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Oh god, fucking shit, fuck.

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    TheySlashThemTheySlashThem Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    tore myself a new asshole back in high school

    no I'm not using that as a figure of speech

    TheySlashThem on
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    Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    blake what does that mean?

    save me googling it

    Calcium build up on things (in this case a person) turning them solid.

    Blake T on
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    FabricateFabricate __BANNED USERS regular
    edited January 2010
    graphics are too good for WoW

    Fabricate on
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    Calamity JaneCalamity Jane That Wrong Love Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Sheri wrote: »
    Anjin-San wrote: »
    Sheri wrote: »
    Anjin-San wrote: »
    nearly died shitting myself

    This is all I read

    yeah

    to make matters worse the bathroom floor had carpet

    i fainted from the sheer amount of shitting

    earlier that day i was trying to clean the smell of shit off my body by showering only to shit all over the shower

    after cleaning that up i shat for hours on end until i fell over naked

    ma woke me up to naked incomprehensible mumbling and yelling in my shit daze

    shitting one's self to death cannot be a dignified way to go

    How on earth did you manage this, Anjin

    pretty sure ma gave me food poisoning or we got a bad batch of burritos we had bought in bulk

    Calamity Jane on
    twitter https://twitter.com/mperezwritesirl michelle patreon https://www.patreon.com/thatwronglove michelle's comic book from IMAGE COMICS you can order http://a.co/dn5YeUD
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    #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited January 2010
    I fell over on a scout hike and put my hand out to brace my fall

    and my hand impaled itself of a half-inch stick that was pointing up out of the ground

    entered my wrist right at the base of my palm and penetrated maybe 3 or 4 inches.

    also I once broke my toe chasing a toddler around a hotel room

    #pipe on
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    That Dave FellaThat Dave Fella Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Blaket wrote: »
    blake what does that mean?

    save me googling it

    Calcium build up on things (in this case a person) turning them solid.

    yes i'm going to be invincible, time to start tearing and spraining everything

    That Dave Fella on
    PSN: ThatDaveFella
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    ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    That's our Pipe.

    Ever the sportsman.

    ChicoBlue on
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    StaxeonStaxeon Buffalo, NYRegistered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Dropped things on my pinky toe repeatedly for years until it developed a weird tumor.

    Then had to have surgury to have the tumor/lump removed.

    Staxeon on
    Invisible nap is the best nap of all time!
    No man should have that kind of power.
    (Twitter)
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    nevilleneville The Worst Gay (Seriously. The Worst!)Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Drank too much trying to impress a "straight" guy, went to the ER 4 times in a week, had to get a colonoscopy, and ended up with a $9000 hospital bill.

    neville on
    nevillexmassig1.png
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    RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited January 2010
    and rane my knee injury was totally accompanied by fucks and shits

    I fell over and couldn't bring myself to stand up for like 10 minutes, for some reason I just kept giggling, I think instead of shouting I giggle when in pain

    i hobbled home but not before a stabbing pain went through my knee after some limping

    good times

    if you're not icing it ICE IT

    TAKE CARE OF IT

    the swelling was the reason i fucked myself over and had to spend a week in bed and a month on crutches and a cane

    every time i moved it, the swelling was like pushing the patella away from my knee and it SUUUUCKED

    ICE IT and compress it and take super care of it dude



    after you get over it GO TO THE GYM and work it out gently

    Raneados on
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    goatbendergoatbender Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Broke my forehead open wide enough to warrant 35 stitches.

    goatbender on
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    DJ EebsDJ Eebs Moderator, Administrator admin
    edited January 2010
    my left hand is a goddamn warzone

    cuts all down my thumb from work

    calluses popping up everywhere from work

    mysterious bump from somewhere I don't even know

    DJ Eebs on
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    Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    So Neville this dude you were trying to impress a doctor?

    Blake T on
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    AMP'dAMP'd Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    neville wrote: »
    Drank too much trying to impress a "straight" guy, went to the ER 4 times in a week, had to get a colonoscopy, and ended up with a $9000 hospital bill.

    I'm not quite following the story here

    AMP'd on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    i smoked my face on the hardwood floor the other day

    went to get out of bed

    apparently my entire left leg just didn't want to participate in the endeavor

    so i went forward

    went to put up my left hand to stop myself, but apparently that didn't work either!

    so i just went face first into the floor at full speed

    ow

    more distressing was the immediate panic attack i had after

    but still hurt my face

    Pony on
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    RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited January 2010
    i don't get injured much


    fyi it's currently lightning like fuck over here and i KNOW i am about to die

    i am at peace

    Raneados on
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    DJ EebsDJ Eebs Moderator, Administrator admin
    edited January 2010
    oh right also I once broke my arm three times over an eighteen month period

    DJ Eebs on
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    FedoraFedora Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Anjin-San wrote: »
    i jerk off every day because i think one day it'll get its revenge and i wanna be ready to kill it by blowing nut through its skull

    I thought this was gonna say "I jerk off everyday because one day it'll be my last".

