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Getting over an ex (PLOT THICKENS)
Grundlterror
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So my ex-girlfriend is going out with someone new now... well dating technically. It's been going on for a few weeks now but she just told me about it. I thought I was over her, but this news hurts. I knew it couldn't work out between us in the long run, but the thing is this is the first time this is happened to me.
She wasn't my first girlfriend and I didn't lose my virginity to her, but she is the first one I've really talked to after the relationship. Maybe this is because I work with her (shes sitting right behind me as I type this, we're in the same cube). She also is the one that I've cared the most about, I would say my first serious relationship. We went out for about a year and a half solid, then on and off for a few months and now it's been about a month I would say since our last encounter. My last girlfriend was in high school, so it had been a year or two between girlfriends. Plus I wasn't really all into the girl in high school and the break up was kind of nasty with me never really talking to her again.
Like I said I knew it wouldn't work out between us, but that doesn't mean I don't still like her in a way. I'm 22 now, I started going out with her when I was 20... she was 26 and is now 28 so all these questions are going on in my head. The new guy is 30, what does he have that I don't? Is it because he is older? Part of me knows that there is not necessarily anything wrong with me, things just didn't work out between us in the long run, but logic really isn't on my side right now.
So basically, my ex is going out with a new guy and this is the first time I've experienced something like this. I'm wondering what any of you who have been in a situation would do to get over this... because I know it's over but I don't want it to hinder my happiness because it's crying over spilled milk. And please, no just go out and get laid posts or anything... don't know what I'm really expecting maybe I just made this thread to get this off my chest because I don't really know who else to talk too ;p
She wasn't my first girlfriend and I didn't lose my virginity to her, but she is the first one I've really talked to after the relationship. Maybe this is because I work with her (shes sitting right behind me as I type this, we're in the same cube). She also is the one that I've cared the most about, I would say my first serious relationship. We went out for about a year and a half solid, then on and off for a few months and now it's been about a month I would say since our last encounter. My last girlfriend was in high school, so it had been a year or two between girlfriends. Plus I wasn't really all into the girl in high school and the break up was kind of nasty with me never really talking to her again.
Like I said I knew it wouldn't work out between us, but that doesn't mean I don't still like her in a way. I'm 22 now, I started going out with her when I was 20... she was 26 and is now 28 so all these questions are going on in my head. The new guy is 30, what does he have that I don't? Is it because he is older? Part of me knows that there is not necessarily anything wrong with me, things just didn't work out between us in the long run, but logic really isn't on my side right now.
So basically, my ex is going out with a new guy and this is the first time I've experienced something like this. I'm wondering what any of you who have been in a situation would do to get over this... because I know it's over but I don't want it to hinder my happiness because it's crying over spilled milk. And please, no just go out and get laid posts or anything... don't know what I'm really expecting maybe I just made this thread to get this off my chest because I don't really know who else to talk too ;p
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Well I like where I sit. I work with some hostile people (for instance one of my coworkers made it so I was allowed to blow my nose at my desk anymore, made a whole big stink about it) and my boss, while I produce the best numbers out of anyone in my department, has it out for me so if I requested to be moved I would be in a worse situation. I actually like talking to her and I'm around other people that I like so I'd rather avoid this. Is it impossible to keep talking to her and not feel this way? Honestly, I feel better already getting that off my chest for all the anonymous people of teh internets to see.
As far as what he has that you don't: try not to go down that road. You'll just drive yourself crazy worrying about it. It's probably as much about mindset as anything, anyway. The years between 22 and 26 and 30 change people utterly. As stupid and foolish as it sounds, it's probably as much about those changes (and where she sees herself heading) as anything else.
Sometimes, I'm afraid, age is much more than just a number.
Sorry if any of this sounds harsh. It's not meant to be, at all.
He is older, he's got that. Anything he does automatically seems more sophisticated and grown up than what you do.
Best advice is to not maintain a friendship after the relationship is over. It just very rarely works out. Keep it minimal, erase all her numbers and contact info, take down pictures and keepsakes that remind you of her and put that shit away in a box somewhere. It's safe to say that she ain't coming back, so you can burn that box while you're at it. You don't have to be rude, if she wants to talk, then talk, but don't pursue any conversation with her.
By her telling you that she's got a new guy, she's telling you that she's moved on. She may even be rubbing your face in it a little and using the "we're friends, so we talk about everything card" to abuse it. Especially if she senses that you'd like to get back together.
The feelings you're having are normal, it's never easy to see your ex with someone new. We've all marked our territory a bit, sometimes it just takes someone else having what you had to point it out.
QFT. You hit the nail right on the head there. I keep thinking all of her friends say I'm the one of the best boyfriends she ever had, and that I'm really mature for my age (and they are older than her, 29 - 35) and I keep thinking that the age thing is just a number. I'm wrong though, no matter how much I act comfortably and compose myself around these people I'll always have the youngin label because I still haven't experienced those years like she has. Don't worry about being too harsh, it's over and this is the shit I need to hear.
Yep, once again exactly right.
Well honestly the reason she even brought it up is because she used to let me use her Suicide Girls account but then changed the PW recently (she had given it out to too many people). She gave it to me and then changed it again. When I asked for it again she told me that it was best that I didn't look at it. Then she asked me if I was really over her, and at that point I knew what was up. Then she just started telling me about it and specifically said to me that the reason she hadn't told me yet is that she didn't want to rub it in my face.
