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I should probably give up... yeah
Fluffy918
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Ok, I will try to make this as condensed as possible because I just tried to write it all out and not even halfway through it was WAY too long.
-I meet Girl A in my senior year of high school, she is a junior
-We start dating, my first girlfriend/kiss/everything
-Relationship is intense emotionally and physically, we are both REALLY into each other
-I go to college 300 miles away
-Relationship gets much worse, brief visits arent enough
-Phone conversations start to occur less and less
-I get drunk and cheat on her, then decide to do it twice more because why not, I already fucked up
-I come home to visit her on a break and don't tell her what happend
-I break up with her when I'm back in college because I can't handle guilt/crumbling relationship
-I feel awful about how I FUCKED everything up so horribly
-I come back home from break to see her and we hit it off again, she asks me if I cheated but I say no
-I go back to school and hope I can make things better some how because I still really like her
-I come back for summer break and she has a new boyfriend, someone I know who is more like friend of friend
-I start having a romantic relationship with Girl B who has been one of my four closest friends for many years
-Girl B accepts me for who I am and doesn't try to change me like Girl A did
-Girl B became friends with Girl A when I was dating Girl A and I tell Girl B the story about how I fucked up and she still accepts me
-I want Girl A back but know it isn't right because if I get her back it will be a lie unless I tell her I cheated
-I also like Girl B.... but still long for Girl A
So that is basically it I think. In fact I used to be obsessed with Girl B before I even met Girl A, and went through a lot of pain over her. It wasn't her fault, I viewed her as something impossible that wasn't what she was. I hurt myself for two years in high school mainly because of my longing for someone to love me (idolized as Girl
. I went through therapy and haven't hurt myself since. Girl B also helped me get through hurting myself because she is the person I talk to about everything... but she also caused it... funky relationship with her.
It has been well over a year since Girl A and I broke up but I have thought about her for so long it is ridiculous. I never told her how I cheated on her, but can't do it now because it has been such a long time. Girl B is extremely loving and accepts me unconditionally, even with my insecurities and problems.
I tried to forget Girl A and my entire history with her because it caused me so much pain that I became really close to hurting myself again. I hadn't though things like that for like 3 years.
I only went to college for a year before leaving. I spent a month at my relatives house working for them in the woods and went on a sweet trip around Montana and parts of Canada. I was mainly trying to forget about Girl A. Eventually I felt like I had to go home, and so here I am. Being home reminds me of Girl A so much that it hurts being in my room, looking at my bed. I go over all the awesome memories I had in that relationship and instantly feel pain for being such a fuckwad.
Girl A called me today and I was super nervous to speak to her because I had spent so much time trying to forget her. Things went a lot better than I thought though. We talked about how she likes college and her Taiko club and Halloween and stuff. At one point we started joking around and her voiced changed and I felt like we were together again for a second. I doubt she experienced that feeling because she is still with her boyfriend (long distance relationship for her again) and doubt she likes me like that again. I realized after that phone conversation that no matter how much I try to forget her I will always love her.
I feel like an asshole because I've lied to her this whole time and still can't tell her the truth. I'm also with wonderful Girl B who is such a good friend of mine, but still think of Girl A. Girl B is the person I talk to about my troubles, but I can't talk to her about this cause she is smack dab in the middle of it. Am I a super asshole for fucking up my first relationship and now feeling this way?
-I meet Girl A in my senior year of high school, she is a junior
-We start dating, my first girlfriend/kiss/everything
-Relationship is intense emotionally and physically, we are both REALLY into each other
-I go to college 300 miles away
-Relationship gets much worse, brief visits arent enough
-Phone conversations start to occur less and less
-I get drunk and cheat on her, then decide to do it twice more because why not, I already fucked up
-I come home to visit her on a break and don't tell her what happend
-I break up with her when I'm back in college because I can't handle guilt/crumbling relationship
-I feel awful about how I FUCKED everything up so horribly
-I come back home from break to see her and we hit it off again, she asks me if I cheated but I say no
-I go back to school and hope I can make things better some how because I still really like her
-I come back for summer break and she has a new boyfriend, someone I know who is more like friend of friend
-I start having a romantic relationship with Girl B who has been one of my four closest friends for many years
-Girl B accepts me for who I am and doesn't try to change me like Girl A did
-Girl B became friends with Girl A when I was dating Girl A and I tell Girl B the story about how I fucked up and she still accepts me
-I want Girl A back but know it isn't right because if I get her back it will be a lie unless I tell her I cheated
-I also like Girl B.... but still long for Girl A
So that is basically it I think. In fact I used to be obsessed with Girl B before I even met Girl A, and went through a lot of pain over her. It wasn't her fault, I viewed her as something impossible that wasn't what she was. I hurt myself for two years in high school mainly because of my longing for someone to love me (idolized as Girl
. I went through therapy and haven't hurt myself since. Girl B also helped me get through hurting myself because she is the person I talk to about everything... but she also caused it... funky relationship with her.It has been well over a year since Girl A and I broke up but I have thought about her for so long it is ridiculous. I never told her how I cheated on her, but can't do it now because it has been such a long time. Girl B is extremely loving and accepts me unconditionally, even with my insecurities and problems.
