As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/
We're funding a new Acquisitions Incorporated series on Kickstarter right now! Check it out at https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/pennyarcade/acquisitions-incorporated-the-series-2

Embarrassment in the form of pornography

1202123252640

Posts

  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    i figure I might as well contribute this:

    So, I'm tasked with cleaning up the famliy computer at my dad's house, because it is running as slow as something so slow I can't even come up with an appropriate analogy to use.

    Goes without saying it's going to hell because of viruses up the wazoo.

    Anyway, I was badmouthing my sister to some friends, saying it was probably all the browser-based games and P2P shit she uses.

    But, I was over there a few days ago saving what little data I had there that I didn't have on my computer already, in preperation for wiping the hard drive and doing a clean reinstall. On a whim, I decide to check out my brother's folder to see if he ripped any of his CDs that I like. (I have the admin account, so I just disabled his password.)

    Upon entering his documents folder, I opened the innoculously titled "New Folder (2)". Inside? Probably a hundred video clips from porno sites. Oh, and another folder. Containing about a hundred more clips. With a folder inside that one, etc., etc.

    Almost a gig of sample vids, and the vids were no more than 5 MB each, tops. A lot of the thumbnail images were shit like guys cumming on eyes, too. :|

    I feel like I should tell him not to download that stuff because it's full of shit that slows the computer down- but then he'd know that I know.

    DarkPrimus on
    usnTyq4.jpg
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    AWIY wrote:
    porn sharing seems a little awkward to me

    maybe I am just not enlightened

    it can be if you make a thing out of it

    "hey dude I totally jerked off to this would you like to jerk off to it too?"

    if you play it a little bit more cool

    "hey dude i know you are into hot indian chicks i found this on my journies here you go"

    "oh thanks man"

    "anytime"

    Pony on
  • slowslow Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Akilae729 wrote:
    Knob wrote:
    depends

    describe it
    [spoiler:8c956dd30b]This dude puts hit nuts in a girls ass while simultaneously sticking his dick in the puss[/spoiler:8c956dd30b]
    Yeah, definitely seen it

    slow on
  • ZonkytonkmanZonkytonkman Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    yeah really, sharing porn is all "hey dude, i totally had a great wank session to this the other night"

    seems kinda awkward

    Zonkytonkman on
  • Akilae729Akilae729 Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    slow wrote:
    Akilae729 wrote:
    Knob wrote:
    depends

    describe it
    [spoiler:113084afaf]This dude puts hit nuts in a girls ass while simultaneously sticking his dick in the puss[/spoiler:113084afaf]
    Yeah, definitely seen it

    *pop*

    BOOYA!

    Akilae729 on
    signaturebighe7.jpg
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    DarkPrimus wrote:
    i figure I might as well contribute this:

    So, I'm tasked with cleaning up the famliy computer at my dad's house, because it is running as slow as something so slow I can't even come up with an appropriate analogy to use.

    Goes without saying it's going to hell because of viruses up the wazoo.

    Anyway, I was badmouthing my sister to some friends, saying it was probably all the browser-based games and P2P shit she uses.

    But, I was over there a few days ago saving what little data I had there that I didn't have on my computer already, in preperation for wiping the hard drive and doing a clean reinstall. On a whim, I decide to check out my brother's folder to see if he ripped any of his CDs that I like. (I have the admin account, so I just disabled his password.)

    Upon entering his documents folder, I opened the innoculously titled "New Folder (2)". Inside? Probably a hundred video clips from porno sites. Oh, and another folder. Containing about a hundred more clips. With a folder inside that one, etc., etc.

    Almost a gig of sample vids, and the vids were no more than 5 MB each, tops. A lot of the thumbnail images were shit like guys cumming eyes, too. :|

    I feel like I should tell him not to download that stuff because it's full of shit that slows the computer down- but then he'd know that I know.

    say it in a roundabout way

    "hey dude, some of the shit you download puts stupid bullshit on the computer that slows it down, and you eat up a lot of hard-drive space. knock it off."

    you don't call attention to what it is specifically

    he'll know

    Pony on
  • FreddyDFreddyD Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Lesbian porn is a strange animal. It seems like the more homely the girls look the more enthusiastic the sex is.

    FreddyD on
  • KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator mod
    edited January 2007
    Akilae729 wrote:
    Knob wrote:
    depends

    describe it

    [spoiler:b4f4e3a4a9]This dude puts hit nuts in a girls ass while simultaneously sticking his dick in the puss[/spoiler:b4f4e3a4a9]

    Yeah

    I actually show people that one a lot, because most people believe it can't be done

    Knob on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    yeah really, sharing porn is all "hey dude, i totally had a great wank session to this the other night"

    seems kinda awkward

    present it as being considerate

    like it's not even something that's yours, necessarily, but rather something you know your buddy is into and that he'd like, and as his friend, you're sending it his way.

    it ain't much different than being all like "oh man, check out that ass!" when you dudes is chillin'

    itt pony explains porn sharing etiquette

    Pony on
  • slowslow Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Knob wrote:
    Akilae729 wrote:
    Knob wrote:
    depends

    describe it
    [spoiler:c89158d19b]This dude puts hit nuts in a girls ass while simultaneously sticking his dick in the puss[/spoiler:c89158d19b]
    Yeah

