Basic rule of thumb is, if you like a character, NEVER visit their appreciation thread on the official forums. The Tali thread is hands down the worst though. It's not even close.
Nah, not joking. Was just reading all of these terrible Tali fanfictions and decided to see if I could make one that's actually readable and maybe makes an iota of sense.
Fuck its hard. You have to shut off the voice in the back of your head that says "THIS IS FUCKING RETARDED YOU ARE FUCKING RETARDED" so you don't end up deleting portions that might be good.
And man I've learned more about the complexities of conception than I ever wanted to.
Isn't the obvious problem the amino acid chiralities? You know, the fact that a whole bunch of bacteria on Earth specifically encode dextro amino acids to use as poisons against their enemies?
More importantly...jesus christ stop. STOP NOW.
electricitylikesme on
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FairchildRabbit used short words that were easy to understand, like "Hello Pooh, how about Lunch ?"Registered Userregular
edited March 2010
Tali, to the obnoxious volus: "My head says to let it go, but my gut tells me to jack your scent filters so that everything to you smells like sh_t."
Garrus: "Remind me to never get on your bad side."
Nah, not joking. Was just reading all of these terrible Tali fanfictions and decided to see if I could make one that's actually readable and maybe makes an iota of sense.
Fuck its hard. You have to shut off the voice in the back of your head that says "THIS IS FUCKING RETARDED YOU ARE FUCKING RETARDED" so you don't end up deleting portions that might be good.
And man I've learned more about the complexities of conception than I ever wanted to.
i don't understand how you get over the fact that Tali is more likely to be knocked up by a Palaven dandelion than Shepard
also the horribleness of what you are concocting and the shame it will bring upon your family name
OrcaAlso known as EspressosaurusWrexRegistered Userregular
edited March 2010
I imagine the Mass Effect team feels like Oppenheimer after the atomic bombs have been dropped. Pride at what they've accomplished. Horror at what it's been used for.
Tali, to the obnoxious volus: "My head says to let it go, but my gut tells me to jack your scent filters so that everything to you smells like sh_t."
Garrus: "Remind me to never get on your bad side."
Is this a real thing?
Somebody tell me if this is a real thing.
Also, Robman's Tali's Head Asplode video got me wondering if there's an MP3 floating about of the music from that part of the gameplay. Not "Suicide Mission", but the track that actually plays when you're running around killin' mans. For some reason, that key shift (around 0:21 in the video) gets me every time.
thepotato232 on
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Dhalphirdon't you open that trapdooryou're a fool if you dareRegistered Userregular
Also, Robman's Tali's Head Asplode video got me wondering if there's an MP3 floating about of the music from that part of the gameplay. Not "Suicide Mission", but the track that actually plays when you're running around killin' mans. For some reason, that key shift (around 0:21 in the video) gets me every time.
Tali, to the obnoxious volus: "My head says to let it go, but my gut tells me to jack your scent filters so that everything to you smells like sh_t."
Garrus: "Remind me to never get on your bad side."
Is this a real thing?
Somebody tell me if this is a real thing.
Also, Robman's Tali's Head Asplode video got me wondering if there's an MP3 floating about of the music from that part of the gameplay. Not "Suicide Mission", but the track that actually plays when you're running around killin' mans. For some reason, that key shift (around 0:21 in the video) gets me every time.
This is a real thing. It is the best thing (it's also a paragon response - the renegade one is not nearly as hilarious). ME2 really stepped up the paragon responses.
Also I'm pretty sure it's actually part of Tali's theme that plays in the first part of the suicide mission - though it could also be part of "End Run". There are definitely some shared themes going on there (not surprising since Tali's theme is pretty much the best character track).
Tali, to the obnoxious volus: "My head says to let it go, but my gut tells me to jack your scent filters so that everything to you smells like sh_t."
Garrus: "Remind me to never get on your bad side."
Is this a real thing?
Somebody tell me if this is a real thing.
Also, Robman's Tali's Head Asplode video got me wondering if there's an MP3 floating about of the music from that part of the gameplay. Not "Suicide Mission", but the track that actually plays when you're running around killin' mans. For some reason, that key shift (around 0:21 in the video) gets me every time.
I believe the music during the mission is "The End Run"
Tali, to the obnoxious volus: "My head says to let it go, but my gut tells me to jack your scent filters so that everything to you smells like sh_t."
