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men and women are totally equal and misogynistic jokes aren't the only ones

1235

Posts

  • DryghtenDryghten Registered User
    edited December 2009
    What doesn't feel physical pain from rape?

    Dryghten on
  • VivixenneVivixenne Remember your training, and we'll get through this just fine. Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Dryghten wrote: »
    What doesn't feel physical pain from rape?

    ege02's vagina

    Vivixenne on
    XBOX: NOVADELPHINI | DISCORD: NOVADELPHINI #7387 | TWITTER
  • PikaPuffPikaPuff Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    unless it's in the butt

    PikaPuff on
    jCyyTSo.png
  • VivixenneVivixenne Remember your training, and we'll get through this just fine. Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    what the FUCK is going on in your av/sig/title/location, Pikapuff

    Vivixenne on
    XBOX: NOVADELPHINI | DISCORD: NOVADELPHINI #7387 | TWITTER
  • PikaPuffPikaPuff Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Uh. av/title/location: CATS

    Sig: My Star Trek Online ship, the USS Onii Chan. Captained by Lieutenant 5th Class Loli of the Animu race.

    PikaPuff on
    jCyyTSo.png
  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    I just have one question, PikaPuff.

    why

    Faynor on
    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
  • PikaPuffPikaPuff Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    It brings the most wtf with the least amount of effort

    PikaPuff on
    jCyyTSo.png
  • StaleghotiStaleghoti Registered User
    edited December 2009
    Maaaaan

    I want a Starship too

    Staleghoti on
    tmmysta-sig.png2wT1Q.gifYAH!YAH!STEAMYoutubeMixesPSN: Clintown
    Dear satan I wish for this or maybe some of this....oh and I'm a medium or a large.
  • JigrahJigrah Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Why were all the baby ants confused?

    Their uncles were all ants!


    What do you do if you get eaten by an elephant?

    Run around in circles until you are pooped out.



    So James Bond is sitting in a restaurant fiddling with his watch. The waitress comes up, noticing his new watch. She asks him about it and he informs her that Q just gave it to him. All curious she asks him what it does. He nonchalantly tells her that it can read peoples minds.

    She starts getting all skepetical at that point and asks James Bond to have the watch tell him something about her. He plays with it for a moment then laughs.

    "Well, tells me that you are not wearing any panties." She blushes and shakes her head, then says "James Bond I think your watch is broken, because I am. James Bond smacks his watch and grumbles "Damn thing, always an hour fast."

    Jigrah on
    jigrah please. pass the pipe
    Ruckus wrote: »
    Jigrah please. take my hand.
    Butters wrote: »
    Jigrah please! You'll wake the children
    Mysst wrote: »
    jigrah, please, we won't have this moment again.
    Fire Truck wrote: »
    Jigrah, please, I have a headache
    Jigrah, please. Just the tip, I promise.
    jigrah please let me have your babies
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    I'm going to name my next global pestilence "Jigrah"
    Mysst wrote: »
    jigrah, please don't stop
    Tasteticle wrote: »
    jigrah please invite me next time you watch robotech.
    Druhim wrote:
    Jigrah, please, our dinner is getting cold
    Well Jigrah, maybe if you said please.


  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    So a man is stuck on an island with a talking peanut. The peanut asks the man how to get rescued.
    But the man can't talk!
    He gave his powers of speech to the peanut. He wanted company.
    He found a magic lamp earlier.
    You know how wishes always go wrong? When he gave his speech powers to the peanut, he lost his own speech powers.
    I don't know why he didn't just wish to be off the island.
    Protip: Dont make up jokes as you go along.

    I once made up a joke on the spot.

    What did the prostitute say to the client?
    Nothing she was dead.

    Blake T on
  • L|amaL|ama Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    what happens when you put a cat in a microwave
    I don't know I was too busy masturbating

    L|ama on
  • JigrahJigrah Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    The only joke I came up with (although it's simple so I am sure it has been around, just not introduced to me) is this one, I warn you though it is kinda corny.

