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My Toddler Won't Swallow His Food
ElJeffe
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Moderator, ClubPA mod
Okay, so I have a two year old son who will refuse to eat his dinner. But he will still chew it. And then just stash food in his cheeks.
I'm less concerned about the not-eating part. He eats his lunch and breakfast fairly well, his weight is good, his growth is good, and he seems to be completely healthy. At his two year old well-child appointment, the doc said he looked great, and the not-eating-dinner thing has been going on for months. For whatever reason, he's just not hungry. Whatever.
The problem is that whether he's hungry or not, he chews food and then stores it like a goddamn chipmunk. Like, huge wads of food of various types. He'll cram some chicken and some broccoli and some potato in there and just walk around the rest of the evening looking like someone shoved a sock in his head. And he does this every night. We can't just not feed him, because sometimes he's actually hungry and eats his dinner. It has little to do with whether or not he likes the food, as best we can tell. If we give him a drink or something else to eat that we know he'll swallow (like candy), he just swallows around it. He won't spit it out on his own, either, so we have to force his mouth open and dig it out of his cheeks with our fingers. (And sometimes we fail to get all of it, and then the following morning he'll get out of bed, come give you a good-morning kiss, and leave a chunk of pork chop on your cheek.)
So, any ideas? Because this is thoroughly revolting, and probably not great for his teeth.
I'm less concerned about the not-eating part. He eats his lunch and breakfast fairly well, his weight is good, his growth is good, and he seems to be completely healthy. At his two year old well-child appointment, the doc said he looked great, and the not-eating-dinner thing has been going on for months. For whatever reason, he's just not hungry. Whatever.
The problem is that whether he's hungry or not, he chews food and then stores it like a goddamn chipmunk. Like, huge wads of food of various types. He'll cram some chicken and some broccoli and some potato in there and just walk around the rest of the evening looking like someone shoved a sock in his head. And he does this every night. We can't just not feed him, because sometimes he's actually hungry and eats his dinner. It has little to do with whether or not he likes the food, as best we can tell. If we give him a drink or something else to eat that we know he'll swallow (like candy), he just swallows around it. He won't spit it out on his own, either, so we have to force his mouth open and dig it out of his cheeks with our fingers. (And sometimes we fail to get all of it, and then the following morning he'll get out of bed, come give you a good-morning kiss, and leave a chunk of pork chop on your cheek.)
So, any ideas? Because this is thoroughly revolting, and probably not great for his teeth.
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ElJeffe on
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Kids do weird shit all the time. I work in a day care, so these kids are constantly coming up with new ways to mess with me. For a while they would get water from the fountain and walk around with their cheeks all puffed out.
If my daughter does something like this when she gets older, I'll probably just take the food away whenever she does it until she stops. My parents never let me play with my food, but I am no pro, so just call the doc and see what he says. The important thing though is he does eat when he's hungry, so don't wrack your brain over it.
These were my thoughts, in the order I thought them. If the child gets hungry, they will eat. Most likely the child likes the attention he is getting from not swallowing and is doing it to continue the attention, especially as you say he's only doing it at dinner. Cut the food if he starts hoarding and wait until he swallows it. If he's hungry, he will. Eventually it will stop.
Of course, check with the doctor first. It might be a sign of something else but I doubt it.
The solution: Don't let him leave the table until he has swallowed his last bite.
I second the enforcing swallowing each individual bite; more than one bite's worth in his mouth could quite easily turn into a choking hazard.
Is he snacking at all between lunch and dinner?
How much sweets/candy does he eat, cos he might not be hungry for proper food if he's had sweet stuff.
How physically active is he?
Do you take food away as soon as you see him pouching it? Without making a fuss/giving him attention for it, just removing his plate quietly?
Do you praise him lots for eating?
if he's meeting his growth/weight stuff, don't worry about it, he'll probably stop at some point.
Do you clean his teeth before bed time? if so, how do you do it?
Sorry, lots of questions, but I need more info!
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"The power of the weirdness compels me."
Ditto on not giving him more than a bite at a time and not letting him leave the table with food in his mouth. He's enjoying the power of No and playing with his food in all sorts of disgusting ways--please tell me there are not actual chunks in his mouth as he sleeps, either. That sounds like a huge choking hazard.
Keep at it. I got away with not eating veggies as a kid by outwaiting my parents (my ass would still be sitting at the table an hour past bedtime), which was not a good lesson.
If he's not hungry at dinner, maybe try reducing his lunch portions or afternoon snacks a bit?