I tried to forget Girl A and my entire history with her because it caused me so much pain that I became really close to hurting myself again. I hadn't though things like that for like 3 years.
I only went to college for a year before leaving. I spent a month at my relatives house working for them in the woods and went on a sweet trip around Montana and parts of Canada. I was mainly trying to forget about Girl A. Eventually I felt like I had to go home, and so here I am. Being home reminds me of Girl A so much that it hurts being in my room, looking at my bed. I go over all the awesome memories I had in that relationship and instantly feel pain for being such a fuckwad.
Girl A called me today and I was super nervous to speak to her because I had spent so much time trying to forget her. Things went a lot better than I thought though. We talked about how she likes college and her Taiko club and Halloween and stuff. At one point we started joking around and her voiced changed and I felt like we were together again for a second. I doubt she experienced that feeling because she is still with her boyfriend (long distance relationship for her again) and doubt she likes me like that again. I realized after that phone conversation that no matter how much I try to forget her I will always love her.
I feel like an asshole because I've lied to her this whole time and still can't tell her the truth. I'm also with wonderful Girl B who is such a good friend of mine, but still think of Girl A. Girl B is the person I talk to about my troubles, but I can't talk to her about this cause she is smack dab in the middle of it. Am I a super asshole for fucking up my first relationship and now feeling this way?
Fluffy918 on
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Girl B sounds like a dream, and you should drop down to your knees and thank whichever deity you prefer that she's so awesome.
This right here ought to be your clearest sign. You are simply not ready for a real relationship. A real relationship is built on a foundation of love, trust, and respect. If you cannot love, trust, and respect yourself to stay true to someone you love, or wanted to love, then there is no way you can sustain a real relationship. I mean, for heavensake, you can't even man up enough to tell someone you like the truth. Truth is the simplest little thing, but some people really just can't handle giving it (and I don't know about you, but it's the only thing I've ever wanted from that amazing someone I care for!)
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with not being ready. Go, enjoy college and live for yourself for little while. Trying to shoe horn a long-distance girlfriend into your new life isn't going to satisfy you. Girl A is gone, you left her the moment you "got drunk."
Girl B sounds awesome, but in your current state you'll likely just end up hurting her and yourself. Actually, sounds like you're already hurting her, but you just haven't realized it yet. Go, live for yourself and discover what it is you really want. Be it professionally, idealistically, or romantically. You're young and besides, this is exactly what this moment in your life is for.
Bottom line, my advice to you is this: Forget A, and let B go, focus on you, and don't bother looking back unless you're man enough to hold yourself to the moral standards Girl B deserves. From what you've said so far... it might take a while. If you don't, guilt and lust will eat you alive until there's nothing left worthy of any girl.
Good luck, sir!
It very much seems like your brain is battling your heart. Remember that your emotions only serve as a rough guide for your actions but what's in control is all up top- you know from personal experience that when your emotions take control the results are destructive.
My advice is to cut all contact with Girl A; you could probably get some closure by confessing your infidelities to her but it would hurt her terribly. Perhaps you could try putting it all down in a letter and when it's all down and out seal it up and toss it in a fire.
Honestly, you don't have a clue my friend. In fact, you don't even have a clue that you don't have a clue. Forget about Girl A, Enjoy Girl B, but be prepared for that to wane as well once you meet Girls C through ZZ. Thus is the way of life.
Here is the best advice.
Which girl do you like better?
date that one.
but they're listening to every word I say
I realize I need to be more secure about myself before I can hope to be in a respectful relationship with someone else, but it is hard to just turn around and be happy with yourself all the time... especially after this. I'm not sure what to do with Girl B.. we are way more than close friends now, but I don't know if I should try to ease back down to that (no more sex) so when I leave for Japan everything will be okay.
I guess all I can look forward to in life is meeting my beautiful Japanese geisha princess and starting a J-rock band with her.