Silvestri's "Advice Please" Thread now with web comic!

Silvestri99Silvestri99 Registered User regular
edited September 2010 in Artist's Corner
Howdy everyone I've been lurking here for awhile reading and enjoying everyone's work. I figured that this would be a good group to get some feedback from on some of the illustrations I'm working on. Let me know how it is and what I'm missing.
With this one I wanted a background with a jungle feel without being to defined but is it hurting or helping me....
Thanks in advance and I apologize for problems with this post, I'm still trying to figure out how to link to my art...
attack2f-300x300.jpg

Silvestri99 on

Posts

  • NibCromNibCrom Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Welcome to the AC!

    I like the background, and the coloring, and the art in general, but it still falls pretty flat for me unfortunately. The creature on the left is uncomfortably close to the left side of the art. It's difficult to understand what the blue guy is doing, I had a tough time seeing his tiny feet. The composition could be much more exciting. It looks like the blue guy jumped off the cliff to attack the monster. Is it a humorous situation? The placement of his second sword is awkward.

    The biggest problem I have with this piece is that it doesn't have a clear message. What are you trying to tell the viewer? How are you trying to make them feel? Conveying this in a more effective manner will, in the end, produce more interesting art.

    Sorry if this seems harsh for your first critique, but people are pretty honest around here and want you to improve. Good luck!

    NibCrom on
  • Silvestri99Silvestri99 Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    NibCrom,
    Thanks for the pointers and don't worry about being critical. I'll take any advice or comments as long as they are constructive. I agree with you and didn't really see a few of the things you pointed out until you pointed them out. I'm going to make some readjustments and repost. hopefully the next one will convey more of what is supposed to be happening. It's funny how I was worried more about the background and seemed to forget the foreground. Thanks Again!

    Silvestri99 on
  • MustangMustang Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Welcome, I knew a Silvestri once, god he was a funny fucker, completely nuts, but funny as hell.

    Anyway, I'd post that image up at twice the size you have. You have details in there that are almost impossible to make out.

    One thing though, your blue guys arm are rotated at an angle which makes me completely unsure if he's coming in for an overhead slash or an underarm stab. Also you might want to vary the attack angle of the two sword to make it a little more interesting.

    Mustang on
  • FugitiveFugitive Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Yeah I would probably work some more movement into the monster he's attacking. Tilting or swiveling his head so that it's facing more towards the attacker would give the whole thing much more energy. At the moment he's just really stiff and puppet-like.

    You could also improve the dynamic qualities by playing with canvas dimensions. It's difficult to make an interesting composition with a square, and stretching it in one direction or the other can greatly affect the story you're telling. Stretching it horizontally would give you more room to show the distance of the jump and the surroundings. Stretching it vertically would give you a chance to show more of the monster and the cliff, as well as giving a greater sense of coming down on top of the creature. I would whip up an illustration but I've only got a mouse right now.

    And for the record the monster creature looks pretty unwitting and non-threatening, which I think is a great contrast to the crazy blue guy, but I think you could push it further. Maybe by making his teeth even duller or removing them entirely, and softening his beak.

    Unless you weren't going for that, in which case do the opposite of what I said.

    Fugitive on
  • Silvestri99Silvestri99 Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    attack2g.jpgMade some changes and I'm liking it more but now i have new problems to fix. I'm not sure about his right arm but i couldn't find a position i liked with or without a weapon.. any ideas?

    Silvestri99 on
  • MustangMustang Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    It's not to bad, i'd leave it as is and move on. As Fug said, you've limited yourself in the compostion by using a square. I quite like it though.

    Mustang on
  • KochikensKochikens Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Genie from Aladdins ancestor going batshit? I likes it.

    Kochikens on
  • Silvestri99Silvestri99 Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Thanks for the help guys. I know i started with a weird format to work with. I was more trying to challenge myself with that 5x5 square, and i have a specific use in mind. I've started work on the next one and I'll post it up for feedback in a couple of days... thanks!

    Silvestri99 on
  • Silvestri99Silvestri99 Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    So I wanted to thank everyone for the help on the last piece. I'm still doing the illustration and working on my composition but I have also launched my own web comic. I've been reading pvp, penny arcade, sheldon and a bunch of others so I have finally stepped up and did what I have been wanting to do for awhile. The subject matter is different than the rest. It centers around a few "guys" who work in maintenance for a hospital. It's what i do for a living and what i can relate to so my first problem has been making it accessible to an audience without getting beyond the original intent of the comic. I have also been experimenting with different mediums to do the comic in. Inks, digital, combos and the such.

