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The Inaugural Netflix Watch Instantly Bad Movies Festival

AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
edited March 2010 in Debate and/or Discourse
netflix_logo.gif

So, a lot of us are users of the Netflix Watch Instantly service. Where we can all look through their catalog, find the gleaming gems, and enjoy them without ever leaving home.

This thread is not about those movies.

Instead, what our goal here is to celebrate all that is bad and horrible in cinema. The creme de la crap, if you will. Cinematic sewage effluence. In other words, the sort of movie that leaves you wondering "Why the fuck did I just watch that?" Because if there's anything that makes bad movies go down easier, it's mocking their failures with fellow forumgoers.

So, to help matters, the thread will operate as follows:

The first phase will be nominations. People will present titles on Netflix Watch Instantly, by !liming the title. For a title to be brought to consideration, it must be seconded by another person in the same manner. Once we have 10 nominations or we reach 8 PM MST Wednesday, nominations for the week will be closed, and we will move on to...

The second phase, voting. A poll will be posted with all the nominated movies. Voting will be done till 8 PM MST Friday, at which time the top votegetter will be crowned the "winner", and will be given a short writeup in the op, as well as becoming the movie to discuss over the next week!

Also, each week will be given a theme. Since this week is the inaugural festival, the theme will be Wild Card - any bad cinema goes. The person who submits the "winning" nomination gets to pick the theme for the next week, whether it be genre or format.

One small caveat - for this week, please don't nominate any film that can be explicit. Hopefully, once we have a few of these treads under our belts, we might be able to do a festival with movies that push the limits in that manner, but for this one, let's avoid anything that looks like it would fit into Cinemax's late night lineup, OK?

So, let's see all the bad films, and may the best of the worst win!

XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
AngelHedgie on
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Posts

  • emnmnmeemnmnme Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Are the MST3K movies fair game?

    emnmnme on
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    emnmnme wrote: »
    Are the MST3K movies fair game?

    For this week, let's say no. The idea is for us to do the mocking, not comment on the mocking of the MST3K crew.

    AngelHedgie on
    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
  • BirdsWayBirdsWay Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    One of the true cinema classics: Time Barbarians.

    Description from Netflix: When Doran (Deron McBee), warrior king of the forest, butts heads with the evil wizard Mandrak (Daniel Martine), he puts his entire kingdom at risk. Following a barbarian war, Mandrak kills Doran's warrior queen, Lystra (Jo Ann Ayres), and escapes through a time portal to modern-day Los Angeles. Hell-bent on revenge, Doran follows Mandrak through time but finds himself trapped in a confounding world he doesn't understand.

    Somehow they crammed all this action into an hour and a half!

    BirdsWay on
  • emnmnmeemnmnme Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Howard the Duck

    emnmnme on
  • ShadowfireShadowfire Vermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Berry Gordy's Last Dragon

    From Netflix:
    Motown mogul Berry Gordy produced this all-purpose pastiche of 1970s and 1980s pop culture, which features martial arts, funk, blaxploitation, disco and recording star (and former Prince girl) Vanity. The plot concerns Bruce Lee wannabe Leroy Green (Taimak), who must protect Vanity from a gang boss (Julius J. Carry). Directed by Michael Schultz (who also directed Car Wash), the film features the screen debut of Chazz Palminteri.

    Shadowfire on
    WiiU: Windrunner ; Guild Wars 2: Shadowfire.3940 ; PSN: Bradcopter
  • Inter_dInter_d Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    Berry Gordy's Last Dragon

    From Netflix:
    Motown mogul Berry Gordy produced this all-purpose pastiche of 1970s and 1980s pop culture, which features martial arts, funk, blaxploitation, disco and recording star (and former Prince girl) Vanity. The plot concerns Bruce Lee wannabe Leroy Green (Taimak), who must protect Vanity from a gang boss (Julius J. Carry). Directed by Michael Schultz (who also directed Car Wash), the film features the screen debut of Chazz Palminteri.

    this movie is awesome, i don't know why you'd put it up here, sir.

