Almost Pets [Comic] - Potential Disaster

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  • SpawnbrokerSpawnbroker Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    First off, holy crap what an improvement! Seriously, it's sooooooo much easier to read now than the older one you posted!

    As to your debate over the size, the first one is kinda tiny and I was having trouble straining my eyes to read it. Just a personal anecdote.

    Spawnbroker on
    Steam: Spawnbroker
  • tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited April 2010
    'rain down'. Not 'reign down'.

    tynic on
  • JLM-AWPJLM-AWP Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    tynic wrote: »
    'rain down'. Not 'reign down'.

    Holy crap. I'm actually ashamed of that. We'll get that fixed.

    JLM-AWP on
  • NibCromNibCrom Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I'm not a fan of the speech bubbles. The jagged edges are distracting.

    And the paragraph alignment seems to change from one line to the next.

    Some of your descenders are touching the stroke of the bubbles.

    NibCrom on
  • HeartlashHeartlash Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Having the speech bubbles is a huge improvement, but they do need some refining. Watch out for text tangents.

    Also, the newer colors and layouts are worlds better than before.

    Heartlash on
    My indie mobile gaming studio: Elder Aeons
    Our first game is now available for free on Google Play: Frontier: Isle of the Seven Gods
  • JLM-AWPJLM-AWP Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    NibCrom wrote: »
    I'm not a fan of the speech bubbles. The jagged edges are distracting.

    Jagged edges?

    JLM-AWP on
  • NibCromNibCrom Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    JLM-AWP wrote: »
    NibCrom wrote: »
    I'm not a fan of the speech bubbles. The jagged edges are distracting.

    Jagged edges?

    Right now you're essentially putting a rounded rectangle shape around each line of text instead of using one shape to contain all of the text.

    If you want to stick with the rounded rectangle shape, try using one large rectangle and if need be, use a shorter (less width) rectangle if the last line is significantly shorter than the rest of the paragraph.

    Edit: see Achewood for example of what I mean.

    Edit Edit: I guess I should have said jagged sides.

    NibCrom on
  • JLM-AWPJLM-AWP Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    NibCrom wrote: »
    JLM-AWP wrote: »
    NibCrom wrote: »
    I'm not a fan of the speech bubbles. The jagged edges are distracting.

    Jagged edges?

    Right now you're essentially putting a rounded rectangle shape around each line of text instead of using one shape to contain all of the text.

    If you want to stick with the rounded rectangle shape, try using one large rectangle and if need be, use a shorter (less width) rectangle if the last line is significantly shorter than the rest of the paragraph.

    Edit: see Achewood for example of what I mean.

    Edit Edit: I guess I should have said jagged sides.

    Ah, I see. I was thinking you meant the edges of the panels. You make a good point. Noted.

    JLM-AWP on
  • earthwormadamearthwormadam ancient crust Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Yeah, you've improved the hell out of the readability by adding bubbles, but I think you still have a ways to go in terms of refining them. I'm not really convinced that what you guys are trying to do is better than typical spherical balloons.

    Sure you probably couldn't fit all the words in the first panel into a round bubble without massive editing, but the second and third panels have a ton of wasted empty space that would benefit from having traditional speech windows. I'ma try to do a quick dirty MS paint edit to show you what I mean.

    earthwormadam on
  • earthwormadamearthwormadam ancient crust Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Yeah, you've improved the hell out of the readability by adding bubbles, but I think you still have a ways to go in terms of refining them. I'm not really convinced that what you guys are trying to do is better than typical spherical balloons.

    Sure you probably couldn't fit all the words in the first panel into a round bubble without massive editing, but the second and third panels have a ton of wasted empty space that would benefit from having traditional speech windows. I'ma try to do a quick dirty MS paint edit to show you what I mean.

