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How can I be a less horrible person?
Foobar
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
This is an alt, because no way am I letting anyone know how messed up I really am.
This has been something I've always been dealing with for as long as I can remember. But I have no problem doing awful things to other people and I really just don't care what happens to them. It's almost like I get a grim sort of satisfaction out of seeing people hurt or upset. I've never felt anything beyond a level of indifference towards people. If they can help me get what I need, I have no problems working with them or pretending to like them. Once we're done with the goal, I just move on.
I'm able to walk right past people who've been in accidents or need help without even slowing down. One time when I was still having to share an apartment to save money, myself and another roommate went to get groceries. On the way back, there was a big car accident in front of us. He stoppped and wanted to get out and see if everyone was ok. I was pissed because we were sitting there waiting and our groceries were thawing out. And then when I told him this on the way back to the apartment, he got all weird the rest of the time I was living there.
I don't ever get in any relationships with women, but I enjoy trying to fool women into thinking I care about them. It's like a game to me. Then I'll get bored and just stop contacting them or tell them outright that I never cared about them.
All in all, I know I'm pretty effed up. But what do I do to fix this? Is it fixable? How do people learn to care about other people?
This has been something I've always been dealing with for as long as I can remember. But I have no problem doing awful things to other people and I really just don't care what happens to them. It's almost like I get a grim sort of satisfaction out of seeing people hurt or upset. I've never felt anything beyond a level of indifference towards people. If they can help me get what I need, I have no problems working with them or pretending to like them. Once we're done with the goal, I just move on.
I'm able to walk right past people who've been in accidents or need help without even slowing down. One time when I was still having to share an apartment to save money, myself and another roommate went to get groceries. On the way back, there was a big car accident in front of us. He stoppped and wanted to get out and see if everyone was ok. I was pissed because we were sitting there waiting and our groceries were thawing out. And then when I told him this on the way back to the apartment, he got all weird the rest of the time I was living there.
I don't ever get in any relationships with women, but I enjoy trying to fool women into thinking I care about them. It's like a game to me. Then I'll get bored and just stop contacting them or tell them outright that I never cared about them.
All in all, I know I'm pretty effed up. But what do I do to fix this? Is it fixable? How do people learn to care about other people?
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Like spot on ASPD
edit: just in case
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_rule
but they're listening to every word I say
Would you be able to cite that? It just seems a little outlandish, along the lines of 'something a bloke in a pub said'.
There's a lot more to antisocial personality disorder than simply being nasty, so the OP should talk to a real psychiatrist to figure out if he's got it or not.
The most important part is finding a therapist that you are willing to listen to and being willing to do the work involved in making such a huge change in your life. You may go through several professionals before finding someone that meshes with you and that you feel you can trust and rely on...and most of all be 100% HONEST with.
Also, I'll second the volunteering...hell, if you have such a disdain for humans and humanity maybe working at an animal shelter or the ASPCA in your city will help.
I know it helped me realize that ignoring and not caring about what people around me thought was self defeating.
But yes, I would definitely talk with a therapist. What you are describing can be a sign of depression, and you'll feel better talking to people about it.
The latter. I know what I need to do to avoid getting arrested anymore and I'm not smashing peoples teeth out in bars or doing other stuff like that. I'm not sure if I'm trying to fix it or make it so I can hide it better and then it's easier to take advantage of people.
Therapists seem about as useful as tits on a snake. The various psychologists and therapists I've had to see over the years, either voluntary or involuntarily, can't even come to an agreement on what the issue is. One says it's borderline personality disorder, another says it's antisocial personality disorder and another says it's CPTSD.
I just need to learn how to hide my motivations better.
I'll repeat advice from a previous thread: the Internet cannot teach you to replace the part of your brain that makes you give a shit about other human beings. Intensive therapy and/or medication are what can help the most, but if several professionals can't even classify how fucked up you are, all you can do is keep going.
As for hiding your motivations, until you get a really solid diagnosis and treatment plan, the best thing you can do for the rest of the human race is interact with them as little as possible on a strictly professional or shallowly platonic level. Some Googling will tell you all sorts of bullshit tricks to get people interested in you, but they're bullshit, so God knows how many of those would work, for whom, and for how long. Just don't.
However, if you avoid committing crime you'll avoid most potential problems you could encounter from your condition (e.g. jail, unemployment, homelessness, social ostracism and drug addiction.)
I'd say try to make one true friend.
Find a person you've never met before, who has nothing to offer you, no money, no sexual attraction, just some person. Try to be kind to them, be there for them when they need you, but don't exploit them. Consider it a test if you like.
But who knows, you may even grow fond of them, from there (if by this time you feel anything for the person) you can try to extend your friend group.
Regardless of the proper diagnosis, I think we can agree you are near incapable of seeing things from another person's perspective. This is the heart of your problem.
