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Roomates: Nice, but clingy and annoying and suddenly Needy
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This is an alt because my other screename is pretty available and searchable.
So, Im in college. Its my last semester of my last year. One roomate, May, is the nicest girl I've ever met, with the loudest voice I've ever heard. The other, Jean, Has a bit of an ego/diva thing going on, but is usually very strait forward and is also mostly nice. I've lived on campus and with these two girls since sophomore year. 80% of the time they are awesome. And most minor complaints are nullified by the fact that I have friends and spend all the time I am not sleeping or showering outside of my dorm.
For my roommates the never being around is a thorn. They think I'm cool, which is flattering, but this translates into a completely constant half-joking nagging that I don't hang out with them. They both have the same circle of friends, and they like to do girly crap together. I've been guilt tripped into this stuff a few times, and tons of make up and dance parties just arent for me. Jeans inclusiveness is also half hearted, even when just casually chatting in the dorm, she tends to just check out when she gets bored. At functions I didn't really want to be at it was more a full on dis. These days I politely decline, but still Jean turns it into a "we try to include you why don't you hang out, why don't you invite us to stuff you do" guilt trip thing. I explain how I feel to varying degrees of effectiveness, and get apologies to varying degrees of sincerity.
Anyways, I've done alright up to this point. But I just got a car, and I stupidly told them I got a car. They just had a bit of a falling out with a friend of theirs, and since he's their ride to the grocery store, Jean asked if I can "Occasionally" take them two nights ago without telling me how I may be the only car they can leach on now. Today She asked me when I walked in if I could take take them tomorrow, I said no, and said sunday. She then casually asked me what I was doing tomorrow and upon my explanation said "well, it sorta sounds like you'd have time to take us tomorrow." I repeated sunday and went to bed. but I'm kinda angry.
I'm a little torn. I feel like its a bit rude to nominate me for their new chauffeur, I don't really hang out with them. I casually offered that "Occasionally" because Jean made it sound like she'd ask me in a bind, not two days later, and then imply that my plans were not as important as taking her to the damn store. (And to be clear, they both still have meal plans and can eat in walking distance, they wont starve) On the other hand, the store isn't that far, and I don't want to be a huge bitch about it. May will also be gracious and thankful as she always is, so I dont want to fuck her over. I also don't want to burn bridges in my last semester, especially if I'm wrong for being mad.
TL: DR: My roomate just nominated me for their new chauffeur though I don't spend much time with them. I'm pissed, but I know they will argue that they always invite me, and I dont want to turn it into some big thing. Am I even right to be mad?
So, Im in college. Its my last semester of my last year. One roomate, May, is the nicest girl I've ever met, with the loudest voice I've ever heard. The other, Jean, Has a bit of an ego/diva thing going on, but is usually very strait forward and is also mostly nice. I've lived on campus and with these two girls since sophomore year. 80% of the time they are awesome. And most minor complaints are nullified by the fact that I have friends and spend all the time I am not sleeping or showering outside of my dorm.
For my roommates the never being around is a thorn. They think I'm cool, which is flattering, but this translates into a completely constant half-joking nagging that I don't hang out with them. They both have the same circle of friends, and they like to do girly crap together. I've been guilt tripped into this stuff a few times, and tons of make up and dance parties just arent for me. Jeans inclusiveness is also half hearted, even when just casually chatting in the dorm, she tends to just check out when she gets bored. At functions I didn't really want to be at it was more a full on dis. These days I politely decline, but still Jean turns it into a "we try to include you why don't you hang out, why don't you invite us to stuff you do" guilt trip thing. I explain how I feel to varying degrees of effectiveness, and get apologies to varying degrees of sincerity.
Anyways, I've done alright up to this point. But I just got a car, and I stupidly told them I got a car. They just had a bit of a falling out with a friend of theirs, and since he's their ride to the grocery store, Jean asked if I can "Occasionally" take them two nights ago without telling me how I may be the only car they can leach on now. Today She asked me when I walked in if I could take take them tomorrow, I said no, and said sunday. She then casually asked me what I was doing tomorrow and upon my explanation said "well, it sorta sounds like you'd have time to take us tomorrow." I repeated sunday and went to bed. but I'm kinda angry.