    Why did all the farmers salute the corn field?

    It was full of colonels.

    Jigrah on
    jigrah please. pass the pipe
    Ruckus wrote: »
    Jigrah please. take my hand.
    Butters wrote: »
    Jigrah please! You'll wake the children
    Mysst wrote: »
    jigrah, please, we won't have this moment again.
    Fire Truck wrote: »
    Jigrah, please, I have a headache
    Jigrah, please. Just the tip, I promise.
    jigrah please let me have your babies
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    I'm going to name my next global pestilence "Jigrah"
    Mysst wrote: »
    jigrah, please don't stop
    Tasteticle wrote: »
    jigrah please invite me next time you watch robotech.
    Druhim wrote:
    Jigrah, please, our dinner is getting cold
    Well Jigrah, maybe if you said please.


  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    I came up with that joke when I was trying to make my friend laugh and I couldn't think of any jokes at the time.

    My thought process went somewhere along the lines of.

    What's funny? Hookers!

    Why? Because they're dead!

    Blake T on
  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    You're alright, Blake.

    Faynor on
    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
  • The Otaku SuppositoryThe Otaku Suppository Bawstan New EnglandRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    There were two peanuts walking down the street.

    One of them was assaulted




















    peanut

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2IaFaJrmno

    The Otaku Suppository on
    I guess sometimes count out Touchdown Tom.
  • CampionCampion Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    What do you say to a lady who has made you a sandwich?
    Thank you, this looks delicous!

    Campion on
    4484-7718-8470
  • CampionCampion Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    What do you tell a lady who has cleaned all the dishes before you've come home from work?
    This is delightful, thank you!

    Campion on
    4484-7718-8470
  • pillowpillow Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Campion wrote: »
    What do you tell a lady who has cleaned all the dishes before you've come home from work?
    This is delightful, thank you!

    swoooon

    pillow on
  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    What do you say to a Campion who keeps telling jokes?
    Keep it up buddy, these are pretty good!

    Faynor on
    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    What do you tell a woman you has killed your mother in cold blood.
    You tell her you hope she rots in prison as murder is against the law.

    Blake T on
  • CampionCampion Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    How do you show a lady how much you appreciate her?
    You give her a hug!

    Campion on
    4484-7718-8470
  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Is murder even against the law in Australia, Blake?

    That joke fell flat.

    Faynor on
    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Campion where do you find this lady that does all of these things.

    I would give her a hug certainly.

    Blake T on
  • pillowpillow Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    I love these jokes.

    pillow on
  • CampionCampion Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Blaket wrote: »
    Campion where do you find this lady that does all of these things?
    That's the joke, they're all self-serving whores!

    Campion on
    4484-7718-8470
  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Blaket wrote: »
    Campion where do you find this lady that does all of these things.

    I would give her a hug certainly.

    Viv is a poor girlfriend and housekeeper pass it on

    Faynor on
    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
  • CampionCampion Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Just kidding, it's my mom, and I love her.

    Campion on
    4484-7718-8470
  • VivixenneVivixenne Remember your training, and we'll get through this just fine. Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Faynor wrote: »
    Blaket wrote: »
    Campion where do you find this lady that does all of these things.

    I would give her a hug certainly.

    Viv is a poor girlfriend and housekeeper pass it on

    I cleaned a huge heap of dishes yesterday :(

    and I made cheesecake :(

    Vivixenne on
    XBOX: NOVADELPHINI | DISCORD: NOVADELPHINI #7387 | TWITTER
  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    I dried all of them!

    And I made dinner.

    Blake T on
  • CampionCampion Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    So now you can both kiss and makeout.

    I mean makeup.

    Campion on
    4484-7718-8470
  • The Otaku SuppositoryThe Otaku Suppository Bawstan New EnglandRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    A plane is on a transatlantic flight.

    As it is nearing its destination, the plane begins to experience engine trouble.