Both, at times. At first we weren't giving him any, because we didn't realize it. Lately we've been insisting that he swallow or at least spit the stuff out, but he simply won't. It doesn't seem to be an attention thing, because if we let him he'll just wander off and go play.
Sometimes, but not always. We try to enforce standard eating times so he doesn't just graze all day, but both our kids usually get a small snack in the early afternoon.
Not much at all. He gets fruit in his lunch, and we generally give him a treat after dinner if he's been good throughout the day. (We try to avoid giving treats to our kids as a reward for eating a lot of dinner, because we don't want to train them to eat past the point that they're full.)
He's like a crazed Roomba.
If we do, he doesn't seem to care. He doesn't like having to stop playing long enough to eat.
We didn't use to, but lately we have, assuming the food actually makes it into his stomach. We've been trying to enforce the idea that actually chewing food and swallowing it is a good thing.
Yeah, we're not freaking out about it, it's just really annoying and really gross.
We generally brush his teeth in the morning and during his bath in the evenings. Usually he'll brush his teeth himself, and then we brush them for him after because he doesn't know how to do it effectively yet.
He can talk, but he generally chooses not to for some reason. It's sort of frustrating, because he understands speech really well, he just doesn't say much. So we can ask him all about what he's doing, and he'll comprehend the questions, and then he'll just giggle at us.
(I think he's largely just playing us. You can ask him to point out colors, for example. Where's the red car? Where's the blue car? Where's the green car? And he'll nail them all. And then you ask him "what color is this car?" And he'll invariably respond with "blue". Unless the car is actually blue, in which case he'll probably tell you "red".)
I think you should have him checked out by a dentist. Make sure his teeth are growing straight or that there is no gum issue that might make him reluctant to chew, just to make sure.Also try and figure out if there is a pattern to what he will and will not swallow, like temperature, seasoning or even color. You mentioned dinner, perhaps it's an issue with it being warm or salty?
The only other thing is to simply not make any sort of deal about it at all. Only allow him to take one small piece of food at a time and if he starts chimpmunking, stop dinner immediately without any fuss - just tidy up and send him on his way. Don't get angry, just end dinner .
Enforcing any actions in anyway is actually a really bad idea. All it does is says 'Hey kid, do this thing and you will get so much attention, woo!'
It can, however, help to make tea-time engaging and fun. Our daughter often eats better if we are eating with her. At the very least, paying her attention and engaging with her while she eats makes a huge difference. Clearly define this moment as dinner time, don't do other stuff while she's eating etc. so that she stays focused.
Another thing I thought of is how old is your other child? can you use him/her as an opportunity for proximal praise - the old " Oh, look at LewieP, see how well he's eating his vegetables, LewieP's Daddy!" in front of LewieP's sister. Or is s/he younger?
A good book to have a look at is The Incredible Years by Carolyn Webster-Stratton, she writes lots of common sense, but is very behaviourally based, some people aren't comfortable with that approach.
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"The power of the weirdness compels me."
Some things we used to do were to give him foods he enjoyed more (taste-wise, as he tended to pouch more 'grown-up' foods) or give softer alternatives. I freely admit that I didn't take the 'ignore' approach (because he would start coughing), but he did phase out of it after a while with no harm done. About the only thing you can do is make the food tasty enough for him to want to swallow it (without making it unhealthy).
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With the food and communication issue, I'm starting to think maybe this is more than just him being stubborn, even though the dr doesn't seem to think so. How is your son now? Was it a medical issue, or just a stubborn child? Any help you can lend would be greatly appreciated!!
I suspect in the end you just have to wait it out, although I'd try praise for swallowing the food (or even spitting it into a napkin you're holding).
As far as communication goes, not anything? Like his brother talks some but he doesn't at all? One of my twins certainly says more than his brother which is really common, but if one talks and the other doesn't at all that's something your doctor should be aware of. Especially if they're of an age where they're chewing solids (18-36 months I assume?). Not talking isn't a big deal. Can't talk might be a bit of a deal. Can't talk and doesn't interact with you or sibling is probably a deal of some sort.
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what solved the issue is smaller bites. the eating process wasn't fully connected in my mind with the swallowing process. eating and chewing was fine and dandy, but when it came down to dealing with the wad at the end, no way that was fitting down my throat. in the end, my parents had to supervise each bite until i finally came to terms that eating, chewing, and swallowing were all part of the same chain. have to complete that chain before you start over with more food.
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