    Alright here's a bit better of a breakdown hopefully. Sorry for the stupid dialog, but I couldn't resist filling the blankness in with something.
    Strip21700rez-365c0b7.jpg

    Alright so I hastely threw some bubbles in here to illustrate my point. Your really not maximizing your space. 1st panel - Don't be afraid to slightly pull your bubbles off the page or behind characters. You had black gutters on both sides of the page anyways so it's not like there's anything important that can't be covered up.

    2nd panel - When your characters are 2 things in a row without interuption by anyone else, you can connect the bubbles and just have one tail instead of one tail for each bubble. It's obvious who's talking so having two is just redundant.

    The rest - Everything after the "some...thing" I pretty much just put bubbles over the exact locations of where you put your text. I really think with some planning you could drastically improve your comic and the way it reads even more. You could even make the bubbles I threw in there a bit bigger and still wouldn't have to sacrifice much of the rest of the comic.

    When there is like one line of dialog your bubbles don't look too bad, but in ones like the last piece of dialog, all the shapes going around each line seems way excessive. A more simplified shape can take up about the same amount of space, and be much more pleasing to the eye.
    Hopefully that all made sense!

    earthwormadam on
  • JLM-AWPJLM-AWP Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    So I've been pretty busy lately and forgot to post my last comic, so now you get two for one! I'll spoiler them so I don't wear out your scroll wheels:
    Strip%5B22%5D700Rez-2ab62cc.jpg

    Strip%5B23%5D700Rez-25f206c.jpg


    Thanks EWA, for the time and advice. And we both got quite a laugh from your edits. Please feel free to do that more often...the boomshakalaka is what sold it.

    I agree that we should be planning a bit more ahead with the arrangement of the speech bubbles. It's something we're working on, and I think it falls into the category of "trying to fit too much in one strip", not unlike a whole bunch of other stuff we've been fixing. I'm glad that you guys are actually getting to enjoy the comic now. Keeping things simple and clean seems to be the way to go, and we're fast approaching the spot in our timeline where we've created comics AFTER getting all of this advice. So hopefully you'll be seeing those improvements in full, instead of us editing already completed strips to be consistent with changes you all have suggested.

    JLM-AWP on
  • Dark_SideDark_Side Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Awesome, it's like Yu-Gi-Oh for chess.

    Dark_Side on
  • HeartlashHeartlash Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    These are pretty solid, especially the writing. I have a few suggestions, though:

    Comic #1: The build up to Omega Chess seems to overwhelm the delivery of "Omega Chess!" I feel like it should dominate a greater chunk of the lower half/third of the strip. The text can also be exaggerated a lot more. Consider it its own piece of art, with granite lettering sculpted by lightning bolts. I think doing so would enhance the final delivery and improve the overall composition of the strip. Right now it's almost too balanced, the eye isn't really led to anything.


    Comic #2: I really like this, but I absolutely suggest cutting the final image of the chameleon along with the "you win this round, snake." His facial expression in the previous panel is all you need. It's the perfect "Oh shit, I saw episode III, he's right!" look.

    Heartlash on
    My indie mobile gaming studio: Elder Aeons
    Our first game is now available for free on Google Play: Frontier: Isle of the Seven Gods
  • MustangMustang Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I personally think you could cut the omega chess line completely. It's not really a great punchline.
    The punchline for me was "I think chess is pretty well much the best game ever." That's funny, Omega Chess isn't.

    You could replace it with an "I know, right." but it wouldn't really matter if you didn't.

    Mustang on
  • WassermeloneWassermelone Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Mustang wrote: »
    I personally think you could cut the omega chess line completely. It's not really a great punchline.
    The punchline for me was "I think chess is pretty well much the best game ever." That's funny, Omega Chess isn't.

    This is exactly what I was going to suggest.

    Wassermelone on
  • JLM-AWPJLM-AWP Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Thanks for the feedback guys,

    Dammit. Hindsight is always 20/20. I'm still learning when to cut things off. I often have a tendency to go a bit too long with the writing. We are always watching out for the "Garfield" ending, and this seems to almost qualify as one. Again, less is more...I'll keep it in mind. His second expression is pretty much a perfect ending there.

