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Help. What the fuck do I do with myself?
mora1
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Let's see, a few weeks ago I met a beautiful woman and we hit things off. She lives a few hours away, so we pretty much just texted/talked a lot on the phone for a few weeks. Eventually she came down for a weekend (about two weeks ago). We had a really nice weekend, but when she left she basically stopped talking to me at all, no reason given. I actually took it kinda hard, since I let down my guard with her and let myself like her too much. Plus, not having any sort of closure or reason why she won't talk to me or tell me what's going on has really sucked too.
I've been feeling kinda crappy about the whole situation, but, it's led me to realize a few things about my life that I think I need to change. Mainly that I have very few friends here and very limited social interaction. A lot of my friends who I used to do stuff with have either moved or gotten married, so I rarely have anyone to do anything with. I think I've kinda fallen in to relying on my computer as a replacement for social interaction. I also work out of home, and this makes it hard for me to meet people too. Being with this woman, even though it was only for a short time, has made me realize that I really miss having regular human contact and, to a greater extent, a woman in my life to share things with.
So, this is where I could use some help. I've been stuck in this cycle for such a long time now that I'm not even really sure what to do about meeting women, or even just new people in general to make friends with. Part of the problem is that I live in Bakersfield, CA. If any of you are familiar with this place you know that it isn't exactly the greatest place to live in California and there isn't a whole lot to do here. I've been thinking about moving after my lease is up, but that's still about five months away. For right now though, I'm not really sure what the hell to do with myself.
As for me, I'm in my late twenties. I have a lot of free time during the afternoon and on weekends. I'm kinda scruffy, but not terrible looking. I make a good living, so money isn't really an issue as far as going out and doing things goes. I have tried looking online for activities and whatnot; but, like I said, there just isn't much going on here (or I could just be terrible at finding stuff). I'm pretty much open to any sort of suggestions or ideas right now.
I've been feeling kinda crappy about the whole situation, but, it's led me to realize a few things about my life that I think I need to change. Mainly that I have very few friends here and very limited social interaction. A lot of my friends who I used to do stuff with have either moved or gotten married, so I rarely have anyone to do anything with. I think I've kinda fallen in to relying on my computer as a replacement for social interaction. I also work out of home, and this makes it hard for me to meet people too. Being with this woman, even though it was only for a short time, has made me realize that I really miss having regular human contact and, to a greater extent, a woman in my life to share things with.
So, this is where I could use some help. I've been stuck in this cycle for such a long time now that I'm not even really sure what to do about meeting women, or even just new people in general to make friends with. Part of the problem is that I live in Bakersfield, CA. If any of you are familiar with this place you know that it isn't exactly the greatest place to live in California and there isn't a whole lot to do here. I've been thinking about moving after my lease is up, but that's still about five months away. For right now though, I'm not really sure what the hell to do with myself.
As for me, I'm in my late twenties. I have a lot of free time during the afternoon and on weekends. I'm kinda scruffy, but not terrible looking. I make a good living, so money isn't really an issue as far as going out and doing things goes. I have tried looking online for activities and whatnot; but, like I said, there just isn't much going on here (or I could just be terrible at finding stuff). I'm pretty much open to any sort of suggestions or ideas right now.
mora1 on
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these things have clubs, and clubs have people
Goes for more than just cars too, my mum is in both a car club and a reptile club
Join a seniors sports team, play tennis, even if it leads to you hanging around people twice your age, it'll get you back into rhythm
feels good man.
I'm serious. How attached are you to the city? I'm assuming not much because it's Bakersfield. I'd say look for a job somewhere else, and move. Five months is plenty of time for you to find something good.
smelled of despair and dust.
Head to a community centre and take a community course on photography. Pretty awesome as you're all learning, and good places will head out on 'field trips' to take shots of plantlife or whatever, great opportunity to meet people.
Get into a niche community of car enthuiasts, attend auto shows, local club meets, eventually leading to pub meets and more if you click. Might I suggest the old watercooled VWs
On that note, autocross is a great time full of really awesome people, and you get to race your car around. Or if you're into motorcycles CA has a massive race scene for streetbikes, dirt bikes, supermoto. I guess you kinda have to be a bit of a gearhead to get into it but if you are, its a great way to make friends, and there are *forums* for all of this stuff (which, lets all admit, makes a massive difference in the way we connect... pretty much everything I do has stemmed from some forum interaction)
Keep an eye out for local events, and even just attend by yourself
Church. Seriously. Better if you're younger and there's an active young-adults group. I don't know where you live, but some of the bigger cities have these spinoff churches of just young people who hate the typical church scene and have made it better. I made some great friends. This helped because I hate clubs and the club scene, and most of the people you meet here won't really be into it, as far as I could tell.
Jazz clubs, vegan restaurants, anywhere that isn't super mainstream and has a steady following of regulars that you kinda mesh with.
Kayak club, outdoor club, something active... most universities have something you can connect with.
I think it all really depends on where you live for what's available but there's tons out there if you just commit yourself to going out and trying it. Probably the best bet for ease to get into would be a community college course of some sort like photography and an outdoor club. I found the outdoor people I've met are probably the most awesome out there and super welcoming, but I guess YMMV depending where you are and what kinda people are there.
PSN - sumowot
I used to. My only real interest in cars now is that they get me from point A to point B, and don't give me too many problems. I have been trying to find some clubs or something to do here. Problem is where I live is pretty ass. Also, I would like to hang out with people my own age because I would like to meet more women if possible.
Yeah, it does suck some serious ass here most of the time. I'm not at all attached to the city, however, I am attached to my family that lives here.
My job situation is actually pretty nice. I can work almost anywhere so long as I have access to the internet and a fax machine or something. However, if I were to move I would be making less money than if I were to stay.
I have a few friends in San Diego, LA, San Francisco/Sacramento and Seattle. So, if I did move I would at least have a base of people to get started with. Still, that option is almost half a year off... so I need to figure something out in the meantime.
To be fair, it's not as bad as that. If I were to use a word to describe it here I would go with "blah", or, perhaps "blaaaaaaaaaah". Not only that, but this whole area of CA is really conservative and has a high redneck population and I'm pretty much the opposite of that.
I actually took some photography classes when I was in college and I really enjoyed them. I'll have to see if I can't find something along those lines again, just as long as it involves other people. Cars, not really my thing. I could give it a try, but I don't think I'd really be able to offer much conversation to anyone who is really into them. I'm an atheist, so not really sure how well church activities would go. As far as the outdoors stuff goes, I think you missed the part where I said I live in Bakersfield. I'm going to look into it, but I don't know if I'll be able to find much.
Thanks for the input so far guys. It's given me a couple ideas to start with.
Your story really mirrors mine, except I took the drug and alcohol path. Didn't really solve the problem, just created more...
Check it out. It's a good way to meet people in your area (and from other countries who are visiting)
Please tell me you had a happy ending!
Thanks, I will do that.
I dunno, I guess I could update with the full story if people are curious, it definitely confuses the hell out of me. I was trying to make this thread more about how I can improve my life, expand my social network from like my immediate family and a couple friends to something more normal. As the days go on I'm starting to think that the best answer so far is to get the fuck out of here.
For example, have you ever tried martial arts, or yoga? These sorts of activities are great for clearing and focusing the mind, plus you get a sense of acheivement as you progess. You also get to meet other people!