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Lack of Ambition or Goals in Life
Hexmage-PA
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I just had my first two finals today and I don't think I've done very good. I feel like I might have gotten at least a 75 on my Music History exam, but I'm fairly certain I failed by Statistics exam. He barely gave out any graded assignments, so I may have failed his class (which would be the first class I've ever failed).
I know the reason I did so poorly is because I didn't study. Or rather, I didn't study until 1 hour before each test. I'm a terrible procrastinator: I had all weekend to study and didn't.
Now, though, I'm starting to wonder if this is indicative of a bigger problem. I think I just don't have any ambition or drive to do anything.
I only really started college because my parents wanted me to, and now I feel like I can't just quit because of all the money I'll have to pay back. I originally was going to be a graphic design major because I like to draw, but I've discovered that I primarily like doodling on the margins of paper. I'm hardly ever satisfied with any larger work I do and I can't make myself enjoy drawing when I could be on the Internet or watching TV or anything else. They canceled the graphic design program at the branch of the school I'm going to, and since I wasn't really enjoying it and didn't want to transfer to the main campus I've just switched to sociology. I don't know if I really want to, though, but it's the only other major that's even somewhat interesting to me.
I also hardly ever want to do anything other than get on the Internet. I don't want to travel anywhere and I don't care to go to concerts or parties or whatever it is other people do. I've also never had a girlfriend (I'm 21 now), and while I feel like I should have one before I get out of school I just don't know if I'd care to have someone around constantly.
Which leads me to another point; I have no friends at my school. I hardly ever talk to anyone and don't know what I could talk about because I have so few interests. I could count the number of interests I have on one hand. I had friends in high school, but I can't for the life of me remember how I became friends with any of them. I also feel like when I was with my friends in high school that I relied on their being at least two people with me; that way if I could think of anything to talk about that they could entertain each other.
What's wrong with me? I don't have any goals in life or anything I want to do other than spend all day every day watching videos or reading about one or two topics on the Internet, and I have very limited ability to form new friendships. I'm not even sure I would want anything to change. The main reason I even brought this up here is because my lack of ambition is causing me to not perform well enough in my classes, thus making it so I can't get my grades high enough to qualify for scholarships like the HOPE scholarship.
I feel like I'm just in school now because if I have to be; in fact, I almost feel like I'm living just because I have to.
Before anyone asks, I do have a psychiatrist I see every other week (I had been visiting him for anxiety-related reasons) and I plan to bring this up with him next time I see him. I was just wondering if anyone would have any helpful input.
I know the reason I did so poorly is because I didn't study. Or rather, I didn't study until 1 hour before each test. I'm a terrible procrastinator: I had all weekend to study and didn't.
Now, though, I'm starting to wonder if this is indicative of a bigger problem. I think I just don't have any ambition or drive to do anything.
I only really started college because my parents wanted me to, and now I feel like I can't just quit because of all the money I'll have to pay back. I originally was going to be a graphic design major because I like to draw, but I've discovered that I primarily like doodling on the margins of paper. I'm hardly ever satisfied with any larger work I do and I can't make myself enjoy drawing when I could be on the Internet or watching TV or anything else. They canceled the graphic design program at the branch of the school I'm going to, and since I wasn't really enjoying it and didn't want to transfer to the main campus I've just switched to sociology. I don't know if I really want to, though, but it's the only other major that's even somewhat interesting to me.
I also hardly ever want to do anything other than get on the Internet. I don't want to travel anywhere and I don't care to go to concerts or parties or whatever it is other people do. I've also never had a girlfriend (I'm 21 now), and while I feel like I should have one before I get out of school I just don't know if I'd care to have someone around constantly.
Which leads me to another point; I have no friends at my school. I hardly ever talk to anyone and don't know what I could talk about because I have so few interests. I could count the number of interests I have on one hand. I had friends in high school, but I can't for the life of me remember how I became friends with any of them. I also feel like when I was with my friends in high school that I relied on their being at least two people with me; that way if I could think of anything to talk about that they could entertain each other.
What's wrong with me? I don't have any goals in life or anything I want to do other than spend all day every day watching videos or reading about one or two topics on the Internet, and I have very limited ability to form new friendships. I'm not even sure I would want anything to change. The main reason I even brought this up here is because my lack of ambition is causing me to not perform well enough in my classes, thus making it so I can't get my grades high enough to qualify for scholarships like the HOPE scholarship.
I feel like I'm just in school now because if I have to be; in fact, I almost feel like I'm living just because I have to.
Before anyone asks, I do have a psychiatrist I see every other week (I had been visiting him for anxiety-related reasons) and I plan to bring this up with him next time I see him. I was just wondering if anyone would have any helpful input.
