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Problems in the bedroom
AlternateAcct
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hey, was wondering if anyone had any advice. The girlfriend and I have been trying to have sex, but I've been having problems getting it up when the time comes. I don't have any problems on days we haven't tried (and know we're not), just the days we have. Obviously, I know this is due to me being nervous about it, I also know that thinking about it not happening is probably the thing that is preventing it from happening, however, I don't know how to stop that. Does anyone have any suggestions? Another problem is we don't get these opportunities very often either, as we both still live with our parents and neither of us are too comfortable with doing it if the house has more than just us in it. It's happened twice so far, the first time I could definitely tell I was extremely nervous, but the second time I didn't even feel that nervous, but it still wouldn't happen.
AlternateAcct on
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Consider thinking about the pressure on you. I'm assuming you have performance anxiety. Are you worried she won't enjoy it? That you won't stay hard? Some introspection and thought may help you identify the problem thought processes.
Also, consider having her help you get hard in some way. Handjob, condom roll on, lube up and she inserts you into her. Giving her a bit more agency may be helpful. Maybe if she talked dirty to you (and you to her), you may both be a bit more comfortable with the other and aware of the sexual desire for each other.
I've seen guys buying it at the adult boutique where the miss and I go ti get her lil outfits. I asked about it once and they supposedly have nothing but repeat customers that swear by it. It's about $10 for one dose, a bottle is a hell of a lot more.
You sound young and I bet you watch porn. It's just a symptom of not being entirely comfortable or experienced in sex and you wanting to give the girl the best? Not at all uncommon and it at least shows you're interested in her joy as well as your own.
Just relax, man. It'll happen and you'll get better as she gets better. The most important thing I'd recommend is to be open about what you like and don't like and make sure she is open as well. It sounds like this is your first sexual relationship, take the time and let her teach you how to do things right (and likewise, explain to her how to be good). Trust me, it'll help you down the line.
So, chill out and be safe (condom, birth control, etc.)
We did try having her help me, but that didn't work out either.
Buddy, I didn't mean to insinuate that watching porn was the cause of your problems. Rather than, for a lot of guys (I myself went through this phase) assuming that if I didn't perform up to the astronomical expectations of porn-sex that I was a failure.
It's easy to say "stop thinking of that", but it's hard to do. So instead I'll just try to give you some general guidelines.
You want to lose yourself in the moment. Focus on the girl, or the overwhelmingly awesome fact that you get to have sex. Close your eyes and just do what feels good. The details will come out over time as you figure out what you do and do not like. Take this opportunity, if the girl is up to it, to just explore what you guys may enjoy or may hate about sex.
If it's any consolation, the first sexual relationship is typically not the most comfortable because you are just figuring out your own sexual identity. The fact she's new to this as well isn't going to make things any less nervous.
Even with that said, you can't psych yourself out. Lose yourself in the moment and let everything kind of fall into place. Don't critique your performance, or your time, or whatever - you'll have plenty of opportunity to refine your form later on.
If you can afford it, I suggest getting a hotel room, since part of the anxiety seems to be "parents in the house"-related.