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Encouraging significant other to recompensate backrubs
MetroidZoid
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
My fiance is apparently hesitant when it comes to massages. We both have hard days of work, and it's nice to come home and take turns rubbing out the pain and such. Nice bonding time and all that. No, I'm not looking for any 'happy endings' ... but the problem is that she tells me she fells awkward when trying to give me deep massages, or most any rubbings. What usually ends up happening is that after I've given her a combination of a nice slow rub and 'goosebumps', which is just dragging my fingertips up and down her back and sides, she'll end up starting to rub my shoulders, awkwardly, and just go into giving goosebumps. Which feels good, but on days like now, where I've been bent over for 8 hours, I need something more.
How can I help encourage her to give massages or better rub downs? The few times she does, it's usually tight and slightly painful on my clavicle bone or spine. And not the kind of pain that ends up releasing endorphins or whathaveyou, and feels good later. No, just the pain. She's also commented that it feels like she might be hurting me because I'm not skin-and-bones, but pretty lean in between muscles.
So short of paying for a semester of Massage Therapy at the local community college, is there a good way to go about changing our ways?
How can I help encourage her to give massages or better rub downs? The few times she does, it's usually tight and slightly painful on my clavicle bone or spine. And not the kind of pain that ends up releasing endorphins or whathaveyou, and feels good later. No, just the pain. She's also commented that it feels like she might be hurting me because I'm not skin-and-bones, but pretty lean in between muscles.
So short of paying for a semester of Massage Therapy at the local community college, is there a good way to go about changing our ways?
MetroidZoid on
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Same rules: Patience, explaining what you like, open communication, practice and patience. Or just giving up and paying a massage therapist.
I uhhh didn't mean that to imply that dudes who aren't getting BJs should visit prostitutes.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Also, I know a girl who goes to a massage therapist regularly and she says it REALLY hurts every time she goes but she feels a lot better after. I'm not saying pain is necessarily a good thing in a massage, just that it can occur even when being done properly (apparently, YMMV)
Not at all. I think part of it is physically different for her ... she doesn't like the feeling of squeezing skin or something.
The one and only time I paid for a massage was at Denver Airport as I was waiting for a late flight. It was one of those $20 for 15 minute deals, and as nice as it was, it felt otherwise forgettable. Possibly because of the masseuse, possibly because I realized how much nicer any physical touch is when my fiance is the one doing the touching.
I've heard of that kind of 'deep tissue massage' or however it goes, that supposedly released toxins and all that stuff. If nothing else, I'm assuming it's just releasing the lactic acid buildup, which by following with liquids and rest, refreshes you wholly. The pain I've gotten just feels like pinching sore spots, not a kind of pressure->release->soreness(later)->ahhhh(the next day).
Are there any good websites or books or advice for the amateur masseuse out there?
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
Now, when someone's not good at something, they tend to get embarrassed if asked to do that thing. I guess be more encouraging when she's actually trying to massage you, tell her it feels good and that she's doing a great job. If she believes she's good at it, she'll most likely continue for a longer amount of time.
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I haven't seen these classes very often, but I have seen them before. May be worth looking into.
Not everyone wants to give rub downs. I don't know about your gf but when my bf used to pester me about giving him a massage that I didn't know how to/didn't feel comfortable to/didn't want to it just pissed me off and felt like he wasn't listening to me when I said that I didn't know how to/didn't feel comfortable to/didn't want to.
So if you want a massage stop thinking that being in a relationship means having a free masseuse and pay a professional to do it. And if its so bad that you need something more then you're probably better off seeing a trained professional who will give you a proper massage instead of someone just going blindly.
Also, are you really sure that she enjoys receiving the massage? If she's feeling awkward or uncomfortable about being on the receiving end it would definitely translate to when she's trying to perform massage on you.
That said, a good sit down conversation about this is probably in order, and if she continues to feel uncomfortable with giving you a backrub I'd suggest getting yourself one of those chair massager things.
Last night she offered to rub me down, out of the blue, and if there were any 'off' spots, I told her what felt better and the whole thing went down better. I'm gonna ask her about the couples classes, see if that's something we'd like to do on our weekendnights together (though after the wedding when we actually have money).
Thanks for all the advice guys (and gals).
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!