How to be single.

Tarantio

I'm 23. Around this past new years, my girlfriend and I broke up, after a bit more than seven years together. We never had sex, because she didn't want to before getting married. (We both got off in other ways.)

Before her, I had two girlfriends, relationships that didn't go anywhere, lasted a few months each. Still friends with both of them.

So I figure that this is a fairly unusual situation, and I'm not really sure how to go about it. I haven't been single since before I could drive a car, I don't know how to flirt with people, and now I'm constantly second guessing myself, worried I'm coming off as creepy.

It doesn't particularly help that I'm currently commuting 75 minutes to school from home twice a week, spending two nights a week with relatives near there, and that I work every saturday night valet parking.

I've been hanging out with friends whenever I get the chance, which is nice. I'm planning to start going out more, but it's something I've done fairly little over the years, and not at all the the context of a single guy.

Not ever sure what I'm asking here, maybe I just needed to type this out.

Sheep

Sounds like you pretty much got a handle on it.

Go meet new girls.

Comahawk

Got meet girls and actually talk to them. It is amazing how far that can get you.

Bliss 101

Seven years in a relationship without sex? Dude, that's... I don't even know what that is.

Come to terms with this: your personality, self-esteem and quality of life shouldn't be determined by your relationship status. If they are, you're doing it wrong. Romance is an aspect of life, but life has many aspects so stop thinking of being single as an affliction. Think of it as a new experience, like starting a new job or moving to a different country. You'll make mistakes and maybe you will seem creepy at first when flirting with people, but that comes with the territory. You don't need an internet forum to tell you how to live your life because you can, you know, just live it.

kaliyama

Well, I think you aren't under any obligation to start dating any time soon. I'm all for you getting laid, but as A serial monogamist myself I miss free time. For the last decade I've dated about a dozen people and have been single for maybe two months at any one time and 4 months total. You should enjoy being able to focus on your friends and other aspects of your life; one of my favorite experiences was when I was in dc for the gubmint for 4 months and left the gf behind. I got to focus on distance running training, met some new friends that way and got to go out with some friends from college without dragging someone else with me. Lots of rewarding things I. Life besides being in. A relationship and you should take time to figure out who you are, rather than who you were in that relationship, and develop interests. You're also really busy right now so no point in tribg to overstretch your schedule. One thing to consider too is iif you want to move closer to your school, even if it's a dreary commuter school.

In terms of flirting, I wouldn't worry overmuch about being creepy. Nobody here knows you, but if your behavior falls within a fairly generous range of the median you won't by default come across as creepy. The real test is whether you are attractive or not. If a person thinks you are cute interactions which could be classified as weird or creepy are well-received. For a long time I thought everyone liked back rubs at college parties, but it turns out man of the girls liked it because thy thought I was hitting on them. Other people doing that behavior have been poorly received.

IMO a lot of it is whether a girl can feel safe talking to you in immediate not pyscho terms and also thatyoure a known quantity. This is why picking people up at bars is a mistaken approach because nothing vouches for your trustworthiness and it's hard to hold a conversation at most bars. Instead, daytime events, campuses, or a Friends house party all are better indicators that you are well regarded by others. If you veer towards the more insular quiet bespectacled range of PA users you will have to figure out how to talk to girls without being insincere. I think the only useful thing those pick up books instruct is to go and talk to lots of girls, because going through the process will make you less nervous about it and make you better at being sincere in conversations with near strangers.

I'd also listen to whatever advice erios gives; I hope he posts. Sorry for typos this is sent from my bb

Tarantio

Bliss 101 wrote: »

Seven years in a relationship without sex? Dude, that's... I don't even know what that is.

Yeah, I know.

Bliss 101 wrote: »

to terms with this: your personality, self-esteem and quality of life shouldn't be determined by your relationship status. If they are, you're doing it wrong. Romance is an aspect of life, but life has many aspects so stop thinking of being single as an affliction. Think of it as a new experience, like starting a new job or moving to a different country. You'll make mistakes and maybe you will seem creepy at first when flirting with people, but that comes with the territory. You don't need an internet forum to tell you how to live your life because you can, you know, just live it.

Right, I'm not too torn up about it, I just feel like I never learned a lot of what everyone else did back in high school. I'm sure there's no big secret, but it's a lot to adjust to.

Popices

As long as you are doing what you want to and having a good time while doing it, you're 'doing single' right. I was in a similar position as you...though I was in an 8 year relationship that ended last year. To this day I have not 'dated' anyone, or had relations with anyone (over a year...bummer, I know), but I am happier than I have ever been. It is AWESOME to go to a bar or party or go out whenever you want and not have to worry about someone you brought not having a good time or wanting to go, etc. The key is to stay social and jump at every opportunity to get out of the house and do something with friends.

I have been on a few dates with three different females, but nothing clicked with any of them at all...the cool part about having such a long relationship in the past is that you generally know what qualities you desire in a future partner. The key to the whole situation is to not rush into something...it may not seem like it, but you're still young and have a lot of living to do...make the most of it.

Bliss 101

Tarantio wrote: »

Bliss 101 wrote: »

Seven years in a relationship without sex? Dude, that's... I don't even know what that is.

Yeah, I know.

Bliss 101 wrote: »

to terms with this: your personality, self-esteem and quality of life shouldn't be determined by your relationship status. If they are, you're doing it wrong. Romance is an aspect of life, but life has many aspects so stop thinking of being single as an affliction. Think of it as a new experience, like starting a new job or moving to a different country. You'll make mistakes and maybe you will seem creepy at first when flirting with people, but that comes with the territory. You don't need an internet forum to tell you how to live your life because you can, you know, just live it.

Right, I'm not too torn up about it, I just feel like I never learned a lot of what everyone else did back in high school. I'm sure there's no big secret, but it's a lot to adjust to.

In my experience the rules of the game change with age, and what worked in high school doesn't work so well later on.

If you know any middle aged+ divorcees, talk to them. You'll find that the confusion never ends.

Robman

Being single aint nothing but a thang. It's like being in a relationship only you confide in your friends instead of your sig other, and all those interesting women you meet... you can ask them out. Also, you might see them naked.