Garrus: "Remind me to never get on your bad side."
Is this a real thing?
Somebody tell me if this is a real thing.
Also, Robman's Tali's Head Asplode video got me wondering if there's an MP3 floating about of the music from that part of the gameplay. Not "Suicide Mission", but the track that actually plays when you're running around killin' mans. For some reason, that key shift (around 0:21 in the video) gets me every time.
This is a real thing. It is the best thing (it's also a paragon response - the renegade one is not nearly as hilarious). ME2 really stepped up the paragon responses.
Also I'm pretty sure it's actually part of Tali's theme that plays in the first part of the suicide mission - though it could also be part of "End Run". There are definitely some shared themes going on there (not surprising since Tali's theme is pretty much the best character track).
I like Mordin's. Jacob and Garrus have great ones too.
Tali, to the obnoxious volus: "My head says to let it go, but my gut tells me to jack your scent filters so that everything to you smells like sh_t."
Garrus: "Remind me to never get on your bad side."
Is this a real thing?
Somebody tell me if this is a real thing.
Also, Robman's Tali's Head Asplode video got me wondering if there's an MP3 floating about of the music from that part of the gameplay. Not "Suicide Mission", but the track that actually plays when you're running around killin' mans. For some reason, that key shift (around 0:21 in the video) gets me every time.
This is a real thing. It is the best thing (it's also a paragon response - the renegade one is not nearly as hilarious). ME2 really stepped up the paragon responses.
Also I'm pretty sure it's actually part of Tali's theme that plays in the first part of the suicide mission - though it could also be part of "End Run". There are definitely some shared themes going on there (not surprising since Tali's theme is pretty much the best character track).
I like Mordin's. Jacob and Garrus have great ones too.
Oh yeah - a lot of them are good. Tali's is probably my favorite because it's energetic enough to run to - it sets a nice pace. Garrus's is growing on me - I like the wild west homage at the start before it breaks down to the dark metal beat.
FairchildRabbit used short words that were easy to understand, like "Hello Pooh, how about Lunch ?"Registered Userregular
edited March 2010
That's pretty much what Mordin tells female Shepard, too.
"Watch out for chafing. Will be here to provide lotion afterward. Taurian dextro amino acids toxic to humans. Recommend that you do not- ahem- ingest."
Today I overheard a conversation that my co-worker had on speaker phone.
Tech Support: You've reached systems support, how can I help you?
Co-Worker: I'm trying to re-rate this client's account but the system keeps locking up. My employee number is xxxxx, I'm logged into policy number xxxxx.
Tech Support: Alright, I'm going to temporarily override your editing rights and see what I can do. Assuming control.
...
Co-Worker: Oh, hey, that did it! The change went through. Thanks!
Tech Support: No problem! Releasing control.
kedinik on
I made a game! Hotline Maui. Requires mouse and keyboard.
0
OrcaAlso known as EspressosaurusWrexRegistered Userregular
Today I overheard a conversation that my co-worker had on speaker phone.
Tech Support: You've reached systems support, how can I help you?
Co-Worker: I'm trying to re-rate this client's account but the system keeps locking up. My employee number is xxxxx, I'm logged into policy number xxxxx.
Tech Support: Alright, I'm going to temporarily override your editing rights and see what I can do. Assuming control.
...
Co-Worker: Oh, hey, that did it! The change went through. Thanks!
Tech Support: No problem! Releasing control.
Today I overheard a conversation that my co-worker had on speaker phone.
Tech Support: You've reached systems support, how can I help you?
Co-Worker: I'm trying to re-rate this client's account but the system keeps locking up. My employee number is xxxxx, I'm logged into policy number xxxxx.
Tech Support: Alright, I'm going to temporarily override your editing rights and see what I can do. Assuming control.
...
Co-Worker: Oh, hey, that did it! The change went through. Thanks!
Tech Support: No problem! Releasing control.
That is so amazingly awesome.
Almost as awesome as the N7 hoodie-based Wrex/Shepard exchange.
Today I overheard a conversation that my co-worker had on speaker phone.
Tech Support: You've reached systems support, how can I help you?
Co-Worker: I'm trying to re-rate this client's account but the system keeps locking up. My employee number is xxxxx, I'm logged into policy number xxxxx.
Tech Support: Alright, I'm going to temporarily override your editing rights and see what I can do. Assuming control.
...