I'm a little torn. I feel like its a bit rude to nominate me for their new chauffeur, I don't really hang out with them. I casually offered that "Occasionally" because Jean made it sound like she'd ask me in a bind, not two days later, and then imply that my plans were not as important as taking her to the damn store. (And to be clear, they both still have meal plans and can eat in walking distance, they wont starve) On the other hand, the store isn't that far, and I don't want to be a huge bitch about it. May will also be gracious and thankful as she always is, so I dont want to fuck her over. I also don't want to burn bridges in my last semester, especially if I'm wrong for being mad.
TL: DR: My roomate just nominated me for their new chauffeur though I don't spend much time with them. I'm pissed, but I know they will argue that they always invite me, and I dont want to turn it into some big thing. Am I even right to be mad?
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It's your car, your time, you get to decide how to spend it. If you say you can take them Sunday, then sure, you've made a commitment to take them on Sunday, but fuck them if they try to tell you how to spend your own time.
Regarding the being guilted into going places with them, well... deal with that your own way. But don't let yourself become their personal chauffeur. If they don't have a vehicle, it's YOUR decision as to when you can get them places.
Anyway, I wouldn't think too much about this. You guys are at the age where people learn that it's perfectly acceptable to be friendly, cordial, and respectful with people you see on a regular basis, even people you live with, without having to be BFFs for life. Just continue doing what you're doing, and they'll eventually realize that you aren't interested in being more than a casual friend at best.
With regards to the specific driving thing, what you're doing is fine. Don't stress over it. It's not a huge part of your life. If they ask you to take them and you can't, then you can't. And if you don't want to, then tell them that, too. Big freaking whoop. Eventually they'll grow up and realize that they probably want to schedule things like this in advance and that they'll need to consider alternatives, because other have their own lives, too. Or not. Either way, it shouldn't affect you in the slightest.
And Disney World is nowhere in sight.
Inquisitor77, you're totally right. I would have thought that they would have figured out that I wasnt going to hang out two years ago. But then again, they have just figured out that if they do their dishes after they eat they wont pile up for a month. I keep all my food at my friends apartment because I got tired of constantly asking them to clean.
I feel like this is going to end up being another argument, though. I really don't want to have to avoid bitchy roomies all semester but I guess I'll have to step up. Jean will probably cry and do her best to make me feel like a bad person, thats what she did when I didn't want to to her birthday party last year.
Or, you could truly be their taxi and charge them for the convenience.
This is actually quite likely to be the case. It sucks being "the" responsible one in a dorm/apartment/housemate situation. Furthermore, I think they may feel somewhat jilted that their sincere (to varying degrees, by your own words) attempts to foster a friendship with you prior to you getting a car failed-- and now you have something they want, and it would just be so much easier if you'd invested in a relationship with them because it would just be so much easier to exploit the new resource of a ride to the grocery store (and everywhere else they feel like if you gave in). I wouldn't give them an inch, or they'll take a mile-- your firm "Sunday is good for me." line is excellent, and I would stick to that.
Put it at a standard day/time so THEY have to plan THEIR activities around it instead of YOU being the one who is catering to their whims. Be firm and fair, but not harsh on it, and you should be able to avoid making a huge issue or argument out of it. If you feel them trying to turn it into a big deal(especially with the diva lady), keep it firm and fair, toe that company line and don't let it escalate.
From the additional information you've provided about their habits around the suite/room/whatever it is, I can tell they're still a might bit immature than you. It is not fun being a "taxi driver parent" for other people. Keep it cool, calm and collected and they'll soon realize its a non-issue for you (and therefore you aren't willing to budge), even if it is an issue for them.
And then, I'd have cards for local cab companies to give them if they complain about the bus service.
Edit: I guess it really depends on whether the shopping trip would benefit me at all. If it's to get some house groceries or something, no problem. If they wanna go to the Gap to get a new sweater, sounds like a pretty lame time. Get a bus, Jean.