Hexmage-PA on
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I owe like $16k to student loans and I don't even remember most of the classes I took. This was only two or three years ago.
Edit: As for the meat of your post, I wish I could be helpful and give some awesome advice, but your OP looks like it could have been written by me with only a couple of small changes - though I guess I do have a few prospects looming thanks to friends and family. Get away from the computer for month or two, maybe? I remember I started writing a lot when I was sans-computer a number of years ago. Turned into a pretty substantial hobby for a while... maybe you'll find something similar.
Same here.
You're far from the only person who is or was in university and doesn't know why. Either start studying hard everyday or drop out and get a job.
I don't actually advocate dropping out right now because the job market sucks balls, so I'm going to have to suggest you find a way to make yourself study hard.
Edit: actually getting a job that pays well and doesn't suck is very hard and being turned down repeatedly will crush your soul till your find yourself thankful to be working minimum wage. If your already unhappy I wouldn't be in a rush to put myself through this.
It definitely sounds like you're suffering from depression, which your psychiatrist will hopefully be able to help you with.
You say nothing seems to interest you more than getting on the internet. Well maybe you have no interests because you spend all your time on the internet. You're far more likely to enjoy and become interested in things if you force yourself to go out and try new things. You won't discover any new interests while cooped up in your room on the internet.
start going to the gym.
endorphins are the best anti-depressant out there.
Hop on the treadmill/eliptical and download a few movies to your ipod.
That aside though, you need to find something that you like to do. Even if all you want to do is surf the net, that means there are things on the net that interest you enough to boot up the computer, anyway. You're at a college; there really are hardly any better places to learn about something new and throw yourself into it.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
Get the fuck off the internet and commit to your studies. Or drop out and get a job, though you are putting yourself at a serious disadvantage by dropping out (especially in this economy). Either way you are going to have to grow up eventually. Nothing in this life is free, you have to work hard and kick your own ass if you want to live comfortably.
What do you read about? Maybe there's something you could become involved with there.
Ugh, me too. That was a bad decision.
Okay, having a girlfriend doesn't necessarily mean she will be "constantly" harrassing you.
Also, you do have interests. Everyone does. I like video games, so I went and worked on a few titles. I like politics, so I went and worked for the House of Representatives. I also like helping people and working with kids, so I'm volunteering for the police department and as a high school wrestling coach.
Listen, I'm not saying this is easy. I never figured this stuff out until AFTER I graduated college. I mean, "What the f*ck? I can actually find a career I'm interested in? I thought it was a requirement that I had to hate my job and be unhappy!?"
Sit down, meditate, and think about what you like to do in your spare time; also, don't proceed with your college education until you know exactly what you want to do. You may need to transfer schools, but it's better than getting the wrong degree at the wrong school.
Bad idea. They should chisel "If you don't know why you're here, leave." into the cornerstone of every student center.
In economics, these are called sunk costs. As Wikipedia says:
If you want to meet people and figure out what you're interested in (or at least figure out what you're NOT interested in) you have to go out and do things. In general, the way most people get motivated to do things is that if they don't, they will run out of money to buy things low on Maslow's hierarchy of needs, like food and shelter.
Are you supporting yourself? If not, do that for a while. It will give you somewhere to go for 8 or 12 hours a day and force you to interact with other people. Either you will like what you do, which will motivate you to get better at it, or you will hate what you do, which will motivate you to get better at something else so you don't have to do that anymore.
Any reason why you're not already working 15-20 hours a week in college? It's not really that hard to do with a moderate classload. You don't get those 20 hours to pursue a social life, but 1) you don't seem to want to do that anyway and 2) it's not really productive in the long run.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTugjssqOT0
I get the impression you live your life and are currently worrying about how you work/live compared to others. Though this is valuable you also need to have belief in your own abilities. I would recommend looking into some of the work on personality types to see if that gives insights that might motivate you.
Some people may scoff at the whole idea of these things but alot of companies use alot of these tests when employing you post college/university so understanding your own strengths and areas for improvement could be useful. I recommend Myers Briggs as it pretty easy to understand. Again its not a crutch or a replacement for work but it may help you get a sense of grounding and perspective.
Also, talk to a tutor or the college career develpment people, they may have advice or other things and this sort of thing is invaluable.
I second the playing sport/gym as you do get a weird high after. Also getting up at the same time every day (say 8am) was a real kick in the pants for me, great for structuring my day.
That's.... not really true at all. You may have to start at the bottom somewhere, but experience matters more than education. Unless you're in some kind of technical field, all a degree really does is give you a head start. It's obviously better to have one than not, but you're not going to be stuck making minimum wage the rest of your life because you didn't get a degree. College just isn't for some people.