Co-Worker: Oh, hey, that did it! The change went through. Thanks!
Tech Support: No problem! Releasing control.
That is so amazingly awesome.
Almost as awesome as the N7 hoodie-based Wrex/Shepard exchange.
Today I overheard a conversation that my co-worker had on speaker phone.
Tech Support: You've reached systems support, how can I help you?
Co-Worker: I'm trying to re-rate this client's account but the system keeps locking up. My employee number is xxxxx, I'm logged into policy number xxxxx.
Tech Support: Alright, I'm going to temporarily override your editing rights and see what I can do. Assuming control.
...
Co-Worker: Oh, hey, that did it! The change went through. Thanks!
Tech Support: No problem! Releasing control.
That is so amazingly awesome.
Almost as awesome as the N7 hoodie-based Wrex/Shepard exchange.
Wait, what? Where was this.
A while ago, a guy bought an N7 sweatshirt and got stopped by a business man on his way to work who abruptly stopped and said "Shepard" to which the poster responded "Wrex"
apparently this result in a fist pound or hi5 . I forgot which
Posts
It's a trap btw.
XBL Gametag: mailarde
Screen Digest LOL3RZZ
Also, those "Talimancers" are ruining Tali for me.
Steam: CavilatRest
Trap definition: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/trap
XBL Gametag: mailarde
Screen Digest LOL3RZZ
Seems there's less posting on this thread.
Steam: CavilatRest
Isn't the obvious problem the amino acid chiralities? You know, the fact that a whole bunch of bacteria on Earth specifically encode dextro amino acids to use as poisons against their enemies?
More importantly...jesus christ stop. STOP NOW.
Garrus: "Remind me to never get on your bad side."
So awesome
i don't understand how you get over the fact that Tali is more likely to be knocked up by a Palaven dandelion than Shepard
also the horribleness of what you are concocting and the shame it will bring upon your family name
The N7 logo is on the wrong side.
Just thought I'd point that out.
Steam: CavilatRest
Not Jacob, but...
LET'S DO THIS THING
that is fantastic
http://www.fallout3nexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=16534
Is this a real thing?
Somebody tell me if this is a real thing.
Also, Robman's Tali's Head Asplode video got me wondering if there's an MP3 floating about of the music from that part of the gameplay. Not "Suicide Mission", but the track that actually plays when you're running around killin' mans. For some reason, that key shift (around 0:21 in the video) gets me every time.
is it just me or does garrus look a good 8 months pregnant in that last panel
This is a real thing. It is the best thing (it's also a paragon response - the renegade one is not nearly as hilarious). ME2 really stepped up the paragon responses.
Also I'm pretty sure it's actually part of Tali's theme that plays in the first part of the suicide mission - though it could also be part of "End Run". There are definitely some shared themes going on there (not surprising since Tali's theme is pretty much the best character track).
I believe the music during the mission is "The End Run"
Oh yeah - a lot of them are good. Tali's is probably my favorite because it's energetic enough to run to - it sets a nice pace. Garrus's is growing on me - I like the wild west homage at the start before it breaks down to the dark metal beat.
I have to say its hard to imagine having sex with
"Watch out for chafing. Will be here to provide lotion afterward. Taurian dextro amino acids toxic to humans. Recommend that you do not- ahem- ingest."
Things just get worse and worse...
I always felt Jack needs some nice young Emo guy instead of Shepard...
Going?
Going?
Where have you been the past 3 threads
I've probably seen this thing like 10 times, but that last shot of Garrus makes me laugh every time.
Co-Worker: I'm trying to re-rate this client's account but the system keeps locking up. My employee number is xxxxx, I'm logged into policy number xxxxx.
Tech Support: Alright, I'm going to temporarily override your editing rights and see what I can do. Assuming control.
...
Co-Worker: Oh, hey, that did it! The change went through. Thanks!
Tech Support: No problem! Releasing control.
That is so amazingly awesome.
Almost as awesome as the N7 hoodie-based Wrex/Shepard exchange.
XBL : lJesse Custerl | MWO: Jesse Custer | Best vid ever. | 2nd best vid ever.
Wait, what? Where was this.
Are there more of 'em floating around somewhere?
A while ago, a guy bought an N7 sweatshirt and got stopped by a business man on his way to work who abruptly stopped and said "Shepard" to which the poster responded "Wrex"
apparently this result in a fist pound or hi5 . I forgot which