so weirded out by this that you make a thread and argue about fakes?

OK, take a deep breath. You are a new employee, and you're obviously young. You're so young, you cannot mix drinks at the bar nor can you consume alcohol. Therefore, it is far more likely that they simply focused on the person who they could have drinks with. Furthermore, it is also more logical that since they're off work, they're not looking to socialize with coworkers.

If you resent them like this, though, they probably won't want to be your friend. Cheer up, don't assume they're singling you out, and don't close yourself off. Unless you know that they're being intentional mean, you have no reason to think they're picking on you.

Javen

First reaction is that you're reading too much into it.

Second is even if you're not, who cares? If you try to be friends with them and they spurn you or ignore you, let that be that. Don't ignore them on purpose out of spite or to "be that girl" but don't go out of your way on their account one way or another.

Sentry

Brett Ashley wrote: »

I started serving at this really nice restaurant about a month ago. All the other servers and bartenders are really cool and I enjoy talking with them. I thought I was fitting in pretty nicely with all of them. Unfortunately I'm the youngest and they're all over 21. Sometimes, they'll come in when they're off work and have a drink at the bar. Last night, two of the girls I work with came in for a drink. Another server and I were standing by the bar and they both acknowledged her, but completely ignored my existence. o_O

I don't understand why these female guidos ignore me? Maybe it's because I'm not spray tanned, wear too much makeup or dropped outta college to work at a restaurant full time.

It aggravates me when people are fake. I don't want to ignore them on purpose, I'm not that girl. Maybe it's the age difference? Ugh, fuck. Anyone have advice?

Well, I don't know why they don't like you, but I bolded the reasons why I'm not a fan.

You're coming off as completely judgmental and arrogant, considering how completely minor the slight actually was. It could have been an honest mistake.

vonPoonBurGer

You've only been there a month, they don't know you that well yet. Maybe they couldn't remember your name but were too embarrassed to admit it. Maybe they just don't particularly want to be friends with you. It's not the end of the world, as long as they're behaving towards you in an acceptable manner when they're on the clock. The only drama I see here is in your reaction to the incident, which they possibly didn't even intend as a slight. Calling them "guidos"? Calling them "fake"? I think you're creating drama where none needs to exist.

Chanus

Maybe they just don't like you or don't feel like they can relate to you because of the age difference but are being civil when it's business hours... this happens in life. Don't take it to heart.

You've also only been there a month... the restaurant business is very "cliquey" -- probably because of the typically high turnover rates resulting in people coming and going constantly. It would be emotionally crippling to try and form relationships with all these people you're never going to see again. It may take a while before they accept you into their circle.

End result: Just don't take it to heart unless they start acting outwardly mean toward you. Continue being pleasant with them until they warm up to you -- and stop being so judgmental. No one likes that.

Brett Ashley

fuck it.
i cant get help for this.
just close this thread.

Chanus

I'm beginning to see why they might ignore you...

vonPoonBurGer

You'll get honest advice in H&A, even when it's not what you want to hear.

...make that especially when it's not what you want to hear.

PeregrineFalcon

vonPoonBurGer wrote: »

You'll get honest advice in H&A, even when it's not what you want to hear.

...make that especially when it's not what you want to hear.

What can I say, we love us some schadenfreude.

Take your medicine like a big girl, OP.

Shawnasee

Brett Ashley wrote: »

fuck it.
i cant get help for this.
just close this thread.

Can you just tell us what it is, exactly, that you want help with?

If they have done more than what you stated in the OP then please share.

Raiden333

I'm curious as to what advice the OP was looking for. Some kind of magic spell that makes people like you?

I mean, sometimes people suck. And no matter how friendly you are, sometimes you just have to let the people that suck... well, go be sucky. You can't take it personally every time someone's a bitch.

(for the record, though, I agree with the overreacting sentiment. Give it another few weeks to see if things warm up with your co-workers any more before you make snap judgments about them)

Kyougu

I don't understand why these female guidos ignore me? Maybe it's because I'm not spray tanned, wear too much makeup or dropped outta college to work at a restaurant full time.

You say they don't like you? Sheesh. I wonder why...

Boredom

You're new and a lot of people don't go out of their way to say hi to people they don't know.

For example, I have 2 new neighbors and I've pondered saying hi but backed out because I do not know these people. I'll get to it eventually.

If you really want to make friends, say hi to them?


edit: Raiden could also be right, it's quite possible they suck.

Wootloops

Women, am I right?

Seriously though - I'm sure it wasn't anything personal. I don't often acknowledge everyone at work when I stop in for a bit, only those whom I see / hang out with regularly. You're probably just still below their radar at this point. Give it time, or let 'em be.

No need to get upset when you don't hear what you wanted, though. Mountains out of mole hills and all that.

Darkewolfe

Man, you busted out the racial epithets in the first post. I don't like you.

Seattle Thread

How long has the other server worked there? Chances are they just know her a lot better than they do of yourself. Given that they're stopping in for a drink on their day off, they're in "buddies" mode rather than "co-worker" mode, and therefore aren't thinking about it.

You could take that as "oh they hate me because I'm not like them" or "shit, I should get to know my co-workers a little more." It sucks when you can't go out for a drink with them, but there's plenty of other non-age-restricted activities to do.

And if you take everything personally, eventually it will be personal.

Heartlash

It sounds a bit like you need help learning to take things with a grain of salt. You seem to care a lot more about recieving attention from them than you should, particularly if your response is to insult them in a public (yet anonymous) forum.