    Also, a new post!

    Strip%5B24%5D700Rez-f8e97af.jpg

    JLM-AWP on
  • WassermeloneWassermelone Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I'm glad you didn't have him say anything!

    Its not laugh out funny, but not every comic has to be. It got a good smile though.

    Wassermelone on
  • NappuccinoNappuccino Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    This is one of those comics where it makes you actually care about the characters- every writer should have a few of those :)

    Nappuccino on
    Like to write? Want to get e-published? Give us a look-see at http://wednesdaynightwrites.com/
    Rorus Raz wrote: »
    There's also the possibility you just can't really grow a bear like other guys.

    Not even BEAR vaginas can defeat me!
    cakemikz wrote: »
    And then I rub actual cake on myself.
    Loomdun wrote: »
    thats why you have chest helmets
  • JLM-AWPJLM-AWP Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Nappuccino wrote: »
    This is one of those comics where it makes you actually care about the characters- every writer should have a few of those :)

    Agreed. These two will be with us for the long haul, so it's important to make sure the reader can care about and relate to them.

    JLM-AWP on
  • Brainiac 8Brainiac 8 Don't call me Shirley... Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Ok, JLM, you won me over with this comic. I thought it was an ok comic, but this one was wonderful. :)

    Brainiac 8 on
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  • MustangMustang Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    JLM-AWP wrote: »
    Nappuccino wrote: »
    This is one of those comics where it makes you actually care about the characters- every writer should have a few of those :)

    Agreed. These two will be with us for the long haul, so it's important to make sure the reader can care about and relate to them.

    Double agreed.

    Mustang on
  • bwaniebwanie Posting into the void Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Each one is better than the last. I'm sorry, you pretty much have to keep doing these now.

    Oh sure, the acclaim and praise might seem nice but they wear off quickly. What remains is the insurmountable pressure of performing and the despair of writer's block.

    Just ask Fletcher and Polkster.

    bwanie on
    Yh6tI4T.jpg
  • FletcherFletcher Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    you will rue the day you ever decided to commit to something

    i will make sure that you rue it!

    p.s. this last one is one of my favourites

    Fletcher on
  • bwaniebwanie Posting into the void Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    they call him the rueinator

    bwanie on
    Yh6tI4T.jpg
  • JLM-AWPJLM-AWP Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Fletcher, I was willing to deal with a little regret, but I'll be DAMNED if I am made to sit here and be subjected to your rueings.
    bwanie wrote: »
    Each one is better than the last. I'm sorry, you pretty much have to keep doing these now.

    Oh sure, the acclaim and praise might seem nice but they wear off quickly. What remains is the insurmountable pressure of performing and the despair of writer's block.

    Just ask Fletcher and Polkster.

    Shows what you know. I already HAVE writer's block.

    Seriously, though, thanks for the kind words. I'm glad you're enjoying them. Expectations will make us try that much harder to make them as good as we can.

    JLM-AWP on
  • JLM-AWPJLM-AWP Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Guys. GUYS. It's Monday, and time for new comic time.

    Before you all comment, I'll preface this post by saying we had quite the technical difficulties (I mentioned a couple pages back). Chris ended up losing a lot of work when his computer crapped out, and this comic was one that suffered. He re-sketched the whole thing, but opted to go minimal to make sure we keep up on our schedule. I imagine it's extremely aggravating to re-draw something once you've completed it already. Anywho, here 'tis. We'll have a fully-colored one on Thursday for sure.

    Fletch: This doesn't count with the rueings.

    Strip%5B26%5D700rez-3cef031.jpg

    JLM-AWP on
  • bwaniebwanie Posting into the void Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    you forgot to color the toad!

    but it's there so i guess you get a pass on this one....for now

    bwanie on
    Yh6tI4T.jpg
  • GodfatherGodfather Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Too far Mary! Too far!

