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Old friend issues bothering me
Sipex
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So I've recently dredged up old friend issues I had from college, by dredged up I mean I've remembered them and I'm pissed about not actually doing anything about it.
Anywho, here's the story for better understanding. Please understand that I've not had any admittance from anyone in the group besides one off comment (which I can't remember if it's even real) but putting the pieces together in my mind this really makes a lot of sense. I came to these conclusions on my own. I'll try to keep the story to the point.
I went to college and naturally joined a clique with my best friend (Brandon) at the time. Our sort of clique leader is someone I went to highschool with (Sarah) who was a pretty big bitch. After class the clique would make an effort to wait for others if they were dragging behind except myself, I would actually have to rush and make sure I got out as one of the first so they didn't walk off without me which happened often (resulting in me running to catch up).
Our clique members often hung out together and made a couple of attempts to invite me along but I was one of the few suckers who decided I needed a job so this usually ended in nothing. We still could play online stuff together however (this is when WoW came out). Well, turns out they wouldn't wait for me for online stuff either and quickly overshadowed my progress in every game I played. I blamed work.
Meanwhile school is getting harder and harder, it's a programming course after all, and I need help sometimes (I'd like to think I was polite about it and besides, everyone just sat in the lab copying off each other anyways). A lot of the people in the clique had supernatural programming talent where they could flawlessly finish a project in one go and Sarah would just copy theirs.
All the time I'm still doing my run & catch up bit. It's also starting to get hard to find groups in my clique as the allowed group sizes have changed in the later semesters and they all seem to form a pact to group up before I can get a word in. Eventually I naturally get bumped a row away from them in many classes as our classes get smaller (people dropping out) and so the rooms allocated to our class get smaller.
This entire time I'm clueless, I'm innocent and I'm optimistic. Poor fool I was.
It is now apparent to me that I was the social outcast of the group, that they didn't want me except when I was useful to them. I was the annoying guy and I didn't even know it. Thing is though, I still talk to a couple of them (Brandon and another guy) who are sort of IT contacts for me still. We don't hang out or really talk anymore unless they need something from me (ie: job scoop, etc) and they show no interest to rekindle the friend ships.
Now, what I need help with: I'm suddenly overcome with the regret that I was so naive and stupid to do anything about it. To tell the lot of them to fuck off and that I wasn't some stupid puppy that they could use. Is there anything I can do now to reconcile this feeling? Like I said I still have contact with a few of them.
Should I ask them why they commonly avoided me in college? Should I drop it and live on?
Anywho, here's the story for better understanding. Please understand that I've not had any admittance from anyone in the group besides one off comment (which I can't remember if it's even real) but putting the pieces together in my mind this really makes a lot of sense. I came to these conclusions on my own. I'll try to keep the story to the point.
I went to college and naturally joined a clique with my best friend (Brandon) at the time. Our sort of clique leader is someone I went to highschool with (Sarah) who was a pretty big bitch. After class the clique would make an effort to wait for others if they were dragging behind except myself, I would actually have to rush and make sure I got out as one of the first so they didn't walk off without me which happened often (resulting in me running to catch up).
Our clique members often hung out together and made a couple of attempts to invite me along but I was one of the few suckers who decided I needed a job so this usually ended in nothing. We still could play online stuff together however (this is when WoW came out). Well, turns out they wouldn't wait for me for online stuff either and quickly overshadowed my progress in every game I played. I blamed work.
Meanwhile school is getting harder and harder, it's a programming course after all, and I need help sometimes (I'd like to think I was polite about it and besides, everyone just sat in the lab copying off each other anyways). A lot of the people in the clique had supernatural programming talent where they could flawlessly finish a project in one go and Sarah would just copy theirs.
All the time I'm still doing my run & catch up bit. It's also starting to get hard to find groups in my clique as the allowed group sizes have changed in the later semesters and they all seem to form a pact to group up before I can get a word in. Eventually I naturally get bumped a row away from them in many classes as our classes get smaller (people dropping out) and so the rooms allocated to our class get smaller.
This entire time I'm clueless, I'm innocent and I'm optimistic. Poor fool I was.
It is now apparent to me that I was the social outcast of the group, that they didn't want me except when I was useful to them. I was the annoying guy and I didn't even know it. Thing is though, I still talk to a couple of them (Brandon and another guy) who are sort of IT contacts for me still. We don't hang out or really talk anymore unless they need something from me (ie: job scoop, etc) and they show no interest to rekindle the friend ships.
Now, what I need help with: I'm suddenly overcome with the regret that I was so naive and stupid to do anything about it. To tell the lot of them to fuck off and that I wasn't some stupid puppy that they could use. Is there anything I can do now to reconcile this feeling? Like I said I still have contact with a few of them.
Should I ask them why they commonly avoided me in college? Should I drop it and live on?
Sipex on
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Posts
It's going to take a while to get over feeling angry about this. You're better off for not being "in the group" though. Stop contacting them, stop responding to calls or tell them you're busy and can't really help them out if they call. Forget them and focus on your real friendships and building new ones.
It's a sad thing that they felt this way about you, but the best thing you can do is just move forward and find folk who do enjoy your company. Take the lesson with you and move on.
I will keep those I still talk to on a professional basis around though, I still have the ability to pry job stuff from them when I need it.
Edit: I forgot to say thanks.
Thanks for the advice!
If you must, say what you have on your mind and then move on with your life. Otherwise just move on, the best revenge is living well.