Critique

WizToastWizToast Registered User, ClubPA
edited January 2010 in Artist's Corner
Hey guys,

My name's Zach, and I do a comic called SMBC. I used to post here years ago when I was working on my art more. Well, lately I've been feeling a little stagnant, and I thought I'd ask for some expert notes.

Specifically, for this image:

20100118.gif

The bottom panel in specific feels really hard on the eyes. The image is supposed to be track and field guys hurdling cadavers. Either because of composition or coloring, I feel like the eye isn't properly lead through the image. So, if you guys could offer some tips, it'd be most welcome.

WizToast on

Posts

  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    HAHAH
    i love your comic, I've been a fan for a while now, I think they're all golden
    I'm sure someone else will offer up something more useful but to me, it's working just fine

    beavotron on
  • ManonvonSuperockManonvonSuperock Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Oh shit, boy. I read yo' thang and watch yo' thang.

    more constructive response to follow later.

    ManonvonSuperock on
  • edited January 2010
    I really like your stuff. Perhaps a change to the colour of the back wall so there is a bit more of a value contrast between the black hurdler's skin and the background?

    Richard M. Nixon on
    chevy.jpgsteve.jpgmartin.jpg
  • MangoesMangoes Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Try changing the color of his shorts and shoes. They really closely match the table.

    Also, I don't know that he could make that jump. It looks to me like his right leg is going to catch the table and trip him.

    I really admire your art style, it's very refreshing and clean.

    Mangoes on
  • ManonvonSuperockManonvonSuperock Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    smbc.gif

    Pretty much what they said. This is what'd I'd do for a quick fix. Lowered the saturation and values of the tables along with changing the hue of the shorts/shoes, and the hue/saturation/value of the two walls. That way each jumper has more contrast against the surroundings, separating the jumpers from the tables and causing them to pop against the walls. I also lowered the saturation of the scrubs so they wouldn't compete with the jumpers.

    ManonvonSuperock on
  • bombardierbombardier Moderator mod
    edited January 2010
    The corner of the room in the back of the second panel makes it seem like the white guy is coming out of the wall since the last table is almost butt right up against it.

    bombardier on
  • FletcherFletcher Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    personally i think its a combination of a strange mix of colours and the main hurdler's position

    i don't know the first thing about artistic terms for stuff, but this is how i'd probably frame the scene myself

    viener.jpg

    and bombs, i sort of assumed the guy on the right had just run through a doorway or something :?

    Fletcher on
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    hahah fletcher is on to something i think
    i definitely like the positioning of number 12, the somewhat confused look on his face coupled with the "x"'s on the corpse eyes
    also, the deadpan expression of the doctor saying "this is awesome" is pretty awesome

    beavotron on
  • MangoesMangoes Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    And she's bald.

    Mangoes on
  • NicNic Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Another thing Fletcher did right was make the people hurtling roughly the same size as the dead folks on the tables.
    Even though they're athletes, the center guy is herculean in size compared to those immediately surrounding him. His positioning, as well as his relative size, might be what's throwing it off a bit.

    Your comic is awesome though, I'm a long-time reader, keep it up!

    Nic on
  • WizToastWizToast Registered User, ClubPA
    edited January 2010
    Wow! It's amazing what those color changes did.

    And yeah, good call on the perspective. I so rarely do wide shots, that I don't quite have the hang of them yet. They usually come out too busy.

    If you guys have any general notes on my style (linework, lettering, coloring, etc.) I'd really appreciate it. Thanks!

    WizToast on
  • Agent ColemanAgent Coleman Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    I'm not sure if this is the problem you're having, but one thing I know (as far as film goes) is that when you have a villain and a hero in a movie, the hero generally is always walking through frame left to right, and the villain goes right to left.

    This is done because with the hero going from left to right, it's more appealing to the eye as it's the same direction that people read. Where as the villain goes the opposite direction, so maybe that's the same problem you're having with this panel, as the actions going right to left.

    I hope you don't mind but I flipped the last panel to better illustrate my point.

    smbcflip.jpg

    I just want to say that I think you're comics are great, and probably helped give me the idea to start my own comic.

    Agent Coleman on
  • FlayFlay Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    I didn't have any trouble figuring out what was supposed to be going on, but I think the reason the eye doesn't follow through the image is because it's very crowded. The head of the guy in the middle is being crushed my a speech bubble and a guy's fist, and he feels a bit out of place. The first panel works because you have quite a bit of white space to balance out the focal points, and the eye knows immediately where to look.

    Flay on
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