The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
I can't read this girl.
i n c u b u s
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So since my last relationship ended a few months ago I've been doing the recommended guy time and going out as much as possible to keep myself occupied. Things are going pretty well and I've managed to go on a couple dates and hook up occasionally although I pretty much made up my mind not to consider any of the girls I meet at these parties to be relationship material. Until I come across this one girl before the holiday break. She's cool, down to earth, pretty much me in girl form as far as interests go which is next to impossible to find down here in lower Alabama. So I decide to try and make my move but turns out she has a boyfriend that lives in Tennessee, no problem I'll back off. Then she starts to show a little interest in me even though I've laid off a bit by sending texts about every other day to hang out or to do something just the two of us. This throws me off a bit but I don't decline any offers but almost every time we make plans she cancels last minute due to her boyfriend not liking the situation. Again I tell myself no sweat she's a taken girl I should've expected this. Jump to yesterday as I'm sitting in class and get a text that says she wants me to come see her at work later. Again I think maybe something is going on since she had called me last week to talk about how she's having problems with her bf. I go see her at work which tuns into an invite to come drink at her house later that evening. At the party I can't seem to find any signs of interest at all, she doesn't completely ignore me and we talk a bit from time to time but other than that nothing. I'm basically confused at the moment and would love an outside point of view. I've asked a couple mutual friends and they all think telling from what she's done and what not that she's probably showing interest but regretting it every time because she has a bf.
Platinum FC: 4941 2152 0041
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
i n c u b u s on
0
Posts
I would say she's definitely interested in you, and in a way that extends beyond simple friendship. If she just wanted to be friends I highly doubt she'd cancel your plans to do stuff. Unless her boyfriend is that much of a controlling bastard(IE: doesn't like her having friends of the male persuasion). However, she comes to you talking about problems with her BF, she invites you out to drink at her place later, and then somewhat ignores you. To me, that sounds like she's playing a little game. She knows her boyfriend in Tennessee probably wants to stay with her, but she also is probably sensing interest from you. So now it's a matter of her sitting back and seeing who wants her more. I'll bet she's simply giving you the opportunities, and waiting for you to make a move.
So on to the important question. Do you want this girl or not? Because the fact is, if you make a move, the worst that can happen is she asks you to back off and just wants to be friends. Or, in essence, you're right back where you started. Just know that most guys don't take kindly to you stealin their girls. But this is why long-distance relationships seldom work.
Edit: I am in no way advising you to get her to cheat on her boyfriend. DO NOT TAKE THIS ADVISE AS THAT. I am merely saying it doesn't appear, from what your telling us, that she has shut the door entirely. If you build up a relationship with her and it gets to any physical points, make it very clear you don't want to move forward unless she wants to be with you. She's free to make up her own mind about this too, but do not try to get her to cheat. That's really not cool.
- If you're really interested in her it seems she doesn't want to betray her BF, so don't push it. Stay friends with her for now, hang out, just have fun. Who knows what will happen in the future?
- If she breaks up with her current BF...well, do what you think is right. It's...really hard to judge actually. Maybe ask for advice here? You'll need to assess if she's looking for a serious relationship immediately (broke up with him for you), looking for a rebound or not looking at all (ie: give her some time).
- If she makes a move on you without telling you she's left her BF I'd back off a bit since you sound like you actually want to start a relationship with her. Tell her you actually feel like you guys have a lot in common and that you wouldn't feel comfortable starting anything with her unless she let her BF off first.
Cut the string. She doesn't know what she wants, and until she does you're just a yo-yo dangling there.
If she reacts badly, then fine, you were going to cut the line anyway. If she goes for you instead of him, then that's a pretty positive outcome.
Bear in mind that she's in a long-distance relationship and you're the third wheel - if it were her asking what to do here the advice would probably be along the lines of 'don't cheat, but make sure you've chosen the right guy, and don't just choose the new guy because you're getting antsy.' This situation sucks for you - no-one wants to be the guy that breaks up a relationship, but if she's as down-to-earth and reasonable as you say, she's perfectly capable of making a decision between the long-distance relationship she's had for a while (presumably) and the new one that might perhaps be more worthwhile.
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
I agree with this general point. I'd say 70/30 it will probably go south but it's better then being a sucker.
I'll second this. If she is interested in you, she should be honest with her boyfriend about it. Stringing you both along is the least mature way of handling it. If she wants to keep a second guy on the back burner in addition to the boyfriend, just remember that she could still be doing this should you wind up her boyfriend at some point.
But if you told her you want to be friends, shes just being a friend and the reason it's weird is you.
Guess where my money is.
Try to find a mutual friend who will tell you if she's single. Actually, the fact that the main problem with her relationship is probably logistical means that the boyfriend might be willing to drop you a line if they break up on good terms if you ask the right way.
The boyfriend doesn't mean shit really, it's just that for you personally, you need to move on. She's already shown interest in you, all you really need to do is show her that you're perfectly happy without her. If this guy she's with isn't all he's cracked up to be, and you seem to be the real catch because you've showcased that you're not reliant on her for fulfillment, most cases she'll ditch the boyfriend altogether and make herself available for you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT try and solve her fucking problems. This is the worst decision you could make when it comes to this, and it's practically the kiss of death. You can listen to her problems and sympathize, but do not solve them. If you do this then she's getting everything out of you emotionally while banging the other dude.
Just tell her that you sympathize, then quickly change the subject to something upbeat.
Worst-case scenario is that she digs the guy she's with in the end. If that's the case, well hey, you're seeing other women, so it'll be easier to move on.
Check out my art! Buy some prints!