    And the mental image of a dude trying to fight time and destiny by jerkin' it makes me laugh.

    Fedora on
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    That Dave FellaThat Dave Fella Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    I put some peas on it earlier and an ice pack

    my foot is currently resting on a pillow and i'm gonna go to sleep, i'll hopefully be better in the morning but will ice that bad boy in the morning and strech and walk around a bit too

    That Dave Fella on
    PSN: ThatDaveFella
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    #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited January 2010
    I put my right index finger into an industrial router spinning a wood cutting bit at several thousand revs per minute

    the blade hit the bone and gave me nerve damage up my arm

    freakishly, the tip of my finger grew back perfectly and the nerve damage went away after a few months.

    #pipe on
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    DJ EebsDJ Eebs Moderator, Administrator admin
    edited January 2010
    once I went down the steps too fast, slipped on a pillow, went about three feet in the air and landed ass first on the step at a high rate of speed, compressing three vertebrae in my back

    and then I went camping, a trip that involved a walking tour of springfield, IL

    DJ Eebs on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    once I went down the steps too fast, slipped on a pillow, went about three feet in the air and landed ass first on the step at a high rate of speed, compressing three vertebrae in my back

    and then I went camping, a trip that involved a walking tour of springfield, IL

    holy fuck this is manly

    Pony on
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    NogsNogs Crap, crap, mega crap. Crap, crap, mega crap.Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    i crushed my big toe knuckle into pieces in gym class, i now have a metal knuckle.

    i ran a sled into a picnic table and got like 8 stitches in my head

    i had testicular torsion and corrective surgery

    i have broken 3 separate fingers all at different times

    i have been hit in the face with a hockey puck, soccer ball, baseball, tennis ball, basketball and football

    i still have gravel in my right forearm from a bicycle wreck

    i have been punched and kicked in just about every area of my body in various ways(getting kicked in the jaw felt the weirdest)

    Nogs on
    rotate.jpg
    PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast! Satan look here!
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    Zombies Tossed My Salad!Zombies Tossed My Salad! Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    neville wrote: »
    Drank too much trying to impress a "straight" guy, went to the ER 4 times in a week, had to get a colonoscopy, and ended up with a $9000 hospital bill.

    Um.

    Don't die

    Zombies Tossed My Salad! on
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    nevilleneville The Worst Gay (Seriously. The Worst!)Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    AMP'd wrote: »
    neville wrote: »
    Drank too much trying to impress a "straight" guy, went to the ER 4 times in a week, had to get a colonoscopy, and ended up with a $9000 hospital bill.

    I'm not quite following the story here

    Drinking too much can have consequences.
    The first part (the drinking too much to impress - I.e. part A)
    resulted in the consequences B, C, and D.

    Cause -> Effect

    neville on
    nevillexmassig1.png
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    #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited January 2010
    oh!

    I got punched in the face a few years back and now I have a big old scar mass inside my cheek which is luckily invisible

    also the punch cracked a tooth that broke and had to be pulled aaaages later

    #pipe on
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    Cold Salmon and HatredCold Salmon and Hatred __BANNED USERS regular
    edited January 2010
    I fucked up my foot on new years eve somehow and I have no idea how I did it

    I just woke up and couldn't walk without pain, so I just sat around all day

    took about 4 days before it stopped hurting

    Cold Salmon and Hatred on
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    NogsNogs Crap, crap, mega crap. Crap, crap, mega crap.Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    i walked on the crushed knuckle for about a month before my parents said "why the hell are you limping so much, you're going to a doctor"

    "oh look, your knuckle is in 12 different pieces"

    Nogs on
    rotate.jpg
    PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast! Satan look here!
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    nevilleneville The Worst Gay (Seriously. The Worst!)Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Blaket wrote: »
    So Neville this dude you were trying to impress a doctor?

    No, but when they ask why you've been vomiting nonstop for 2 days and you start with "Well I was drinking..." it is nigh impossible to convince them you aren't a complete alcoholic.

    Now I basically don't drink, so it is harder to call me such.

    neville on
    nevillexmassig1.png
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    hahahaha hospital bills

    hahahahaha

    americans

    oh ho ho ho ho

    hee hee hee

    Pony on
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    EinEin CaliforniaRegistered User regular
    edited January 2010
    I fell and had a metal spoon go into my knee when I was little. I have a crescent-shaped knee scar now.

