The only thing I'd say is change it to "I won a free coke", the donut thing stands out a bit as Im not sure why a coke would win you a donut. Hes instead won an extra of sometihng he already has.
The only thing I'd say is change it to "I won a free coke", the donut thing stands out a bit as Im not sure why a coke would win you a donut. Hes instead won an extra of sometihng he already has.
Yeah, I also think it could've done without the self-referencing. Almost anything else could've worked in the first panel: the guy was just fired and doesn't have health insurance, or he doesn't think anything good ever happens in the world anymore, or he's just trying to come up with something to write for his current events assignment.
MustangArbiter of Unpopular OpinionsRegistered Userregular
edited March 2010
Well I'm not going to kill you if that's what you mean.....well, not yet anyway.
Seriously though, pulling you up on your art means that with some more practice, I think you can do a lot better. You just have to start practicing drawing outside of the comic.
Signs kinda small to read at the end but in the same way I guess its meant to be subtle, you're not throwing the joke in our face. its a solid joke, good work and your guy in the first panel looks significantly better than anyone you've drawn so far.
For a while, I though the massively elongated, triangular panda in the middle panel was an integral part of the joke. He looks like a billboard. I would be careful with what you emphasize in a simple comic like this - disconcerting artistic decisions or unexpected detail can detract from the flow.
yeah, I can see it in the first version, but it's subtle.
Look, AC, it's the angle really - all the interesting stuff that contributes to the joke is crammed into the bottom of the panel, and the top 2/3rds are filled with nothing but blank wall. This is kind of baffling. Why not choose a different perspective? If we were on street level with the hobo, coming along the pavement, for example, you could get a much better view on the panda, and we might even be able to read the sign.
I'm enjoying your comics, but there is definitely something a bit off that I can't quite put my finger on.
I think it might have something to do with the way the jokes are constructed, or maybe built. In a lot of your strips, I can see the joke coming from a long way away. Others, like the Panda one, I can immediately see how you came to make the strip (I'm assuming here that you saw or went to a Panda Express and worked backwards for the strip, but I could be wrong).
One thing I DID like, though, was the webcomic/win a donut one. You completely misdirected me using perspective, and I got a good little chuckle at the end. Like I said, I can't say exactly what's bothering me, but taking your final punchline that extra step at the end really makes the strip. Maybe I should just say "I like the donut/coke one" and leave it at that.
Hmm yeah sometimes the I'll admit the joke is pretty obvious, but often when I change it up, the joke gets lost in obscurity. Perhaps I need to find the middle ground.
As far as the panda express one...the Panda Express part actually was the last part of it to come into play. Cloning Pandas was the basis of it.
I don't understand why the father says he needs his shot, and then offers him something that would keep him from getting it (since it repels doctors like that). I'd expect something more like, "son, if you don't want to have to take shots, you should eat more apples." But even then I would say it's kind of a lame way to set up the joke.
Also it's a bit odd the way the apple appears to be floating in both panels 2 and 3. I can see that the kid probably knocked it out of his dad's hand, but it seems like an awful long flight time for it to still be flying past the doctor, given how much conversation was taking place. Sorry to be nitpicky...
Your faces are still weak but the rest of their bodies are stylized pretty well for a comic, like the long bendy arms with no elbow.
These are sill hit or miss with me. But primarily I would like to see more experimentation, there's been a long stretch in this thread where you post comics, comments are made, and the next comic shows up with very little apparent difference. The different style attempted further up is encouraging, I would like to see more of that! Maybe draw a few things that aren't comics, bigger, sketchier, something not in this style.
Yeah, I want to do a lot more drawing outside of the comic, and I'm just getting settled into this new place finally so hopefully that'll help. Moving twice in 2 weeks sucks. But yeah, I definitely want to do some messing around with my colouring. I spent a bit more time on this comic than usual. Hopefully it's an improvement.
it'd also be more entertaining if brown shirt didn't see his house on fire, just blue shirt telling him it had burned down (maybe while covered in soot) or that it was on fire, and maybe smoke on the horizon.
that way the "so my house isn't on fire" is believable, either nothing is shown burning or the smoke and flames on the horizon he could think were from another house or the soot on blue shirt guy could be from something else.
For the next comic I'm going to try to sketch it out waaay ahead of time (i.e. tonight or tomorrow) and I'll throw it up here. That way suggestions will be easier implemented.
Oh I see. Agent is just using us to write his comics and then take all the Internet monies. No dice Coleman.