My advice is to not let the little things bother you, and try to push on with a smile on your face until you meet people you really do fit in with.

noir_blood

You might want to work on your attitude. Something tells me that this isn't a "it's the internet so I'll act like an ass" sorta thing.

Improvolone

Rather than dog pile with the obvious, you can also try talking to these people. You are allowed to approach someone for a conversation.

Slider

Brett Ashley wrote: »

I started serving at this really nice restaurant about a month ago. All the other servers and bartenders are really cool and I enjoy talking with them. I thought I was fitting in pretty nicely with all of them. Unfortunately I'm the youngest and they're all over 21. Sometimes, they'll come in when they're off work and have a drink at the bar. Last night, two of the girls I work with came in for a drink. Another server and I were standing by the bar and they both acknowledged her, but completely ignored my existence. o_O

I don't understand why these female guidos ignore me? Maybe it's because I'm not spray tanned, wear too much makeup or dropped outta college to work at a restaurant full time.

It aggravates me when people are fake. I don't want to ignore them on purpose, I'm not that girl. Maybe it's the age difference? Ugh, fuck. Anyone have advice?

Um, spray tan yourself, wear more makeup and drop out of college?

Honestly, don't worry about what other people do, think, or say. You are the center of the world. Be selfish. Be conceded. And, f*ck everybody else.

There is no reason to get upset or angry over this. Some people are just a**holes.

VisionOfClarity

noir_blood wrote: »

You might want to work on your attitude. Something tells me that this isn't a "it's the internet so I'll act like an ass" sorta thing.

AlyceInWonderland

This isn't drama, you're just making it into drama. I know plenty of people who don't actively invite people they hardly know into their conversation. It's just how some people are, and you're going to have to get over it, and realize that not everyone is going to like you immediately, or at all.

Now, I bring up one thing. Sure, they were talking and everything, but why couldn't you have said something to them as well? Did you even say "hi" or did you just expect them to?

Locust76

OP is quite obviously a drama queen....

Brett Ashley

I will agree that I read too much into it. I think way too much about the littlest things. I'm not a drama queen, I just wear my heart on my sleeve too much sometimes.

Raneados

you seem to be wearing your overreactions on your sleeve too

it's no big deal

chill out

Wash

I've worked at the same restaurant for almost two years now, some of the people I work with have been there nearly as long or longer. I'll tell you right now, at a restaurant your co-workers can become like your family. You depend on one another to help you out, you work hard, and after your shift's done you fraternize, and bonds developed. Especially when you're working a lot of shifts, you see them all the time.

You've been there a month.

That you expect to be on equal ground with all of them after a month is ridiculous. Do you work a lot of shifts, specifically with these girls you mentioned? Do you ever hang out with those particular girls outside of work? Do you ever communicate with them at all outside of work? Do you ever invite them to do things?

Restaurant people can be very tight-knit. You haven't been there nearly long enough, shared enough, and you're really not showing the right attitude. I mean, c'mon, your OP was absolutely dripping with disdain. It doesn't sound like you want them to accept you, to become part of the fold, it sounds like you're outraged that they wouldn't give you attention. "How dare they!" etc.

Quid

Brett Ashley wrote: »

I started serving at this really nice restaurant about a month ago. All the other servers and bartenders are really cool and I enjoy talking with them. I thought I was fitting in pretty nicely with all of them. Unfortunately I'm the youngest and they're all over 21. Sometimes, they'll come in when they're off work and have a drink at the bar. Last night, two of the girls I work with came in for a drink. Another server and I were standing by the bar and they both acknowledged her, but completely ignored my existence. o_O

I don't understand why these female guidos ignore me? Maybe it's because I'm not spray tanned, wear too much makeup or dropped outta college to work at a restaurant full time.

It aggravates me when people are fake. I don't want to ignore them on purpose, I'm not that girl. Maybe it's the age difference? Ugh, fuck. Anyone have advice?

Chill out, stop taking everything so seriously, and for goodness sake don't be so judgmental of others.

Edit: What Fluffy said as well. You don't seem interested at all in actually being friends with these people. Your views on them are pretty insulting.

Wash

The only way I can interpret her reaction, other than incredulity over the girls she believes she's better than not acknowledging her, is severe insecurity. She thinks she's fitting in, then isn't greeted by people she believes she's been accepted by, and registers this immediately as rejection. The idea of being rejected by these people she hardly knows is so jarring she tries convincing herself that they weren't good enough for her anyway, starts looking down on them, giving others a bad impression of them. But she still feels the pain of rejection, still wants their acceptance.

If that's the case OP, these girls are the least of your problems. If this isn't a new reaction for you, you might have some real issues when dealing with people.

Kendeathwalker

Fluffy, Our Beloved Flopsy Bunny Friend wrote: »

The only way I can interpret her reaction, other than incredulity over the girls she believes she's better than not acknowledging her, is severe insecurity. She thinks she's fitting in, then isn't greeted by people she believes she's been accepted by, and registers this immediately as rejection. The idea of being rejected by these people she hardly knows is so jarring she tries convincing herself that they weren't good enough for her anyway, starts looking down on them, giving others a bad impression of them. But she still feels the pain of rejection, still wants their acceptance.

If that's the case OP, these girls are the least of your problems. If this isn't a new reaction for you, you might have some real issues when dealing with people.

hey thats pretty good advice...