    Ein on
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    #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Pony wrote: »
    hahahaha hospital bills

    hahahahaha

    americans

    oh ho ho ho ho

    hee hee hee

    hi 5!

    #pipe on
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    Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    edited January 2010
    when i was a kid (let's say, 8 or 9 years old) my grandpa was teaching me how to throw tomahawks. he's half cherokee and used to do state competitions for shooting and tomahawks and shit, and i wanted to follow in his footsteps

    so he gets me a little kiddy tomahawk and sets me to throwing it at this old stump he'd hung up out behind the barn. the thing had seen hundreds of tomahawk throws and was splintered all to hell

    so im out tossing the 'hawk one fine summer day. just tossing away, having fun. and suddenly i get the urge to poop. me being a kid with easy access to a toilet, i go inside and do so. and when i come back out, i dont bother putting my shoes back on cuz hey, it's nice out and im a michigan hillbilly

    so im out tossing the 'hawk again, shoeless, and by god that 'hawk just wont stick in the stump anymore. it's too splintered, too ragged. so i get all pissy and i walk up to the stump and i swing down at it, to teach it a lesson i suppose. well, predictably, the 'hawk goes right through the splintered stump edges and square down into the webbing between my big and second toe, but not before slicing through a sizeable portion of the big toe itself

    anyway, long story short, i hobble up to the house bawling my eyes out cuz of all the blood, my grandma has to pile me in the car and take me to the emergency room, where they give me something like 15 stitches. ended up not being a bad cut at all, but *man* was there a lot of blood

    Houk the Namebringer on
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    Zombies Tossed My Salad!Zombies Tossed My Salad! Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Pony wrote: »
    hahahaha hospital bills

    hahahahaha

    americans

    oh ho ho ho ho

    hee hee hee

    352435566_babbfa792b.jpg

    Zombies Tossed My Salad! on
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    FedoraFedora Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Let me tell you about the last time I roller-bladed.

    Summer, 1996, local roller rink. It's the happening place to be for all the local 6th grade cool kids. So, i'm skating around, trying to show off to the ladies by doing that skating backwards bullshit. You know the move i'm talking about?

    Where you skate forwards...but while facing backwards? Yeah, it turns out I can't do that for shit.

    I tried to pivot my torso violently in the opposite direction, resulting in me immediately losing my balance and falling face first on the rink. Not belly first, not on my knees or elbows to break the fall. Face First.

    Busted my lip disgustingly wide open, my friends said I looked like a predator. Couple dozen stitches later, I vowed that that would be the last time I roller-bladed.

    Fedora on
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    That Dave FellaThat Dave Fella Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    I've a couple of scars from stupid shit but nothing ever broken

    That Dave Fella on
    PSN: ThatDaveFella
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    DJ EebsDJ Eebs Moderator, Administrator admin
    edited January 2010
    Pony wrote: »
    once I went down the steps too fast, slipped on a pillow, went about three feet in the air and landed ass first on the step at a high rate of speed, compressing three vertebrae in my back

    and then I went camping, a trip that involved a walking tour of springfield, IL

    holy fuck this is manly

    the doctor was actually like "yeah, go, the hard ground will actually be pretty good for your back"

    I don't think he knew about the walking tour though

    oh and this happened while I was preparing for the trip, on the day I was supposed to be going down there (I ended up meeting them there the next morning)

    I think I was in...fifth grade at the time? I really wanted to go on that trip

    DJ Eebs on
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    NogsNogs Crap, crap, mega crap. Crap, crap, mega crap.Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    one time in 6th grade this fuckhole kid named Robby pushed me when we were playing soccer.

    we were even on the same team.

    so i pushed him back

    he swung at me and hit me straight in the temple and bolted.

    Needless to say I was stunned for a little bit. I didn't fall down, but it definitely took a couple moments for me to figure out what the hell just happened.

    He was long gone in the short time it took to recover and I spent the rest of recess trying to find him.

    later that day I heard he ran straight to the nurse and an ambulance picked him up.

    He broke 2 fingers punching me in the head.

    I had a black eye for about a week

    Nogs on
    rotate.jpg
    PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast! Satan look here!
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    Cold Salmon and HatredCold Salmon and Hatred __BANNED USERS regular
    edited January 2010
    bagged milk owns

    Cold Salmon and Hatred on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    every month i get $300 worth of medication

    i also see doctors on an almost monthly basis

    it costs me:

    nothing

    that socialized medicine sure does suck guys, huh

    guess i gotta be afraid of the death panels

    Pony on
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