As for the comic...I guess its kind of funny but I think maybe Im missing the joke.
Apart from the first panel however, the art is a big step up, in the last panel in particular the criminals head shape looks great and all that background detail as well, its much, much better and thus makes the awkward news readers head stand out all that much more.
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NappuccinoSurveyor of Things and StuffRegistered Userregular
edited April 2010
The joke is that the criminal is not dangerous and just wants to enjoy himself. He's more like a kid than a criminal lol.
that's what I took out of it, but I could have also seen it being an attempt to pull some type of pun on "armed" considering the panel is full of prominently displayed arms. I think there's an unintended level of "is he trying to make X joke" when you really made Y joke there. Perhaps some other funpark activity that's less arm-oriented would be better.
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either way :^:
"Jim...Jim where am I? Oh..no...JIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM"
Alternate setup would be to just have the first panel mirror the second, like:
panel 1, with dude looking at teevees, and the news guy saying "this just in! breaking news from the white house"
then continue onward from there.
just my .02 though, it's still funny.
Canada.
http://www.rolluptherimtowin.com/
Yeah it's supposed to be a coffee, but i guess I didn't make it clear enough.
I'm not from Canada. I thought the joke still worked.
Also I'm pulling you up on your art again Coleman, consider yourself pulled up.
Hmm...how about "How will i ever afford my ADD medication now?"
That's perfect!
Seriously though, pulling you up on your art means that with some more practice, I think you can do a lot better. You just have to start practicing drawing outside of the comic.
buy warhams
Here's the original (also todays comic)
And here's the way I tried doing it.
I'm definetely not ready to start making my comics that way just yet, but it's something I might play with.
Ok, I'm dumb - but maybe put in tentpoles or something? I thought the panda was just wandering past and oddly geometric.
Look, AC, it's the angle really - all the interesting stuff that contributes to the joke is crammed into the bottom of the panel, and the top 2/3rds are filled with nothing but blank wall. This is kind of baffling. Why not choose a different perspective? If we were on street level with the hobo, coming along the pavement, for example, you could get a much better view on the panda, and we might even be able to read the sign.
I think it might have something to do with the way the jokes are constructed, or maybe built. In a lot of your strips, I can see the joke coming from a long way away. Others, like the Panda one, I can immediately see how you came to make the strip (I'm assuming here that you saw or went to a Panda Express and worked backwards for the strip, but I could be wrong).
One thing I DID like, though, was the webcomic/win a donut one. You completely misdirected me using perspective, and I got a good little chuckle at the end. Like I said, I can't say exactly what's bothering me, but taking your final punchline that extra step at the end really makes the strip. Maybe I should just say "I like the donut/coke one" and leave it at that.
As far as the panda express one...the Panda Express part actually was the last part of it to come into play. Cloning Pandas was the basis of it.
Glad you liked the donut/coke one though.
Made me laugh AC, good job. Only thing that'd help is maybe making the coat white, I struggled to realise who that was in the last panel at first.
Also it's a bit odd the way the apple appears to be floating in both panels 2 and 3. I can see that the kid probably knocked it out of his dad's hand, but it seems like an awful long flight time for it to still be flying past the doctor, given how much conversation was taking place. Sorry to be nitpicky...
Your faces are still weak but the rest of their bodies are stylized pretty well for a comic, like the long bendy arms with no elbow.
These are sill hit or miss with me. But primarily I would like to see more experimentation, there's been a long stretch in this thread where you post comics, comments are made, and the next comic shows up with very little apparent difference. The different style attempted further up is encouraging, I would like to see more of that! Maybe draw a few things that aren't comics, bigger, sketchier, something not in this style.
It's funnier just to have him say that he didn't save the cat....you don't need to explain through the comic that April Fools has passed.
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that way the "so my house isn't on fire" is believable, either nothing is shown burning or the smoke and flames on the horizon he could think were from another house or the soot on blue shirt guy could be from something else.
Eh I was thinking it'd make it funnier, as he burnt down the guys home, but it wasn't even April fools. Making it worse.
And Manonvon you're probably right as always.
For the next comic I'm going to try to sketch it out waaay ahead of time (i.e. tonight or tomorrow) and I'll throw it up here. That way suggestions will be easier implemented.
As for the comic...I guess its kind of funny but I think maybe Im missing the joke.
Apart from the first panel however, the art is a big step up, in the last panel in particular the criminals head shape looks great and all that background detail as well, its much, much better and thus makes the awkward news readers head stand out all that much more.