Also I am an asshole because we hung out on New Years and I told her about this encounter I had had a few days prior to that. I was having a party at my house and my friend brought over this girl who lived in New York (we are in Atlanta) and she basically was all over me while we were alone (I didn't do anything, there were too many people around to get anything going on, plus I felt guilty because it was my friends girl... and somewhere in the back of my mind I thought about my Ex). I told her about this to try to get her to move on, and myself to get over it but my logic might have been flawed there (and I might have been drunk, I thought I was being noble).
She has lied to me in the past about having dates when we were on breaks to make me jealous, so it's possible in her twisted mind that she changed her password so I would ask about it again (because I asked the first time) specifically to rub it in my face without her being the bad guy by saying so out right. See how my logic is working right now, it's all a conspiracy!
All in all I'd like to come out of this friends with her, since I am friends with all of her friends. It's really been so long since we were really intimate that I'm over it mostly. It was just nicer when we both were alone =/
As a bonus, if you behave yourself, maybe one day she'll hook you up with a hot friend of hers.
You'll just have to get over the guy. Start dating yourself, go out and meet some new chicks.
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Atl? cool, I'm stuck in Augusta.
Every time I go in to work I have to see them both. I got really upset about this and really chewed her out. I couldn't help it I was just so infuriated, plus she lied to me about who the guy was. I was just beginning to accept the fact that she had some one new, I was almost happy that I knew I was totally out of the picture. Then the guy told me it was him when I was talking to him about how I was still a little bummed out about the whole situation.
Now I'm thinking about getting a new job, I can't go in there every day and see them talking to each other and laughing. I'm already really miserable at my job, almost can't take it, and now this just puts me over the top. Thing is I just today moved out of my parents house into a new house down town and I can't pay rent and not work and being a full time college student my company allows me to only work 36 hours a week, so I can leave early on a few select days and get to school on time. How am I gonna get a job that pays as well as this one (14/hour) that will let me have the hours I need? And the school semester JUST started.
Ugh, do I have a right to be upset here? I know of several situations where this has happened to friends (both old and young) and it all ended badly for them. I considered this a guy that I could trust, they admitted they knew I wouldn't be happy with this but felt that if two people could be a good match why should they worry about their ex's reaction?
This guy is a ball-less cockjocky, and you shouldn't have to deal with his cockjockery.
No true friend dates another friend's ex without at least getting his permission, that's one of the bylaws in the Book of Men.
You do have a right to be upset. These people are not your friends, obviously if they were both this close to you and neither decided to specify who the new person in their life was, then they were:
A) Scared to say anything.
C) Both Cockjockeys.
D) All of the above.
I'm leaning towards D.
Don't quit your job because of these people. You need that money and $14 an hour really isn't bad in ATL. Plus, it will give them an oppurtunity to talk shit and say things like: "He wasn't mature enough to handle it...", "He had to run away because he couldn't deal..." and if you still talk to them, they will pretend to still be your loyal friends.
My advice: Keep your job (at least until you find a better one), ignore these people (no matter how crazy it makes you), start meeting new friends, go to bars and pick up random chicks or look for a new dating ground, and do not mix alcohol with your sorrows or bother confronting these people again (especially at work).
Fucking monkey bastards, man. Monkey-fucking-bastards.
Just realize that they were both pretty dick-ish about it. If you're someone's friend and you're going to hook up with their ex, either you think with your penis or you think with your brain. Brain says "Tell the guy, say you've been talking with the girl and you might take her out, and you wanted to clear the waters so there wasn't any bad blood." Penis says "she's hot, oh I have a friend?"
I would personally ask to move cubes if you're unable to look for a new job. Being able to go to work and see them rarely if never will definitely help you feel better.
Similarly, you may want to "crash course" some dates, or go out with friends more frequently. Do something so you realize that your life wasn't just "the girl," that you can have fun with other people and are still viable dating material. Think of your experience at this party -- the girl could've snubbed you, but she started goin' crazy. That's good! You're not some loser who can't ever find a girl (a better one at that), but just a normal guy who got shat on.
So take a long bath, clean all the shit off and relax. Move your cube, and simply don't talk to them. They fucked you over, dude, and you have a right to be upset. You don't let someone cry on your shoulder and comfort them, only to fuck their ex behind their back. That's just rude. You don't have to say anything to either of them for the rest of your life if you don't want to.
I'm still upset with both of them and how little respect they had for me. You guys are right, I was in constant contact with both of them and they kept it a secret from me. I like how lunar put it actually, ball-less cockjockery.
In my defense she got me the job there after we were dating
Works every time.
Well I went out to a bar last night and ended up meeting (or remeeting I should say) this girl from high school and damn she got good looking. And she plays Guitar Hero, also. I'm not totally into this girl, shes kind of the hip hop club goin chick and I'm more indie rock and metal (with some electronic music on the side), but I think we could have a good time together... I just dont think its a great great match. Should I pursue? I've already made up my mind about it just seeing what you guys suggest.
Anectdotal evidence, but I got a terrible vibe off of my wife whe I first met her. If I hadn't been paired with her for an entire year in college for a bible study I don't think I would have given her the time of day.
So yes, pursue. You never know what you could find out about this girl once you get to know her more.
Yes, don't make excuses. Just go for it. Go on a few dates, see how things go.
Hell, yes pursue. You don't have to have a lot in common to click and have a good time. She might even expand your horizons and enrich your life. It's good to get outside your box from time to time.
At least get laid first or see what her other friends are like. If you don't like her that much, she may have a friend that's more your speed. Networking, my friend, networking.
Yeah thats basically what I had made my mind up to do. You're right, networking is key!