    I'm looking for some suggestions and help in general about how the comic feels. I know it's not going to be hilarious every time and the writing will get better as I get used to doing this on a regular basis. I did read the "How to make web comics" book which was EXTREMELY helpful but I thought this community was the best place to get honest feed back.

    Heres the link to my site www.purposelessplay.com and heres the latest comic...
    sharkmonkey.jpg

    Silvestri99 on
  • Silvestri99Silvestri99 Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Next in line with this comic. I wrote it to span several postings. Trying to keep it interesting with a "through" joke while having each individual comic be funny as well. Still early on in the learning curve for doing this though.

    Thanks for taking a look!

    sharkmonkeypart2master.jpg

    Silvestri99 on
  • PeasPeas Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    I'm not a artist nor a writer but is the character you are going to introduce a ventriloquist? I can't help but wonder why the main character doesn't look down but chose to look towards the bubble instead.

    Peas on
    5myiokloks5d.png
  • Silvestri99Silvestri99 Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Thanks for the feedback. Good catch, I had meant for him to be looking down and didn't realize it was that far off. Something to fix!

    Silvestri99 on
  • Silvestri99Silvestri99 Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Nevt in the series.
    sharkmonkeypart3.jpg

    Silvestri99 on
  • notactualjerknotactualjerk Registered User
    edited August 2010
    It seems like you can actually draw a little better then you do for your comic, which is understandable since you want to get them out quickly. But one thing that could go a long way is adding in some black to the comics just to let the reader relax their eyes as they read and also to make stuff stand out more.

    Also, since you mentioned both PvP and Sheldon I'm guessing that you're already aware of their podcast Webcomics Weekly in which they talk about tips and tricks for webcomikers like yourself. But just in case you HAVEN'T heard of it, well, now I've mentioned it. Give it a search on iTunes! ;)

    notactualjerk on
    these are comics which I do... Jerk-Off: comics about jerks and whatnot!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • MabelmaMabelma Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    As notactualjerk said your art says you can draw better so try to add more emotions into those comics, and maybe add a few colors here and there.

    Mabelma on
    Have some time, check out my blog
  • VeromVerom Registered User
    edited August 2010
    The art so far seems fine to me, the only thing I'd work is the action, I had no idea what was going on until this third comic.
    Also where did his pants go? He had pants in the first one then they were just gone.

    Verom on
  • Silvestri99Silvestri99 Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Thanks for the help and suggestions guys.
    I have heard of the podcast and have been listening to it as well as reading the book. You are right on adding in more blacks. I've done it more in previous comics but because of time constraints and perhaps my lack of confidence I haven't been doing it as much lately. I'll start working on that more here with the next few.
    Pants.. yeah somehow I forgot to transfer his tool belt to the next set. Consistency is something I'm working on. I'n fact I think i need to dp a character sheet to keep myself organized.
    I don't think I'll go to color yet. Again, it's about time. I've got several other projects that I'm trying to do.

    Thanks again, this helps me a lot!
    stealingmonkey.jpg

    Silvestri99 on
  • NibCromNibCrom Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Plan your dialogue balloons better. The first balloon in the second panel is covering the art, the type extends beyond the panel borders, the balloon is tangent with the panel next to it and the edge of the comic image, plus the shape of the balloon is strange.

    The joke is okay, but the description of the room seems more appropriate for a room full of secret prototypes, not a lost and found.

    NibCrom on
  • KarbaccaKarbacca Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    The last one made me laugh. Well done.

    Karbacca on
    bannerqsl.jpg
  • Silvestri99Silvestri99 Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    NibCrom- thanks for the feedback. Both points taken and you're right, I hadn't thought of it sounding like that. I was trying to shorten the punch line and it lost a little in translation. I'll keep working on it!

    Silvestri99 on
  • Silvestri99Silvestri99 Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    New one... taking suggestions and working them up. Let me know...
    sloganmonkeyb.jpg

    Silvestri99 on
  • Silvestri99Silvestri99 Registered User regular
    edited September 2010
    New comic up. It's been hard to gain traction again after PAX and the start of the new school year...

    nerdvana%20monkey.jpg

    Silvestri99 on
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