    Inter_d on
  • GR_ZombieGR_Zombie Krillin It Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    How's about Surf Nazis Must Die

    When a monstrous earthquake devastates the California coastline, groups of neo-Nazi punks take over in this Troma-tized futuristic romp. Rival gangs face off on the beaches-turned-battlefields, and it's the Nazis against the anti-Nazis in a race to see who will rule the surf turf. Leading the anti-Nazis is the mother of a murdered beachgoer (Gail Neely), who vowing revenge single-handedly defeats the Nazis -- one hand grenade at a time!

    GR_Zombie on
    04xkcuvaav19.png
  • KageraKagera Imitating the worst people. Since 2004Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    Berry Gordy's Last Dragon

    From Netflix:
    Motown mogul Berry Gordy produced this all-purpose pastiche of 1970s and 1980s pop culture, which features martial arts, funk, blaxploitation, disco and recording star (and former Prince girl) Vanity. The plot concerns Bruce Lee wannabe Leroy Green (Taimak), who must protect Vanity from a gang boss (Julius J. Carry). Directed by Michael Schultz (who also directed Car Wash), the film features the screen debut of Chazz Palminteri.

    Your opinions are wrong and your views are terrible.

    Battlefield Earth
    (Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000)

    In the year 2000, an alien race known as the Psychlos devastated Earth and turned it into a wasteland. In the year 3000, the aliens -- led by the horrific Terl (John Travolta) -- still hold the surviving human population hostage and have forced Earthlings into slavery. But when human Johnny Goodboy Tyler (Barry Pepper) discovers the aliens' major weakness and leads the final fight for Earth's survival, the parasitic Psychlos are in for a shock.

    Kagera on
    My neck, my back, my FUPA and my crack.
  • ShadowfireShadowfire Vermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Inter_d wrote: »
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    Berry Gordy's Last Dragon

    From Netflix:
    Motown mogul Berry Gordy produced this all-purpose pastiche of 1970s and 1980s pop culture, which features martial arts, funk, blaxploitation, disco and recording star (and former Prince girl) Vanity. The plot concerns Bruce Lee wannabe Leroy Green (Taimak), who must protect Vanity from a gang boss (Julius J. Carry). Directed by Michael Schultz (who also directed Car Wash), the film features the screen debut of Chazz Palminteri.

    this movie is awesome, i don't know why you'd put it up here, sir.

    Look, I love this movie, but it really is terrible.

    Shadowfire on
    WiiU: Windrunner ; Guild Wars 2: Shadowfire.3940 ; PSN: Bradcopter
  • JebusUDJebusUD Adventure! Candy IslandRegistered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Rock n Roll Space Patrol Action is Go!

    This movie makes normal B-movies look great. It is seriously like... duct tape and people talking. Imagine Sci-Fi made by your weird neighbors down the street.

    Though, I am not sure if it is watch instantly anymore.

    edit: netflix says available on streaming. so I guess that means yes.

    JebusUD on
    and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
    but they're listening to every word I say
  • KageraKagera Imitating the worst people. Since 2004Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    Look, I love this movie, but it really is terrible.

    No YUO.

    Kagera on
    My neck, my back, my FUPA and my crack.
  • OptimusZedOptimusZed Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    It's too new to have the street cred of some others, but isn't Megashark Vs Giant Octopus on instawatch now?

    OptimusZed on
    We're reading Rifts. You should too. You know you want to. Now With Ninjas!

    They tried to bury us. They didn't know that we were seeds. 2018 Midterms. Get your shit together.
  • RentRent I'm always right Fuckin' deal with itRegistered User regular
    edited March 2010
    You guys should set this up with that XBL party watch thingie and then MST3K the shit out of it

    And record it for all to see

    Rent on
  • QuidQuid Definitely not a banana Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Rent wrote: »
    You guys should set this up with that XBL party watch thingie and then MST3K the shit out of it

    And record it for all to see

    Does it let you actually talk now? Last I tried it with skippy you could only emote.

    Quid on
  • RentRent I'm always right Fuckin' deal with itRegistered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Quid wrote: »
    Rent wrote: »
    You guys should set this up with that XBL party watch thingie and then MST3K the shit out of it

    And record it for all to see

    Does it let you actually talk now? Last I tried it with skippy you could only emote.

    Form a Party Chat with everyone watching the aforementioned movie, bada boom

    Also I dunno since I'm like in Iraq and stuff :P

    Rent on
  • TalleyrandTalleyrand Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Don't they have Dragon Wars?