The problem with your statement is that 'technical field' can be expanded to almost anything these days, and usually is.
Gone are the days where 'technical field' meant working in a laboratory or being a CPA. I guarantee you will be passed over for even a job managing a grocery store if they can get someone who has a degree in business. I know because I have seen it happen. Then, two months later, the dude went to corporate and is now the head of inventory for the entire chain.
You may not be 'stuck making minimum wage' but I guarantee you will encounter many roadblocks that could easily have been subverted if you had any sort of college degree. Why do you think there is a spot on the application for this?
Oh, grocery stores. Yeah, sorry, I was thinking of office jobs that use resumes instead of applications. I have my education on my resume and it has never been a "roadblock". I've even been promoted twice at my current employer since starting there 3 years ago. I'm making 14.5k more now than I was when I started. YMMV, etc.
And in your example, if it comes down to someone who has 5 years experience managing a store or someone who has a business degree, experience will win out, I promise you. Even experience as a department manager goes further than a degree. The only time I can see it really hurting you is if you're both equal except for the degree. And in your example anyway, he eventually got a much better job, so how does that help your point exactly?
But regardless of all of this, my original point was 1 years worth of student loan debt + no degree is better than 3 years worth of student loan debt + no degree. If you don't want to be there, you don't want to be there.
Sorry- The guy with the degree went corporate.
All due respect, the red is some very bad advice. Not having at least a BA closes a lot of doors. There's no way you can get 'experience' if the entry level requires a degree. This isn't to say that lack of an undergrad degree comdemns you to being a nerve stapled drone for the rest of your life, but there are a shit load of career paths that are completely shut down if you can't apply yourself to finish college.
Right, like technical fields.
Like copier repair, and sanitation engineering? I can't think of all that many "technical fields" that don't require a degree in the USA.
Not really. Theres not a chance anyone would talk to you for my current job (defense contractor - financial analysis support) if you didnt have a BA or BS, or for the internship I had at JP Morgan.
I have an economics w/ finance BS. Trust me, it doesnt qualify me for any technical field.
dude, no shit. It's still not good advice to make it seem like a fantastic idea for someone to limit their opportunities.
I never said it was a fantastic idea, but suggesting the OP "tough it out" when he just continues failing, gets suspended, and now has even more debt isn't fantastic either. I'm just giving him an option. From my personal experience, not having a degree has been a non-issue in my career opportunities. Yeah, I won't be designing bridges or performing open heart surgery, but I'm also not emptying garbage cans or cleaning bathrooms.
And as far as examples of fields that don't require a degree, shit, pretty much any white collar office type job. And here's a hint, even if a job description says a degree is required, it doesn't necessarily mean a degree is required. My last position, a supervisor position (over 12 employees), had that in the job description. And I didn't even have experience.
But all of this is off topic. I'm not really interested in defending this anymore. OP, just know that having a degree is better than not having one, but you won't be stuck working a McDonald's for the rest of your life without one.
The only part worth bringing up is this idea of 'doing something you like'. It's total and complete horse shit. People don't pay you to do jobs you like. I like sitting on my couch playing video games, people don't pay money for that. Now some stupid guidance counsler might say you should then get a job in game programming or something. NO, absolutely no. Jobs are meant to be uninteresting, that's why they pay you to be there.
What you want is a job that: Pays well, has good benefits, has good hours, very low stress, and has good job security, and involves working with people you could actually want to be friends with. Find a job that meets those criteria that you wouldnt MIND doing (notice I didn't say "like" doing) . A job like the one I described gives you everything you need to pursue your actual interests which is much more likely to lead to hapiness. Almost every single person I know that chased the job they would 'love' ended up with a really shitty job in their desired field, they all get crappy wages, have highly stressful jobs and very little security.
IMO this myth about doing something you love is one of the greatest lines of shit fed to high school grads. My life would have been much better if I never heard it and instead would of heard about how to look for jobs in high demand fields with good benefits and pay.
I was like the OP, I dropped out for a semester. That semester lasted 5 years. I had some good life experiences and came back much more ambitious, but overall I think my life would have been better if I had just finished.
Also, to anyone taking a 'semester off'. Don't kid yourself, you are most likely permanently dropping out of school. Are you really ok with that? If you are then it's your choice, but don't lie to yourself saying it's going to be one semester. Dropping out because you have no goals and no idea what to do is not something that gets solved in a semester, that stuff takes years to work out, if ever.
If I knew how to lime, this would be limed so hard it would scream.
I pretty much wasted 5 years of my life trying to do what I loved to do as a living, and I gotten so fed up with it that I pretty much started to hate what I used to love to do.