    I actually show people that one a lot, because most people believe it can't be done
    Science has shown us such wonderful possibilities

    slow on
  • Akilae729Akilae729 Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Knob wrote:
    Akilae729 wrote:
    Knob wrote:
    depends

    describe it

    [spoiler:b2bfc3b016]This dude puts hit nuts in a girls ass while simultaneously sticking his dick in the puss[/spoiler:b2bfc3b016]

    Yeah

    I actually show people that one a lot, because most people believe it can't be done

    That video caused half of my girlfriends roomates to cry

    Akilae729 on
    signaturebighe7.jpg
  • ZonkytonkmanZonkytonkman Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    so the guys at the hostel wanna see mrhands.

    what is the legality exactly of downoading beastiality on a hostels internets?

    Zonkytonkman on
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Pony wrote:
    DarkPrimus wrote:
    i figure I might as well contribute this:

    So, I'm tasked with cleaning up the famliy computer at my dad's house, because it is running as slow as something so slow I can't even come up with an appropriate analogy to use.

    Goes without saying it's going to hell because of viruses up the wazoo.

    Anyway, I was badmouthing my sister to some friends, saying it was probably all the browser-based games and P2P shit she uses.

    But, I was over there a few days ago saving what little data I had there that I didn't have on my computer already, in preperation for wiping the hard drive and doing a clean reinstall. On a whim, I decide to check out my brother's folder to see if he ripped any of his CDs that I like. (I have the admin account, so I just disabled his password.)

    Upon entering his documents folder, I opened the innoculously titled "New Folder (2)". Inside? Probably a hundred video clips from porno sites. Oh, and another folder. Containing about a hundred more clips. With a folder inside that one, etc., etc.

    Almost a gig of sample vids, and the vids were no more than 5 MB each, tops. A lot of the thumbnail images were shit like guys cumming eyes, too. :|

    I feel like I should tell him not to download that stuff because it's full of shit that slows the computer down- but then he'd know that I know.

    say it in a roundabout way

    "hey dude, some of the shit you download puts stupid bullshit on the computer that slows it down, and you eat up a lot of hard-drive space. knock it off."

    you don't call attention to what it is specifically

    he'll know

    I'm not going to say the bit about hard drive space, though. I'm the one who ends up using most of that, what with games, Photoshop, and such.

    DarkPrimus on
    usnTyq4.jpg
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • AWIYAWIY Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    I have been going about this all wrong

    AWIY on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    FreddyD wrote:
    Lesbian porn is a strange animal. It seems like the more homely the girls look the more enthusiastic the sex is.

    i have realized i can't enjoy porn where it's clear the participants aren't enjoying it.

    and it's best when people look like they're actually having a good time and she's not just a college girl down on her luck and willing to accept $60 for on the face

    for this reason it's basically impossible for me to enjoy japanese porn. the japanese porn industry's got this thing for not just demeaning women, but giving you the impression that the women actually hate it

    plus it seems impossible for japanese women in porn to react to sex like it's not unbelievably painful

    they sound like cats being stepped on

    and this isn't consistent with actually having sex with japanese women, i know this from firsthand experience dammit. it's apparently just something they do for porn

    what the fuck, japan.

    Pony on
  • Lord DaveLord Dave Grief Causer Bitch Free ZoneRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    DarkPrimus wrote:
    Almost a gig of sample vids, and the vids were no more than 5 MB each, tops. A lot of the thumbnail images were shit like guys cumming eyes, too. :|

    Eyeballs just spraying out of penises left and right.
    Ladies all "oh god what the hell why are there eyes coming out of your penis is your scrotum some sort of ocular cloning facility!"

    Lord Dave on
    mkc.png
  • KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator mod
    edited January 2007
    don't be a sissy

    take him down, sit on him, then get the crazy look in your eyes and start screaming

    'YOU FUCKING PERVERT! RUINING THE COMPUTER WITH YOUR FUCKING FILTH! YOUR HANDS ARE COVERED IN SIN YOU WORTHLESS JACKOFF'

    then you spit in his eye and ask him how he likes it


    kids who need therapy are hilarious

    Knob on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Knob wrote:
    don't be a sissy

    take him down, sit on him, then get the crazy look in your eyes and start screaming

    'YOU FUCKING PERVERT! RUINING THE COMPUTER WITH YOUR FUCKING FILTH! YOUR HANDS ARE COVERED IN SIN YOU WORTHLESS JACKOFF'

    then you spit in his eye and ask him how he likes it


    kids who need therapy are hilarious

    knob you will be a wonderful grandfather one day

    your kid will learn so much

    Pony on
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Lord Dave wrote:
    DarkPrimus wrote:
    Almost a gig of sample vids, and the vids were no more than 5 MB each, tops. A lot of the thumbnail images were shit like guys cumming eyes, too. :|

    Eyeballs just spraying out of penises left and right.
    Ladies all "oh god what the hell why are there eyes coming out of your penis is your scrotum some sort of ocular cloning facility!"