    Talleyrand on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • SpawnbrokerSpawnbroker Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Kagera wrote: »
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    Look, I love this movie, but it really is terrible.

    No YUO.

    SHO'NUFF!

    Spawnbroker on
    Steam: Spawnbroker
  • DeebaserDeebaser on my way to work in a suit and a tie Ahhhh...come on fucking guyRegistered User regular
    edited March 2010
    undead or alive - Horrible "zombedy" western starring Chris Kattan.

    Zombie Wars - damn near unwatchable. Zombies breed humans for FOOD! Worth it if only for the extraordinarily low budget opening sequence.

    Deebaser on
  • INeedNoSaltINeedNoSalt with blood on my teeth Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    OptimusZed wrote: »
    It's too new to have the street cred of some others, but isn't Megashark Vs Giant Octopus on instawatch now?

    I feel like that's unfair, Megashark vs Giant Octopus obviously isn't meant to be great cinema

    INeedNoSalt on
  • JebusUDJebusUD Adventure! Candy IslandRegistered User regular
    edited March 2010
    OptimusZed wrote: »
    It's too new to have the street cred of some others, but isn't Megashark Vs Giant Octopus on instawatch now?

    I feel like that's unfair, Megashark vs Giant Octopus obviously isn't meant to be great cinema

    I don't see any intent rule in the OP.

    JebusUD on
    and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
    but they're listening to every word I say
  • emnmnmeemnmnme Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    It's on hulu and probably has bare tits so I won't lime it by I'm intrigued by the title 'Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell'.

    emnmnme on
  • CorbiusCorbius Shepard Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    I can't get any actual netflix steaming since they closed the loophole that let my xbox stream if even if its in Korea, so bleh.


    But, if its still on there, I can highly recommend Dragon Wars. That movie is terrible.

    Corbius on
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    PSN: Corbius
  • GrizzledGrizzled Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    emnmnme wrote: »
    It's on hulu and probably has bare tits so I won't lime it by I'm intrigued by the title 'Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell'.

    I made it through about 45 minutes of this thing and it was extraordinarily boring. No tits. Lots of extended fight scenes with no choreography, so it's just guys wrestling and grunting without music or anything. Don't waste your time.

    Grizzled on
  • override367override367 ALL minions Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Yea its not even so bad its good, its just bad.

    How does an R rated terrible movie with the word nymphoid in the title not have boobs? So much fail

    override367 on
  • KageraKagera Imitating the worst people. Since 2004Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Yea its not even so bad its good, its just bad.

    How does an R rated terrible movie with the word nymphoid in the title not have boobs? So much fail

    "Holy shit guys this movie sucks, how do we get people to watch it?"

    "Just slap nymphoid in the title and silly bored dudes will eventually look for nudity in it."

    Kagera on
    My neck, my back, my FUPA and my crack.
  • Bionic MonkeyBionic Monkey Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited March 2010
    Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation

    A truly atrocious piece of celluloid, that despite the title, doesn't feature a single chainsaw death in it. Not only that, but Leatherface isn't even the main antagonist. No, no, that honor goes to Matthew Fuckin' McConaughey who is in full-on drugged-out-psycho-mode. And who are we rooting for in all this? That would be the young Miss Renée Zellweger. It's incredibly amusing to watch these two A-listers before they were A-listers throwing absolutely everything they have at a script that just doesn't hold up.

    Bionic Monkey on
    sig_megas_armed.jpg
  • blakeblake Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    I suggest you all listen to the Film Sack podcast, where they discuss crappy netflix movies each week. None of them are annoying or douchey, it's just good fun. Listen especially if you like Scott Johnson's podcasts.

    The latest episode is about The Lawnmower Man-A simple man is turned into a genius through the application of computer science.

    It has Pierce Brosnan. How bad could it be??

    blake on
    What kind of bees make milk?
    Boobees!
  • RaynagaRaynaga Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    I remember wanting one of those floating VR program chairs from that movie.

    That was about the only good part of it.

    Raynaga on
  • SpawnbrokerSpawnbroker Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    I'm going to second The Lawnmower Man, just so we can see all the terrible assumptions that movie's writers made about virtual reality and computers in general.

