Making a big change...and trying to stick to it.

Susan Delgado

I have made the decision to make a pretty significant change in my life, but I know like any other big change it isn't going to be easy to stick with.

Basically, I stress... a lot. Like A LOT a lot. Not about important things, though. I do pretty good with the big stuff... it's the minutia of life and work that just absolutely kills me. Sends me into a freakin' tailspin of negativity and grumpiness/anger/frustration.

I've decided to start trying to destress by asking myself when I am feeling this stuff coming on if it's going to matter in a month, a year, 5 years...and to write at least one good, happy, and/or funny thing every day to remind myself not to take things so seriously.

This is just the first step but I know me and I know I get wrapped up and freak out...and I just don't want to do that anymore. I'm planning to vent any crazy stupid minutia stress in my journal and I've asked my boyfriend to help keep me sane when I'm getting stressed and remind me that the little stuff isn't going to matter in a year.

Wondering what folks think of this plan and if there's anything else you'd suggest to help keep me focused on the good stuff and how to glaze over the small stuff.

Djeet

When you feel yourself get stressed, exhale for as long as you can, use the diaphragm. Then inhale. Repeat 9 times. A lot of people hold their breath all the time and breathe shallowly. You focus on the exhale because that's usually what we don't do.

A creative outlet (the writing) is a good thing. Also you might try regular exercise. Vigorous cardio, or weightlifting, or something some yoga/pilates or something less strenuous like walking, whatever works for you. Try to do it daily or several times a week.

As for strategies on conquering little things, various things can work: counting, breathing, or just laugh at how retarded it is. For truly little things, I'll just let it slide and focus on something else for awhile. Get back to it later when you can put a fresh eye on it. When I've a lot of tasks to do, I'll make a list. Bang out the quick/easy stuff and the list looks nice cause lots of stuff are crossed out.

What's important/hard is to recognize that you're getting stressed before you've worked yourself up too much. Then re-direct or take a break.

Sir Carcass

What works for me is just forcing myself to think of something else, something that can occupy my thoughts long enough for me to forget about the stressful thing. Writing stories, thinking of what I'm going to do this weekend, whatever.

MetroidZoid

I find that completely focusing my mind on something helps, eg personally I choose crossword puzzles, one at a difficulty I'm comfortable at (so above the $1 books you get in check-out lines, but not NYT worthy). Maybe Suduko if you're better with numbers than letters?

Dalboz

I know this might sound weird, but what helps me to think about what's stressing me out. More specifically, I think about why it's stressing me out. Usually, I find out that the reason I'm getting stressed out is because I'm imagining the worst possible scenario of what might happen. And, realistically, that worst possible scenario happens very, very rarely. It's a defense mechanism to prepare for the worst, but more often than not it backfires and causes us to expect it and stress out over it. It's not always easy to do, but it's my preferred method because it addresses the root of my stress problem, rather adding on more defense mechanism to deal with a defense mechanism.

DasBoot

I used to be stressed a lot and decided I had to do something about it before I went crazy. I used three tactics:
1. I decided that a portion of my stress could be prevented by me being more proactive about things. Study more, procrastinate on work less, be more assertive with people (women), etc.
2. With the stuff stressing me out that I had no control over, I would try and recognize that it was out of my hands, and then amuse myself with whatever absurdity I could find in the situation. Then I could concentrate on the best way to resolve the issue. (I have been reading some of Meditations by Marcus Aurelius lately to remind me of most of this stuff)
3. This one I think helped most of all and it's the dumbest thing ever: I wrote "STOP WORRYING" on a post it note and stuck it to my computer monitor. I spent a lot of time looking at that monitor and that note indirectly. It got into my brain somehow.

All in all I've managed to be way more relaxed and confident in life.

Susan Delgado

Thanks for the ideas... it's going to be a long process, but I know it'll be worth it because I'm so tired of always feeling like crap because of other people.

My work life slays me...there is a level of laziness and ignorance and complacency there that boggles my mind and I let it get to me and I let them drag me down instead of putting my own best foot forward and having faith that my own work speaks for itself.
Seriously, I feel like I'm getting bent out of shape over someone not putting a cover sheet on their TPS report... not because I CARE about the cover sheet, but because I don't want to have to sit through another damned meeting ABOUT the cover sheet... Does that make any sense?

Tomorrow is my Monday...I'm going to do my best to go in and kick ass and be happy and goofy like how I should be ALL THE TIME.
I'm taking a small steno pad for venting...and thank God for the internet to find me random funny things to laugh at.

Zombiemambo

Two things:

1. Make it your motto. Whenever you start stressing over small stuff, just repeat "I will not get stressed" over and over and over.

2. Fake it 'till you make it.