So, guess what I found out today. Well, I shall tell you what I found out today.
K and I started dating on December 28th. Apparently, as I learned today, K has been dating another guy in the department, B, since September. So, given the way time works, K has been dating both me and B, unbeknownst to either B or myself, since late December.
So, you may ask, how did I come to learn this information. Well, it is quite a story.
So, Friday, K and I went out to the bar together with people from the department. My understanding was that she and I would go to the bar and then come back to my apartment afterwards. When I approached her to ask if she was ready to go she said she was not coming over, so I left. Once I left people asked her if she and I were dating, given how I reacted to her refusing to come with me. She denied that we were dating. One of my friends let me know of this, and I was upset. After talking to K about this over the weekend, she denied that she had denied me. So, I decided to start asking other people who were there what they remember happening.
This afternoon I asked one person, who was there Friday and who happened to be in the department, if K had denied that she and I were dating to which the person replied, "Well, yeah, because she has been dating B." This is the point at which my inquiry became quite interesting. For, you see, I am not B. And, in fact, am someone other than B who K was, until this afternoon, dating.
At this point I came to understand that there may be a problem, given that K and I were dating, but, according to this person, K was dating another guy. So, after talking to this provider of information for a bit, I came to realize that I needed more information. K was also in the department this afternoon, so I asked her if I could talk to her. I asked her if she was dating B to which she replied that she was not.
So, now, I had two hypothesis. 1) K is dating only me, and the person to whom I talked was lying. 2) K is dating both me and B, and K is lying. So, either K or the person to whom I was talking was lying.
Which meant I needed more information.
So, I contact another friend of K's in whom K confides quite a bit. This individual informed me that they did not know if K was dating anyone, as K keeps to herself, but the person was quite upset that K would not have told them. So, this person decided to ask K.
Now, as we have quite the cast of characters at this point, let us denote some names onto them for ease of further articulation.
me = me, your narrator.
K = A woman who cheated on me
B = A guy who, presumably, is in the same position as I am, now.
Player A = the person to whom I first talked who told me K was dating B.
Player C = the person who told me they did not know if K was dating B.
Mr. Teal = A very nice finch who enjoys the writings of Horace.
So, I stop talking to Player C, while Player C talks to K. K, apparently, denied everything. Player C then talks to Player A, which is where our plan comes together, and they both come to realize, given their mutual understanding of K, B, and myself, that K has been, in fact, dating both B and myself.
Both Player A and Player C then inform me of this information, at which point I die on the inside.
In the interest of full disclosure I ought to point out that Player C knew that K was dating B, but when I called Player C did not know what to say, or if I was lying, so they simply replied that they did not know if K was dating anyone and, when talking to me later, told me the full story and explained why they did not tell me in the first place. I think their actions justified, as they were trying to protect K, who, until this afternoon, was their friend.
So, that is where I am right now. Here are a few enticing tidbits to add to the spice of this narrative:
-K has met my parents
-K approached me, on December 28th, and informed me that she wanted to be my girlfriend
-K met some of my friends, under the guise of being my girlfriend
-K had previously said, "If you were to propose to me, I would say yes."
-K and I had previously talked about moving in together, living together, etc.
-K has told me multiple times during our relationship that she loves me, cares about me, and wants to be with me.
Which, at the moment, leaves me at a loss as to explain why this happened or why she would have done this.
I think the first sign that this was a problem was that she wanted to keep the relationship a secret. At the time, her explanation was that by keeping the relationship a secret no drama would result. Well, turns out that theory got shot all to hell today. At the time, though, I honestly wanted to believe her. Which I guess makes me the fool.
I am at a loss, at the moment, for what to do. Here I was with this girl, who I thought I would be with for quite some time, and it turns out that throughout the entire duration of our relationship she was dating someone else, being with someone else, sleeping with someone else, and lying to a whole wealth of people.
I recognize that there are people I can trust, and that K was not one of those people. But that she could do this for three months...that she could come to my home, meet my parents, meet my friends, and do all of the things we did together while she was dating another guy...I do not know how she could have done this.
K has since de-friended most of these people on Facebook, which is totally a big deal like for sure, and I do feel bad for her loss of friends and their having lost K as a friend. And, honestly, this whole adventure this afternoon was not my trying to make K out to be bad, or to destroy her friendships, or to cause drama or anything. I simply wanted to know the truth.
And, having discerned the truth, I have a new appreciation for the CIA Credo:
"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
Since, this is Help / Advice my question is this: How do I explain why K would have done this? She was dating B since September…but while she was dating him she started dating me, met my parents, the whole thing. Things, recently, had gotten troublesome and she was acting strange…but since she had been cheating on me THE ENTIRE TIME why would she just now start to feel bad about it?
That is the part, at the moment, which consternates me. What could her end-game have been? What did she think was going to happen? She acted as if she liked me and cared…but now…she just used me for three months while she was dating someone else…
I do not know what to make of this. Any ideas anyone has would be appreciated.
I think I died inside.