    Spawnbroker on
    Steam: Spawnbroker
  • mcdermottmcdermott Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    blake wrote: »
    I suggest you all listen to the Film Sack podcast, where they discuss crappy netflix movies each week. None of them are annoying or douchey, it's just good fun. Listen especially if you like Scott Johnson's podcasts.

    The latest episode is about The Lawnmower Man-A simple man is turned into a genius through the application of computer science.

    It has Pierce Brosnan. How bad could it be??

    Jeff Fahey. The end.

    EDIT: Oh, and to answer your question, "so bad that Stephen King sued to have his name removed from it." And his name is attached to all kinds of terribad films.

    mcdermott on
  • emnmnmeemnmnme Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    I'm going to second The Lawnmower Man, just so we can see all the terrible assumptions that movie's writers made about virtual reality and computers in general.

    You need to watch the Net with Sandra Bullock. I also remember one where Michael Douglas was tapdancing around in virtual reality in one of his crappy 90s thrillers ... Disclosure?

    EDIT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFkyV7d5t8o

    1994 beats Windows 7.

    emnmnme on
  • Bionic MonkeyBionic Monkey Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited March 2010
    The Net also happens to be Watch Instantly.

    Bionic Monkey on
    sig_megas_armed.jpg
  • JebusUDJebusUD Adventure! Candy IslandRegistered User regular
    edited March 2010
    The Net also happens to be Watch Instantly.

    The net is so terrible. But Angelina Jolie at ... 19? 18? With boobs momentarily. I think.

    Oh shit, actually that is "Hackers" isn't it? I forget. To Wiki!

    edit: that was Hackers I was thinking of, which is awesomely terrible. Both 1995 movies. too bad it isn't watch instant.

    JebusUD on
    and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
    but they're listening to every word I say
  • Nick SoapdishNick Soapdish Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    BirdsWay wrote: »
    One of the true cinema classics: Time Barbarians.

    Description from Netflix: When Doran (Deron McBee), warrior king of the forest, butts heads with the evil wizard Mandrak (Daniel Martine), he puts his entire kingdom at risk. Following a barbarian war, Mandrak kills Doran's warrior queen, Lystra (Jo Ann Ayres), and escapes through a time portal to modern-day Los Angeles. Hell-bent on revenge, Doran follows Mandrak through time but finds himself trapped in a confounding world he doesn't understand.

    Somehow they crammed all this action into an hour and a half!

    THIS was the first thing I thought of. This movie is amazingly bad, highly recommended.

    My recommendation is Zombie Death House -- Mob movie + prison movie + zombie movie = a huge turd.

    Nick Soapdish on
  • Romero ZombieRomero Zombie Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Killer Clowns from Outer Space

    I remember watching this movie when I was quite a bit younger one night...it was on Cinemax or some shit. I couldn't peel my eyes away it was so awesomely bad.

    Romero Zombie on
    steam_sig.png
  • QinguQingu Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Batman vs. Dracula
    (actually it was pretty well-done and apropos of all things)

    Qingu on
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Sorry about being late on the list - been dealing with some problems at home.

    So, this week's list of steaming piles of cinema:
    1. By Shadowfire, Berry Gordy's Last Dragon
    2. By OptimusZed, Megashark Vs Giant Octopus
    3. By blake, The Lawnmower Man
    4. By Birdsway, Time Barbarians

    Criteria for selection was that a movie had to be mentioned or quoted by a second person. Poll should be up shortly - vote for the movie you think is the worst of the week! Remember, the winner gets to select the genra for the next Bad Movie Festival.

    AngelHedgie on
    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
  • TehSpectreTehSpectre Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    I wonder if I can sneak in a second vote for Killer Clowns From Outerspace, even though it's too late. :P

    One of my favorite bad movies. (It's too bad that Troll 2 isn't an instant watch)

    TehSpectre on
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  • INeedNoSaltINeedNoSalt with blood on my teeth Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    yeah Qingu Batman v Dracula was awesome

    INeedNoSalt on
  • LavaKnightLavaKnight Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    I've wanted to see Megashark Vs Giant Octopus ever since I read about the film company in Wired, but Lawnmower Man is tempting. Hmmmmmmm!

    LavaKnight on
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