    Godfather on
  • MustangMustang Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Haha, oh man. I'm really loving this comic.

    Mustang on
  • JLM-AWPJLM-AWP Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Mustang wrote: »
    Haha, oh man. I'm really loving this comic.

    <3<3<3
    <3

    JLM-AWP on
  • SpawnbrokerSpawnbroker Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    That chess golem was freaking hilarious. I love your comic.

    Spawnbroker on
    Steam: Spawnbroker
  • JLM-AWPJLM-AWP Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    The chess golem was actually one of the 3D elements I talked about early on in the thread, created in Cinema4D. I think all of the chess pieces in the strips were created that way, now that I think about it. I'll have to double-check with Chris, but I'm fairly certain.

    JLM-AWP on
  • flowerhoneyflowerhoney Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I've been lurking so long in this thread, this comic is so funny <3<3<3
    All your changes have been for the best

    keep going! never stop!

    flowerhoney on
  • earthwormadamearthwormadam ancient crust Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Man I really like the art style of this comic in a back to basic sorta way. The computer generated font and word bubbles kinda kill the vibe, but the actual art looks great like that.

    earthwormadam on
  • NappuccinoNappuccino Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Man I really like the art style of this comic in a back to basic sorta way. The computer generated font and word bubbles kinda kill the vibe, but the actual art looks great like that.

    That's true- if you guys had the time to re-do the lines and the bubbles it would have a real nice aesthetic feeling instead of looking like you ran out of time (even if that is what happened)

    Nappuccino on
    Like to write? Want to get e-published? Give us a look-see at http://wednesdaynightwrites.com/
    Rorus Raz wrote: »
    There's also the possibility you just can't really grow a bear like other guys.

    Not even BEAR vaginas can defeat me!
    cakemikz wrote: »
    And then I rub actual cake on myself.
    Loomdun wrote: »
    thats why you have chest helmets
  • JLM-AWPJLM-AWP Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Nappuccino wrote: »
    Man I really like the art style of this comic in a back to basic sorta way. The computer generated font and word bubbles kinda kill the vibe, but the actual art looks great like that.

    That's true- if you guys had the time to re-do the lines and the bubbles it would have a real nice aesthetic feeling instead of looking like you ran out of time (even if that is what happened)

    That's not a bad idea. Not sure if we'll have time to do that or not, but we definitely see what you're talking about. Having it all sketched kinda clashes with the crisper computer text elements. We'll keep that in mind for the future if we ever have to do something like this again.

    We actually have several comics ready to go beyond what we've posted, but like I said, this strip was completely lost and re-drawn to what you see now. I guess we have to deal with the fact that it looks like we got lazy.

    JLM-AWP on
  • JLM-AWPJLM-AWP Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Happy still-not-Friday. I bring you a comic.

    Strip%5B25%5D700Rez-173f74e.jpg

    Now go back and read it in David Attenborough's voice.

    JLM-AWP on
  • SpawnbrokerSpawnbroker Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I really like the writing and it's funny like the rest, but that one panel designed to imitate the movement of the camera is so distracting and gives me a headache D:

    Spawnbroker on
    Steam: Spawnbroker
  • WassermeloneWassermelone Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Now, while I like the amount of text for the documentary part because thats part of the point.

    I do feel that theres a lack of a ...punchy punchline.

    Wassermelone on
  • SpawnbrokerSpawnbroker Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Now, while I like the amount of text for the documentary part because thats part of the point.

    I do feel that theres a lack of a ...punchy punchline.

    I dont think there needs to be. I think the punchline is how he's getting everything completely wrong about ants. It doesn't have to be shocking, or laugh out loud funny. It can be ridiculous and over the top without a one-word punchline, I think.

    In other words, I really liked it and I think it's fine as it is. Given your earlier comics, I doubt you're going to do this every comic or anything.

    Spawnbroker on
    Steam: Spawnbroker
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