    Good job catching that. It was typed properly the first time 'round, but "on" must have gotten removed when I rephrased it.

    DarkPrimus on
    usnTyq4.jpg
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator mod
    edited January 2007
    If I was gonna do that to my own blood, right afterwards I'd go 'haha just kidding, grab me a beer and i'll show you how to get good full movies instead of tiny shitty clips and spyware'

    Knob on
  • intafustedintafusted Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Man, who watches porn with the sound on?

    intafusted on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    intafusted wrote:
    Man, who watches porn with the sound on?

    people with headphones

    Pony on
  • KaennethKaenneth Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    My sister wanted to know who was looking at porn on one of the spare computers...

    Turns out it was my 10 year old neice...

    :winky:^H^H^H^H^H^H :shock:

    Kaenneth on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator mod
    edited January 2007
    people with 7.1 surround sound and an 800 watt subwoofer and neighbors they hate

    Knob on
  • Lord DaveLord Dave Grief Causer Bitch Free ZoneRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    a guy cumming eyeballs sounds like something that'd happen in some weird arthouse porn

    real metaphorical and shit

    Lord Dave on
    mkc.png
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Knob wrote:
    people with 7.1 surround sound and an 800 watt subwoofer and neighbors they hate

    oh christ knob this is an excellent idea

    peter north is so fucking loud

    it would piss off so many people

    Pony on
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Knob wrote:
    If I was gonna do that to my own blood, right afterwards I'd go 'haha just kidding, grab me a beer and i'll show you how to get good full movies instead of tiny shitty clips and spyware'

    Yeah, the only full movie he had was some awful rip of some "Girls Gone Wild" crap.

    Girls Gone Wild.

    I couldn't get a boner watching that trash if someone was giving me a lap dance while it was on. Obviously drunk/stoned women and/or women doing it only for the money = not hot.

    DarkPrimus on
    usnTyq4.jpg
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • AbsoluteZeroAbsoluteZero The new film by Quentin Koopantino Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Knob wrote:
    people with 7.1 surround sound and an 800 watt subwoofer and neighbors they hate

    I don't want to know what sex act would produce bass.

    AbsoluteZero on
    cs6f034fsffl.jpg
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Knob wrote:
    people with 7.1 surround sound and an 800 watt subwoofer and neighbors they hate

    I don't want to know what sex act would produce bass.

    sex with michael clarke duncan

    shake your fucking windows

    Pony on
  • AWIYAWIY Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    better question is who watches porn with the sound OFF?

    sound is critical

    AWIY on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    AWIY wrote:
    better question is who watches porn with the sound OFF?

    sound is critical

    people who live with their parents and don't have headphones and/or a lock on their door.

    people who look at porn on the family computer that's in the living room when their parents are in bed

    basically losers

    Pony on
  • intafustedintafusted Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    I just don't like the fake moans they sometimes dub over the videos, kinda ruins the illusion I guess.

    intafusted on
  • KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator mod
    edited January 2007
    if you don't listen to the sound then you miss out on awesome things like

    'What's the matter bitch? You in a fuckin' suitcase?'

    Knob on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    intafusted wrote:
    I just don't like the fake moans they sometimes dub over the videos, kinda ruins the illusion I guess.

    i have never seen any porno where this happened

    not that i noticed anyway

    Pony on
  • LardalishLardalish Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Pony wrote:
    intafusted wrote:
    I just don't like the fake moans they sometimes dub over the videos, kinda ruins the illusion I guess.

    i have never seen any porno where this happened

    not that i noticed anyway

    You're not missing anything.

    Lardalish on
  • KaennethKaenneth Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    How many real people have sex with their shoes... but nothing else on?

    uhhh,

    rephrase:

    How many real people have sex while only wearing shoes? (and socks, if they are inside the shoes)

    Kaenneth on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • AWIYAWIY Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    man, I had some Japanese stuff with the WORST dubbing.

    I think it was the first piece of entertainment where I'd actually put it down and gone "fuck, this is just awful".

    AWIY on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Kaenneth wrote:
    How many real people have sex with their shoes... but nothing else on?

    uhhh,

    rephrase:

    How many real people have sex while only wearing shoes? (and socks, if they are inside the shoes)

    i've had sex wearing just socks

    it was cold okay

    christ

    Pony on
  • LardalishLardalish Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    The best porn film I have ever seen was this gem of a video called Playmate of the Apes. I saw it at a friends house, the porn was so horrible we actually fast forwarded through the nude parts. The movie was fucking hilairious though.

    Lardalish on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Lardalish wrote:
    The best porn film I have ever seen was this gem of a video called Playmate of the Apes. I saw it at a friends house, the porn was so horrible we actually fast forwarded through the nude parts. The movie was fucking hilairious though.

    i've done that before

    watched really shitty porn from the 70's and 80's when porn movies still put on the pretense of having plot and characters

    we weren't interested in the sex or nudity, we wanted to laugh at terrible acting and directing and writing

    Pony on
Sign In or Register to comment.