You could simply spend some time talking to people, really asking them about themselves and why they do what they do. Understand that you and I, and everyone, have wants and needs. You have no more right to anything than the next guy, imagine how you'd feel if your apartment was broken into, apply it to everyone.
Heh, I bet you've heard all this before and grown thick skinned to it though, right? If you want to change you need therapy, if you just want to hide it, restraint is your watchword.
Only two. One for the DCFS removal hearing when I was younger and the required follow ups later.
If you just want to hide how fucked up you are better, then stop interacting with people, except on a purely professional level. You're never going to be able to hide it completely, so find some other hobby that gives you the same level of satisfaction as fucking with people.
But on a serious level;
I do empathize with your situation. I tend to have similar (though far less frequent) situations. I attribute it to the studying/working but it could just be how I am. I'd recommend therapy, but find a good therapist. And I'm not saying one that went to some great school, but one that doesn't piss you off or annoy you.
You're just wired different, and there's nothing a psychiatrist will be able to do about it. Psych will probably make it worse.
<--- Doesn't like psychiatrists.
PSN: Beltaine-77 | Steam: beltane77 | Battle.net BadHaggis#1433
One of the most difficult things about people is how almost impossible it is to change them after years of conditioning they've been subjected to since childhood. Therapy is a hit or miss, especially for something like this.
Well everything I've heard is that psychopathy is basically untreatable, so the dude might as well find himself a job where it's an asset rather then a burden.
He might as well go to prison, he'll live longer.
But yes business is the best route for him to take, many good businessmen are complete psychopaths.
Yes, excellent. Let's just say fuck it and cut him off from society in general. Awesome idea.
I'm sorry...where in the US have you seen anything outside of this in business? Or law?!
If you do, you probably don't, if you see what I mean. ASPD involves lack of empathy.
Yes. That's what I'm saying. I've never felt any sort of attachment to anyone. Why do people have such a hard time understanding that?
I'm doing quite well, professionally. I'm the turn or burn guy for the company. If there's a store that's got shit performance, I come in and either get it cleaned up or we get rid of it. Sometimes I just need to convince a few people to move on to other jobs, usually by making them realize that they're actually going to have to do work and perform to my standards or I'll be up their ass until the day they die.
But overall, people spend all this time trying to make these attachments or feel emotions to one another and I don't. Well, maybe I do, if you count disdain and apathy as an emotion. I figure it's too late to actually learn how to do this, so I'll settle for just faking it.
My suggestion. You want to change so force yourself to volunteer. Find something where you meet and help people who need it. You want to change so you'll convince yourself to listen to them. Don't worry about showing concern, just be willing to listen to them and do your job.
Can't hurt. You might build up some empathy.
I think volunteering would build up empathy in someone who already feels some empathy. If you don't actually have empathy, you might end up thinking "Why am I wasting time making sandwiches for these whiny losers?"
The wiccan rede might be helpful here "An it harm none, do what ye will" - as long as you are not harming others, does it really matter if you are feeling real empathy?
Because it's such a basic part of the human mind that even thinking of someone who lacks it is anywhere from incomprehensible to - frankly - quite scary. People need to know that other people are capable of caring about them on some level; if you don't, what's to stop you from treating us like we're meaningless pieces of shit?
...is what we're thinking. Does that make any sense, at least intellectually?
It's like you're asking us for help putting up a house, but your foundation is on sand, and you're unwilling or unable to build it elsewhere: we can give you the best advice in the universe, but there's nothing there to build it on. You can build a nice cardboard facade to lure people in a la Blazing Saddles, but then people are gonna get blown up, so I'd rather you not even build that.
Even the guy we once had on here whose sense of empathy had been numbed into uselessness by his sister's horrific abuse (i.e. she got jealous of his hamster, so she made him watch her stick to a board with pushpins) had an idea of where that came from. If you've never ever had it from childhood, Ever, well. Therapy.
But he does enjoy hurting people; says so right in the OP. And without a conscience, nothing's really there to stop him (being a horrible prick is still legal). And we can't give him one. ...is what I'm saying.
he can't be helped. he's already said he doesn't even want help he's just tired of having to deal with repercussions of being a selfish manipulative sociopath. I'm assuming you have an alternative in mind.
Yeah, my opinion is that he should stop harming people, which will help him out by giving other people the impression he has a conscience, without actually trying to implant an artificial conscience (probably impossible)
I think you're missing the point. I understand that its common practice for successful buisnessman to behave like sociopaths. what I'm getting at is that is a bad thing and should not be encouraged the point is I'm less concerned with him finding success then with the damage he will inevitably cause to all those he comes into contact with. apparently this isn't something that bothers most people.
I'm serious. You know when what you're doing is wrong, you've already shown that. So when you know what you're doing is wrong or hurtful, don't fucking do it. I believe this is why your therapy has failed, too. You didn't want to be a better person. You already know how and don't want to.