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Difficulty making friends post-college

zktzkt Registered User regular
edited February 2010 in Help / Advice Forum
Ive been lurking this sites' board for some time and decided to finally post here to try to get some advice of my own. I am 20 going on 21 year old with no friends and am unsure of what to do next in my life. I graduated college exactly a year ago (worked on my degree in HS) and have not managed to find any kind of work over the last year, partially because of my disability which prevents me from driving. I have begun to really dislike my family and would just like to get away but have nobody to stay with. Yes, it is my fault because I was an outcast in HS/college and talked to very few people, but I am really picky with who I choose to spend my time with. Valentines Day is just more salt in the wound; reading about other peoples' ~major delimas~ as to what to get their significant others makes me envious and aggravated at the same time.

zkt on

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    KyouguKyougu Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    Uhmm..so what's your question?

    EDIT: I should be more helpful.

    So I know you can't drive, but how's public transportation in your town? I know it can be a huge hassle (Waking up early, waiting for the bus after work) but it can get places.

    What's your degree on?

    Interests and hobbies?

    Kyougu on
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    SaddlerSaddler Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    It sounds like you need to work on yourself before you work on a relationship with somebody else. Take any job you can get, no matter how crappy, if you are physically able to do so. It will at least provide a means for you to get out of the house and be more independent. You need to be working toward finding some way to get a place of your own, or with some roommates. Don't worry about the no friends or girlfriends part right now, just concentrate on taking care of yourself first.

    Saddler on
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    WassermeloneWassermelone Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    We can't choose your life for you. We could try, but we don't have any information.

    Are you passionate about something? Computers? Art? Music?

    Wassermelone on
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    JasconiusJasconius sword criminal mad onlineRegistered User regular
    edited February 2010
    It's hard to give specific device without knowing the nature of your disability.

    But good general advice is that you never get anywhere socially by being negative. And often the same is true in careers.

    Yeah, life might suck, but it doesn't get better by just sitting around and talking about how the world has cheated you. I know this because I have friends who I graduated from college with two years ago who are just like that, and guess what, they are still living with their parents.

    If you can't find work then you need to use this time to do something else positive, and maybe the wise thing is improving your relationship with your family and eventually ask them for help getting your life on track.

    The last thing you want to do as someone who can't drive is piss off the only people who are going to be willing to drive you anywhere in the near term.

    Jasconius on
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    zktzkt Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    I currently have a degree in Computer Networking which I'm not exactly crazy about but could see myself doing it for a living. I don't know if I want to go back to school so soon, especially since I am going to have to start paying back my student loans. Also I have applied for every type of job from grocery bagger to entry level network architect positions to no avail. Each time I think something is about to work out it doesnt and I have no idea how to start making things work.

    zkt on
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    ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    www.meetup.com
    Try new things. Go to the opera, join a book club, go rock climbing, meditate. Even if you don't think you'll like it, go and be positive and open about the experience. Hell, since you're not employed right now you should have a ton of time to do this in.


    What interests you?

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
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    zktzkt Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    www.meetup.com
    Try new things. Go to the opera, join a book club, go rock climbing, meditate. Even if you don't think you'll like it, go and be positive and open about the experience. Hell, since you're not employed right now you should have a ton of time to do this in.


    What interests you?

    I would be interested in doing any of those, I just have never been comfortable meeting new people. I'ts a work in progress I suppose...

    zkt on
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    JasconiusJasconius sword criminal mad onlineRegistered User regular
    edited February 2010
    zkt wrote: »
    I currently have a degree in Computer Networking which I'm not exactly crazy about but could see myself doing it for a living. I don't know if I want to go back to school so soon, especially since I am going to have to start paying back my student loans. Also I have applied for every type of job from grocery bagger to entry level network architect positions to no avail. Each time I think something is about to work out it doesnt and I have no idea how to start making things work.

    Well you are coming into the job market at a really bad time. Period.

    And Computer Networking... it depends on the curriculum. From what I've heard Computer Networking entry level is pretty much helpdesk style IT or basic hardware/network support. Those tend to be pretty crowded positions.

    You just need to keep putting out resumes and give one hell of an interview if you get a call. Employers can detect mood. Remember this.

    Jasconius on
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    WassermeloneWassermelone Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    zkt wrote: »
    www.meetup.com
    Try new things. Go to the opera, join a book club, go rock climbing, meditate. Even if you don't think you'll like it, go and be positive and open about the experience. Hell, since you're not employed right now you should have a ton of time to do this in.


    What interests you?

    I would be interested in doing any of those, I just have never been comfortable meeting new people. I'ts a work in progress I suppose...

    Just sign yourself up for something. Being comfortable meeting new people is a skill like anything else, and it will take practice to be good at it.

    Wassermelone on
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    ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    zkt wrote: »
    www.meetup.com
    Try new things. Go to the opera, join a book club, go rock climbing, meditate. Even if you don't think you'll like it, go and be positive and open about the experience. Hell, since you're not employed right now you should have a ton of time to do this in.


    What interests you?

    I would be interested in doing any of those, I just have never been comfortable meeting new people. I'ts a work in progress I suppose...

    You get better by just doing it. Look people in the eye when you talk to them, remember their names, ask them questions about themselves, volunteer information about yourself...
    Just get out of the house. Say hi to strangers. Do things that make you uncomfortable.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
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    KyouguKyougu Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    Yeah, meetup.com is awesome. Try out the volunteer groups. They're low pressure meetups, lots of good, varied people.

    Just remember that whole bit that as long as you're willing to put yourself out there, most people will be as friendlier than you would think.

    Kyougu on
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    SkySky Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    Look for a local Toastmasters.

    Sky on
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    Inquisitor77Inquisitor77 2 x Penny Arcade Fight Club Champion A fixed point in space and timeRegistered User regular
    edited February 2010
    Being shy is OK, but you've expressed an interest in making friends. Unless you meant that you want to be friends with people you already know, this requires meeting new people. Which means you have to go out there and take the initiative.

    I know it's difficult, but it's the first step, and as you can see by your current situation, no one else is going to take it for you. I mean, what's the worst that will happen? You don't make a new friend? Wow, that's so much worse than your current situation how? Plus, it will give you experience and may even be a learning opportunity for next time. No one is saying you should be Mr. Extrovert, but going out and doing new things and meeting new people doesn't require that you be the center of attention all the time. Plus, there's an added benefit that generally speaking, people who love to do certain things or are good at them tend to enjoy teaching others how to do those same things.

    No one wants to meet a douchebag. They want to like you. They want to enjoy your company. Remember that.

    Inquisitor77 on
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