    "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, I regret to you inform that we just lost our right engine, but don't worry we'll still be able to get to the airport"

    Several minutes later, the captain comes on again,

    "I'm sorry to say folks, but we just lost both our engines, but do not panic, we should still have enough momentum to glide to the airport"

    A minute or so later the captain makes another announcement

    "We're too heavy, so we're going to try jettisoning the luggage. But please, I urge you not to panic"

    Less than 30 seconds later the captain makes another report. "Sigh, unfortunately the luggage was not enough, we need three brave souls to sacrifice themselves to lighten the plane so the rest of us may live"

    Immediately a giant, burly Frenchmen (if such a thing is possible) stands up and runs to the emergency exit and practically rips the door out of the frame. With a loud cry of "VIVE LA FRANCE" he jumps out.

    Across the plane, a rather tweedy Englishman stands up and with quiet diginity approaches the door. Not to be outdone by the Frenchman, he gives a quick "God Save the Queen" and hops out.

    The rest of the passengers anxiously look about for their final savior. But no one is volunteering. Finally a large gentleman in cowboy boots stands up in the back row. Spurs jingle as the Texan strides slowly to the door where he stares into the abyss without fear, spitting into the air for good measure. Taking a deep breath, he steps to the threshold and
    Grabs a Mexican woman sitting in the exit row, tosses her out and bellows "REMEMBER THE ALAMOOOOOOOOO

    The Otaku Suppository on
    I guess sometimes count out Touchdown Tom.
  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    I am still waiting for my sandwich.

    Blake T on
  • nateknatek Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    I had the best sandwich yesterday, it was delicious

    how good was it?
    so good

    natek on
  • NewtronNewtron Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Yesterday I spilled spot remover on my dog.

    Good thing my dog's name is not spot.



    I hate being married to a witch.

    Yesterday I asked her to make me a sandwich.

    Bitch turned me into a frog instead.



    What do you call a table with only two legs?

    A broken table.

    Newtron on
  • OkamiOkami On the internet nobody knows you're a dog. Nobody. Land of Ports, OreganoRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    so a baby seal walks into a club

    Okami on
    SATAN WISHLIST - SATAN POST | XBLive: OkiWolf
    2Zivio9.png
  • TossrockTossrock too weird to live too rare to dieRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    L|ama wrote: »
    Smart Hero wrote: »
    What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs at night?

    I'm not sure if it's even possible to post something older


    also has anyone posted the uh... hmm what do you call it without giving it away... snake joke?

    this one

    I did, about 3 joke threads ago
    Dichotomy wrote: »
    A man walks into a bar
    He is an alchoholic. He cannot pay his bills. His wife and children fear for his health
    Dichotomy wrote: »
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    It's the police. Your wife has been in a terrible accident

    QUIT RIPPING
    ME OFF AND DOING IT WORSE, ASSHOLE.

    Tossrock on
    sig.png
  • General NemoGeneral Nemo The Mighty Shame Church for DogsRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer from the bartender. On the bar next to him is a big glass jar filled with cash. He asks the bartender "What's tthat all about?"
    The bartender responds "It's the prize for completing the bar's bet, and everyone who has ever tried has failed.
    The guy smirks and asks what he has to do to get that money.
    The bartender says "Well first, you have to slam 20 shots and go out back and pull a tooth from the meanest dog you've ever met. Then, you have to go upstairs and screw the owner's 90 year old mom who hasn't gotten laid in half a century."
    "Easy enough." says the guy as he proceeds to order his 20 shots. He gets them down and hobbles drunkenly out the back door, pliers in hand. The bartender hears the worst snarling and yelping and hollering he has ever heard, and after a brief silence, the man stumbles back in the door and says,

    "Now where is that old lady who needs her tooth pulled?"

    General Nemo on
  • YaYaYaYa Decent. Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    so what do you call a dog with wings
    Linda McCartney

    YaYa on
  • NuzakNuzak Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    ahahah

    Nuzak on
  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John Paul II?
    The Pope died a virgin.

    Rhesus Positive on
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